June is all about following your inner compass. Life is coming full circle, and both culminations and new beginnings are occurring. This month is a time of showing up for yourself, for others, and for your life- and about seeing things with more clarity. Gemini Season is underway in June, and Gemini is a wildcard. You never know what is going to happen when the Sun is in Gemini, and it's best to go with the flow right now. Check in to your inner compass for guidance on the path ahead of you, and feel the excitement of what is possible for you this month.
June 2023 Overview
There is a Full Moon in Sagittarius on June 3rd, and this is the Full Strawberry Moon of the year. Being that the Full Moon will be in a fire sign, this is overall a time of activation and empowerment. This is the time to overcome fears, gain the bigger picture, and experience a breakthrough in your life. A few days later, on June 5th, Venus moves into Leo, and even love is heating up. Venus in Leo loves loud. She loves being in this self-expressive and bold sign, and love takes on a more exciting, charming, creative, and dramatic tone over the next few months. Venus will be in Leo until October 8th, and there will be a lot happening when it comes to love, relationships, and finances over that time.
Saturn and Neptune are both in Pisces, and they both go retrograde this month. With Saturn going retrograde on the 17th and Neptune on the 30th, although there is a lot of growth taking place in June, there is also a need to take a step back and process. Saturn retrograde makes sure your plans are sustainable, and Neptune retrograde helps you take off the blinders. Both of these signs in retrograde motion facilitate a reality check, and as Retrograde Season begins, it’s better to learn lessons as they come rather than having to repeat them later.
Saturn will humble, and Neptune will inspire.
On June 18th, there is a New Moon in Gemini as Gemini Season comes to a close, and there are some surprises in store during this time. Since Gemini is all about the mind, some important revelations are happening now, and connecting with others on many different layers is what this time is facilitating. Look out for new opportunities that are appearing this month, and back your intentions with excitement. Cancer Season begins on June 21st, and after a mentally active month, the heart takes more focus again. Overall, June is a time of the skies clearing, perspective entering, and love leading you forward.
What's In Store for Each Zodiac Sign in June 2023
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn June, you are working on letting the past go, Aries. This is a month to choose your battles wisely, focus on more sustainability, and on putting your attention on what’s going to work for you in the long run. There is no easy fix to what is presenting itself to you this month, and it’s about standing your ground and not giving up on yourself in the meantime. You are more powerful than you know, and you will overcome any tests thrown your way this month.
Venus enters your 5th house of love on June 5th, and this is putting a positive tone on romance for you. You are attracted to confidence, emotional vulnerability, and joy in others more so than anything right now, and things are getting interesting for you in love this month. Saturn goes retrograde on the 17th, and with Saturn currently in your 12th house of endings and closure, you are preparing for some big transformations this summer, and they start appearing for you now.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about overcoming fears, Taurus. June is the time to take off the blindfold that has kept you safe and comfortable out of fear so that you can understand where true safety and power come from. You are releasing limitations from your life that have been self-imposed and are ready to let go of the people that keep you in this state of limbo as well. The Full Moon happening this month on the 3rd is when you gain the clarity and self-understanding needed to transform from these power struggles and reach your true potential in life.
Moving forward into June, your ruling planet, Venus, enters Leo and moves into an area of your birth chart having to do with home, family, inner well-being, and your foundations. You are getting some type of reality check in June, but it’s helping you build more solid and stable ground for yourself to thrive on. Home is where you feel the love, especially so this month, and you are creating some new safe spaces for yourself in June and sprucing up your surroundings.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn June, your patience and persistence are needed, Gemini. This is a month where you will see blessings bloom, but when you also need to put more effort into watering your intentions. This doesn’t always mean taking more action. Sometimes it means believing in yourself more and looking at your situation in a more positive and nurturing light. You have worked hard to plant your seeds and build a life that makes you happy, and the universe is nudging you to see that you are almost there.
The Sun is in Gemini until June 21st, and most of the month is about gaining self-confidence, being the leader of your life, and honoring your right to happiness. On June 11th, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters your sign, and your mind is thriving right now. Communication is your strength more so than ever in June, and this is an excellent month to connect, engage, and keep an open mind. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in your sign on the 18th, and it’s time to believe in a miracle.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleGather your strength, and find your ground this month, Cancer. The Sun is in the sign just before yours for most of the month, and you are tying up loose ends in June. You often keep space for the past, present, and future all to reside in your heart, but this month you are taking a good look at how much you can really carry and how much you really should be. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for support this month. You are always there for others, and sometimes it’s your turn for someone to be there for you.
