

Co-parenting after the relationship is over can be difficult and take years to master. In a perfect world, there's a compromise, active listening, and healthy rules of engagement. But, when you're dealing with an irate person, the simplest decision can wreak havoc. You can't wish this person out of your life or change the past, so it's best to deal with it:
How to Tell Your Dealing With A Toxic Person
A "toxic parent" is often defined as narcissistic, mentally ill, abusive, emotionally immature, or someone having alcoholic or addiction issues. You cannot co-parent with a narcissist or someone dealing with their issues. Co-parenting requires shared effort and shared intent. No amount of flexibility will completely shift the narrative unless the other person wants to. Here's why:
- They do not share the same goals as you.
- They cannot and do not put the child's best interest before their own.
- They minimize, deny, or shift blame.
- They try to intimidate or isolate you or the children.
- They exhibit signs of parental alienation, which is the process and the result of psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent, relative or others.
Sans children, the obvious decision would be to cut all ties and never look back. Unfortunately, that's not always an option. And in the majority of cases, kids are better off having a relationship with both biological parents. So when your ex happens to be toxic or narcissistic, parallel parenting may be your only choice.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
According to Psychology Today, parallel parenting is an arrangement in which exes can co-parent through disengaging from each other and having limited direct contact in situations where they have demonstrated that they are unable to communicate with each other respectfully.
One of the biggest differences between co-parenting and parallel parenting is when co-parenting, you maintain a relationship with your ex. Some strive to have a real friendship, while others simply stay civil with one another and communicate regularly about their children. If only the other person was built for that!
Disengaging doesn't have to be a final decision. It can exist for some time while the dust settles between you and your ex, allowing both of you to heal from old wounds. Ultimately, it comes down to agreeing on such an arrangement and figuring out how you'll handle major decisions and their day-to-day routine. Most important, parallel parenting makes clear that both parents are equally important in a child's life regardless of the hostility and acrimony between them.
The higher the conflict level, the greater the need for specific details in a parallel parenting plan. If you're unable to work it out among yourselves, then it's time to draw a line in the sand, which may require documentation.
Take Legal Action
The first approach to co-parenting is rarely seeking a lawyer, however, sometimes it's the only option. Before heading to court, there's mediation. A mediation session is between you, the other parent, and the mediator. A mediator is a person who is trained to help you and the other parent to figure out what is best for your family.
If you are unable to come to find a solution, then a court date is next; but it'll cost you. Be prepared to pay in coins, time, and emotions. This isn't a time for playing coy. Level up, sis! My best advice, keep a log of every interaction between you and the other parent because they may not play fair. I'm not a lawyer, but based on my experience, the judge makes the final decision. I benefited from receiving sole custody. This gave me the benefit of legal and physical custody. In most cases, establishing a shared custody plan is the goal.
Check Your Ego
Co-parenting isn't about you, the sole focus should be on the child. When your goal becomes a way to make the other parent pay for their mistakes or doing things out of spite, no good karma can come from that. Yes, even when that person may be deserving of all the smoke. If you aren't careful, you can become a toxic person.
Your ego can cloud your judgment and how you parent. The constant need to prove how good of a parent you are can cause further strife between you and the other parent. Your child can sense when they're being used as a pawn.
The proof of you being a bomb-ass parent is in how well-adjusted the child is. Continue to pour into them.
Live your Best Life
In the great words of A.J. Johnson: Mama gotta have a life too! Facts!
You can't meet crazy with crazy. Once you've established the details of your parenting arrangement, make sure you take some time for you too. You deserve to feel joy and are responsible for your happiness. The kids will be all right.
Featured image Shutterstock.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Quinta Brunson Gets Real About Divorce, Boundaries & Becoming
Quinta Brunson is the woman who chooses herself, even when the world is watching. And in her June 30 cover story for Bustle, she gives us a rare glimpse into the soft, centered place she's navigating her life from now. From leading one of television's most beloved series in the last decade to quietly moving through life shifts, the creator of Abbott Elementary is walking through a personal evolution and doing so with intention, grace, and a firm grip on her boundaries.
Back in March, the 35-year-old filed for divorce from Kevin Jay Anik after nearly three years of marriage, citing "irreconcilable differences." The news hit the headlines of news outlets fast, but Quinta hadn't planned to announce their dissolution to the public so quickly.
Quinta Brunson On Divorce, Public Scrutiny & Sacred Boundaries
"I remember seeing people be like, ‘She announced her divorce,’" she told Bustle. “I didn’t announce anything. I think people have this idea that people in the public eye want the public to know their every move. None of us do. I promise you. No one wants [everyone] to know when you buy a house, when you move, when a major change happens in your personal life. It’s just that that’s public record information."
In regards to her private moves becoming tabloid fodder, Quinta continued, "I hated that. I hate all of it."
"I Am An Artist First": Quinta On Cutting Her Hair & Reclaiming Herself
Still, the diminutive phenom holds her crown high in the face of change and is returning to the essence of who she is, especially as an artist. "Cutting my hair reminded me that I am an artist first. I want to feel things. I want to make choices. I want to be a person, and not just stuck in having to be a certain way for business." It's giving sacred rebirth. It's giving self-liberation. It's especially giving main character energy.
And while the headlines keep spinning their narratives, the one that Quinta is focused on is her own. For her, slowing down and nourishing herself in ways that feed her is what matters. "It’s a transitional time. I think it’s true for me and my personal life, and it’s how I feel about myself, my career, and the world," Quinta shared with Bustle. “I feel very serious about focusing on watering my own gardens, taking care of myself and the people around me who I actually interact with day-to-day."
That includes indulging in simple rituals that ground her like "making myself a meal" which has become "really, really important to me."
That spirit of agency doesn't stop at the personal. In her professional world, as the creator, executive producer, and lead actress of the critically-acclaimed Abbott Elementary, Quinta understands the weight her choices carry, both on- and off-screen. She revealed to Bustle, "People used to tell me at the beginning of this that the No. 1 on the call sheet sets the tone, and the producer sets the tone — and I’m both of those roles."
She continued, "I understand now, after doing this for four years, how important it was that I set the tone that I did when we first started."
Quinta doesn't just lead, she understands the importance of curating the energy of any space she enters. Even amid a season of shifts and shedding, her power speaks loudly. Sometimes that power looks like quiet resistance. Sometimes that power is soft leadership.
And sometimes that power looks like cutting your hair and taking back your name in rooms that have forgotten you were an artist long before you were a brand.
Read Quinta's cover story on Bustle here to witness the fullness of Quinta's becoming.
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