

Some are born with the gift of gab, but I was born with the gift of wanderlust. Travel is ingrained in my blood.
My travel bug has always remained present, but it became more difficult to take on the extra expense once I transitioned into the world of adulting. Without hesitation, I made it a point to gain fewer possessions and more experiences the minute that I landed my first salary paying position, taking advantage of every holiday and every day of PTO. That meant taking every possible opportunity to travel, which was undoubtedly amazing.
As I write this, I'm more ready to see the inside of my own poorly decorated plaid-clad living room than any other exotic destination. I'm dehydrated. Oversocialized. Broke. And more than ever, I'm realizing it's time to make the necessary changes. I write to you humbled, once and for all.
I can't tell you if rock bottom was sleeping in a Motel 6 bed with four other women while on "vacation," or sleeping in the airport in order to save money while awaiting the departure of my cheap flight, which was scheduled a day after everyone else's. I only know that if this is rock bottom, I've hit it. And God, I'm ready to listen.
Although ESSENCE had been planned many months in advance, the final details hadn't been solidified just before arriving, admittedly leaving me with several opportunities to bow out. Despite my gut telling me to do so, I ignored it and in the end, I found myself paying rent late while leaving the festival with a literal dollar to my name.
For the past few years, it was fun to live on the edge and push the boundaries of my bank account. When I got laid off a couple of years ago, I had clearly forgotten how to humble myself and revert back to the days of penny pinching.
However, the exhaustion of trying to pull this trip out of my ass as a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat has forced me to reevaluate what I consider fun and this just ain't it.
The realization that I have to find fun outside of my wanderlust is not an easy one, because it leaves me feeling as though I've regressed far too much for my liking. Every day since being laid off, it feels as though I'm living in limbo and a continuous state of uncertainty. This feeling comes despite knowing how miserable I was in my previous paid position and my bold decision to pursue Master's in Human Sexuality and fulfill my true passion. Yet, it's one that I can't shake.
There's this anxiety surrounding my almost-permanently zeroed out bank account (and that's being generous) that makes a part of me wonder if I'm destined to live this struggle life for the rest of my days.
Traveling was the only thing that allowed me to escape all the scary changes that were happening in my life, and helped me avoid making any further changes.
The reality is that I haven't had a saving account since I've been out in the world alone, (New York will do that to you) and off the strength of that alone, it's safe to say I've been living my best life on borrowed time. I quit my serving job because it was another soul-sucking job that I could live without and deep down, I know that the only option for me is being the boss. With these realities and desires in mind, I have to figure out a way to reframe thoughts that I might have somehow failed myself and my bank account, and will continue to if I do not learn the art of balance.
Traveling went from being my identity to my security blanket because I made all of these decisions in an effort to better myself without truly understanding that it would take a certain level of commitment, patience, and responsibility.
After all, if I'm too broke when I get back from my trip, I can't possibly invest in my brand. If I can never do that, then I can never fail. So what I can't afford to do is continue to budget vacation based on the overused logic of capturing experiences.
There's this irrational fear that if I don't book the flight, it might never happen and it forces me to believe that it's my mind's way of vocalizing my subconscious fear of failing at everything I set out to do when I gave up my old life. What if everything I thought I would be by escaping miserable jobs turns out to actually be nothing?
With all this in mind, I'm currently trying to talk myself down from the ledge and convince myself that my decision to temporarily settle down doesn't mean never traveling again, and it certainly doesn't make me any less spontaneous. It only means that I'm taking control of my fear and accepting accountability for creating the future that I so badly want.
For me, that future looks like being able to travel first class like a boss because I will, in fact, be the boss. I'm grateful that my ESSENCE Fest trip was filled with empowering women doing exactly what I want to be doing, some of which who started off as broke as I am today.
This lifestyle change will not be easy for me, because it feels like I'll be waiting forever to reap the benefits of delayed gratification. But, it's the major key to unlocking the real life that I want and doing so forever...instead of for the moment and #travelgoals.
Originally published on July 24, 2018
Featured image by Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube