Issa Rae's Insecure has been taking millennial, men and women alike, to church for the past few summers. Mostly because it's a representation of us and how we date and how we do life that is more accurate than most. It's the most authentic show that the black community has received in quite some time and it shows.
So in season one when Molly was simultaneously trying to fix her broken pussy and prove to Issa that being single was not where it was at, she made mention of a dating app that many of us had never heard of before: The League. An alternative to the other mediocre dating apps that we are aware of, but especially Tinder which Molly refers to as a "fuck app."
Something like those inconspicuous 555-5555 phone numbers your favorite shows of the 90s and early 00s would give out, many of us weren't sure that this elite dating app actually existed until we were. Curious, I made it my business to try this app that was only for professionals (it even connects to your LinkedIn) — a truly elite concept. And, not going to lie, a standard that sits damn-high on my list with a handful of exceptions is a man who is career-oriented.
I reached out to the League and was able to bypass with mile-long waitlist with these xoConnects — not even going to hold any of you up, let's just keep it all the way real. And while in theory the app would be great, I'm almost positive that Insecure took creative license with the fish Molly was catching using this app (in that they were all black men). Spoiler alert: That was not my experience.
The Cons
Let's start with the bad and just rip the bandaid off. When or if you decide to use The League, you might be surprised by the lack of black or brown prospects at your fingertips. As an elite dating app, there are a handful of possibilities to consider. So here it is: 1) as a people, we don't have the resources to frequently become the "elite" and thus there aren't nearly enough of us to use this app in hopes of finding #BlackLove. Although growing, we know that the ratio of institutionally educated black men to women is off kilter and it shows when you're using the app. 2) We know based on OkCupid's 2014 finding that Black women are the least desired amongst all races of men, including our own. And if this app is further indication, well then, the odds are only further stacked against us, me, we.
While I wouldn't go as far as to say that the app marginalizes users of color because that is beyond them, its elite touch serves as a bigger reminder of the prejudices held against black women and the difficulty that comes attached to our prematurely marginalized identity. And I was not someone who was only seeking out black men, but as a natural black girl, I can't say that this was my crowd. The reality is, to fit into elite crowds we are asked to do away with features such as natural hair and that translates to the microcosm of the world that is dating apps.
I also would like to throw out there that I was on the app consistently for a month (while they suggest spending three months on the app); nonetheless during my time, no dates came to fruition. Most of the men I matched with were stiff and the dialogue felt forced, as in I am of the belief that a person who is interested will not leave me on "Read" for days and then come back to the dialogue multiple times. Which is fine, it simply means we didn't vibe and that's bound to happen.
The Pros
What the app gets right is that in asking users to pay for a better experience, you are absolutely weeding out the weak links from the winners because anyone who is not serious about dating in a promising way is not coughing up membership fees to utilize a dating app. Most might find the membership fee steep, but quite frankly it wouldn't be an elite dating app experience if the price didn't say so. Oftentimes, we don't see things as "elite" until the price point parallels the very definition of that and The League is no different than that in this right.
Furthermore, the way they hold users accountable by revoking privileges and membership when you've been inactive is another hurdle that weeds out the clowns and clownettes of the dating pool. This can feel both overwhelming but also exciting because you are only able to swipe on five people per day--leaving you with something to look forward to and a reason to return. New swipes are available at the cost of tickets (which can be purchased) or the next day at 5 o'clock i.e. Happy Hour.
But the best part is the concierge, who not only is there to gently nudge you when you have been inactive, but also provides personal customer service to help you create a profile that is worthy and winning. I took advantage of this element asking my concierge for tips on how to improve and took any feedback they provided to up my odds.
The algorithm, according to my concierge, is able to prioritize traits like humor and even better users who have six clear pics of themselves -- eliminating the hella annoying crowd who enjoy using group photos on their dating profile that have us stuck and confused like this:
They also provide a community of people with groups and local events that allow users to create meetups of their fellow league members. This brings back the traditional and desired, but nearly obsolete element in modern dating which is the potential to meet and connect with people in real life.
As someone who feels conflicted, I feel unsure about what platform best serves my generation as we seek out romance that lasts more than a few pumps.
I would say that The League has the potential to be the Match.com of elite millennials, bringing the modern to the Matches of the world. Perhaps as they become more known to black and brown elite communities, the potential for matches will increase, making for a higher rate of matching. As it stands, the app only serves a handful of communities but works efficiently to do roll outs in more cities each day.
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Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
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‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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