Kamie Crawford is not only a TV host, model and former Miss Teen USA, she's also the stylish, cool, calm and collected homegirl bestie that everyone wishes they had in their day-to-day life.
Her positive personality and charming wit shines through in her new role as MTV's Catfish co-host alongside Nev Schulman. Coming from a background in content development for beauty, fashion and luxury lifestyle brands from Swarovski, Lancôme, Dove, and Rent the Runway, Kamie's Catfish debut in front of the camera was nothing shy of the perfect fit for her love of pop culture and investigative journalism. When I asked her what word or phrase she would use to describe her new career turn, she simply replied, "My dream job."
Courtesy of Kamie Crawford
"I truly feel as though I was made for this position, and it's not to sound cocky – I just really love what I do and I love helping people and giving them my honest opinion," Kamie gushes about her new gig.
Being the oldest of six girls, giving nurturing sisterly advice is ingrained in her DNA - though it may be brutally honest, it always comes from a place of love and compassion. For any young woman who has been afraid to chase her dream job or make a career switch, Kamie advises to put action behind your desires and push the fear aside. "My mom always says, 'fear cancels out faith,'" she begins anecdotally. "If you want something and it's more than just an idea – it's a gnawing need that speaks to you every day when you wake up and before you go to sleep, what the f*ck are you waiting on?! You don't need an invitation to follow your dreams. You need action. So go for it, because one of the worst feelings in life is regret."
I had the opportunity and honor to speak with Kamie about all things Catfish set life, shutting down anxiety during the quarantine, and positively practicing stillness. Here's what she had to say.
Being the Hostess With the Mostest
Courtesy of Kamie Crawford
As a fan of the show since the original documentary's premiere at Sundance Film Festival, Kamie Crawford has been a faithful fan of the eight-season series and knew that the opportunity felt right from the beginning. Kamie practiced the art of manifestation and hard work to achieve her results, which were also sought after by other auditioning contenders for the role of Nev's new catfish-busting buddy.
Though she knew she had the credentials and the talent, like any other human being, her doubts and nerves came and went, but did not allow herself to be defeated by situations that had not yet arisen. "I didn't want to get my hopes up though because there were great hosts in the running for the position and after working in hosting for 7 years before this opportunity came about, you kind of learn to not get your hopes up in entertainment," Kamie explains.
"But something told me that this was my opportunity and if I wanted it, I needed to manifest it and speak life into it."
The life of this body positive advocate on-set varies depending upon the episode, as one would expect, but she enjoys every moment of being in her manifested destiny, from chilling with Nev and the gang to reading emails from their newest hopeful. "Everything you see as you watch an episode is in the order as it happened and in 'real-time'. There are no reshoots," she explains. "We will film for 7 hours per day and if travel is necessary, we will spend a day doing that and pick back up with filming in our new destination. Each episode takes around 3-5 days to film, depending and it's never boring."
It's not all work and no play, though. Kamie goes onto talk about cherishing the bonding moments between herself, Nev and the rest of the team between takes. "We typically will start at our production offices and film as we hang out, eat breakfast, etcetera. We like to make time for crew dinners and fun activities during the evenings – if I'm not fast asleep post-filming, I'm with Nev and the crew hanging out!"
Embracing the Slow Life
Courtesy of Kamie Crawford
Unfortunately, due to the COVID-19 pandemic sweeping the nation and large crowds being forbidden, stay-at-home orders have greatly affected those in the entertainment industry requiring shoots, reunion filmings and audience gatherings. For Kamie, a woman who is constantly on-the-go between creating dope content and being one of MTV's newest faves to hit the screen, quarantine has been a hit or miss for her newly adjusted style of living. "It has been really hard. [It's] definitely getting better though, and there are good days and bad days! I'm a homebody as is so I try to take time off for myself in between all of my work responsibilities. While I have zero routine in my quarantine life, my normal life is actually very routine," Kamie describes.
Most of us, especially as creatives, are teetering between thankful thoughts of resting everyday and being ansty from developing stage one of stir crazy, Kamie is strategically utilizing her time indoors to practice stillness throughout the government issued stay-at-home orders. While a lot of us, myself included, are using this time to shove everything into this quarantine period that we never had time for prior to, Kamie believes that everyone should just do what's best for them and not fall victim to the pressures of social media. "Even outside of quarantine, social media will make you believe that everyone is busier, more fit, more beautiful and more motivated than you are. Everyone is perfect and they have the handbook for 'How to Deal with Quarantine During A Pandemic' that the rest of us just didn't get. Trust me - I checked my mailbox – twice. It ain't in there," Kamie facetiously adds.
"There is so much pressure right now to be your best self during quarantine and accomplish all of the big and little tasks you put off up until now. I'm a person who if it doesn't feel good to me, I'm not doing it. As a Scorpio - I'm either all in, or I'm out. That's how I feel about creating during this time. It just doesn't feel right. I've postponed campaigns because advertising anything right now that doesn't directly benefit those who are suffering or our essential workers gives me the ick. No shade to anyone who is – I know influencers still have to work and earn a living, but for me, that just isn't where my heart is right now."
Mastering the Art of Self-Care
Courtesy of Kamie Crawford
When she's not mastering her new craft in the kitchen, Kamie takes time to turn her attention to work obligations, but fortunately, none of which require immediate responses or assistance. Clearing out her inbox one email at a time is a small form of self-care that she integrates into her newly acclimated work from home routine. "[I've been] sending a lot of, 'Sorry for the delayed response, been taking time away for my mental health' replies – and I think people understand because everyone is dealing with the same thing right now. "
When it comes down to a 'routine' for working from home, I think we can all safely admit that none of us have the exact formula that works for us everyday. Kamie herself admits that taking everything day-by-day and taking care of her mental health is a priority during the quarantine, even if it means praying, crying, watching Netflix as soon as she wakes up or all of the above. "Each day is different and I try to go into each morning with a refreshed and positive outlook. I want to try staying away from the news updates, but I also feel that knowledge is power. It's just difficult because the news changes every hour it seems like," Kamie tells me.
"I've been giving myself permission to wake up naturally, which helps a lot during this chaotic time. Sometimes the body's best way of healing is through resting. I'm not going to lie – I've been getting out of bed when I feel like it and just taking it from there. If I want to work out or go for a walk, I'll do that. If I want to lay in bed and watch funny Tik Toks until 2pm, I'll do that. I haven't gotten into the habit of creating a 'routine' during this quarantine yet, and I'm perfectly fine with that as of now."
Her mental health takes precedence and priority as she combats the anxiety linked to the pressures of "staying on top" everyday, even with our limited resources. "My anxiety has been through the roof, but I notice that it worsens when I'm being told or made to feel like I'm not doing enough," Kamie confides in the interview, as are most of us being pressured into feeling, thanks to our dear friend Imposter Syndrome. "If you're going through something similar, I recommend unfollowing that account for now or telling that person, 'Hey, I know you mean well and appreciate your suggestion because that's what works for you. I'm going to focus on doing whatever works for me at this time.'"
For those of us who haven't necessarily put ourselves, including mind and spirit, on the forefront of our agenda, now is the time to monitor your mental health. "So much is happening in the world, and for people who have already been struggling with mental health issues, this time can be even more triggering. I've been waking up each morning and thanking God for letting me see another day, keeping my loved ones safe and healthy, thanking Him for my health and just acknowledging the fact that I am OK, and that's a blessing within itself," she praises.
For more of Kamie, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Kamie Crawford
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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