
Why Black Women Are Declaring Rest & Self-Preservation For The Next Four Years

It's been weeks since the election results have come in, and the resounding response of millions of Black women all over the country has been unequivocal: America, you're on your own. Exit polls showed that 92% of Black women voted for Kamala Harris, an even higher number than those who voted for Joe Biden in 2020.
It's clear that we showed up when it mattered most. But are we surprised? We always do our part; the rest of this country didn’t do theirs, and it’s not up to us to save y’all this time.
Yet, as the shadow of a Trump inauguration looms, Black women, myself included, have taken to social media to declare that whatever happens next, we won't be the leaders of any movements or causes because we did our part; it's time for the rest of America to do what our ancestors have done since the moment we were brought to this country - work.
Why Rest Is Needed
Black women are proclaiming the next four years as a time of rest and deep self-preservation, a contrast to the resilience we've demonstrated time and time again for the sake of the greater good and during this election process.
Our strength was evident in the monumental Win With Black Women Zoom call that saw over 44,000 (including myself and my mama) participants rally to raise more than 1.5 million dollars for Harris's campaign and in the endorsements from powerful figures like Oprah Winfrey, Angela Bassett, Kerry Washington, Viola Davis, and Beyoncé.
We showed up and showed out to win this election (like we did for Obama and Joe Biden) and still—we lost. So what's next? According to the sentiments of thousands of Black women online - we do what our mamas and grandmas used to do when we didn’t want to eat what they cooked for dinner: let them fend for themselves.
Our needs should be the first priority, and this election process has been traumatizing enough. The racial rhetoric that we’ve endured surrounding Kamala Harris and the questions of her race, qualifications, and overall worthiness have made it very clear that this country continues to not see us as good enough.
So let them navigate the next four years without us. By taking care of ourselves, we affirm our importance and contribute to our own resilience - leaving a legacy of radical self-care for the Black girls of today and the future to know that at this time in our nation's history, we took a unified stand of rest.
How Chronic Stress Impacts Black Women Differently
Studies have shown that chronic stress biologically ages Black women faster than white women in a process called weathering. The term was coined by Dr. Arline T. Geronimus, a public health researcher during her time at Princeton University in 1992 and in her book titled Weathering. Her findings show how marginalized communities are at a higher risk of the chronic stress that comes from living in a racist society.
Additionally, 2021 research on race-related stress shows that not only are Black women exposed to higher levels of chronic stress, but it can also affect our central nervous system, cognition and learning, immune system functions, cardiovascular systems, gastrointestinal complications, and overall mortality.
Speaking with experts regarding Black women's stance post-election, trauma therapist Ashley McGirt-Adair suggests that right now, she doesn’t recommend Black women do anything outside of rest. "During this time, Black women should embrace rest without guilt, engage in joyful activities, practice mindfulness and community care, celebrate your strengths, seek professional support, and lastly, play music and dance." She places emphasis on dance most of all, as our music and movement has long been a way to connect and embrace the joy that is our birthright.
McGirt-Adair also points to the women of the Black Panther Party, whose embodiment of joy and Black pride fueled their resilience. "When I watch videos of the Black Panther Party, I see their fists held high. Afros. All black and enjoying each other's Blackness. Too often, we equate Blackness with oppression, but it's joy, and that is what I think we should be doing. Resting and experiencing joy."
And as joy is our birthright, so is the right to push back against the idea that Black women exist to serve. Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our bodies, leading to serious health risks like hypertension and heart disease. Andrea Dalzell, RN, eloquently states, along with the knowledge that rest is a form of resistance, a nod to Tricia Hersey’s teachings through The Nap Ministry and her novel Rest is Resistance. “By prioritizing rest, Black women can continue leading, advocating, and uplifting from a place of resilience rather than depletion,” Dalzell says.
As Jasmine Johnson, an exercise psychologist and yoga instructor, emphasizes, rest is a fundamental need for survival, not just an option. It's a necessity, and we must reinforce within our community that it's perfectly acceptable to take a step back. "We can take our crowns off and rest," she urges, reminding us that attending to our well-being is paramount.
In this moment in history, whether you are, in the words of our illustrious Vice President Kamala Harris, rolling up your sleeves, or you’re taking the stance of rest is resistance, know that you deserve to prioritize yourself. Not just today, but every single day that matters because your life and overall wellness quite literally depend on it. We have been the backbone of movements and change, and now it's time to care for our minds, bodies, and spirits.
By prioritizing our needs, we can chart a new path forward to ensure rest is our birthright, and when (and if) we so choose to ready ourselves to lead the charge when the call comes again.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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You Don’t Have To Choose: How Black Women Can Care For Others Without Self-Sacrifice
One of the primary instructions we receive before a flight takes off is to prioritize putting on your life vest first if there’s an emergency, even before assisting others. It’s funny how this rule rarely translates to the daily routine of women.
As women we are taught, directly and indirectly, to put others first. Whether it’s our romantic partners, kids, parents, friends, or even our jobs. Mental health survivor and founder of Sista Afya Community Care, Camesha Jones-Brandon is challenging that narrative by using her platform to advocate for Black women and their right to self-care.
Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
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While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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