Charge it to my daddy when I say that I adore accumulating random bits of information. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to look around to see what movies had anniversaries this year (you know, being that 2000 was the end of a millennium and all; you can verify that it was the end and not the beginning here and here). Anyway, I was already trippin' when I saw that, in 2020, movies like Inception and The Social Network are 10; Crash, Hustle & Flow and The 40-Year-Old Virgin are 15; Love & Basketball, Bring It On and Bamboozled are 20, and Bad Boys, Braveheart, Clueless, Devil in a Blue Dress, The Usual Suspects, Seven, Toy Story and Friday (its official anniversary is actually Sunday, April 26) are all 25. What in the world?!
As I kept going down the rabbit hole of entertainment nostalgia, what caught me totally off guard was the fact that on September 11, 2000, the very first episode of Girlfriends premiered.
Girlfriends. I mean, that fact threw me so much that I actually went to some of the cast member's social media pages, just to make sure that Google wasn't trippin'. It wasn't.
Wow. Just wow. Back in 2000, I was 25 (26, by the time of the actual premiere date). Matter of fact, I didn't even start watching Girlfriends until I was like 28-29. It started out because people would tell me that I reminded them of Toni on the show. Yeah, I didn't believe that either until one day, back when I was on social media, Facebook had a day when we all were supposed to put up our celebrity doppelgänger. I posted a picture of Jill Marie Jones (who played Toni Childs on the show) with short hair. No one noticed that it wasn't me for two weeks (hilarious).
Anyway, that's just one of the many things that makes me smile when I think back to the sitcom that featured four women doing their thing in Los Angeles. Like so many other Black shows, Girlfriends paved the way and set the tone, on so many levels.
Black-ish Season 6 "Girlfriends Reunion" Featurettewww.youtube.com
I remember last year, back when Joan, Mya, Toni and Lynn made an appearance on Black-ish. As they were doing their press tour for it, the cast addressed two questions that a lot of us have had for years. One, no Jill Marie did not fall out with everyone else when she left the show; she simply wanted to move on and that happened to be the season before Girlfriends came to an end.
And two, just like when it came to Living Single (and I want to say the "spin-off" from Girlfriends, The Game as well), they didn't get a proper series finale. The final episode was "Stand and Deliver", where Joan read a letter to her fiancé Aaron's class, letting him know that he was coming home from his stint in Iraq. (Yes, ya'll. The CW totally left us hangin'.)
In a particular article I read that referenced all of this, Tracee Ellis Ross said that, in regards to a reboot, that would probably be unrealistic, but the cast was open to doing a movie:
"People will literally come up to us and say, 'Why don't you guys get on Netflix,' but what they don't realize is we literally have no power over that. We weren't executive producers or showrunners, we were just actresses, so we have no say in none of that."
So that gave me an idea. Rather than wait until the fall to write a piece celebrating the show's 20-year anniversary, I thought it would be a good idea to get this out now. For one thing, it'll give us five months to (hopefully) create a buzz that just might get Netflix (or somebody) to take seriously that, not only is a Girlfriends movie something that we want but it's something that the creator (Mara Brock Akil) and cast truly deserve. And secondly, it gives me the opportunity to do a little dreaming in the meantime about what I think life for the ladies would actually look like right now. Are you ready to brainstorm a bit with me?
Joan Carol Clayton (Tracee Ellis Ross)
I'm gonna be honest. A part of me wonders if the writer who created Joan Clayton drew their inspiration from Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & the City. They both were accomplished, they both were one who others went to for advice and they both were pretty erratic and intense; especially when it came to their own matters of the heart. Anyway, anyone who watched even a season of Girlfriends knows that, at the end of the day, what Joan wanted more than anything was a HUSBAND (that's in all caps on purpose) and children. Although I think that my favorite boyfriend of hers was actually Brock (played by Malik Yoba), while the one who I believe brought out the absolute worst in her was Ellis (played by Adrian Lester), I get why she ended up with Aaron (played by Richard T. Jones). One day, I'm gonna write a piece on here about the difference between choosing a man who is good to you vs. choosing a man who is good for you. Brock was probably the former and Aaron was the latter.
That said, in my mind, Aaron did come back and they did get married. Joan had the wedding of her dreams although maturity brought her to a place of wanting to marry the groom more than the actual wedding (if you catch my drift). She did get pregnant and have a child of her own, but she and Aaron also decided to adopt a couple of other kids (not babies but youth).
The house that they renovated, they turned into a home for underprivileged Black youth and with Joan's law degree, she started a non-profit for Black kids as well. Oh, and even though she and Toni did fall out, 20 years brought forth some healing and Toni is actually the godmother to one of Joan's little ones. In fact, all of Joan's girlfriends are.
Mya Denise Wilkes (Golden Brooks)
Mya, boy. First, let's address another question that I always had, that I recently looked up. Some of you might recall that, during the first season, her husband Darnell was actually played by Flex Alexander. Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, fine ass Khalil Kain filled the role. From what I read, Flex left, not due to any bad blood, but because he got a lead role in One on One (I think her son, Jabari might've changed from Tanner Scott Richards to Kendre Berry simply because they needed someone much older in a shorter period of time).
With that out of the way, one of my favorite storylines for Mya was when she had an emotional affair (including a kiss where her lip got bit while she tasted pieces of pickles) with Stan (played by Don Franklin). It ultimately cost Mya her marriage, and also caused her to grow up a bit. Since I'm a marriage life coach whose niche is reconciling divorces, I dig that she and Darnell ended up getting married again and making things work.
By now, I'm thinking that Mya has turned a couple of her books into movies (even though she would probably prefer a one-woman show), she had a baby girl and she's also a grandmother. What? It is 20 years later, which means that Jabari would be what—mid-30s at this point? Darnell runs a franchise auto shop business with Peanut 'n them while Mya has an assistant who is just as sneaky, shady and late to work as she was.
Lynn Ann Searcy (Persia White)
I got my start as a writer by being a house poet at a local venue here in Nashville. So, I was aware of the spoken word artist Saul Williams for a while and was thrilled when he played Lynn's man Savid on the show (fun fact: Saul and Persia were actually married in real life, once upon a time).
Even though Vasco (played by John L. Adams) and Lynn probably had the most endearing relationship, in my mind, she and Savid found their way back to each other once Lynn actually found more than sex to keep her happy—or at least, focused (although I doubt she's married; she probably had a commitment ceremony on a beach in Bali, tatted some rings on her finger and called it a day).
These days, it's not uncommon to see her at Sundance festivals whenever she's not public speaking at universities across the country. And while Lynn still sings, she has finally found the beauty and benefits in not always mooching off of other people. So, she writes more than she performs so that she can collect that publishing check. She does still live in Joan's old house. Only difference is that now, the deed is actually in her name. She's hardly ever in it, though because she's always getting new stamps on her passport. Oh, and she has her own sex toy line. It too is called Indigo Sky (diehard fans will know why I threw the "too" in there).
Antoinette Marie Childress Garrett (Jill Marie Jones)
Toni. Before there was Molly (on Insecure), there was Toni Childs. Both women are chocolate and beautiful. Both women are super accomplished. Both women are fun to be around. And, both women are self-absorbed and semi-petty as all get out. By now, Toni and Dr. Todd Garrett's daughter, Morgan is (wow) in college herself.
Although Toni never saw it coming, she is quite the helicopter mom, and so she actually first moved from New York to Atlanta while Morgan attended her first year at Spelman. But since Toni is now a business consultant, she can pretty much live anywhere. So, she spends time in three places—New York, Los Angeles and Atlanta. She and Dr. Garrett peacefully co-parented, but she came to the conclusion a long time ago that marriage isn't really her thing. That doesn't mean she isn't seeing anyone, though.
Believe it or not, for a couple of years, she and my favorite boyfriend of hers, Greg (played by Chuma Gault) got back together; they still rendezvous from time to time. While he's always been the man who has had the most of her heart, for now, Toni enjoys not sharing, spending all of her money with no accountability and spending time with her girlfriends. Being a mom has brought some balance and perspective, so she does anonymously give to others, including to Joan's non-profit every year. She has no intention of ever letting Joan know that, though.
William Jerome Dent (Reggie Hayes)
Who didn't adore William? Now his choices in women were another story. Monica Charles Brooks-Dent (played by Keesha Sharp) couldn't have been more pretentious (I'm thinking that she's now a housewife on a reality series somewhere). Before her, there was the cop, Yvonne Blackwell (played by Cee Cee Michaela) who left him at the altar. Although he and Joan tried to make it work, I thought it was super realistic that the love was there, but the sex was wack. It's a reminder that sometimes platonic love is all that's meant to be between a man and a woman—and that's totally OK.
Yeah, William's love resume had much to be desired (remember when he and Lynn were cutty buddies and then had the nerve to get married? Uh-uh). Bless his heart.
While I secretly wish that he and Donna (played by Jill Scott) got back together, for some reason, I feel like William is still enjoying the bachelor life, even now. He's still a lawyer but he runs his own firm. He's still super tight with his nephew-son (who interns for him during the summertime), and he still has dinner with the girls on a consistent basis. He's actually godfather to one of Joan's children too.
I know. A lot of this sounds super idealistic, but a sistah can dream, can't she? Besides, I don't care how the actual movie script turns out, so long as there is one (le sigh). Either way, on behalf of the entire xoTribe, I just wanted to take out a little time to say—Joan, Mya, Lynn and Toni, we see you, we appreciate you—hell, we still watch you (Tracee, Golden, Persia and Jill Marie, what them syndication checks be lookin' like?!). Here's to 20 years now and the 20 years of more reruns—with prayerfully a movie too—to come! Take a bow. You've earned it.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Tracee Ellis Ross Designed The Life Of Her Dreams
10 Black Couples On TV That Make Love Make Sense
10 Reasons 'Love Jones' Still Does It For Black Love & The Culture
Featured image by Black Film
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
___
Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock