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How These Working Moms Find Balance Amid The Demands Of Work & Family Life
Like many of you, I grew up watching The Cosby Show and was always in complete awe of Clarie Huxtable. To me, Claire Huxtable was that beautiful, highly intelligent, super badass mom and wife that I dreamt to one day be. Not only was she a true boss in her professional life (remember, she was a PARTNER at her law firm), but she also held it down in the house for her five kids and husband and looked like she had it all. #boss
While I know that Claire Huxtable was a fictional character and that in real life, there's truly no such thing as always "having it all", there are some women that have managed to simultaneously successfully juggle the titles of "wife", "mother", and "boss" just like Auntie Claire did.
Recently, I was able to catch up with these successful working moms and wives and they shared how they manage to be the best wife and mother they can be, while also fulfilling their career dreams. Keep reading to learn more about their "happy life, happy wife" hacks!
Juggling Unrealistic Expectations
Courtesy of Jade Kendle
Jade Kendle, CEO & Founder of #LifeIsContent
"Being a woman in 2020 comes with so many expectations. I try to remind myself that there's no one to chase. There's no one chasing me. It's about me practicing excellence, not just when it's easy, but when it's hard."
Courtesy of Jade Kendle
"I'm always having to mitigate the expectations I put on myself, and others. I'm always trying to be my best, and sometimes that impacts me (and others) negatively. I put too much pressure on myself to be the best that it becomes stressful when there's no way I can ever be perfect at everything - no matter how hard I try!
"Being a woman in 2020 comes with so many expectations. I try to remind myself that there's no one to chase. There's no one chasing me. It's about me practicing excellence, not just when it's easy, but when it's hard. It looks like coming out of a frustrating moment and reflecting on how things could've had a better outcome and making a commitment to do better. Continuously evaluating and reconnecting to my ultimate why - helps me let go of that 'perfectionist' energy."
The Self-Care Struggle
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
Shakyna Bolden, Brand Partnerships at xoNecole & Founder of Little Village Collective
"Last year was incredibly tough for me because overnight I went from being a stay-at-home mom to starting a new venture. It was overwhelming and at times too much... That being said, I can't take another year of neglecting my body, mind and spirit while trying to build my family and career. So I started 2020 with the intention to prioritize my well-being."
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
"Currently, I'm struggling the most with self-care and consistently maintaining a sacred space/daily regimen that builds my mind, body and spirit so that I can perform better in all areas of my life from my work to my mothering and being a great partner. Last year was incredibly tough for me because overnight I went from being a stay-at-home mom (only working part-time) to starting a new venture. It was overwhelming and at times too much.
"To be honest, I gained all my post-baby weight back that I had worked so hard to lose, suffered from extreme exhaustion, fatigue, and burnout, faced role dynamics shift in my partnership and so much more. That being said, I can't take another year of neglecting my body, mind and spirit while trying to build my family and career. So I started 2020 with the intention to prioritize my well-being.
"I would say support is VITAL to juggling work and home. My partner unquestionably shares in household responsibilities on everything from taking care of our son to cooking. When I travel for work, he's on complete daddy duty and we have family and friends that truly support us as well. Lastly, I'm blessed to be able to work from home and have a flexible work schedule that helps me be fluid in my work and home. There's no secret at xoNecole that I'm a mom. A lot of times in the workplace moms have to sneak off or apologize for momming, but that's not the case with me."
Dealing With Guilt
Courtesy of Ashley N. Cash
Ashley N. Cash, Interview and Salary Negotiation Expert
"Sometimes I feel guilty for losing my patience, forgetting an important date, saying no to a birthday party, or getting frustrated with my husband. I overcome guilt by reminding myself that I am a human, I'm doing my best, and giving myself grace in those imperfect moments."
Courtesy of Ashley N. Cash
"Mommy guilt is a thing...there are days when I feel guilty about the moments where work pulls me away from my family. Sometimes I feel guilty for losing my patience, forgetting an important date, saying no to a birthday party, or getting frustrated with my husband. I overcome guilt by reminding myself that I am a human, I'm doing my best, and giving myself grace in those imperfect moments (so many imperfect moments, ha!).
"My other mommy guilt hack is using feeling guilty as a trigger to give myself a quick reminder of all the other things that I've done right and done well, which is really a hell of a lot (shoutout to my therapist for that one). Which is another mommy boss hack: Have an outlet or two to help you clear your head and get out of wife, mom, work mode. My outlets are scheduling alone time doing something I enjoy by myself and seeing my therapist once a month.
"I think I'm able to be a great wife, mom, and entrepreneur all at the same time because I'm good at aligning what I do with what's most important to me at home and in business, asking for what I need and saying no when I need to because I'm not afraid of missing out on anything. I'm positive that there's enough time, money, clients, and opportunities in the world and that I don't have to trade marriage and motherhood to have them. I think that's an abundance mindset with a little bit of grace mixed in."
Trying to Find Balance in an Unbalanced World
Courtesy of Mattie James
Mattie James, Entrepreneur & Influencer
"What I had to come to terms with is that balance looks different every day. Some days, I kill it as a mom and entrepreneur, but not so much as a wife. Other days, I'm the wife of the year, an amazing mom but my business was put on the backburner. And guess what? That's fine."
Courtesy of Mattie James
"What I had to come to terms with is that balance looks different every day. Some days, I kill it as a mom and entrepreneur, but not so much as a wife. Other days, I'm the wife of the year, an amazing mom but my business was put on the backburner. And guess what? That's fine, because there's always tomorrow and I'm not obligated to be everything to everybody at all times.
"What I do oblige myself with is self-care. Because when I take care of myself, I can be the fullest version of any of the roles in my life including wife, mother or entrepreneur. I'm not interested in being any of those things running on an empty tank. Self-care is what keeps me full. It helps me achieve balance."
