You know how they say that the only things that are sure are death and taxes. Yeah, I’d like to add one more thing to that list: a new set of annual dating trends. We’re not even six months into 2025, and I’ve already talked about things like throning and nanoships — and today, another dating trend that is known as “prioridating.”
I’ve got to admit that before I actually researched the term, I thought, “Good Lord. As if we need something else to encourage entitlement, selfishness, and unrealistic expectations.” Oh, but after I dived in, I realized that not only is prioridating something that I can get behind, it’s something that I think works for what happens outside of the house — and inside of the bedroom as well.
If you’re curious about what I mean, take a few moments out of your day to see why prioridating is something that you should consider doing if you’re looking for a genuine romantic connection with someone else (again, both in and out of the bedroom).
What Does It Mean to Prioritize Something or Someone?
GiphyI’m pretty sure it’s fairly easy to see that the root of the made-up word “prioridating” is prioritize — and in a moment, I’ll get into why it’s an essential thing to consider when it comes to romantic relationships. First, though, let’s talk about what it truly means to prioritize something or someone in your life.
Personally, whenever I think about the word “prioritize,” the first thing that comes to my mind is a quote that I used to have featured in one of my email accounts: “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” An author by the name of Nick Chellsen once said that and it’s fitting here because, at the end of the day, a priority is simply something that is very important to you to the point where it tends to take precedence over something else; it’s something that you will agree to doing because it means just that much.
Unfortunately, a lot of people actually suck at prioritizing because they don’t really put much thought into what is more essential than other things on a day-to-day basis. For instance, if you want to better prioritize your time, each evening, you should think about the things that need to be done the following day. Then, after doing that, be honest with yourself about what needs your immediate attention vs. what can wait until after those tasks are done. Like, if you’ve got a deadline at work, I’m pretty sure that scrolling through Instagram can wait.
Or how about your budget? It really does seem like right after we pay one month’s mortgage or rent, here comes another. Meanwhile, those shoes that you really want? I mean, is it more important to keep a roof over your head or to adorn your feet with a new pair of pumps? Don’t go by how you feel; go by the actual facts.
And to me, that’s why I think that the word “sacrifice” fits in really well with the word “prioritize.” I say that because, one of the best definitions that I’ve ever heard when it comes to making sacrifices is that it’s all about “giving up something good for something greater.” You see, when it comes to prioritizing things, when it comes to determining what you should say “yes” or “no” to, sometimes it will require you to assess what is better than what is just merely good.
And boy, is that not quite the layup (if I do say so myself — LOL) for what prioridating is truly all about.
What Is Prioridating, Exactly?
Why Prioridating Is Something to Literally Prioritize in Your Romantic Relationships
GiphyOkay, so keeping in line with the whole quote-thing, when I think about prioritizing as it relates to dating, there is a Maya Angelou quote that fits in oh so very well: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” In other words, don’t allow someone to take precedence when it comes to your schedule, heart, or energy when they aren’t even considering doing the same thing when it comes to you. And how do you know for sure when you aren’t someone’s priority?
Well, an author by the name of Irini Zoica once said, “Being someone’s ‘sometimes’ is not enough” — and when you are only an option (which is basically being one person on a list of several other choices) in another person’s eyes, that’s typically how it plays out; you are their “sometimes”…maybe.
Now, to be fair, when a relationship is just starting out, everyone really does need to relax — and by “relax,” I mean be hella realistic. And what I mean by that is, just because someone may find you attractive or appealing after an initial meeting and a few conversations, that doesn’t automatically mean that you should expect or even require immediate or automatic exclusivity (which, in dating, I prefer over the word “monogamy” — check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”) or that you even should take up most of their day with lots of calls and texts.
Yeah, one day I’m gonna write about how so many women claim to want a “high value man” without really thinking about how many priorities those guys have throughout the day in order to be one (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). At the same time, though, when you’re wanting to see if someone’s words can be trusted, look at their actions because, if they are telling you that they want to get to know you better, that they are interested in seeing where things will go and that they really want to spend more time with you — they will most definitely, without question, prioritize it. Because it is important to them to do so.
Okay, but is that what prioridating means? Eh, not quite. The backstory of the term is that a relationship coach (who also contributes to the dating app eHarmony) by the name of Laurel House came up with something that reminds people of the benefits that come from dating with a purpose in mind (as opposed to casual dating, which is the literal opposite approach).
Come to think of it, according to her, it even goes beyond that; prioridating is about assessing what your most important need is in a relationship and then choosing to date someone who checks that particular box.
