Your November 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Transformation
November gifts us with the blessing of Mercury direct on the 3rd bringing balance and understanding to our relationships. When Mercury shifts into Scorpio, we're invited to embrace our vulnerabilities and the healing that our intimate connections can provide. The Jupiter and Pluto conjunction reminds us that even the most painful experiences have the ability to transform our lives for the better. Our vitality returns with a force when Mars goes direct just in time for the New Moon, inviting us to (re)commit to our deepest desires. The Sun shifts into Sagittarius on the 21st, lifting our spirits for the holiday season and preparing us for the beginning of eclipse season.
Check out your November 2020 monthly horoscopes:
Aries November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Your relationship dynamics get a little more clear when Mercury goes direct on the 3rd. When Mercury shifts into Scorpio on the 10th, you desire to go deeper in your connections. Anything surface-level won't keep your attention for long. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto meet up, requiring you to step up to the plate as you rise to new levels of success and influence. Here's your opportunity to show the world what you've got. When your ruling planet, Mars, goes direct, you're feeling more confident in your ability to get the job done––even if it requires you to move beyond your comfort zone (aka the growth zone).
On the New Moon, you're encouraged to explore different resources for gaining the financial assistance you need. When Venus enters this part of your chart, you've got the magic touch. Ask and ye shall receive. The Sun enters Sagittarius on the 21st, inviting you on a quest for higher knowledge by deepening your understanding of your spiritual beliefs. If you've been feeling the urge to travel to a specific place, there may be lessons for you to explore there. November comes to a close with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse, helping you resolve any communication barriers inhibiting you from expressing your truth and acknowledging the truth of others.
Taurus November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Mercury goes direct in Libra on the 3rd, then shifts gears into your opposite sign, Scorpio, bringing your focus to relationships. Finding a happy middle ground with your partner and renegotiating existing contracts are supported moving forward. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto encourage you to expand your view of the world––possibly through some sobering events playing out on a global scale. Sudden changes in your religious and political beliefs are possible during this time. On the 13th, Mars goes direct, helping you blow off some steam. The past couple of months may have been a bit intense as you internalized your frustrations and hopefully came to a better understanding of the root of them.
The more mindful you become of your anger, the less power it has over you.
The New Moon on the 15th has you taking a relationship to the next level. You may be tying the knot with your sweetie or signing your name on the dotted line with that new employer. If you're an independent contractor or entrepreneur, Venus shifting into Scorpio can help you attract new clients or a business partner. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius liberating you from the opinions of other people as you learn to place more value on your own perception of yourself. They don't call it SELF-esteem for no reason. The month wraps up with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse liberating you financially, whether you're paying off a debt or getting a raise. Avoid overspending so you don't wind up getting yourself right back in the spot you worked so hard to get out of.
Gemini November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes direct on the 3rd helping you get clear on whether you and a romantic interest are on the same page. The focus shift when Mercury transitions into Scorpio to help you get your schedule and workplace organized. When it comes to your health, addressing any obsessive or addictive tendencies is beneficial for more sustainable peace of mind. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto support you in getting to the root of any habits that affect your psychological well-being. When Mars goes direct, your friends can be a much-needed support system if you let them in on what you've been struggling with. We all need help at times—even the person wearing so many different hats.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to incorporate some better habits into your lifestyle. When Venus enters this part of your chart, you'll find it a little easier to stick with these changes. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius, bringing your attention to relationships and contracts. It may be time to renegotiate the terms of an agreement or communicate your needs within a close relationship. Knowing what your boundaries are is great but it doesn't do you any good if you don't communicate them to other people. The month closes out with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your sign bringing forth some powerful, fated events that will change your life over the course of the next year. Strap yourself in and get ready for the ride!
Cancer November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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The month kicks off with Mercury going direct on the 3rd helping you smooth out any family feuds or disruptions on the home front. When Mercury shifts into Scorpio on the 10th, you're in a sentimental mood, making this the perfect time to indulge your inner romantic. Write a love song, watch your fave rom-coms or travel somewhere secluded with bae for a little more one-on-one time. On the 12th, Pluto and Capricorn meet up, encouraging you to take an honest assessment of your relationships and contractual agreements. If something isn't working, address the issue and provide some solutions that could work for you and your partner.