Saturn goes retrograde this month on the 17th, and over the next few months will be helping you gain a new perspective. Saturn will be retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with travel as well, and extra patience and planning will be needed when it comes to travel plans this summer. On June 21st, Cancer Season officially begins, and you are feeling more freedom and excitement after somewhat of a heavy month. A few days later, on the 26th, Mercury enters Cancer, and the spotlight is really on you now.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is a month of emotional renewal for you, Leo. You are beginning anew in many ways this month, and you are feeling the love and support. There is something exciting about what is presenting itself to you in June, and you can’t help but feel passionate about it all. There is a Full Moon in Sagittarius happening on the 3rd at the beginning of the month, and this Full Moon is bringing things full circle when it comes to love. Your intentions have been heard, and you are seeing the benefit of going after what you want in life. You are protected and worthy, and it is safe for you to love, Leo.
Speaking of love, Venus, the planet of romance, love, and pleasure, enters your sign on June 5th and will remain here for an unusually long amount of time until October. When Venus is in your sign, love takes on a bold, proud, and more charismatic charm. Venus in Leo has a dramatic flair to her, so things will definitely be interesting for you over the next few months, but there won’t be a lack of love in your life, that is for sure. Overall, June is an emotionally exciting month for you.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour heart is free, Virgo. June is about feeling the love in your life from within to without and feeling like things are in synergy. You believe in the power of manifestation, and this month you are seeing some of your manifestations appear, especially regarding the relationships in your life. You have moved through a lot of growth this year, and you are ready to have some more fun and see what other exciting and heartfelt experiences are in store for you.
Neptune and Saturn both go retrograde this month, and they are going to be retrograde in your 7th house of one-on-one relationships, love, finances, and enemies. Thankfully, the love you have been giving yourself will triumph over any hater that may come your way, and the community of support you have built around you will facilitate that. These retrogrades for you are more about being a better advocate for yourself and learning more about certain patterning and emotional experiences in love that play out for you so that you can recharge and renew.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleCelebrations are in store for you this month, Libra. June is all about good times and good vibes. You have the support around you that you need to feel the emotional fulfillment you look for in life, and there are a lot of healing experiences to be had this month. It’s about letting go of what keeps you apart from others and focusing more on what keeps you together. You are finding your balance, having fun, and honoring your heart this month, Libra.
Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into your house of friendships at the beginning of the month on the 5th, and you are feeling new beginnings within your community, friendships, and your soulmates. Others are more willing to share the love right now, and you are feeling more seen and heard. With Saturn going retrograde before the month ends on the 17th, you will need to take a look at your current routine and see what benefits and what overwhelms you, however. Taking care of your health should be more of a priority over the next few months, but overall, June has a lot to offer you.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleTrust your intuition, Scorpio. This is a month of tuning into the universe and paying attention to the signs. You are inspiring those around you with your sound wisdom and advice, and you are stepping into your power this month. June is your time to get creative, tap into the divine, and create more beauty in your life. Venus moves into your 10th house of career on June 5th and will be shining the spotlight on you over the next few months. It’s all about showing up and allowing others to admire and appreciate who you are.
There is a New Moon in Gemini occurring on the 18th, and this New Moon is a transformative one for you. You are letting go of self-doubt and pain and moving forward into self-empowerment and healing. You are learning more about self-mastery right now and how to be the leader of your life rather than someone who’s the result of their circumstances. June is an empowering month for you overall, and this is a game-changing time.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about letting go, Sagittarius. It’s about honoring your health, letting go of control, and focusing on what aligns with your well-being rather than hindering it. You are learning some important lessons on allowing rather than forcing right now and are getting the opportunity to put yourself on a new path in life. There is a Full Moon happening at the beginning of the month on the 3rd, and this Full Moon is signaling to you where to let go and where to dive in.