When I checked out Lauren’s PrioriDating site, there is something else that she said (beyond some of the interviews that I also read) about what prioridating is: It’s “about you — your life, your experience of life, based on your perspective, created by your past experiences, that shaped who you are and what you need moving forward...Once you define and align with your priority, you have a better chance at discovering and fulfilling your needs—first (and most importantly) within yourself and then within a partner. Win-win-win.”
Now let’s piece all of this together. If you’re someone who is truly interested in prioridating, you first need to reflect and ponder over who you are, currently, as an individual. Then you need to figure out what YOU need (I’d personally say what your top three needs are) when it comes to dating and then commit to yourself that you aren’t going to waver from those needs — that you are going to prioritize those above all else because they are what’s most important to you…they are what takes precedence above everything else when it comes to making you feel relationally satisfied, safe and heard.
What all of this (hopefully) does when it comes to dating is help you to be more intentional about who you choose to spend time with. Not only that but, since you are clear about what your essential needs are, the moment that you articulate them, give the person time to process them and then see those going unmet, you can have a better understanding about how to move forward — if you are to move forward with that particular individual at all.
And if you are to move without them, you can feel good about your decision because, by prioritizing your own needs, you prioritize yourself and, in doing that, you tend to be more focused than ever on finding someone who will do the same thing for you…as you do for them. And where reciprocity is, fulfillment follows.
How Prioridating Can Seriously Improve Your Sex Life As Well
GiphyAs I thought about prioridating and what it requires in romantic connections, it caused me to think about how that mindset can — and should — transfer into the bedroom. And that brings me to one more quote on priorities; one that, interestingly enough, comes from a religious leader by the name of Dallin H. Oaks once said, “Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.”
Desire. We all have sexual desires. Thing is, when it comes to what desire means, it’s not black and white. A desire can be something that you want. A desire can be something that you crave. A desire can be something that you request. Some synonyms for desire include lust, passion, and, yes, need. For the sake of the (main) point that I want to make here, let’s go with “request” and “need.”
Okay, so Mr. Oaks said that desires dictate our priorities, and we already discussed that a priority is something that is important, essential…something that we need. If you connect this to the rest of the quote, what we need determines our choices, and our choices then determine our actions.
Since “need” also means desire, when it comes to sex, what do you need? Here, please don’t confuse this with what you want because, although that too is relevant, the reality is that wants can change at the drop of a dime; however, core needs? They oftentimes are rooted in who we are as individuals — and to be honest, I have worked with enough couples for a long enough amount of time to come to the conclusion that, the reason why a lot of people’s sex lives go left is because folks are too caught up in wants instead of needs.
Here's what I mean by that — say that you need to be held after sex because it makes you feel comforted and adored, while you want spontaneity. No one is saying that you should have to give up one for the other YET if you really need to be held close and that doesn’t happen, can you see how, after a while, all of the random sex in the world will still cause you to feel resentful because your true needs aren’t being met? I’ll give you another example: something that husbands say to me often is that they need their wives to initiate more; it actually makes them feel wanted and like they aren’t having to beg for intimacy. Some may want longer fellatio or a dirtier talker; however, if they can get that need met, the wants semi pale in comparison.
It makes sense too, because needs are a lot like the meal, while wants are the dessert. Dessert is delicious, yet when we’re already filled up from dinner, sometimes we can take or leave dessert. On the other hand, when all we had was dessert, it usually feels like something is…missing. And it is because you didn’t get what you actually needed.
Thing is, when it comes to sex, people rarely think about what they actually need — and that’s why I thought that the whole prioridating thing was a great tie-in because, just like you should think about what you need and hold yourself to that standard while you are dating, you should also strongly consider what your true sexual needs are (also a top three thing), MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN, and not waver on those either.
Because when a partner truly cares about you and your pleasure, your needs are going to matter. Yes, your wants will too, yet those needs? Those will be prioritized every time coitus transpires — and when someone feels like their sexual needs are super important to someone else? How can that not lead to true sexual satisfaction and fulfillment (especially when reciprocity is taking place)…because as the quote goes: priorities/needs determine choices and choices determine actions.
Have a need, choose to prioritize the need, and then…act upon it. Prioridate as you mate.
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Dating trends. Lord knows there are tons of them — some good, some ho-hum. Prioridating is something that I can get behind, though. Because anything that encourages you to act with purpose and intention and to make needs essential — good comes from that. Outside of the bedroom and in.
Prioridate, mutually, as you mate. It truly can’t be said enough, y’all.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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