

Self-love has been at the forefront of many conversations to date. For generations, women of color have had to put their self-love on the backend. Our mothers and grandmothers were feeding love into their children, grandchildren, husbands, and community while overlooking their own. Sadly, as their daughters, the cycle of giving all our love and remaining "strong" continues in our hearts to this day. Growing up, my mother showered everyone with love except herself.
As I got older and began dating, I found myself giving all my love to men who didn't know how to love me. For years, I felt highly unfilled in my relationships. As time went on, I realized how much pressure I put on others to love me because I didn't know how to love myself.
Fast forward to a new self-loving and self-aware version of myself. Knowing my love language and using it as a tool to fill my cup has been my most significant flex. I am no longer co-dependent on others to make me feel whole, loved, and accepted.
Here is my journey to using my love language (physical touch) to practice self-love.
Touch My Body
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Since my love language is physical touch, I genuinely enjoy self-care practices that incorporate such. Massages have been a great self-care practice that allow me to connect with myself. The warmth of massage oils touching my skin fulfills my inner child. As a little girl, I lacked the warmth of a mother's touch. Getting massages allows me to feel the warmth I craved for so long.
Touching my body in ways that give me warmth helps me immensely. I enjoy using coconut oil, warming it with my hands, and massaging it into my skin. This method allows me to take time to connect with myself genuinely. I've realized through this simple practice, I feel more empowered physically communicating with myself and my needs. I have also not sought out relationships that are purely physical.
Breathing Into Validation
I know some people don't see deep breathing as a physical touch practice. I disagree with this narrative. I believe breathing in general can be a very loving and healing practice. Deep breathing can also be a tremendous physical touch practice if you choose to incorporate it.
I generally start by finding a comfortable position, either sitting up or laying down. I slowly begin to take deep breaths and incorporate a four-count—breathing-in for four counts and exhaling four counts.
Now, here's where it gets real. During my in-depth breathing sessions, I think of my triggers. I ask myself: What has triggered me in the past or present? And where do I feel that on my body? Wherever I feel the hurt on my body is where I place my hand.
This healing practice has helped me acknowledge any pain, hurt, or emotional trauma I have encountered in my journey. I validate myself so others don't have to.
Sun-Kissed
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Girl, I craved hugs and kisses as a child, so why not let mother nature do it? Mother nature is a beautiful way to connect with yourself. She helps us find answers when we are lost, peace when life is chaotic, and heal us when we feel broken. She loves and accepts us in every season of our life. During my season of healing, I turned to her.
This may sound a bit cliche, but I love letting the sun kiss my skin. When my touch isn't enough, I will take advantage of going for a nature walk in my local neighborhood park. Having the sun's warmth on my skin is mother nature hugging me (in my head). Through my walks in nature, I've learned that sometimes all a dying rose needs is a little bit of sun to bloom again.
Final Thoughts
Taking time to learn the way I receive love has been a healing experience. I have noticed a massive difference in the way I carry myself in my relationships. For example, I no longer seek only a physical connection with someone because I can fulfill that need for myself. Therefore, my relationships have gotten more profound with a greater purpose.
Through this experiment, I've learned that learning your love language will bring you closer to yourself. In return, you're more likely to step into the world as your most aligned self.
Learning to love yourself is a feeling that won't ever expire, let you down, hurt you, or break up with you. Learning to love yourself is the greatest timeless reward you'll ever receive.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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The Mastering Of Self: The Ultimate Guide To Your Saturn Return
A Saturn Return is your entry into adulthood and one of the most important astrological transits on your journey of self-growth. It comes around every 27 to 29.5 years and signifies a time when major life changes and transformations happen, which set you up on the path and legacy you build for yourself in life. Although Saturn Returns have often had a negative connotation, your Saturn Return isn’t something to fear, but rather something to work with. It is your rite of passage into the next level of your life and although challenging at times, it’s also that time in your life when you look back and see how things changed for the better for you.
