Affirmations have the power to change everything around you if you just believe. With your words, you can immediately tap into a new belief system that can shift your life like never before. Creative director J. Ivory is a self-proclaimed Affirmations Queen who is known for being a visual storyteller and manifesting the life God has for her. In doing so, she has learned there is so much power in words and even more so in spoken words.
“The words we speak can either hurt us or heal us. I believe that your words are the most powerful weapon that our humanity has. Believe it or not, you are the very result of the words you have spoken over your life. Positive words have the power to change your life," she told xoNecole.
When it comes to manifesting your destiny, J. Ivory proclaims that you should think of affirmations as the pathway in which you want your actions to go. “You manifest affirmations best by doing the work and some of it is really hard work. I often tell my clients, 'If you see it, you can have it.' Visualize and write out how you see your highest/best self and start showing up as that person every day. Get to know the person you want to become. Be specific. What do they eat? How do they dress?” she asked. J. Ivory went on to say, “What books are they reading? If the person you want to become is financially free and wealthy, and that’s what you are affirming, then you need to ask yourself, 'How does my current spending habits and mindset align with the wealthy and financially-free person I want to become? What are some changes I can make today that I can be consistent at that will get me closer to my desired outcome?'"
Above all, she wanted to make sure folks realize that affirming the life you deserve calls for you to be unafraid of the specifics. “Sometimes, I find that people think that affirmations are some type of magic trick.” One thing to take away from J. Ivory's knowledge about affirmations is the importance of your actions aligning with your words.
In 2023, we want to be intentional about how we speak in every way. Since being about the action is a part of the beauty of manifesting affirmations, we rounded up 23 women to share the biggest affirmation they are speaking over themselves this year. Here’s what they had to say.
Tasha McCaskiel, Social Media Strategist and Creator of Black Girls in Media
@tashjmackk
Courtesy of Tasha McCaskiel
"I affirm a new and long-lasting love because 2022 was such a self-love year for me, and it was great. I also thrived professionally. [This] year I affirm room for a lifelong romantic partner! God has plans to prosper me, not to harm."
Terrica M. Wright, Founder and Co-Owner of The High Esteem Society
@terricatalks
Courtesy of Terrica M. Wright
"I give myself permission to be all that God has called me to be. An affirmation that got me through 2022 was 'Know who you are and whose you are.'"
Kimberlee Ward, CEO and Founder of Eternal Balance Candles
@theekward
Courtesy of Kimberlee Ward
"I am enough and worthy of the life I desire. I am speaking this affirmation over 2023 because this is the year to not only sit in a place of healing but recognize I deserve to enjoy and revel in what is on the other side of that healing. I want my awareness of what I know to be possible to expand toward the life I desire. I do not intend to act small or be small in my wants.
"As a 31-year-old Black woman, I deserve to have the luxuries of life and for my business, Eternal Balance Candles to become a six-figure business. I am speaking this affirmation over my life in 2023 to let myself know that I am enough and I can be in a place where I am thriving and not just surviving. I want myself to know that the survival mode I have been in served a purpose, to thank my physical body and mind for the changes it made through the hardships, and for me to know now is the time to shine being authentically me."
Mercedes Matthews, Meditation Instructor
@mercedesm7
Courtesy of Mercedes Matthews
“'It’s not what it cost, it’s what it’s worth.' This is my affirmation for 2023 because it reminds me to get comfortable making investments in my life that bring ease. The affirmation that got me through 2022 is 'Here I am, so here I’ll be.' A gentle reminder to be completely present in every moment possible."
Rechelle Dennis, ESSENCE Girls United Lead
@YungChelly
Courtesy of Rechelle Dennis
"'Take more fucking risks and love being uncomfortable!' It is important not to fear the power that resides within you. Find allies and people who can help you harvest your talents. How can you grow to the best that you can be without optimistically facing the unknown? 'Believe in yourself' is the corniest phrase known to mankind but it really got me through 2022. If you don’t believe in yourself and who you are, you can’t expect anyone else to. Everything starts within."
Kimberly Ndubizu, Founder and Host, Rich Little Brokegirls
@sliimkim
Courtesy of Kimberly Ndubizu
"'There are no limits to what women can achieve because there are no bounds to what women can dream.' For years women have slept the wildest dreams— today we are rested, determined, and will stop at nothing to see them true. Never doubt your intuition, it knows exactly where you are meant to be."
