I'm learning that traveling when you're young is not a glamorous thing, especially when young can be synonymous with broke. It's not for the meek or the mild, it's for the wild, the bold, and the brave. Because it's easy to stay in your comfort zone, to talk yourself out of living because of this responsibility or that one, exiling your passions and aspirations to be tasted and tempered with later on in life. Dare I ask, why? Dare I counter that standard with a, "But will you really?"
Maybe it's a dangerous thing to not trust what I tell my future self, but maybe it's also what makes my anxious self much more present and forces my present self to be more accountable about what she wants from her life. She wants adventure. She wants today. She wants now. I am blessed to have a partner whose ideals are similar in that regard, and who is just overall supportive of my needs.
Sheriden Chanel
He knew I needed a pause in my Atlanta life, a change of scenery, a getaway, and adventure. So we found a cheap flight to a place we'd never been and went away for a long weekend. I thought travel was largely in part for me, but was surprised to learn how much richer and stronger it left our relationship by taking us out of our element and causing us to thrive in a whole new one. There's a lot to learn from traveling as a couple. Let me give you just a few lessons...
Bonding Gets Undivided Attention
Being home and in a relationship, bonding is whatever quality time the two of you can find throughout the week be it phone calls, texts, or a weekly date night. Other aspects of your life require your attention, and the relationship can suffer a bit in lieu of responsibilities like running a household, being on someone else's clock through work, and if you're pursuing your passions while you work, that slice of the pie is cut even thinner.
Sheriden Chanel
But when you travel together, bonding is the entirety of your trip in both big and small ways. It was bae's first time ever on a plane, and it warmed my heart that he was willing to conquer that fear with me. He called our "baecation" his first real experience as an adult, he even tried oysters for the first time. It was my first time traveling with a romantic partner as well, so I think those realities combined made us vulnerable and receptive to everything around us that was happening. We were a lot more open emotionally than we thought we'd be on a NOLA excursion, we didn't even need the alcohol that we previously thought we would have to rely on. We were very real and human, which was beautiful and healing to me.
Vacation Sex is INCREDIBLE
Oh my God, if I could write an essay about each and every romp session we had, I would--but I'm limited in this space so I won't bore you with details. Let's just say that it's bangin.' I think it's the combination of the natural high you get from being in a new place paired with your beautiful surroundings--it's a match made in sex heaven. It might have a lot to do with being well-rested too. On a regular day, twenty minutes is bliss to me. But on a vacation where I'm well-rested, well-fed, with skin kissed by the sun, and a little liquor in me, an hour or two in the intersection of languid lovemaking and frenzied pounding was paradise. Our bed creaked entirely too much, but I honestly didn't give a damn. The whole experience of a vacation makes sex feel more tantric in my opinion.
Sheriden Chanel
You're Forced to Deal with Your Sh-t!
I thought bae and I would be at each other's throats for much of the trip because we'd be spending four uninterrupted days together with not a whole lot to divvy up our time. Not only that, but traveling can be draining, which puts a damper on attitudes. Surprisingly though, we kept it cute and was able to work on some communication issues because we were forced to iron sh-t out versus sweeping it underneath the rug because we didn't want our time to be ruined. Our tolerance for simple bumps in the road improved because it became a thing of, “Do we really need to bicker about this?" When the answer was “no" we let it go because it wasn't worth it.
Sheriden Chanel
The silently relayed and mutually understood philosophy worked up until the day of our departure. It was storming outside like crazy, we had pretty much run out of spending money so we decided to head to the airport a little early. We sulked in front of each other's faces for quite a bit until I came up with the idea of playing Hangman. We ended up playing that for three-and-a-half hours. It wasn't ideal, but it taught me: Something I thought I already knew, but something that was really solidified for me in that moment.
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In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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