It never feels good when relationship dynamics between friends change. Sisterhood means so much to Black women, and I think a huge factor is that we realize that nobody will look out for us like one another.
My friends have walked with me through some of my darkest moments and cheered louder for me than I did for myself in some of my greatest wins. But as our lives change, not every relationship has stayed the same because life isn't designed to work that way.
Life has a way of turning the "party friend" into a happily married woman with kids, the "supportive friend" into the friend who moves away because she's tired of putting everyone first, the "wallflower friend" into the main character, and girl boss and the "small town friend" into the friend who moves to the big city and starts a new life.
Evolution can be such a beautiful thing, but it can also be traumatizing to feel disconnected from the very people who were once the center of your world. But does that mean the friendship needs to end?
Friendship breakups hurt just as much as romantic breakups, in my opinion, and at times, they hurt more because we don't hold space for grief the same way we do for our relationships with our friends. That's not to say that there aren't instances where pain aside, the friendship should end due to it being unhealthy, expired, or never genuine from the start.
But what do we do when the love is still there but we might not have as much in common anymore? Might I suggest to you a friendship demotion?
The Benefits of a Friendship Demotion
Demoting a friend allows you to keep the friendship, but it is a friendship reimagined. Maybe you had a best friend, and you talked daily; you used to hang out often, and all of a sudden, you talked much less due to life circumstances or just plain ole not having anything in common anymore, but you still love one another. Allowing yourself the friendship demotion still keeps the friend in your life, but in a more minor role where you hold space for the times had, the bonds made, and still leave the door open for new friendships to blossom for the person you are now.
The friends I have demoted still mean the world to me, but we are no longer the same people. The friends I needed at 20, I don't need at 30 because I am a different person with different goals, desires, and needs in friendships.
I remember going through this phase where I wanted to travel and go on girls' trips, and my main circle of friends was either moving away due to the area becoming unaffordable for them or becoming mothers. Did I wake up and decide, as a single woman, that I want friends who have babies and live out of state with limited availability? No, but the women in my core friend group just happened to shift in life, just as I did with blossoming in my career.
For a while, that distance hurt (and it reminded me of the pain I felt when my college friends and I all went back to our home states after graduation), and I felt abandoned by my friends and resentful because I felt the shift but didn't know how to deal with the change. Allowing myself to still hold space for the relationships through demotion and pursuing friendships with single women who desired to travel the world and go out on weeknights just like I wanted to, changed everything for me.
I gave certain friends in my circle a demotion in my life and everything changed.
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And it allowed my friends to connect with moms who could have play dates and girls' nights at the same time. Now, we connect when we can and still love on one another. So, while they might not be able to hop on a flight or come to girls' night all the time, we meet up for mani/pedis, coffee dates, catch up on Facetime, and always prioritize spending time together for our birthdays.
And then there are those friends who I've backed away from altogether.
Whether it was due to our no longer having any shared interests, no longer feeling safe with them, or realizing that the friendship was seasonal, keeping the relationship didn't feel good to me. Letting them go didn't feel like a betrayal to myself, allowing them to remain in my life did.
Your friendship dynamics might be more complex, but I challenge you to sit with yourself and write down the name of each friend on a piece of paper. Ask yourself if the friendship serves you or not and if it is a reflection of your life or your past, and from there, be open to reimagining what these relationships look like and if maybe, just maybe, you need to demote some friends to make space for the new ones on the way to you.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.
Fridays with Tab and Chance body collection
Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens