Oftentimes, burnout is associated with being overwhelmed with too much work or taking on more than you can handle on your plate. But what if I told you that some of us actually struggle with a type of burnout that's associated with underemployment and being underutilized at our jobs?
Black women face feelings of under-appreciation and challenges with underemployment at higher rates than their white peers (no surprise there).
And when you're smart, ambitious, and more than capable, this can have career-killing consequences. It's one thing to quit a job simply because it's time to move on or move to another country because it's something that's always been on your bucket list. It's another when you've hit crash-out mode and are on the verge of throwing a computer out of the window due to the anger and sadness that has built up because you've been ignored, disregarded, and underutilized at work.
If you've ever felt unmotivated, resentful, or just plain tired all the time, and it has nothing to do with your health, stress from bae and the kids, or a deep hatred for your boss, read on for signs that the type of burnout you're experiencing is not burnout, but actually boreout:
What Is "Boreout"?
Boreout is the result of working in demoralizing environments, only doing tedious grunt work, being understimulated mentally, or having feelings of being under-challenged for long periods of time. Many people quietly quit when this happens or simply check out from doing their best at the office.
I once stepped away from a gig because of this, gladly sending in my resignation email simply because, after bringing my years of experience and stellar work results—along with having recently earned a master's degree—I felt like I was being treated like an intern who's expected to just mindlessly take orders.
I also felt like the person managing me at the time prioritized nitpicking whenever I'd make a minor mistake versus actually tapping into my strategic skills to make larger decisions that would benefit the company. I was often left in the dark about larger projects or budgets (something someone in that type of role at the time is traditionally included in because they can't do their jobs effectively without it.) I'd ask questions and even present ideas but would be given the brush-off or gaslit.
When I'd initially taken on the role, what was sold to me at the onset as a real leadership position actually turned into a role primarily focused on monotonous, archaic routines, vague feedback, mind-numbing proofreading work (which I'd advanced beyond more than 10 years ago) and a blatant disregard of the creative and sales skin I had in the game. (To be fair, many roles related to what I do include the aforementioned tasks, but at my experience and educational level, those tasks should not have dominated my workdays.)
Now, I'm not comparing myself to LeBron, but do ya'll think he'd take millions to sit on the bench? Nah. Y'all think Beyoncé would take millions to sing backup or do the concert budget paperwork? Hell nah.
Y'all think Issa would be jumping up and down with joy to spend the entirety of every day emailing script revisions and updating cast schedules for a living? What ambitious, talented person do you know wants to stifle their creative growth and waste their talents, even for a paycheck? And funny enough, the pay didn't even match the efforts and extra hours I was putting in to accommodate the constant menial asks.
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I asked, very directly, about whether certain tasks could be delegated so that I could focus on the broader leadership tasks the job description originally reflected. In so many ways, the effort to accommodate that request was subtly sabotaged or made to seem like an inconvenience for the company, resulting in my having to go back and do those tasks anyway.
I felt drained, disrespected, and underpaid. I also started to question my strategic and leadership abilities, almost reversing years of therapy wins. I'd told myself I'd never allow a person or a job to have such an effect, so I quit before things went too far.
I had other options, so I decided to lean more heavily into roles with teams that respected the leadership skills I actually brought to the table and showed that respect through action (i.e., real autonomy, a pay raise, duties that matched my job title, and projects that allowed me to try new things and make real groundbreaking decisions.)
I also decided to level up academically —since my brand of petty includes over-achievement—pursuing even more formal education in order to further challenge myself intellectually. I just felt like people were playing in my face. (And hey, maybe they weren't, but that's how I felt at the time). The Capricorn in me sees that as a challenge to beat myself by doing more. (And the TikTok streets might call this "Black Girl Boredom," but that's a totally different thing. I love being a student and love everything that comes with traditional studies.)
Here's more on how boreout can show up and how to address it:
Signs You're Experiencing Boreout and How To Cope
1. You're triggered into angry fits over the simplest ask.
If you find yourself, every day, having to fight the urge to read somebody in an email response, the boreout has gotten its claws into you, especially when the email is a simple request or follow-up.
I found myself having to do this since I'd gotten tired of doing menial work and becoming the point person for putting out numerous small fires every week. I'd literally be at my home office desk (or at a beachside restaurant) cursing aloud, rewriting emails to force politeness and remain professional. I'd have to take deep breaths and re-read emails multiple times to calm myself down and recenter my thoughts so that I could offer an appropriate response. I'd rewrite responses or simply use very stale AI replies. It became toxic and impacted my productivity.
At this point, it's time to make some changes because you don't want to become bitter and allow this to impact your quality of work or your reputation.