Rocquelle Porch, Podcaster of Black Style Anecdotes and Content Creator
@considermelovely
Courtesy of Rocquelle Porch
"'I can do hard things!' There are some things I want to accomplish in 2023, financially, professionally, and creatively. Doing so won’t be easy…requiring some sacrifice and grit, so I will be reminding myself of this daily, as I strive to reach my goals. The grass is green wherever I am."
Chasity Hart, Theater Teacher, Singer and Actress
@Iamchasityhart
Courtesy of Chasity Hart
"'Weight doesn’t determine my worth. Even if I’m afraid, I will do it. If I can dream it, I can have it. No one is me, and that is my power. I will thrive outside of my comfort zone. I will face resistance with action and faith. I am not what I’ve been through. I am who God made me.'"
Rasheda Crockett, Actress
@RashedaCrockett
Courtesy of Rasheda Crockett
"'God loves me and in love there’s no fear.' 'All things are possible' was the affirmation that got me through 2022."
Cashmiyr, Mompreneur
@cashthecre8tve
Courtesy of Cashmiyr
"'My intuition is clear and powerful.' 2022 was an extremely transformative year for me. Through the difficulties I’ve faced I came to realize that when I challenged or ignored my inner voice, I struggled the most. Fortunately, with the help of these lessons, I’ve arrived at a place where I don’t dare question the power of my intuition or the validity of my experiences. I know and feel that implementing this affirmation into my life will be incredibly beneficial, and I’m looking forward to meeting the woman I’ll be this time next year because of it. I believe in my strength and in life’s generosity."
Roberta Tabb, Digital Designer and Author
@therobertashow
Courtesy of Roberta Tabb
"I am only getting better. If I want it, I will get it. Last year’s mantra was, 'I am wealthy, emotionally, mentally and financially.'”
Kenniqua Howell, Content Creator, Storyteller and Social Strategist
@kenniquamona
Courtesy of Kenniqua Howell
"'I am worthy of all the good life has to offer, and I will continue to climb higher because there are no limits to what I can achieve.' Why? I’m so quick to question why I receive good things and in 2023, I am stepping into my full potential. I am no longer allowing people, things, jobs, etc. decide what I am capable of. In 2023, I am ready to wow myself and show myself that I am my wildest dreams and can achieve so much more than I think. I am no longer doubting myself, getting everything I deserve, and accepting every single thing… because I am worthy of it all."
Jennifer Francis-Smikle, Digital Media Strategist and Video Production
@MySpicedLife
Courtesy of Jennifer Francis-Smikle
"'I choose joy.' I want to do things that make me happy, make me smart and also serve ME. Oftentimes, I noticed that we are doing things to make others happy or doing things that will cause the least amount of turmoil with others. I am on the path to changing that for 2023. I celebrate all wins, big and small."
Daphine Bush, Influencer
@Simplydaph
Courtesy of Daphine Bush
"'I have the nature of love. All that I encounter will flourish in love.' This is my mantra this upcoming year because [the] God I love can and will empower us to lead our lives with love. We can spread love, walk in love, and abide in love despite what we experience and this new year, I’m always determined to love others and myself with the love of God. Last year's affirmation was, 'Be intentional.' I was determined to be intentional in all things. I was focused on my family, on my health, and on my relationship with God."
Shanika Graham-White, Content Creator and Cookbook Author
@orchidsnsweettea_
Courtesy of Shanika Graham-White
"'My year of restoration is unfolding. Every seed that was planted shall harvest in every form of my life.' This is what I'll be speaking over 2023 because it reminds me that my sowing in faith, perseverance, and patience will all reap something plentiful beyond what I could ask or think. 2022’s mantra was, 'Just keep going. Persevere, be consistent, and remain focused.'"
Bethany Everett-Ratcliffe, Content Creator
@twentysomethingplus
Courtesy of Bethany Everett-Ratcliffe
"I am worthy of all that comes my way. I don’t want to doubt any of my blessings. What I’ve hoped and prayed for is rightfully mine. Show me how good it can get."
Abigail Ogun, Digital Marketer and Travel Creator
@ladiestakenotes
Courtesy of Abigail Ogun
"2023 is a year of intentional growth and execution. I say this because I've spent a lot of time learning more about the content creator industry and how to turn it into a profitable business, as well as testing different methods to see what works for me and my audience. In 2023, I'm excited to jump into the deep end, implement everything I've learned and grow into my goals. I will take life as it comes and see the lessons in everything."
Marie Zoumanigui, Actress and Content Creator
@PetiteMarieNyc
Courtesy of Marie Zoumanigui
"'My thoughts become my reality.' I did a lot of trusting my abilities in 2022, it’s time for me to believe those abilities will get me to where I want to be as long as I keep working on them and putting the work in. 'I trust in my abilities' helped me get through 2022."
Tanisha Cherry, Influencer and Content Creator
@tanisha.cherry
Courtesy of Tanisha Cherry
"'My ambition and drive for success are balanced, healthy and in alignment with my highest good.' I'm dedicating 2023 to being locked into accomplishing the goals that will get me to that next level professionally. But at the same time, I am going to do it by remaining true to who I am and trusting my intuition along the way. Around the middle of 2022, I found myself being sad about not showing up for myself the way I need to and not having a support system to lean into. During these times, I had to remind myself that although I am feeling this, I am going to be okay."
Devana Turner, Technical Recruiter and Content Creator
@devanaturner
Courtesy of Devana Turner
"Nothing is more important than my mental and physical health. I will say no and say no often. No matter what your intentions are, take accountability for the impact."
Anita Aloys, Digital Content Creator
@auneetuh
Courtesy of Anita Aloys
"'I can accomplish everything I set out to achieve because fear is not a trait of a bad bitch.' This affirmation is so important to me because my goals for 2023 are huge and a little scary but I am determined to face them fearlessly as I'd love 2023 to be my best year yet! In 2022, I affirmed, 'I am receiving everything I deserve and the universe is aligning for my good!'"
Melissa Chanel Carnegie, Entrepreneur and Content Creator
@melissachanel
Courtesy of Melissa Chanel
"'I’m only going to get better!' I saved an Issa Rae TikTok this summer and it has stuck with me! [This] a reminder of where I’ve been and if I continue being my best self, I’m only going to get better! 2022 taught me that asking for help is a sign of self-respect and self-awareness. Asking for help has always been hard for me! This year I was able to practice and understand that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. This affirmation helped me with that!"
Klarke Foreman, Model, Graphic Designer and Business Owner
@kweenklarke
Courtesy of Klarke Foreman
"'I can do hard things.' Adulting, pursuing a dream, nurturing relationships, and establishing healthier habits internally and externally are all challenging (and that's just to name a few). But what's even harder is staying the same. I am choosing my hard, especially if it's for the betterment of myself. The affirmation that got me through 2022 was 'I am conquering my fears and becoming stronger each day.'"
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Featured image courtesy of Marie Zoumanigui
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She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
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While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
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For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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It’s what I said next that tripped her right on out, though: “I guess that means that you hate the missionary position too because, I mean, lying on your back and opening up your legs in order for a man to enter inside of you? Not sure it gets much more vulnerable than that.” Her response? “Well damn. Touché.”
Ain’t it though? And here’s the thing, if you’ve ever wondered what the origin story of the classic missionary position is, according to some long-standing lore, it’s not too far off from what I said. That’s why, if you keep reading, I’ll attempt to fully explain what I mean when I say that, along with why, no matter what you think about where the name of the position actually came from, the missionary continues to be a supreme sexual go-to…for oh so many super valid different reasons.
If the Position Sounds Like What You Think, There’s a Reason for That
GiphyBack when I toured with an organization that got people out of porn and sex addiction, they put out a documentary about them called Missionary Position. Because it was a Christian-based group, it was definitely meant to be a pun.
I say this because, according to urban legend, the missionary position came from Christian missionaries who believed that getting into that position was the “proper” way to have sex. Is there Scripture to support this? No.
At the same time, though, because there are Scriptures that speak to sex being designed for marriage (I Corinthians 6) and husbands needing to lead their wives as their wife submits to her husband (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22, Titus 2:5) — many conservative biblical thinkers believe that the position complements, if not straight-up amplifies, all of this.
Personally, while none of what I just shared sounds totally outlandish, I must admit that I definitely would like to see a chapter and verse that confirms any of this (as far as the missionary position goes) to be true. I tend to check out Scripture a lot and…I haven’t seen it yet. Just sayin’.
Then There’s Another Theory…
GiphyOkay, but what about the people who don’t have Christian and/or conservative sexual views? Many of them also partake of the good ole’ fashioned missionary position, so…where do they think that the term comes from? Good question. From what I’ve read and researched, outside of a Scriptural realm, many consider missionary to be a type of “vanilla sex.” I evenread one article that said it’s for couples who are either so in love that they want to look at each other in the eyes all of the time (yeah, bookmark that) or are too lazy to try anything else (hmm…).
On a more scientific tip, theKinsey Institute has its own perspective. Although Alfred (Kinsey) did acknowledge that the tale of Indigenous people learning about the missionary position came from actual missionaries, once the sexual revolution began to pick up steam, many found the story to be ludicrous at best. Not only that but another semi-popular spin is that the Indigenous people of a certain time were not learning about sex from white missionaries via the missionary position; by using the term, they were actually mocking them for thinking that was the best way to have sex.
Some even "despise[d] the European position and consider[ed] it unpractical and improper." Some natives also believed that anyone who felt like sex should be that way, actually didn’t know how to have “effective intercourse.”
Listen, I’ll say this: whether you believe that the missionary position actually came from missionaries or that the term was an inside joke amongst the individuals who the missionaries called themselves trying to minister to — I think that if there are two things that we all can agree on, it’s that 1) the missionary position is definitely an all-time classic and 2) it’s not going anywhere any time soon.
And honestly, since one definition of a missionary is simply “someone who is on a mission”…no matter which theory floats your boat, what possibly could be wrong with that? Besides, I’ve got some pretty solid reasons for why the missionary position deserves its flowers…regardless.
5 Solid Reasons Why the Missionary Position Reigns Supreme. STILL.
GiphyAgain, whether you like the name or not — shoot, whether it’s your immediate go-to position or not, take a moment to read why you definitely shouldn’t rule the missionary position out or simply chalk it up to some…vanilla sex (geeze).
1. Yes, eye contact is important. Positions that don’t call for eye contact have their benefits (doggy style comes to mind). However, don’t sleep on the fact that eye contact helps you to deeply connect with your partner, puts you in a better mood, increases arousal, and helps you to trust your partner more. If you take all of this into account, if you want to experience a deeply passionate sexual experience, why wouldn’t you choose a sexual position that has eye contact involved?
2. You can get maximum skin contact. When two people are fully naked and engaged in sexual activity, yes, they are going to experience plenty of skin-to-skin contact. That said, when someone is literally lying on top of someone else, it doesn’t physically get much closer than that —and the more that happens, the safer and less stressed you feel. Plus, that makes it easier for your oxytocin levels to surge which causes you to bond with your partner all the more.
3. It hits all spots. This point, I mean quite literally (andy’all can argue with science if you disagree). When it comes to making it easier to stimulate a woman’s clitoris and hit her G-spot which increases her chances of climaxing, the missionary position earns first place (especially if you have a pillow underneath your butt). Although the positioning itself plays a huge role, I’d venture to say that the other stuff that we already touched on helps with this too. Anyway, how cana position that gives more orgasms than other ones be considered “boring”? How indeed, y’all?
4. The variations are virtually endless. I think something that should go on record — not just when it comes to the missionary position but all sexual ones — is there are tweaks and “upgrades” that you can give to them all. For instance, shout out to Men’s Health for their article, “18 Missionary Sex Positions That Put a Fun Spin on the Classic Move.” It contains illustrations ‘n all of some real winners. Take a look. Prove me wrong.
5. C’mon, it’s comfortable. Uh-huh. Whoever the hater was who said that only lazy people engage in missionary sex, I’m going to swap out “lazy” for comfortable. When you’re tired or parts of your body are sore or not as flexible as you would like, the missionary position can definitely get you what you need without you having to stress yourself out in the process. To me, that doesn’t seem lazy so much as smart.
___
Personally, I found the potential origin stories of the missionary position to be interesting. At the same time, it didn’t really influence me one way or another. At the end of the day, I’m always gonna be a fan of it. I mean, after all I just said, it would be silly (and counterproductive) not to be.
So-called vanilla sex or not, chile.
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