You are closing some chapters in your life this month. With Venus moving into fellow fire sign Leo on the 5th and entering your house of adventure, you are not in the mood to be tied down to anything that feels forced or smothering. You are overcoming some addictions and mental hurdles to feel more freedom in your life right now. Saturn goes retrograde on the 17th and will be in retrograde in your 4th house of home and family until November, and you will be defining and refinding what family means to you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about baby steps, Capricorn. You are putting one foot in front of the other and paving a new path for yourself this month. Your finances, income, and synergy here are in focus for most of the month, and you are looking for new ways to see growth in this area of your life. You are putting the feelers out there, taking on new opportunities and responsibilities, and you are seeing the results of your resourcefulness. With the Full Moon happening at the beginning of the month, you are letting go of what has been weighing you down from fulfilling your dreams.
Pluto has been in retrograde since May 1st, and on June 11th, it moves into your sign. Pluto will be retrograde in Capricorn until October, and during this time, you will be finding your power and owning your voice. You deserve to take up space, and you do make the great leader that you aspire to be. Your ruling planet Saturn goes retrograde a few days later on the 17th, and you will be experiencing growth when it comes to communication, neighbors, siblings, transportation, and connection.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou have the Midas Touch this month, Aquarius. This is an impactful and abundant month for you, and you are happy with the spaces you are finding yourself in right now. You have found the key to your success and are creating and living the life you dream of. With Venus moving into your house of love as the month begins, there is so much to be grateful for right now, and you have it all right beside you. Remember to appreciate the gifts of today and not get so lost in the details that you miss the moment.
Saturn goes retrograde on the 17th and will be retrograde in your house of income until November. Create a strategic plan for your financial world, and focus on stability here. You have made some essential gains here recently, and Saturn will be serving lessons on how to maintain that. Saturn is one of your ruling planets, and you especially feel its influence. Over the next few months, take an honest look at your financial world, and create a long-term plan here.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is a new beginning for you, Pisces. You are in high spirits this month and are feeling the hope that you align so well with in life. New communication is coming to the forefront, and you are getting the answers you have been looking for. You are seeing things clearly right now, and your heart is leading the way. The Full Moon on June 3rd will be happening in your house of success and achievements, and you are spending the beginning of the month honoring how far you have come and celebrating where you are now.
Saturn and Neptune are both in your sign right now, and they both go retrograde this month. Saturn first, on June 17th, and you may be feeling more restless than usual over the next few months. You could be feeling a little more anxious and pressured right now, and more compassion for yourself and your life path is needed. Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces on the 30th, and you are getting lost in the mystery of it all. Divine intervention will be at play for you over the next few months, and perspectives are shaking for you to see some new truths. Overall, this is a very creative and life-changing time for you.
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- The Personality & Love Compatibility Of A Cancer, Explained. ›
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- 12 Mantras To Cultivate 2023 Energy For The Year Ahead ›
- Everything You Should Know About The Gemini Zodiac Sign ›
- Summer 2023 Horoscopes Predictions Every Zodiac Sign - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
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I was inspired to write this because, recently, while reading about eight types of narcissists and what their traits consist of, I revisited what a vulnerable narcissist is all about. Then, as I connected some dots via another piece that I read about how it shows up in female friendships — well, because this is a platform for Black women, I definitely wanted to put y’all on notice. Because when it comes to toxic friendships (which really is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?), there is probably nothing worse than having a narcissist friend — someone who displays traits like being highly self-centered, pretty apathetic, and constantly gaslighting those around them.
Okay, so what’s the difference between a “regular” narcissist and a vulnerable one? Yeah, let’s get into that now because I’ve got a feeling that some light bulbs are going to go on for a few of you…as it relates to at least one of your current…“friendships.”
So Basically, a Vulnerable Narcissist Is the Same Thing As a Covert One
GiphyIf you check out the article, “Science Says That Happy Couples Do The Following 7 Things” on this platform, one thing that you will notice that I said is, since I’ve been a marriage life coach, I’ve not really been big on using the word “vulnerable” when it comes to serious relationships. Charge it to being a writer who takes words pretty literally (dictionary-defined ones, not what social media makes up from year to year) yet I’ve never understood why we should encourage people to be vulnerable with someone who they deeply trust.
I say that because I know that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt” and “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.” And although I get that no one is perfect, if you feel like dealing with those closest to you requires taking this level of an emotional risk, on a fairly consistent basis? In my opinion, that is a dark orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
I’ve said before that my preferred word is “dependent” because it means “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and healthy relationships? They absolutely should be INTERDEPENDENT. Yeah, whether it’s romantic, familial or a friendship — why are you out here feeling like sharing yourself makes you open to attack and harm when you should be involved with individuals who can be relied on for support? See the difference? And that is why a vulnerable narcissist makes sense to me — since a narcissist is unsafe, by the very definitions of vulnerable, a vulnerable one would be too. Even more so, in fact.
Here's the clincher, though. Even if you’ve never heard of a vulnerable narcissist before, I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard of a covert narcissist, which is basically the same thing. The fascinating thing about a covert narcissist is they are more subtle than some of the other types — which is exactly how they are able to trip folks up. Because although they need lots of attention and they tend to act really self-important (like all narcissists do), a covert narcissist moves in some pretty sneaky ways.
For instance, they might go really heavy on what seems like compliments (more on that in a sec) in order to make you think that they admire you when, really, they just want to get your guard down in order to get whatever they want out of you. Another example of a covert narcissist is they might act like they are proud of something you accomplished; however, they are actually sticking close by to get some of your contacts or to work themselves into the successful world that you created, so that they can actually compete with you. One more example of a covert narcissist is if they don’t get their way, they may ghost you for days, weeks or months at a time and then be all passive aggressive about it whenever they resurface.
And why are they like this? Because vulnerable/covert narcissists get off on gaslighting — they want you to feel like you are crazy for thinking what is, 8.5/10, spot-on about them. That way, you can be the villain and they can play the victim — even though it’s probably the exact opposite that is actually going on. They do this because, ultimately, to boost their ego. For a narcissist, pretty much of any kind, game-playing is what fuels them and makes them bigger in their minds than they actually are (or even deserve to be).
10 Dead-Ringer Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyOkay, so even with all of what I just said, what if you’re like, “Shellie, I think I get it, but I need a few more examples of what you’re saying”? I hear you and I’ve got you. Some other ways that vulnerable narcissists like to show up and out?
- They are hypercritical and condescending
- They act like they are allergic to accountability
- Their expectations are unreasonable (and hypocritical)
- They are walking contradictions
- They want to be the center of attention (and while monopolize things
- They are masters at giving others the silent treatment
- Their expectations are unrealistic and their demands are ridiculous
- They deflect instead of apologize
- They flatter (use fluffy and insincere words) yet don’t affirm or compliment (yes, there is a difference)
- They lack empathy or humility
And why — or even how — would you be a friend with someone like this? Well, the other thing that you have to keep in mind about narcissism is they are excellent at using charm to their advantage. Charming people tend to come off as being charismatic and witty. Charming people seem to be really interested in you (at least initially). Charming people have a way of making you feel very comfortable around them. At first, charming people seem genuine, attentive and respectful. And they definitely make a good impression — sometimes one that is so solid that you keep going back to that memory during the “bad times” with them.
Hmph. The thing that you have to always keep in mind when it comes to charm, though, is what Scripture says about it: “Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30) — and that is just what a narcissist is: deceptive.
And when it comes to a vulnerable narcissist and her friendships with other women? The deceptive runs deep.
How a Vulnerable Narcissist Shows Up Especially in Female Friendships
GiphyAlways remember that a vulnerable narcissist moves in subtle and sneaky ways. Hmph, that alone should make you want to ponder if you have some female friends who would fit the bill of being a vulnerable narcissist because we do have a way of being clever and ingenious…which are two of the things that come with being a subtle type of individual. And the way that subtle narcissists use their clever and ingenious ways to their advantage? I’ll give you an example.
A former friend of mine who was — and from what I hear, still is — an absolute vulnerable narcissist really wanted me to be her fan rather than her friend. One time, she even invited me to a bachelorette party and said, “You’re the only one here who isn’t a bridesmaid. You should feel honored.” Nah, what you really said is that you don’t truly value what I bring into your life enough to be a bridesmaid but you know I am good for bringing one hell of a gift and cheering you on regardless.
And that’s how a lot of our friendship was — doing way more giving than I was receiving, doing way more listening than leaning and when I would call her out on some of these things, she would either freeze me out or play the victim and act like somehow it was my fault that she wasn’t being a better friend.
