It never fails. Every year, I personally know women who claim that they couldn't care less about Valentine's Day. But then, right around the day before it, they are either complaining about not having a date or they're offering up some "thou doth protest too much" speech about how it's a commercialized holiday that isn't worth the hype.
Me? I promise you I can't tell you the last time I was in a relationship or went out on Valentine's Day. As a marriage life coach, I actually dig the background story about St. Valentine being a man who was martyred for marrying couples when it was against the law (it's kind of a long story but you can read more about it here). And as far as not getting any roses or candy, honestly, I'm cool.
I think it's because I have found ways to celebrate the love I have for myself — not just on February 14 but all year long. After all, Buddha was so on point when he said, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." Indeed I do. You do too.
So whether Valentine's Day has a tendency to send you into a space of mild hysteria or you try your best to not give it any energy at all, I've got a different recommended approach. See it as an opportunity to love on yourself in an extra special way by doing one or all 10 of the following suggestions. That way, should someone special come along in the future, he'll just be joining in on the love party that you've already been throwing for yourself — all along!
10 Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day If You're Single
1.Have Your Own Spa Day
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Whether you decide to take a personal day on Valentine's Day or you'd prefer to wait until the following weekend rolls around, you can never go wrong with treating yourself to a spa day. If money is tight, hop onto sites like Groupon and RetailMeNot for promo codes that can earn you some pretty impressive discounts.
By the way, did you know there are even some spas/resorts that have earned the reputation for especially catering to singles? Some of them include The Broadmoor at Colorado Springs (Colorado Springs, CO), The Ballantyne Hotel & Lodge (Charlotte, NC) and The Mirror Lake Inn Resort Spa (Lake Placid, NY).
2.Do A “Secret Cupid” Gift Exchange With Your Girlfriends
Who said that Secret Santa is the only one who pops up with random anonymous presents? Add your own spin to it by convincing some of your girlfriends to give out some Secret Cupid gifts instead. Put a price cap of no more than $20-25 and give the gift-giving a theme like "How to Get Over Your Ex" or "Something to Make You Feel Sexy". It's super thoughtful and can also be a lot of fun too!
3.Go On A Bestie Date With A Guy Friend
Let's see how much of a throwback R&B fan you are. Although most people think of "Just Got Paid" when they think of Johnny Kemp, one of my favorite songs was "One Thing Led to Another". A part of the hook says, "The best of friends can be lovers after all."
I ain't tryin' to get nothin' started but if you and your male bestie are both single this year, you're probably gonna be on the phone most of the night anyway. Why not take each other out to dinner instead? At the very least, it'll be a nice distraction. At the most, the ambiance and candlelight just might cause the two of you to see things…umm…differently.
4.Buy Yourself Some New Lingerie
OK, so guess how often you should replace your bras and panties. You ready? Every six months! Be honest, you know you've got some underwear that has been with you for at least a couple of years at this point. Even if you don't exactly have a man to show off a new teddy for, that doesn't mean you shouldn't adorn yourself with some new pieces.
Victoria's Secret is cool but honestly, some of the best lines are Black-owned. Nubian Skin, Being U, Beautifully Undressed, Suzy Black Lingerie and dbleudazzled all have items that are super sexy for every skin tone.
5.Make Your Own Wine Or Champagne
If every Valentine's Day, all you can think about is taking a few shots and going to sleep, at least make it the kind of drink that will put a smile on your face. Believe it or not, it's pretty easy to make your own wine and champagne. For wine, all you need is some water, Brewer's yeast, frozen juice, a big jug and a plastic tube (click here for a few easy recipes). But if you really want to get fancy, try this Elderflower Champagne recipe instead.
(By the way, you can get some pretty affordable empty wine bottles on Amazon.)
6.DIY Some Dark Chocolate Beauty Products
Dark chocolate and Valentine's Day go hand in hand whether you're booed up or not. It's loaded with antioxidants; it also lowers your blood pressure, protects your skin from UV rays and has a good amount of fiber, iron, copper, magnesium, and zinc in it as well.
While women in relationships may end up with a box of chocolates, I can one-up them on that.
Make some DIY dark chocolate beauty products from the comfort of your own home. Click here to make your own chocolate chip lip gloss, here for an exfoliating scrub, here for some face masks, here for a souffle body butter and (one of my personal favorites) here for a chocolate milk bath.
7.Invest In A Chef For A Night
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If you'd like nothing more than to enjoy a full course meal at a high-end restaurant but you don't want to sit in the midst of a sea of couples blowing kisses at each other or men proposing to their beloved, skip the dining traffic and eat in.
Whether it's by yourself or with a couple of single friends, hire a chef to come and cook at your home. You can dress up and light some candles or put on comfy clothing and watch your favorite rom-coms while you eat the food that's been especially prepared for you.
8.Get Yourself A Piece Of Jewelry
It seems like there is always a new trend buzzing. Right now, it's single women who are opting to wear what they are calling the anti-engagement ring. It's basically a gemstone ring that's worn on the pinky finger that represents self-love.
If this piques your curiosity but you'd prefer to wear anything but a diamond, Etsy features jewelry in just about any kind of gemstone you can think of! Just to get you started — apatite awakens your sense of clarity, red jasper represents healing and security, calcite releases negativity and grief, labradorite elevates your sense of consciousness and celestite supports the urge to reconcile with a lost love or broken friendship.
9.Sign Up For A Single’s Box
Subscription boxes are currently all the rage. One that I particularly like is offered on Izzy & Liv's site (it's called the Brown Sugar Box). Another that's pretty popular is the Single Swag box. For around $40 a month, you can receive 6-7 different items (like treats, jewelry, and organic products) delivered directly to your front door.
10. Treat Yourself To A Bed and Breakfast
Something that I'm super fond of is a good bed and breakfast. So many of them have such a personalized touch (and great food) that I'd choose them over a lot of standard hotels any day! If you've never been to one before, there's no time like the present to book your first reservation. If you feel a little weird about going alone, don't. Many bed and breakfasts are so accommodating to us singles that they customize discounts so that we can keep a few dollars in our pockets.
Happy Valentine's Day, sis!
Happy Valentine's Day, sis!
Featured Image by Getty Images.
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RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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