Featured image courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
Originally published May 2, 2020
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Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
I don’t know where this year is going, but it’s flying right by! Seems like it was just yesterday that I was writing about intimacy for Valentine’s Day, and — ding! — now, Independence Day is right around the corner.
Here’s the thing about this particular holiday, though — whether it’s your favorite one or you could honestly pass on it (because you’re more of a Juneteenth person yourself), I personally think that any time there is an opportunity to get creative in the sex department, we should take full and complete advantage of it.
So, since the Fourth of July is the day when fireworks are in abundance, why not take some of that energy into your bedroom this year by applying some of the following 10 holiday-themed, fully sex-related tips?
1. Create the Mood with Some Confetti Poppers
Let’s begin with some atmosphere. Although there are sparklers that you can use indoors, if the sex is going to be even a little bit good, if you want to go along with the whole fireworks theme, you should opt for décor that can stick around for more than just a minute or two. In walks,confetti poppers. If you want to give off the fireworks feel in your bedroom, opt for the smaller ones that are traditionally used for baby showers (like thesehere). It’s a unique way to ring in the 4th right before you well…you know. #wink
2. Screw in a Fireworks Light Bulb (No Pun Intended)
Something else that you can do to create a feel of Independence Day inside of your house is to screw a fireworks light bulb in a couple of places where you plan on creating some sparks. Something that’s cool about a lot of the LED options is they give off subtle light changes without being super bright — if a romantic mood is what you’re after. Some affordable options arehere,here, andhere.
3. Try Some Fireworks Lube
It’s kind of a shame that a lot of people only think that lubricant should be used in order to get wet (or wetter) — because no matter how much or well things are flowing down below, lubricant is a welcome addition to a fun evening; that’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”. When you get a chance, check it out. Then, once you’ve read it, get yourself someFireworks Female Arousal Gel; it’s a popular lube that contains a good amount of peppermint (the menthol sensation will be sure to be off the chain!) and glycerin. Many satisfied customers have said that it takes orgasms to a whole ‘nother level, y’all.
4. Or Apple Pie Lubricant
Speaking of lubricants, when it comes to signature foods for the 4th, outside of grilled meat, it doesn’t get too much more American than apple pie, chile. In the spirit of that, you might also want to cop yourself a tube of edible lubricant that comes in the flavor of this particular dessert like this brand here. I checked out several reviews and women said that not only does it taste pretty good, it provides a bit of a warm sensation as well. Hmph. Sounds like a good ole’ slice of apple pie to me (sans the calories and plus the climaxing — a win all the way around!).
5. Play with Some Sweet Tea Ice Cubes
As far as signature drinks go — not just on Independence Day but the summer, in general — is there anything more popular than sweet tea? Southern home-brewed sweet tea, at that? This Fourth of July, when it comes to your bedroom activities, pour some tea into a couple of ice trays, freeze them, and then pull aMookie and Tina (shout-out to the Do the Right Thing movie). Temperature play can definitely increase your stimulation levels; plus, since the tea is sweet, it can be a really nice and unexpected foreplay surprise.
6. Invest in a Popsicle Vibrator
Speaking of temperature play, if you want to bring a sex toy or two into the mix, why not a popsicle (since that’s pretty popular this time of year, too) vibrator like this onehere? Take the thrill up a notch by applying one of the flavored lubes to it, freezing it, and then using it…however you plan to. I bet you'll never see a popsicle quite the same way again! #wink
7. Or a Strawberry Shortcake Egg
A summertime dessert that many people just can’t seem to get enough of isstrawberry shortcake. On the sex tip, that’s cool to know because, not only are strawberriesin season right about now, but they are also considered to be abona fide aphrodisiac. That’s because the high amount of vitamin C that is in them can help to keep your libido in great condition. Well, as you’re enjoying some shortcake or strawberries and whipped cream in a more creative kind of way (eh hem), another sex toy option is a Strawberry Shortcake Egg (here). It literally looks like a strawberry, it’s waterproof and fast-charging and it has 20 different vibrating functions. Awesome!
8. Get into the Fireworks Sex Position
I’m telling you, if you’re tired of doing the same go-to sex moves, cyberspace has a ton of sex position options for you to choose from. For instance, did you even know that there is a sex position known as “fireworks”? Now, I won’t lie — you need to be semi-flexible and have some solid upper arm strength (both of you) in order to really pull it off. Yet, from what I gather, the grinding possibilities, coupled with the direct eye contact, could make for a truly memorable time. You can see the position for yourself here.
9. Go Outdoors
Most Independence Day activities happen outdoors, right? Why not take your sexual escapades out there, too, by either having sex in your car or in a tent in your backyard (so long as it's nighttime, of course)? Or, you could stay inside; the workaround is to book a room at a hotel and get up on a really high floor so that you can engage in some coitus in front of a window without worrying about if someone is (really) going to see you. It’s a surefire way to pull the exhibitionist out in you — that’s for damn sure!
10. And Enjoy a Lil’ “Sex in the Driveway”
It’s not a myth that alcohol can play a role in making sex better — so long as it’s consumed in moderation. In fact,many studies say that a drink or two can make you feel sexier, can sometimes make sex last longer, and for some, it can intensify orgasms as well. So, if you’re looking for a creative cocktail for you and your bae to enjoy this coming holiday, have you ever tried a Sex in the Driveway before? It’s a beautifully blue drink that contains vodka, Blue Curaçao, Peach Schnapps, and Sprite (recipehere). Since you’re gonna be outside for a little while anyway, why not consume something that focuses on that very theme? Happy Fireworks and Fourth, y’all!
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Featured image by Giphy