Yeah, that’s what you’ve gotta watch about vulnerable narcissists — it is going to be oh so very rare that they will take full accountability for where they have dropped the ball. To them, somehow, it — whatever “it” is — is either going to be your fault or someone else’s. And that’s why, in their eyes, if you were a “real friend” to them, you would coddle them through not meeting your needs instead of expecting them to actually change their ways so that you both could benefit from the relationship.
And why don’t your needs matter? Because, to a vulnerable narcissist, they believe that they are worthy of extra special treatment at all times — think of them like being a bridezilla 24 hours a day. LOL.
And although some of what I said can be nuanced, for the most part, that really is how a vulnerable narcissist tends to make themselves seen and heard in female friendships: treat them like queens and expect to be mere subjects in their court or…why are you around at all, chile?
5 Hacks for Handling a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyFeeling triggered? Or better yet, are you feeling like you finally can “scratch the itch” of what you’ve been looking for to describe a certain person (or certain people) in your life goes? If that is the case and although you see some flags, there tends to be at least a little bit of good enough in your dynamic with “your” vulnerable narcissist to not totally break things off (yet), how do you keep a vulnerable narcissist from causing (anymore) harm?
1. Set firm boundaries. The former friend who I just spoke of? It took years to fully and finally unravel out of all of that (pretty much because she took her elitism to “no turning back” levels a few years ago). A part of the reason why is because she’s not the devil; she really isn’t — she’s just a narcissist. So, what I did to make things more bearable for myself for a while was set some emotional boundaries.
Sometimes I had to tell her “no” and provide no explanation behind it (narcissists think that they are owed every damn thing, chile). I refused to be at her beck and call all of the time. When I felt like she was stressing me out, I would take a bit of time off from phone calls or hanging out. Listen, you will never survive a narcissist, of any kind, unless you have some firm and consistent ARTICULATED boundaries set. If you don’t heed any other point, please heed this one.
2. Have consequences in place for when they are broken. There is no point in setting a boundary if there aren’t going to be consequences for when they are broken. So, for instance, if you tell a vulnerable narcissist that you don’t appreciate them not taking accountability for telling your business to a mutual friend (because they are also extremely entitled individuals), you should probably keep your mouth shut around them for a while. Narcissists care more about their present interests than your holistic comfort which is why they tend to do stuff like that (sometimes).
3. Look at patterns over promises. Narcissists are a lot like energy vampires — and something that both of those need is a source of supply to leech off of whether it’s attention, emotional investing, resources…whatever will benefit them and what they are wanting at the time. And that is why they have no problem telling you that they will do something for you…even if they don’t end up following through. They do this because they want you to put enough confidence in them to be willing to go out of your way on their behalf — at least until they get what they need in the moment. Be careful of that. In genuine friendships, you should be able to rely on others just as much as they should be able to rely on you.
4. Choose to not see them as your “safe place.” Remember, narcissists are charming. They can also be witty, fun and totally entertaining to be around. A word that I wouldn’t use for them, though, is “safe.” The former friend who I mentioned? Although she was good at keeping information confidential (which is a safe trait), she couldn’t be relied on when I was hurting because, somehow, she was going to find a way to turn the focus on her (that is unsafe). I mean, rarely could I tell her something and she wasn’t going to turn it into a story about herself. Yeah, narcissists are always on some sort of makeshift stage, chile. And that can be exhausting.
5. Make sure you know what your “breaking point” is. I tell clients often: Be okay with being someone’s consequence sometimes because there may be a chance that they won’t learn any other way. Do I miss that former friend of mine? Eh, by the time that I was done, I was DONE done. However, we had a lot of years between us and so there are memories that get to me on random occasions. And although I don’t hate her and can see her and genuinely care about how she’s doing, we have nowhere to go in the future. She’s always going to want me to do most of the work — and I am no longer interested in doing so. Breaking points are good. They let us know when a chapter in a relationship has…completed itself.
____
An author by the name of Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “Love without sacrifice is theft” (that kind of makes me think of the late author Eric Jerome Dickey’s quote, “Sex without love is violence”). At the end of the day, that saying is a good way to “gut check” your relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Ask yourself if you are basically the only one doing any sacrificing. And if that is indeed the case, is it worth it?
Remember, a vulnerable narcissist thinks that they deserve to be treated better than everyone else — including you. If you want to keep that type of person as a friend, just know what you are getting yourself into. Because since they are probably never going to change, you will be the one who has to.
One way or another, sis. One way or a freakin’ other.
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