There's no denying that Black women are making their mark in the wine industry. From Issa Rae's Viarae prosecco to the McBride Sisters' Black Girl Magic rosé, we're slowly but surely staking our claim in the multi-billion-dollar market. And while it's great that we are growing consumers and builders of wine brands, there's still a lot more work to be done when it comes to volume and representation.
With only 1% of wineries Black-owned, and only 12% women-owned, many enthusiasts, connoisseurs, activists, and entrepreneurs are rallying in a collective effort to not only diversify the representation of what it means to know, love, and consume wine but also how to fight the longstanding barriers of funding, access, discrimination, and cultural division that exist.
Angela McCrae, founder of the media platform Uncorked And Cultured, has turned her love for travel and wine into a major career pivot toward fulfillment and advocacy. "I actually got started in the wine business after a trip to South Africa in February 2020. A friend of mine scheduled wine tastings, and the very first we went to was a Black-woman-owned winery and vineyard called Seven Sisters," McCrae shared.
"I got a chance to meet the owner, as well as a woman who was working on transformation efforts within the South African wine industry to bring equity to Black wine producers. I was inspired."
Courtesy of Angela McCrae
Finding Her Wine Career Niche Within Challenges
Upon coming back to the U.S. and in the midst of the beginning of total global lockdown, McCrae, like millions of other women, began to strategize her next move. "I didn't know what was going to happen next with my career," she said. "I reached out to a friend of mine who I knew doing a lot of work in wine, and low and behold she was doing ambassador work through a very large production company based in Napa Valley. I became an ambassador and quickly started building my clientele."
At the time, she had been doing grassroots work on documentary projects to amplify Black culture, voices, and history. She'd also previously worked at NBCUniversal in creative production and found joy volunteering in the diversity and inclusion space, helping to push DE&I initiatives within the company's employee resource groups (ERGs). "I found my passion points with those experiences."
"Being resourceful, having an entrepreneurial spirit, building communities, having a background in content creation, and being fearless has been really helpful in the work I'm doing now."
She initially launched Uncorked And Cultured as a Facebook group where Black wine industry leaders, lovers, and producers could network before deciding to expand it to a full content site in 2020. "At the time, there weren't a lot of Black-owned publications that were amplifying what was happening in the movement from a holistic standpoint." Her platform is now part of the super-successful Black Owned Media Equity And Sustainability Institute (BOMESI) collective, an organization that she says was essential in the growth of her platform, affording her the opportunity to expand her in-house team and her audience.
McCrae also started working with Dr. Monique Bell, author of the "2023 Terroir Noir Report: Study of Black Wine Entrepreneurs," and partnered for the State of Black Wine Business Summit. "When the report came out, I knew as a media professional the value of data and the value of, when telling stories, having the numbers behind it." She and Bell collaborated to launch the Sip Consciously Directory, highlighting Black wine producers, distributors, and retailers.
Angela McCrae, director, and Chrishon Lampley, vice president, of the Association of African American Vintners, at WSWA Access Live conference in Orlando.
Courtesy of Angela McCrae
Leveling Up In The Wine Industry
While balancing the duties of her media platform and wine-related projects, she also serves as executive director of the Association of African American Vintners, a nonprofit that works to increase diversity in the industry, boost awareness of Black winemakers, and offer resources to students from underrepresented minority groups pursuing wine industry careers.
"It's been an interesting ride. I never would have imagined I'd be leading an organization helping women winemakers and wine professionals. Our organization was founded in 2002 with just four members, and now we have over 200." The organization is inclusive of Black winemakers and professionals as well as allies from diverse backgrounds who support the foundational mission.
"One of my biggest accomplishments as an executive director is developing a program called the AAAV Wine Entrepreneurial Grant. It's my baby because it allowed us to be able to give $5,000 to five entrepreneurs for the first time in the organization's history."
With the funds, McCrae added, the entrepreneurs selected could "slowly but intentionally scale their businesses," using the funds for vital business functions like hiring sales brokers to get their brands in stores, updating their websites or social media strategies, or upgrading their packaging for wine products.
Pushing For More Representation Of Black Women In Wine
For Black women who want to pursue careers in wine or launch wine brands, McCrae is all for exploration, research, and networking. "First thing you gotta do is drink the wine, and not just what's in the grocery stores. You gotta be a student of wine. Try what's new and unique, at different price points. Ask questions when you go into a wine shop or wine tasting. Take a few courses or even get a certification. I'm certified level 1 with the aspirations of going up to level 2 and possibly going beyond that. Wine education is needed, respected, and appreciated. People invest thousands of dollars and many years of their lives to be an expert in this field, so that's definitely a requirement."
She also recommends volunteering in order to get hands-on experience within wine companies, events, or other spaces where industry leaders are. "Most of our producers in this country are small, family-run businesses, and they can always use the help and support. Go to your local wineries and ask if you can work in their tasting room on a weekend. Show up and ask questions. Be available to meet and network."
McCrae even recently added yet another unique career experience to her plate: serving as an apprenticeship with Silver Oak Cellars, a leading California wine producer. Through the program, she's enjoying her own immersive experience in everything from marketing to the actual grape harvesting process.
And pursuing a career in the industry doesn't end with being a wine producer or brand entrepreneur. "Look into other ways to get into wine like the retail side, or most importantly, the distributor side because they're the gatekeepers," she added. "The more we're part of the distribution pipeline, and the more we diversify that, the more equity can potentially trickle down to make the wine brands be on par [with] what the consumers look like."
For more on Angela McCrae's journey in the wine industry, follow her on Instagram. You can also find news and other stories linking Black culture, entrepreneurship, and wine via Uncorked And Cultured.
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Featured image courtesy of Angela McCrae
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy