

Self-love has been at the forefront of many conversations to date. For generations, women of color have had to put their self-love on the backend. Our mothers and grandmothers were feeding love into their children, grandchildren, husbands, and community while overlooking their own. Sadly, as their daughters, the cycle of giving all our love and remaining "strong" continues in our hearts to this day. Growing up, my mother showered everyone with love except herself.
As I got older and began dating, I found myself giving all my love to men who didn't know how to love me. For years, I felt highly unfilled in my relationships. As time went on, I realized how much pressure I put on others to love me because I didn't know how to love myself.
Fast forward to a new self-loving and self-aware version of myself. Knowing my love language and using it as a tool to fill my cup has been my most significant flex. I am no longer co-dependent on others to make me feel whole, loved, and accepted.
Here is my journey to using my love language (physical touch) to practice self-love.
Touch My Body
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Since my love language is physical touch, I genuinely enjoy self-care practices that incorporate such. Massages have been a great self-care practice that allow me to connect with myself. The warmth of massage oils touching my skin fulfills my inner child. As a little girl, I lacked the warmth of a mother's touch. Getting massages allows me to feel the warmth I craved for so long.
Touching my body in ways that give me warmth helps me immensely. I enjoy using coconut oil, warming it with my hands, and massaging it into my skin. This method allows me to take time to connect with myself genuinely. I've realized through this simple practice, I feel more empowered physically communicating with myself and my needs. I have also not sought out relationships that are purely physical.
Breathing Into Validation
I know some people don't see deep breathing as a physical touch practice. I disagree with this narrative. I believe breathing in general can be a very loving and healing practice. Deep breathing can also be a tremendous physical touch practice if you choose to incorporate it.
I generally start by finding a comfortable position, either sitting up or laying down. I slowly begin to take deep breaths and incorporate a four-count—breathing-in for four counts and exhaling four counts.
Now, here's where it gets real. During my in-depth breathing sessions, I think of my triggers. I ask myself: What has triggered me in the past or present? And where do I feel that on my body? Wherever I feel the hurt on my body is where I place my hand.
This healing practice has helped me acknowledge any pain, hurt, or emotional trauma I have encountered in my journey. I validate myself so others don't have to.
Sun-Kissed
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Girl, I craved hugs and kisses as a child, so why not let mother nature do it? Mother nature is a beautiful way to connect with yourself. She helps us find answers when we are lost, peace when life is chaotic, and heal us when we feel broken. She loves and accepts us in every season of our life. During my season of healing, I turned to her.
This may sound a bit cliche, but I love letting the sun kiss my skin. When my touch isn't enough, I will take advantage of going for a nature walk in my local neighborhood park. Having the sun's warmth on my skin is mother nature hugging me (in my head). Through my walks in nature, I've learned that sometimes all a dying rose needs is a little bit of sun to bloom again.
Final Thoughts
Taking time to learn the way I receive love has been a healing experience. I have noticed a massive difference in the way I carry myself in my relationships. For example, I no longer seek only a physical connection with someone because I can fulfill that need for myself. Therefore, my relationships have gotten more profound with a greater purpose.
Through this experiment, I've learned that learning your love language will bring you closer to yourself. In return, you're more likely to step into the world as your most aligned self.
Learning to love yourself is a feeling that won't ever expire, let you down, hurt you, or break up with you. Learning to love yourself is the greatest timeless reward you'll ever receive.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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