When Mars goes direct, the pressure is on but you're feeling confident to take on any challenges that stand in the way of your success. The New Moon on the 15th invites you to pick up a new (or old) hobby as a means of nurturing your inner child. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius, making it a little difficult for you to practice self-control at Thanksgiving dinner. Enjoy yourself but keep things in moderation! The month closes out with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse. Take it easy during this time if you don't have as much energy as usual. It's time to disconnect from the grind and reconnect with your spirit.
Leo November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Communication issues smooth out when Mercury goes direct on the 3rd. When this energy shifts into Scorpio, you've got an opportunity to resolve some family drama or issues on the home front. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto team up to remind you of the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Don't let the hustle stress you out to the point that you're not eating properly, getting enough rest, and exercising as well. When Mars goes direct on the 13th, you're ready for some adventure and another stamp in your passport. If you're a student or teacher, this transit gives you the energy boost you need to finish off the semester strong.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to start a new project or learn a new skill. Scorpio's fixed nature will help you lock into whatever you're creating or learning. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius, encouraging you to indulge your romantic side. Enjoy a fancy bottle of wine, buy yourself some flowers, or take a trip with bae. The month winds down with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminating those that are truly loyal to you and those that are just around to get something from you. Let go of anyone that you're dragging along just for the ride. They just might be the dead weight that's slowing down your progress.
Virgo November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Your ruling planet goes direct on the 3rd, helping money matters move forward. When the energy shifts into Scorpio on the 10th, you're capable of communicating your feelings more clearly. Jupiter and Pluto team up on the 12th to shake things up. If life has become too routine, a stroke of inspiration has you craving something bigger, better, and way more fun. Your inner child is in desperate need of your attention so make sure you're nurturing that aspect of yourself to stay more engaged with life. On the 13th, Mars goes direct, bringing you out of the depths of some transformational shadow work you've undergone these past couple of months.
You're feeling more confident in your ability to make the best out of your experiences—the good, bad, and ugly.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to express yourself in a way that allows others to know the real you. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius making your family the center of your joy over the next month. Spending more time at home and with your loved ones is just what you need to get grounded. November comes to a close with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse reminding you that it's OK to pivot in a different direction. If you're no longer interested in your career path, this is a supportive time for repositioning yourself and establishing a new mission.
Libra November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Mercury goes direct in your sign on the 3rd, clearing up communication and travel issues for you. Energy shifts into Scorpio, helping you move money matters forward. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto link-up which has you feeling restless to make some changes on the home front. A relocation may be just what you need to transform your life. You're feeling more assertive when Mars goes direct on the 13th, encouraging you to shoot your shot so you can take your relationship to the next level. Just make sure you maintain that diplomatic approach of yours to avoid coming off as too pushy.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to plant the seeds for a new, financial endeavor that may involve you partnering up with someone else. Just make sure they're on the same page as you to avoid any problems in the future. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius and you're feeling vibrant and ready to mingle for the holiday season. You're the life of the party and others can't help but be mesmerized by your charm. The month comes to an exciting close with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse wrapping up a chapter for you in the way you view the world. Your political or religious beliefs may undergo sweeping changes as you get more clear about your personal values and beliefs.
Scorpio November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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The month kicks off with Mercury going direct on the 3rd, helping you find closure where necessary. When this energy shifts into your sign, you're feeling more empowered about the new direction you're moving in. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto meet up which could feel a bit heavy as you're adapting to new ways of thinking and communicating. It's time to address those limiting beliefs and self-dialogue. No one is out to get you in this case, Scorpio. Don't play a role in your own demise. When Mars goes direct on the 13th, you're motivated to get your body and your office into shape. Put yourself on a more structured routine to maintain a good sense of work-life balance.
On the 15th, the New Moon in your sign invites you to blow out the candles and make a wish. What do you want to accomplish in the next six months to a year? Write it down on paper and watch sh*t get real. The Sun shifts into Sagittarius on the 21st, bringing your focus to money. Avoid overspending over the next month. Holiday season is upon us but you can budget for it instead of breaking the bank. Remember the most important part about the holidays is being with your loved ones––not seeing who can buy the most expensive gifts. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 30th, giving you the nudge you need to step into your power and ditch the old sob stories that perpetuate a victim complex. You're a winner, baby. Act like it.