Like I mentioned earlier, I quit, but if you don't want to do the same (or simply can't, for various very valid reasons), try talking to a therapist, coach, or another trusted person in your field first. Get things off your chest and process through the triggers. Then, write down why the emails are becoming a problem and solutions that you can present to your boss to delegate tasks or update systems so that you can refocus on other work that empowers you.
2. You're oftentimes late and you no longer care.
You used to be happy to come to a meeting with your big ideas, but now, since it seems like your boss has relegated you to the status of intern or assistant (despite those not being your job titles), you're not motivated to show up and you dread even attending. Why care? Your input is not acknowledged or respected anyway, right?
Wrong. Come to meetings at work on time and prepared, and do it for the future you, with the understanding that you're not going to let anybody stop your career advancement or cause you to give up your values and integrity.
I've found that when we tolerate and normalize adjusting to toxic situations for too long, we take on bad habits, and at the end of the day, those bad habits are only going to hurt you in the long run. Nip this in the bud by finding another advocate you can partner with to get your ideas in front of the right people.
If that's not possible, take on a lunchtime or after-work hobby or a service position outside of work where you can use your leadership skills and be affirmed in them.
And take the personal out of it. If the company doesn't want your ideas, use them for something else (i.e., finding a new job, starting a side hustle, or volunteering). Maybe your boss is an asshole, but that fact isn't going to pay your mounting therapist bills, pick you up off the toilet after a night of drinking to cope (been there) or help your professional development.
3. You find yourself with a lot of free time at work and you're doing nothing about it.
Some people see this as a good thing, but when you're an ambitious, smart leader, this is career death. As much as I love the soft life and having ease and flexibility, I don't enjoy the effects of brain rot. I can't stand wasted time, money, and potential.
You could really ruin your future by just sitting in a position doing close to nothing to collect a check. While financially, it might be beneficial, think about how this impacts your actual growth, intelligence, and future opportunities. The goal for an ambitious woman is to continue to rise, and the higher you go, the less easy it is to fake excellence. You can't build excellence through inaction, and you need projects that challenge you in order to level up.
I've left jobs that pay almost six figures due to this. It's not about the money. If I'm not being challenged and respected or I'm not involved in projects that actually have an impact (that I had an active hand in making successful), I've not lived out my purpose, and I've done a disservice to the people I seek to serve.
If you have a college degree, you're called to leadership, you have a deep passion for an issue or community, or you want to be a great example to your children, this is something you have to address ne-ow. Don't let people play with your time and the most valuable asset you have: your human potential. Time is expensive, so make it count.
Take note of the tasks you're being given, your actual job title and description, and why you still have lots of free time once those things are done. I promise you'll find gaps or opportunities being missed to be greater. And if it's because your manager won't delegate and is icing you out as a former one did to me, find out why. Have a candid conversation, talk to your HR professional, mentor, or coach in your industry, and figure out solutions to ensure that your time and talents are truly being tapped into.
Otherwise, you need to seek other opportunities that will respect the value of time and talent because, trust me, there are people out here making millions simply because they don't play around with their time.
4. You're feeling extremely insecure even though you've done great work. Your ideas, while dismissed, are smart and could be effective.
Ekaterina Goncharova/Getty
For ambitious, smart women, especially creatives, doing too much grunt work, not being respected for our unique and very valuable skills, or being underutilized in a position can suck the life out of us, eventually burning out the actual desire to even come up with dynamic, amazing ideas that could keep a company in business and help it advance.
When you're stuck only dotting i's and crossing t's instead of being involved in the big-picture experiences, especially at the mid- and senior-level career stage, not only is it energy-zapping, but it can have a negative impact on your overall mental health.
With the previous boreout scenario I mentioned, I'd be forced to spend valuable hours proofreading dozens of articles and answering trivial back-and-forth emails with writers instead of using my time to empower a college student or entry-level professional to get experience doing this while I think of (and execute) plans that could bring more money into the company.
The same could be the case for you:
You're constantly answering asinine emails instead of spending the day coming up with a stellar marketing strategy that could bring new and bigger partners to the table. You're constantly being asked to lead meetings that could have been emails instead of being out in the field recruiting. You're making copies, organizing files, and typing up reports instead of actually using the skills you honed after excelling in your master's-level social science program.
You're constantly being reprimanded over petty things at your medical industry job instead of being empowered to lead an initiative— which you've done several times in previous roles and why you were hired—that could help staff work smarter or better engage with the patients they serve.
If you're feeling the brunt of boreout, take action today to get your life back and tap into the greatness you know you offer. Put some respect on your own name by not tolerating environments that accommodate boreout. Take a professional and strategic stance to ensure you're offering yourself the best by advocating for yourself. Quit if you have to, and don't let boreout ruin your passion for the work that you've been called to do.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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