What Saturn Represents in Astrology
Saturn is like a parent who wants to see you do well but will give you tough love when you need it. It seeks to break down any falsities and replace them with truth, and something stable enough for you to build upon. Saturn is known as the Lord of Karma in Astrology, it teaches, enforces, and brings justice. Saturn asks you to view the systems you have built for yourself and walked on in life and to see if these foundations support the growth you intend for yourself.
What Happens During Your Saturn Return
A Saturn Return is divine intervention and through what falls or transforms, new blessings become. Saturn is known as the great taskmaster in Astrology and a lot of growth and experiences that force you to mature tend to happen during this time.
Your Saturn Return is your checkpoint in life where the universe is like, “Okay, let’s take some time to get to the bottom of things right now and to figure out what is going to serve you in the long run.” This is a key time in your life to build new systems and structures for yourself, think long-term, and master your reality.
How To Know When Your Saturn Return Is
When it comes to when to expect your Saturn Return and how to prepare and move through this time, it is important to note your Saturn Return begins the day Saturn moves into the sign it was in at the time you were born. Saturn is currently in the middle of its transit through Aquarius, and if you have Saturn in Aquarius in your birth chart, you are going through your Saturn Return right now.
Another important date of your Saturn Return is the day(s) Saturn is at the exact degree it was at the time you were born and shows you the more critical times of your Saturn Return. You can look up the exact date(s) of your Saturn Return by running your birthday information through a free Saturn Return Calculator.
To dive even deeper, by looking up your birth chart through a free online Birth Chart Calculator, you can find out what house Saturn is placed in your chart, and see which area in life specifically your Saturn Return will be influencing.
See below for what Saturn Returns through each house signifies.
What Saturn Return Through Each House Signifies
SATURN RETURN IN THE 1ST HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 1st house is asking you to look at the inner foundations that build you and your sense of self. Does your view of the world and how the world views you add up with how you want to move through life and be perceived? Movement is critical for you during this time, as getting your body moving and strengthening your connection to the self is what Saturn is here for. There could be physical changes you are seeing at this time as the 1st house rules the physical self, and overall your Saturn Return is very personal and all about your personal growth, goals, character, and evolution. Self-confidence is key for you right now.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 2ND HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 2nd house is a time of challenges and breakthroughs when it comes to your financial world. The 2nd house rules income, assets, the material world, and your value systems; and Saturn is asking you during this time to balance the books, make sure you are spending with your future in mind, and will also be opening up new avenues for you for earning as well. You could feel more pressured to obtain assets and “have it all” right now. And there also tends to be more situations in life where big purchases are necessary in general with this energy. Saturn is here to help you build a sustainable path for yourself financially in life and to make sure you are valuing yourself in the process.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 3RD HOUSE
With your Saturn Return occurring in an area of your birth chart having to do with communication, transportation, neighbors, siblings, and your immediate community, there are a lot of different areas of life Saturn will be highlighting. During your Saturn Return, you are seeing the interconnectedness of it all, and this time is all about intentional movement and communication. Extra precautions should be handled with transportation and technology, and not rushing things here is key. Saturn is here to rebuild your sense of connection and community and help you find your voice.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 4TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 4th house is all about your emotional and physical foundations in life. Saturn is highlighting your inner world and asking you to take a look at your support systems in life and create boundaries if necessary. The 4th house rules the home, family, your roots, tradition, and inner nourishment in life; and with Saturn moving through here, changes are happening in the home and within. This is a deep time of healing for you, especially when it comes to childhood wounds and experiences of the past. There could be some distance and unsteadiness you are feeling when it comes to laying down roots or feeling a sense of home and family, and Saturn is here to help you build that. Your Saturn Return is all about unpacking and rebuilding.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 5TH HOUSE
Your Saturn Return is all about finding your happiness and committing yourself to pursue it. The 5th house rules romance, children, creativity, hobbies, and entertainment, and with Saturn the planet of tough love moving through the house of joy, this can put a damper on things at times. This transit is all about speaking up for yourself and from the heart and expressing your creativity. Saturn energy is more serious and your Saturn Return is about recognizing those moments of discontent and finding new ways to heal the inner child and seek out your happiness. Self-expression is key for you right now.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 6TH HOUSE
With a Saturn Return in the 6th house of health, work, daily lifestyle, and routines, your health is the priority right now. Saturn is making matters of well-being more pressing during this time and will be showing you the importance of a daily routine that you can stick to. Changes in your working life are also happening now, and what your everyday environment looks like is transforming into something you can see yourself doing for the long run. You may feel like you have to work harder than usual during this time and Saturn is helping you find the balance between service to others and service to yourself.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 7TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 7th house brings things to the forefront when it comes to love, relationships, marriage, business partnerships, and your relationship to your finances as well. This Saturn Return seeks to bring change within your personal relationships and to provide you with the stable ground for love to grow on. This transit will be helping you define what you want/need in love, your view on commitment, and whom you want to build this sense of partnership with. Relationship challenges are likely during this time, but meeting people that provide you a greater sense of emotional satisfaction and stability is the purpose of this transit for you.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 8TH HOUSE
With the 8th house ruling shared finances, taxes, debt, intimacy, death, rebirth, sexuality, intuition, and all things taboo, you are experiencing a deep inner awakening during your Saturn Return. Saturn is making you aware of anything that’s been blocking you from feeling the vulnerability, commitment, and intimacy you are looking for in life, and helping you overcome some emotional fears. Saturn is pushing you to be a little more fearless during this time and to have the courage to confront some emotions that have been buried down until now. Your Saturn Return is all about shadow work, healing, and spiritual growth.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 9TH HOUSE
Your Saturn Return is a time of exploring the mind and what growth can occur through keeping an open perspective. The 9th house rules travel, adventure, higher education, and philosophy, and this is where Saturn is shaking things up for the time being. There can be a delay in educational pursuits during this time or more pressure to learn in general. Travel should be taken carefully during your Saturn Return as these are instances where Saturn will be more active in your life and can be challenging. Overall, you are learning the importance of connecting to your higher self right now, and are learning about self-mastery and trusting your own path in life.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 10TH HOUSE
The effects of your Saturn Return tend to be more public than most. A Saturn Return in the 10th house is here to help you build new systems of success for your career. The 10th house rules your professional and public life, social status, skills, talents, where you shine in life, and also your reputation. With Saturn moving through here there can be some delays when it comes to reaching goals and you may feel like you have to overcome a lot on your professional journey to get to where you want to be. Saturn isn’t here to put a halt to your success in life, it’s here to make sure you are personally aligned with what you are doing in your career, and if not, to make the necessary changes so you are following your soul purpose.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 11TH HOUSE
With a Saturn Return in the 11th house of friendships and community, you are finding your people during this time. This time in your life can feel a little more isolated than usual and Saturn is urging you to reach out, connect, and build your community during this time. Saturn is helping you shine in your authenticity during your Saturn Return, and guiding you towards ways you can show up for not only your community but your personal aspirations and goals as well. With the 11th house also being the house of manifestation and making your visions come to life, this is a good time to learn more about manifestation and your gifts as a creator.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 12TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 12th house is a time of healing, understanding what’s below the surface of your life, and releasing yourself from the past. The 12th house is the last house of the zodiac wheel, and rules endings and all things hidden. With Saturn in the 12th house, you’ve been on a life journey of being your biggest supporter in life, rather than catering to self-sabotaging behavior. This is a good time to see a healer, therapist, astrologer, etc., and to get serious about your healing journey and mental health. If you’ve had any challenges with addiction, Saturn will be addressing them during this time and helping you overcome them. Your Saturn Return is all about doing the inner work.
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Originally published on March 29, 2022