

While there are women on the frontlines of both the second wave of COVID-19 and protesting, these times are impacting more than just the medical and social impact fields. Mental health affects people young, old, tall, short, Black, white, or Indigenous. Placing our minds first is easier said than done, but it is imperative to remember that we cannot function physically, emotionally, or mentally without our brains.
No matter your work in the medical field, photography, styling, or modeling, these times are rough for any Black woman and may be enough to knock anyone to their knees, but these women stand tall and firm while being emotionally and mentally aligned with themselves first.
xoNecole caught up with a few women spread throughout various lines of occupations about managing and prioritizing their mental health, how recent events in Black America have impacted their careers, and the state of their mental health as a result.
Alysha P., Cinematographer/Producer and 1/5 of 'Black Girl Podcast'
Courtesy of Alysha P.
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
All companies are taking this time to do their due diligence and work from the inside out. I think that's extremely commendable if the intentions are pure. Very real and difficult conversations are being had across all industries. I am personally showing up in this moment by using my voice to advocate for us. My goal is to make sure we are heard, seen, respected and understood on all fronts.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
When the pandemic first broke loose, I had extreme anxiety. I had no idea it was anxiety until my therapist called it out in one of my sessions. In that moment, I knew I had to lean into the healing. I had to become still, patient and very compassionate with myself. I had to give myself grace. Once I was able to identify and contain the stress and anxiousness, a beautiful awakening started to bloom. I began to love me. I never imagined that I would find such peace and self-awareness healing through a time of absolute chaos and pain within the Black community. This peace has allowed me to become more efficient with all of the work that I do. My confidence is more apparent. I'm fearlessly advocating for what I believe in. My creative juices are overflowing. And quite frankly, I'm just getting things done.
I'm very grateful the world became still. It's allowed me to hear the noise and turn off the levels that no longer serve me. What I thought would break me down during this revolution is actually fueling my fire.
"I had to lean into the healing. I had to become still, patient and very compassionate with myself. I had to give myself grace. Once I was able to identify and contain the stress and anxiousness, a beautiful awakening started to bloom. I began to love me. I never imagined that I would find such peace and self-awareness healing through a time of absolute chaos and pain within the Black community."
How do you manage your mental health?
I manage my mental health by continuing to make sure I carve out 45 minutes a week to show up for myself via my sessions. Regardless of where I am or how I'm feeling, I make sure that I am prepared and ready for my session. I also do the work. A therapist doesn't magically heal you. You have to be willing to do the work. Whether it's journaling, taking time to process my session, cry, ride my bike, taking a beat or creating some content, I have made it my business to become more intentional with my time, space and those I let into my world. That's all part of healing. I also prioritize my needs first. That's new to me, something I've never really done before. I've learned how to set boundaries throughout every avenue of my life. It's literally changed me for the better. Protecting my peace, surrounding myself with people that genuinely love me and pouring love back into me that I once poured into others are the keys to my mental wellness journey.
Bre Johnson, Freelance Photographer for Bre Johnson Photography
Courtesy of Bre Johnson
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
As of now, I've been devoting my time to my photography passion and my line of work has been impacted positively by the recent events in America. Now more than ever, Black photographers are being sought after for their vision and voice and this is a perfect time for me to be active in the photography world and put my work out into the universe.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
At the start of the pandemic my mental health was spiraling. I found myself to be hopeless because I didn't have steady income coming in and my photography plans seemed pointless with social distancing. However, after talking with family/friends and listening to my daily affirmations, I bounced back and my mental health is more balanced than before. I now understand that I have full support from people who want to see me succeed and that pushes me to continue to capture our stories and emotions despite recent events.
How do you manage your mental health?
The best methods for me to manage my mental health is burning Palo Santo and reciting positive affirmations, listening to rags to riches stories on various podcast platforms, journaling my thoughts, a calming bath, burning candles, and just breathing, reminding myself that all is OK.
Tiyanna Washington, LMSW, Founder and CEO of Tspeaksnyc, LLC
Courtesy of Tiyanna Washington
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
I think now more than ever it's being recognized that there is a need for more therapists of color. I've had a lot more clients reaching out specifically seeking a culturally responsive mental health professional that can understand the racialized traumas that exist in communities of color. I've seen an increase of anxiety-based symptoms with my clients, [including] rapid heartbeat, trouble sleeping at night, persistent feelings of sadness, irritability, [and] headaches that have been directly tied to recent news and media coverage of Black men being killed and the overall state of being Black in America. Folks are actively looking for and seeking ways to process, manage and cope with their thoughts and feelings as it pertains to the profound impacts of racism we are collectively experiencing.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
I definitely find myself in a space of appreciating solitude a lot more. With recent events, for many of us, there's this need to want to be informed but sometimes it can feel overwhelming. There have been days when that overwhelming feeling has had a direct impact on my overall mood. [There's] this interesting parallel experience of witnessing what my clients are going through and very much being able to relate because I, too, am experiencing those similar feelings.
"With recent events, for many of us, there's this need to want to be informed but sometimes it can feel overwhelming. There have been days when that overwhelming feeling has had a direct impact on my overall mood. [There's] this interesting parallel experience of witnessing what my clients are going through and very much being able to relate because I, too, am experiencing those similar feelings."
How do you manage your mental health?
As a mental health professional, there's no textbook or manual that teaches you how to hold space for others during a global pandemic and a civil rights movement at the same time. In particular, for therapists of color, we are holding space for others in ways folks could not imagine. For me, finding quiet time during my day helps me to decompress. I'll silence my phone, won't schedule any sessions during that block of time and just allow myself to be. Meditation and music helps to lift my mood tremendously, so I am very intentional about setting aside time during my day to enjoy those very things that bring me peace and comfort.
Niani B., Hair Stylist and Founder of Beaute Anthologie
Courtesy of Niani B.
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
Conversations about racism in America have brought attention to how Black hair stylists in the industry are undervalued and overlooked. Black hair stylists have to work twice as hard for opportunities that reflect their skill level, even though there is a demand in the industry.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
It can be discouraging knowing that only a handful of Black hair stylists make it to where I want to be in the industry and this can sometimes be depressing, especially when I start to feel like all of my hard work still might not be enough to help me reach my goals - not because I'm not deserving. This can sometimes make me feel helpless.
How do you manage your mental health?
I usually do things that make me feel happy, self-care, which helps to keep me from feeling consumed by the negative impact racism has on my people around the world. Self-care for me does not look like a nail appointment [or] a massage, but instead [like] dance and music. If I'm feeling down, I turn on my favorite reggae [or] Afrobeat playlist and jam it out. I am also looking into finding a Black therapist to help me increase my ability to maintain my mental health, especially in today's climate.
Kaya Nova, Singer-songwriter, Founder of GROW/N, and Creative Consultant
Courtesy of Kaya Nova
How has your line of work as a singer, songwriter and creative been impacted by recent events in Black America?
It made me realize how important it is to continue to create space for other Black creatives to feel empowered by their own voices and share them. It also made me feel more responsible in the work that I do. I've always taken what I do seriously, but even more so I recognize how artists are servers of the community. It is our job to take these painful stories and amplify, process, and somehow create peace around them for our people. It's our job sometimes to communicate what is happening in the world to those who may not understand. It's a heavy job that I don't take lightly. And now I walk in that even more.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
I honestly am so used to dealing with so many things as a multidisciplinary in the industry, but I will say this is the first time I've felt true sadness and grief around what's happening. We've been hearing these stories for years now, and I don't think I ever knew how to make emotional space to feel them—so I went numb. But recently, I found grief taking over my body, I stepped away from work, I had to address some of the white clients I work with, there were days I cried, or didn't do anything at all. It took me a while to figure out how I can truly be helpful, but when I did it helped me reclaim some of my peace.
"I've always taken what I do seriously, but even more so I recognize how artists are servers of the community. It is our job to take these painful stories and amplify, process, and somehow create peace around them for our people. It's our job sometimes to communicate what is happening in the world to those who may not understand. It's a heavy job that I don't take lightly. And now I walk in that even more."
How do you manage your mental health?
I haven't shared this publicly yet, but I started anxiety medication about a month ago. One unique thing about anxiety is how it lingers in your body, and triggers other body trauma from your childhood and teen hood. There's things your mind can process that your body hasn't let go of, and I found myself feeling mentally "OK" but struggling with an anxious body—racing heart, body tension, agitation.
And now many of us find ourselves dealing with triggers both in our living situations with social distancing, and in our communities with violent racism, so anxiety is a very big issue. For my own coping, I take medication and also practice a daily routine, exercise, laugh, cry, unplug from social media when I need to, rely on my support system and be as gentle with me as I can while I continue to heal.
Elyse M. Love, MD, Dermatologist at Spring Street Dermatology
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
My work has become more fulfilling in the current climate. My clinic is full of Black faces, and we are all dealing with so much emotional trauma that we have buried. I feel lucky to be able to create a safe place for Black wellness, Black pride, and Black beauty. The ability to help Black people feel beautiful in this current climate feels a little like a superpower, mostly in that it recharges me to continue to read, listen, and speak.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
I am exhausted. I am in the early phase of building my career. When NYC Pause happened, I felt like I was running at full speed professionally and then hit a wall. In the coming weeks, as the realization of how COVID disproportionately affects minority communities became obvious, I was overwhelmed with anxiety for my family's safety and sorrow for my community. As I began to recover from that and began to create new ambitions for 2020, Ahmaud Arbery, Amy Cooper, and George Floyd hit the nation in a wave that has not stopped. I am doing my job and I am doing it well, but I am doing no more than that. I see my white colleagues who are building, and I'm honestly too tired to dream right now.
How do you manage your mental health?
It has been important for me to readjust my expectations for myself during this time. I have also given myself permission to rest and take a break. I know that on my off days, someone will step in to fill that spot, and I will do the same when it's someone else's time to rest. If I spend the day on the couch doing nothing, I say to myself "I needed that" instead of "I wasted that time."
J’na Jefferson - Music/Culture Writer and Staff Writer, The Root
Courtesy of J'na Jefferson
How has your line of work been impacted by recent events in Black America?
Considering The Root is all Black everything, I unfortunately can't get away from some of the more trying events in our community. Even though my beat is primarily entertainment and culture, it's all aligned, and sometimes, I cover hard news as well, which involves some pretty devastating reports. For the most part, not much has changed in my day-to-day operations, but the content itself has gotten a lot more serious. Because of that, our response to reporting and aggregating the content has to be razor sharp, clean, and well-thought, since we're getting more traffic to the site.
How has your mental health been impacted in relation to how recent events have affected your occupation/studies?
I'm a heavy empath, so my feelings regarding certain situations and topics are often manifested in my physical and emotional responses. For example, I was upset about Kobe and Gianna Bryant's death for at least three days, and couldn't sleep because of it. A similar phenomenon has occurred with the stories about Black lives being taken by police, even with all of the Black Lives Matter protests happening throughout the country. I've had trouble sleeping and am triggered by the news a lot, which as a news journalist, is a different kind of agony. Actually, a few weeks ago, I realized I had enough, and took the entire week off of work to unwind and get my mental well-being back in order. I went down to my home state of New Jersey, went swimming, saw a few friends and just relaxed. I rarely opened my computer or social media because I knew the bulk of my stress was from what I was seeing on the news and what I had to report on.
"I've had trouble sleeping and am triggered by the news a lot, which as a news journalist, is a different kind of agony. A few weeks ago, I realized I had enough, and took the entire week off of work to unwind and get my mental well-being back in order. I went down to my home state of New Jersey, went swimming, saw a few friends and just relaxed. I rarely opened my computer or social media because I knew the bulk of my stress was from what I was seeing on the news and what I had to report on."
How do you manage your mental health?
I've been a lot more on top of my mental health and how I respond to recent events in the news. I try to make sure to log off Twitter as soon as I'm finished writing, so I can rid my brain of the stuff that troubles me and the conversations that I don't need to be a part of for my own sanity. That's been extremely helpful to be (somewhat) out of the loop for a few hours of the day. I also do things that make me feel good, like go for walks, watch a little mindless TV, read, and FaceTime my friends. I've also met up with loved ones to do things like run errands or grab a small bite to eat, just to get out of the house and have a conversation with someone.
Featured image courtesy of Kaya Nova
Originally published on July 29, 2020
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Your July 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Reflection & Reclaiming Your Power
July is a month of reflection, trusting the process, and gathering your resources. July marks the beginning of Retrograde Season, and there is a lot to move through and understand this month. We enter the month in Cancer Season, and emotions are running high. This month is a reminder that when we can take a moment for a pause, reflect on all we have learned, and remain open to what is ahead of us, we can experience true peace today.
On July 4, we have Venus entering Gemini and Neptune going retrograde in Aries. Venus in Gemini brings an interesting dynamic to matters of love and creates an atmosphere of fun, flexibility, and communication in partnerships. Neptune going retrograde in Aries brings a sense of empowerment regarding reflection and contemplation, and guides us to ask ourselves the important questions. This Neptune retrograde is about getting clear on who you are or who you want to be, and about clearing any confusion in that.
July 2025 Astrology Overview
Uranus Enters Gemini
Uranus makes an important transit this month and enters Gemini on July 7 after being in Taurus since 2018. Uranus in Gemini is a wildcard, and anything can happen during this time. With Uranus being the planet of change, upheaval, and breakthrough, and Gemini being the sign of communication, there is a new opening appearing in life, especially regarding creative and business matters.
A few days later, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, grounding all the energy we have experienced the past month. This Full Moon is about creating space for more security, understanding, and purpose to enter your life, and to own your power in creating your dreams.
Saturn Goes Retrograde, Then Mercury
Saturn goes Retrograde on July 13 until November 27, and Saturn Retrograde brings a push towards growth, but also examines what has been restricting you from doing so. With Saturn currently in Aries, you may be feeling more challenged in standing up for yourself and your beliefs and owning your growth. It’s about reminding yourself how far you have come and knowing that things can get better for you at any moment.
A few days later, we have Mercury going retrograde in Leo, and this Mercury Retrograde is also feeling more personal. It’s about examining how you express yourself and live in your confidence, and overcoming miscommunication with others by showing up exactly as you are authentically.
Leo Season Begins, Chiron Goes Retrograde & Venus Enters Cancer
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, bringing more sunshine after the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Even though we are in Retrograde Season now, with the Sun in Leo, we find the power to overcome even the most trying times. On July 24, we have a New Moon in Leo, making this a powerful New Moon to set intentions for your inner power, creativity, hobbies, self-expression, and where you want to shine in life. Chiron goes retrograde on July 30, and Venus enters Cancer on the same day, and we leave July, entering a new door in love.
One that is more healing and passionate than before. Overall, July is a month of closure and one that is creating the new ground for more purpose, excitement, and love to grow. Keep reading for your Sun, Moon, and rising sign below to see what July has in store for you.
Jump to Your Sign
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A lot of things are brought to your attention this month, Aries. Neptune entered your sign this year for some time to come, and this month Neptune goes retrograde in Aries until the end of October. For you, this means you need some more time to process, understand yourself and your emotional world better, and you are clearing the fog. You are entering Retrograde Season with a deep inner clarity, but also an understanding that your healing doesn’t need to be rushed.
Mid-month, Saturn goes retrograde in Aries until September 1, and it’s important not to be hard on yourself right now. You have a strong urge to transform your life this month, but things may not be happening as quickly with the retrogrades in your sign. On July 30, Chiron also goes retrograde in Aries until 2026, and you end the month in introspection, with the need to take care of your health more. This month is a reminder that you can make plans, but divine timing will always have a say.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
July is a month of closure for you, Taurus. You begin the month with Uranus going retrograde in your 2nd house of income, and it’s a good time to prepare for a rainy day. Uranus is going to be shifting the dynamics in your life when it comes to your financial investments, earnings, and sense of stability, and it’s time to open your mind to what is possible for you and your abundance in life. You are learning to be fearless when it comes to owning your authenticity, and knowing that who you are is unique and worthy of love.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon happening in your 9th house, creating an opportunity for travel plans to follow through, or you just feeling more adventurous in general. Mid-month is about letting go of old belief systems that don’t resonate with your heart, and clearing the way for the new to be built in your life. You end the month with Chiron retrograde in your 12th house of endings, and you are learning through what is transforming in your life.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are a powerhouse this month, Gemini. This is a month of achievement, success, and growing more deeply into your power. We begin the month with Venus entering your sign from July 4 until July 30, and love is taking you to new heights. This is a good month for making relationship developments, and for being received well. You are growing in your inner confidence and self-love, and this is creating more harmony in your partnerships as well.
One of the most important astrological transits of the year happens for you this month, and that is Uranus entering your sign on July 7, where it will remain until 2033. With Uranus now being in your sign, you are entering a journey of freedom, rebellion, self-expression, breakthrough, and immense change. You are dancing to the beat of your own drum and will be surprising others by how much life changes for you over the next eight or so years. We end the month with Mercury going retrograde in your 3rd house of communication, remember to think things through as you close out the month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
July is a month of communication, creativity, and self-expression, Cancer. Cancer Season is here for you, and you are moving through the month claiming your power, speaking from the heart, and balancing your needs with others’ needs in your life. The Full Moon of the month on July 10 is your opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing you down in your close partnerships, and to create room for more stable, committed, and fulfilling love to enter.
On July 24, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be happening in your 2nd house of income, abundance, and self-worth. You are evaluating how you want to show up and ask for what you need, and are preparing for a financial breakthrough. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your financial world and to see new ways to create a stronger foundation for yourself here. We end the month with Venus entering your sign from July 30 until August 25, and love feels a little more intense, passionate, and purposeful now.
Your guidance for the month overall is to know that you are the magnet for the things you want in your life, and that you have the power to rise above and claim them.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Joy is what this month is about for you, Leo. You are entering a fulfilling time in your life, where everything comes together for you better than you have ever imagined it to. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign this month from July 18 - August 11, but it’s not stopping you from enjoying your life and living out your truth. You are moving through this Retrograde fearlessly and learning more about yourself in the process.
Leo Season officially begins on July 18, and it’s your time to shine your light, Leo. With the Sun in Leo, you feel like your authentic self is being recognized and loved, and you are healing from a space of feeling like you have to do it all alone. A few days later, we have a Leo New Moon on July 24, and this is the time to set your intentions for your future and for how you want to show up in the world moving forward. July is your month of fulfillment through growth, compassion, and community, and for feeling like you have everything you need.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
July is all about perspective, Virgo. You are getting inspired this month, creating new plans for your life, and owning an adventurous side to yourself. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations for most of the month, July is a great time to manifest your dreams and to feel more powerful in creating your reality. Some Virgos could be traveling this month and seeing previous plans through, and you are gaining clarity on a lot of aspects of your life by doing things in a new way right now.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month and will be retrograding through an area of your life that has to do with healing, closure, spirituality, and your dream world. Pay attention to the messages you are receiving during this time, because they are guiding you towards your healing and personal empowerment. The New Moon on July 24 will also be highlighting your need to close one chapter of your life and begin another, and you are closing out the month with a new perspective in your heart and soul.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
This is a month of fulfillment for you, Libra. A lot of things are falling into place for you in July, and you are owning your freedom and independence right now. Uranus enters your 9th house of travel at the beginning of the month, and you are entering a new journey in your life where you do things in your own way and when you break free of the status quo. You are growing so much mentally this year, and July is when the work you have done internally is being reflected externally.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home, family, stability, and emotional harmony, and you are finding your balance. This is a Full Moon of forgiveness, and one where you are recognizing the power in self-care and taking care of your inner world. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Leo, and you are seeing a breakthrough happen within your friendships, community, and support system. You have some exciting opportunities coming your way this month, and you are living life in your own way and on your own terms.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
July is about protecting your energy, Scorpio. You have been setting your intentions and creating the life you dream of, and it’s important to create boundaries from those who don’t understand your vision or support you right now. With Uranus moving out of your 7th house of love and entering your 8th house of transformation, after changing things up in your relationships for the past eight years, you are ready to break free from old pain, experiences, or uneasiness in love.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on July 18, and will be retrograde in your house of career. This is the time to take a step back, go over your goals, and give life time to catch up to your dreams. The New Moon on July 24 will be activating this same area of your life, and you are getting glimpses of what is possible for you and your sense of success as you end the month. Overall, your main message this month is to not give up on who you are and what you are building towards, and to know that you are on the right path.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This is a powerful month of growth for you, Sagittarius. You have the Midas Touch, and you are creating abundance in your life. With Venus and Uranus moving into your 7th house of love, partnership, harmony, and wealth, there are a lot of new opportunities coming your way right now. You are someone who is out-of-the-box and does things their own way, and this energy is serving you well right now and making you a magnet for new opportunities to enter your life.
Mid-month, we have a Full Moon in your 2nd house of abundance and self-worth, and you are feeling more appreciation and value in your life. Previous financial intentions and plans are coming to fruition for you now, and you are ready to let go of the self-doubt of it all. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this New Moon is asking you to take more creative risks and to trust that you are on the right path, even if it looks different than others. If it feels right for you, it probably is, Sag.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Everything comes to fruition for you this month, Capricorn. July is your month of achievement, closure, and claiming your power, and you are doing so confidently. The Sun is in your house of love and partnership for most of the month, and July creates a space of happiness and commitment within your close relationships. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, and life comes full circle for you. Everything you have been building in your life over the past year is being reflected to you now, and you are feeling a lot of gratitude for where life is today.
Mid-month, your ruling planet Saturn, goes retrograde, and this is shifting the energy in the home. Whatever dynamics that have felt a little shaky for you in the home or with family are being addressed now, and you are learning the importance of healing your inner world and doing the work internally. With a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation to end the month, you are getting a little more vulnerable in July, and it’s surprising others, but even yourself. This is your month of closing one door in your life in peace, and seeing a new one bloom in the process.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
July is about taking things slow and thinking things through, Aquarius. Relationship dynamics in your life could be causing some challenges or confusion, and it’s best to choose your battles wisely right now. With the Sun in your house of health and daily rituals for most of the month, it’s important to take care of your well-being before you try to fix anything else. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of healing, closure, and spirituality, and this is a good time to reflect on everything you want to let go of in your life right now and what you no longer want to carry forward with you into your new beginnings.
Saturn, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde in your house of communication this month, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning about the power of your words. Make sure you are only speaking of things you want to bring forth into existence, and be careful with jumping to assumptions right now. Before the month ends, Mercury goes Retrograde in your 7th house of love, and your heart is seeking forgiveness. Know that you can find clarity during this time by being honest with yourself and your heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
There is a lot to process this month, and your mind is healing, Pisces. July is your month of overcoming past challenges and letting go of habits and routines that don’t serve you in the long run. Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde this month, and will be bringing your attention to your values and income world during this time. This transit is allowing you to gain clarity on your financial reality, establish greater self-worth and confidence, and get inspired by what is possible for you and your sense of abundance in life.
On July 18, Mercury goes retrograde in your 6th house of health, and you are ready to let go of the daily rituals or working routines that have been limiting your personal growth in some way. It’s time to examine what your body, mind, and soul are asking for right now, and to have the power to let go of what doesn’t resonate with your overall well-being. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 2nd house as well, joining Neptune, and there is a lot of healing to be done this month.
You are being asked to see yourself as a powerful, worthy, and loved being you are, and to know that you deserve to feel good about your life and to feel secure in what you are building for yourself and your future.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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