Sagittarius November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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November kicks off with Mercury going direct on the 3rd, helping you smooth out any communication issues amongst your social circle. When Mercury shifts gears into Scorpio, you're clear on which connections you need to dissolve due to others' hidden agendas. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto team up, sobering you up to the reality of your financial situation. You may hate to hear it, but stop trying to live above your means, and then wonder why you're stressed about money. Reel it on in and stick to a strict budget when it comes to holiday shopping. When Mars goes direct on the 13th, you're motivated to create and play. You can have fun and still be financially responsible.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to disconnect from the chaos of the world to reconnect with the still center of your soul. Profound healing is taking place for you regarding issues that may have affected you in past lives. It's time to clean up your karma by making different choices moving forward. On the 21st, the Sun shifts into your sign, making it your birthday season! All eyes are on you so make the most of it. The month closes out with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your opposite sign which could result in an ending in a relationship or contractual agreement. Ultimately, whatever dissolves from your life during eclipse season is no longer a good match for you. Keep your head up, buttercup. Better opportunities and partnerships lie ahead.
Capricorn November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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The month begins with Mercury going direct on the 3rd, helping you move forward in matters of career. When Mercury shifts into Scorpio, you're clear about who's on #TeamCappie and who's not. Any hidden agendas will be revealed in the weeks to come. On the 12th, Jupiter and Pluto team up, reminding you not to blow your problems out of perspective. It's been a tough year but trust that all of this pressure you've been under will result in some major gems. When Mars goes direct, you've had enough of the same ol' scenery, making it the perfect time to switch up your home decor or relocate elsewhere.
The New Moon on the 15th invites you to reconnect with your deepest desires. Do you want more power? More depth in your relationships? Or maybe more satisfaction in the work that you do. The choice is yours. Plant the seeds and nurture your garden. On the 21st, the Sun shifts into Sagittarius which has you feeling more reclusive than usual. Reflect and rest up for your birthday season. November comes to a close with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse helping you overcome the limited beliefs contributing to any addictive or obsessive habits. Some insight about your health can be just the catalyst you need to get your sh*t together.
Aquarius November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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November kicks off with Mercury going direct on the 3rd and you're on the first flight out to that resort in the Caribbean. When this energy shifts into Scorpio, be mindful of confrontations with authority figures—particularly in the workplace. Instead of cursing your boss out, vent about them to a friend instead. Jupiter and Pluto meet up on the 12th, inviting you to confront your biggest enemy—you. Your experiences are simply mirroring what you feel about yourself, so cut it out with the projections and lean into some accountability instead. On the 13th, Mars goes direct, reminding you of the power of your righteous anger.
Use your voice to be an agent of change.
The New Moon on the 15th has you pivoting in your approach to your career. Realign with your deepest desires to assure that your success is in the bag. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius, inviting you to connect with your friends—both online and in real life. Your vibrant spirit is infectious amongst your social circle. You could even find yourself receiving a lot of attention on social media over the next month. On the 30th, the month closes out with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse transforming your relationship with your money. Limiting beliefs have got to go for you to step into the abundance you were destined for.
Pisces November 2020 Monthly Horoscope
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Mercury finally goes direct on the 3rd, helping you sort out issues with financial institutions you're associated with. On the 10th, the energy shifts into Scorpio encouraging you to dive deeper into your studies about spirituality. Some of you may even be in positions to teach others what you know. When Jupiter and Pluto link up on the 12th, you're reevaluating your social circle and whether they truly align with your core values and beliefs. Don't be afraid to branch out in search of your tribe. On the 13th, Mars goes direct. If your money slowed up over the past couple of months, things should be turning around in the weeks to come.
The New Moon on the 15th has you ready to commit to your mind's expansion, making this a good time to enroll in school, sign up for that workshop, or find a mentor you can learn from. On the 21st, the Sun enters Sagittarius and you're feeling the pressure to push forward in your career by leaps and bounds. It's OK to be hopeful but make sure your expectations are realistic. Everyone can't be an overnight success. November winds down with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse illuminating a generational pattern that needs to be resolved. You now have the opportunity to express yourself in ways that your ancestors didn't have the privilege to.
It's your duty to own your truth, embody it, and share it with the world.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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