Ever Tried To Get That Old Thing Back? 4 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off
This season of Insecure just keeps getting more and more spicy. We went from Molly and Andrew keeping it hella hot in the bedroom in Mexico last week to Issa and Lawrence getting freaky in the sheets in Inglewood this week. That's right, Issa and Lawrence had the reunion we've all been anticipating—that is, unless you're team Nathan. Either way, this episode written by Natasha Rothwell, the actress who plays Kelli, gave us all the feels and a welcome escape from the pain the Black community is experiencing right now in the wake of George Floyd's death and the deaths of countless others. #RIPGeorgeFloyd #ICantBreathe #BlackLivesMatter
pic.twitter.com/j5beSYC3yT
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) May 31, 2020
Here's the recap…
We saw Lawrence call up Issa to meet up last week and this week we finally got to see that meet up. It was perfect… almost. Distracting from all the rekindling and nostalgia was Condola and Lawrence's pending plans to meet up with her later that night. That was until things with Issa turned into a sleepover and Condola became a non-factor… at least for the night.
Watching this episode was such a sweet experience, it showed that whatever past issues Issa and Lawrence had just melted away and you got lost in their honest expression of Black love. It was a beautiful sight to see during times like these. BUT was getting that old thing back worth it? We'll have to wait till Insecure Sunday to see, but in the meantime let's talk about backtracking to exes or old flames.
Full disclosure, I wasn't sold on Issa and Lawrence reuniting (Lawrence Hive, forgive me), but then I saw the growth they both exhibited and may be having a change of heart. Although, Condola's urgency to talk has me STRESSED. But while we balance our breathing exercises and fighting for justice, I asked Insecure fans their thoughts:
Have you ever backtracked to an ex or old situation? Pros? Cons?
I’m Good Luv, Enjoy
"I once backtracked to an old flame. OK not once but many times, far too many times (laughs). What did it bring me? The same thing every time. Nothing. The best advice I can give is next time they hit you up or you feel like going backwards, hit them with the 'I'm good luv enjoy!'" –Sgt. Simone VictorU.S. Army
Don't Be The Side Chick If You Were Originally The Main
"I'm guilty. The comfort of backtracking to an ex has been a part of my past. I think there are so many factors that play a role in making this decision. I know when I watched this episode and saw it leaning towards Issa staying the night, I was like, 'noooo' but, I get it. Sometimes, you just need a temporary companion and we convince ourselves that at least we don't have to add a new person if we're still able to get that old thing back, even if it's just for a night. I'll start with the cons: 1) It opens the door to emotions that might not be mutually matched. You can't predict how that interaction, whether sexually or straight platonic, will affect you afterwards. 2) If you're longing for that ex because you're lonely or your other boo is not available, chances are you have to continue working on yourself a bit more. Leave them and any other prospect alone for that matter. Do you, boo! 3) Analyze how you both made it back into each other's lives and be mindful of their situations outside of you. Don't be the side chick if you were originally the main. Just don't do it.
"The pros: 1) If it's mutual and you both found the maturity to release the cause and purpose of why you broke up like Lawrence and Issa did, maybe it would help the growth of a newfound relationship. 2) Stepping into the past leaves no room for adding another mistake into your present. Possibly (laughs). 3) Sometimes after a breakup, we don't take accountability for ourselves. We are so quick to blame. Taking the time to backtrack after a breakup can help you understand things about yourself that maybe your feelings wouldn't allow earlier on. You can analyze and apply for your future—not necessarily with that person.
"Either way, don't act on emotions ONLY when you find yourself backed into a corner with your ex. Someone, perhaps both parties, have to be able to figure out how to get out of that 'corner.'"—Saphia Louise, photographer/poet
Same Old, Same Old
"I definitely backtracked before, but I see no pros in it. Old situations are old situations for a reason." –Marco Cayetano,Sales, Vast Auto
What’s The Reason? (Cardi B Voice)
"I'm sure a lot of us received random texts from old flames once the pandemic hit. Was it them genuinely checking up on you, reflecting on their wrongs, or pure boredom?!
"Yes, I've backtracked, and it never ends well. You spend so much time wondering what if, and maybe they've changed. When in hindsight, there was a reason we never lasted in the first place. Issa and Lawrence... well I guess we'll have to wait until episode 9." –Marie Lewis, Social Media Manager
Featured image by HBO/Insecure
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images