Cycle syncing has been a popular topic in the Internet streets, and there’s this sense that, hey, maybe we can finally look at our menstrual cycle as something that enhances our experiences as women versus something to loathe. The whole period process gives us a superpower, really.
Well, with cycle synching, you’re able to ensure various aspects of your life are aligned with the phases of your menstrual cycle. (To learn more about the specifics of each of those phases, check out this article). Cycle syncing, by the way, is something that was reportedly first introduced by Alisa Vitti, an integrative nutritionist, and women’s hormone expert, in 2014. Vitti even trademarked a method associated with it, offering a specific “framework” that “matches food, workouts, and lifestyle with your cycle phases.”
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As someone who struggled with fibroids for years (and finally had to have nine tumors removed before my menstrual cycle got back to any semblance of normal), I love the idea that cycle syncing, at least in theory, can debunk notions I’ve been taught as truths about how to navigate my period, in order to empower myself and lessen the stress in my life.
I figured let’s turn the tables a bit, especially when it comes to our professional lives, and consider how we can at least attempt to ensure optimal productivity by coordinating certain work-related projects and activities around our cycles. (And just remember, by cycle, I mean the full 21-35 days considered “normal” for a menstrual cycle, not just the 2-8 days many of us actually bleed.)
While we might not be able to totally replicate a trademarked framework for this (and would need to actually download an app or pay for access to specialized content or regimens), on the surface, let’s at least attempt to approach things from a cycle-syncing perspective based on the simple concept of it. Walk with me on this, sis.
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For example, according to experts, the follicular phase, which starts on the first day of your menstrual cycle and lasts 13 to 14 days, is a time when “energy and mood are often higher.” Cramping and other annoying (and sometimes debilitating) cycle symptoms that we deal with during the menstrual phase are not typically present at this time. For me, this is the perfect phase to do many of the tasks I’d typically procrastinate doing or work on projects that I’m super-great at doing (and love tackling).
This is also a great time to come up with new ideas, processes, and projects, approach work from a big-picture perspective, and take on the heavy lifting of activities like strategizing the management of projects, delegating leadership for completing phases of projects, scheduling important meetings, or negotiating, well, anything (deals, promotions, salary increases or service rates).
In the luteal phase, however, it has been found that feelings of anxiety are heightened and that brain fog and issues with concentration hit hard during this time of the cycle. This phase is the final one, the time when ovaries release eggs (ovulation), and lasts about 10 days (but can go 14 depending on how long your cycle is).
For me, since I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life, during this time, it’s ideal to go heavy on the journaling during my lunch (or other work breaks), tread lightly on immediate responses to emails—especially those that involve a lot of moving parts, long threads, lack of comprehension on the part of the sendee, or things that probably should be talked about in a meeting.
It’s also best, for me, to tap into joy, wonder, and intellectual stimulation (i.e. reading a chapter of a good book, playing a word game, practicing mindfulness, or brain-dumping in my notebook for at least 5 minutes during my work day).
Sometimes, it’s even good to team up with that work friend, smart colleague, or another super-positive and professional co-worker to get some good energy and vibes from them that help keep me on my A game. I often find inspiration and motivation from the people I work with, and I’m reminded, through their talents, emotional intelligence, and leadership of my own strengths and purpose in doing my job.
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Through trial and error, I’ve learned that it’s best to see the challenges associated with this phase as an opportunity to go on the self-care offense versus just giving in to the feelings and moods. (Once, when I was in this phase, I abruptly sent a rudely worded response to someone’s email and found out later that I was loud and wrong. I had to apologize and really could’ve avoided the work-related snafu had I just considered my menstrual phases and taken the aforementioned approach.)
As with anything, offering myself grace is key, especially when it comes to work, so, if I’m just not feeling well, need to take a day off, or simply need to flow with, well, my flow, I will. We all know (and science has proven) that there are several factors that affect our menstrual cycles, and to be totally honest with you, sometimes I’ve felt my most enlightened, creatively open, and energized during the menstrual phase, free-bleeding, cramps, feisty attitude, and all.
Science is science but not every month’s cycle experience is the same. And life be lifin’ sometimes. So add that.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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