Quantcast
It's OK Not To Talk To Toxic Parents
Shutterstock

It's OK Not To Talk To Toxic Parents

It is a terrible misconception that society pressures us to talk to our parents when they really don't make us feel all that great after the

Her Voice

I remember perusing the Cosmo Snapchat as I do every day, and they had an article about misconceptions in your 20's. One of the those misconceptions was, "If your parents make you miserable, you don't have to force yourself to talk to them."

I was literally flabbergasted because I am dealing with this struggle now. Society tells to us to cherish, respect, and love our parents. But what happens, when your parents do not do the same in return?

Cosmo

It is a terrible misconception that society pressures us to talk to our parents when they really don't make us feel all that great after the conversation a lot of times. You hang up the phone or leave the conversation more frustrated and sadder than when you enter the situation. Life is way too short to fill them with too many suppose to's and should be filled with doing things that make us feel good.

Honestly, talking to one of my parents always ends in either a) tears, b) anger, c) frustration, or d) all the above. Why do I constantly allow myself to be surrounded by so much negativity and bad vibes? Because people tell me I should do so because they are my parent, but when do you start to do what is for the betterment of yourself and not for others? Do you allow yourself to feel like a punching bag or constantly in turmoil because you feel some sort of obligation and you continue to be upset and sad?

It took me years, honestly, to get to this point of understanding that I could love that parent from a distance and begin to put my feelings first. I don't have to feel this sense of obligation to talk to them everyday or week, when most times their intent is to hurt if they are in a mood. With this one parent, I would find myself constantly blaming myself for our constant strife and took all their ill-willed words to heart. Feeling as if all those words were true.

It got a whole lot better for me to remove myself from that poisonous energy, once I was independent and living on my own. There were no looming threats or constant fears of bare essentials to better myself being taken from me, i.e. having my cell phone turned off, my car being taken, tuition not being paid for, or getting kicked out of the family house, (all of which have happened).

Once that was eliminated from the equation, it made it easier for me to say to myself, "Look, I love you, but I don't always have to talk to you."

No one needs negative energy and constant drama in their lives. If your family brings that to your atmosphere, let it go. I am telling you, you will live a much better and more stress-free life. I know it sounds cruel and unfeeling, but sometimes you have to love people from afar. I've learned that sometimes people do not know how to love properly because they were never truly taught from their own parents to love, and this all becomes a systematic effect that leads to you and your parent's relationship.

I addressed the problems with my parent multiple times. I have even suggested therapy sessions, but the sessions would never happen. The emotional abuse would begin again and I was stuck at square one. I finally made the decision to start loving myself, when the effects of that parent's actions spilled over to my love life, friendships, and professional life. It was hard to distance myself from the people who raised me, but as an adult I realized that if something is toxic and breaks your spirit, you have to learn to let go.

Once you have addressed the problem, and offered the avenues for help, and they still refuse to take it that help...you have to let people find their own path.

Just a couple tips to remember:

  • You always have to love yourself more. I know you want to help, but you can't risk your own mental and physical health to be at stake.
  • You have to learn how to love people from a distance. Sometimes you want to help, but sometimes you have to help yourself and step away from the situation.
  • Whenever you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take deep breaths and remove yourself from the situation.

Always remember self-love and self-appreciation is the most important.

If you have any personal stories that you'd like to share with the readers of xoNecole, please submit your essays to editor@xonecole.com for a chance to have your voice heard and your story featured!

Featured image by Shutterstock

Method Man On Having Low Self-Esteem & How It Caused An Awkward Encounter With Destiny’s Child

Over the last few years, Method Man has been deemed a “zaddy” by many women due to his handsome, grown-man-like features. But while he may be admired for his good looks, he didn’t always feel good about himself. The “Bring the Pain” artist was recently featured on Math Hoffa’s My Expert Opinion podcast where he revealed that he often battled with low self-esteem early on in his career which led him to have an awkward encounter with Destiny’s Child.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
How To Date Someone Who Is Not Your Physical 'Type'

I, like so many other people, have often struggled with the idea of dating people who aren’t my type. It’s not that I’m not open to dating someone I’m not attracted to, it’s really just a matter of how? How do you reject everything you know and give something new a chance? Especially when it seems that we’re not authentically attracted to “something new” because it is oftentimes so different from who we’d usually pursue. Admittedly, attraction can be superficial upon meeting anyone considering all you see are looks. However, shouldn’t you be able to enjoy your person physically in addition to all of the other stuff?

Keep reading...Show less
Tessa Thompson Talks ‘Thor: Love And Thunder’ Character’s Sexuality

Tessa Thompson is gearing up for the premiere of Thor: Love and Thunder where she plays Valkyrie, the king of Asgard. Fans first got a look at Tessa as Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok and later Avengers: End Game and now we will get to see her rule on her throne. Playing Valkyrie is a special moment for Tessa as she is Marvel’s first major LGBTQ+ character.

Keep reading...Show less
10 Romantic Date Ideas That Absolutely Bring The Heat

As you may know by now, the summer produces some of the best and most nostalgic soundtracks of our lives. The mood is set by fun and light sounds of the past and present, giving you the playlist that you need for the summer you want. Summer, no matter how hot, is a magical season where anything can happen, especially in the romance department. Long nights and short days act as a backdrop to new beginnings, summer flings, and the possibility for more (depending on what you’re looking for). But it doesn’t mean the romance has to be dull, regardless of the timeline you’re hoping to create. Like I said before, summer is what you make it so the options are limitless.

Keep reading...Show less
Your July 2022 Horoscopes Are All About Happiness, Release & Divinity

July is the month to focus on allowing yourself to receive. There are beautiful opportunities for blessings this month when you can get out of your own way, and release self-doubt. With Cancer Season here, emotions are flowing, love is showing up, and home is wherever your happiness is. The power of attraction is strong this month as Pallas enters Gemini on July 4 as well, and deep insights are prevailing. July is the time to gain the clarity and answers you have been looking for, and decide where to move forward from there.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
A Black woman looks into the camera and gives a closed-mouth smile. She's wearing a black turtleneck

Miss Diddy Kicks Off BET Awards Weekend With 'A Toast To Black Hollywood'

Her annual event to celebrate the culture has a new name and more intention than ever before

Latest Posts