I remember the first time I had sex. It was in high school, with my boyfriend, and it was unfortunately the least climactic experience ever. No candles lit or rose petals on the floor, it was nowhere near romantic.
It was painful, unexpected, and ironically "Birthday Sex" started playing in the background (yes, it happened to be his birthday). After my first time having sex, I had my share of sexual partners and things got better, thank goodness. As I continued to explore my sexual identity, I would say I started to think about different scenarios of my sexual experience and they would end up in my dreams. I'm sure I am not the only one. Most of you who are reading this, have been curious about how your sex life has evolved over time. So much so that you started to dream about them too. Some of these dreams may have even scared you and made you question things about yourself.
Well, this article is here to answer some of those questions. Dreams are tricky messages that our subconscious likes to send to us when we least expect it. So when we wake up, we start to wonder if a dream is a literal sign that we need to pay attention to or something to brush. Even if your dream gets a little weird and sex is involved, the meaning behind your sex dreams could actually have nothing to do with the sex at all and everything to do with you.
Here are 9 common sex dreams and the meanings behind them.
What Does It Mean To Dream Of Your Partner Cheating?
Let's start with the worst one, shall we? Dreaming about your partner cheating can create huge tension in waking life. You start to become suspicious and, understandably, are in search of some answers. This type of dream is a telling sign that you may be feeling insecure in your relationship. This dream is a reaction to you feeling left out lately and there could be a lack of trust between you two.
For example, you might have noticed that your partner has been getting too close with someone and you are not happy about it. Or, it honestly doesn't have to be a person at all. There could have been a shift and your partner is becoming too involved in work or a new hobby they picked up, leaving you feeling replaced and left out of their world. Either way, you can use this dream as a way to finally be honest about how you feel. You and your partner can have an open dialogue about your concerns and try to get a clear understanding on where you both stand. Communication is key.
What Dreams About Sex With Your Ex Means
It has been said that one of the most common sex dreams to have is the one with your ex. But not just any ex. This is the ex that you will never forget. Maybe it was the ex that was your first love or the ex that really made a big impact on your life. If you have had a dream about this ex, this does not mean it's time to get back together. You two are exes for a reason. What this dream does mean is that you are not missing the actual person, instead you are missing the excitement you two once shared.
Maybe the chemistry between you two was passionate and there could be less of that in your day to day life currently. If you have gotten comfortable in a routine for some time now, it is time to switch things up! Try to do something spontaneous or try a new hobby that can help bring back that spark into your life. There is no need to feel you have to move backwards in order to spice things up a bit.
What Sex Dreams With Someone You Hate Means
You remember that person that you said you hated and never wanted to see ever again but then you have a dream about having passionate sex with them months later? Definitely a WTF moment. While it may seem like a nightmare, the meaning behind this one is a good one, I promise. If you have had this dream before, turns out, it has little to do with you wanting to smash and more to do with the fact that you are holding on to something from this person that you have to let go of.
Forgiveness is so important and it helps us lessen the baggage we are already carrying from our past. This is a dream to pay attention to and free yourself of a grudge you have had all this time. You can even take it a step further and try to make amends with this person. Whatever you decide to do, this will be more beneficial for you than it is for them. Free yourself and wipe your hands of it. Once you do, they will not show up in your dreams again (hopefully).
What Does It Mean To Dream About Being Dominated Or Dominating Someone?
It's time to take charge! Seriously. If you have had this sex dream before, it means that there is an area in your life that you feel you no longer have control of. Maybe you have been feeling like people have been taking advantage of you. Or you have this big idea that you haven't spoken up about and you are scared people might tear it down. Well, use this dream as an affirmation that you got this! This dream of dominance is an opportunity to tap into your assertive side. Remember that you are confident and it is time that other people know it too. You have the capability to show others who's boss and not the other way around. You know you have it in you, your dream told you so.
What Does It Mean To Dream About Having Group Sex?
For my freaky ones reading this, a menage a trois or orgy may be something that has been showing up in your dreams lately. I have personally been curious about getting invited to one of those sex parties at those secret locations (still waiting). But having a dream about sex in a group is more of a metaphor than your "voyeur" flag showing. While this dream comes off as something fun and cool, it tells you that you may have some distress in your life. If you are one of those people that like to stay busy all the time, you can use this dream as a sign to tell you to slow down.
You may have been trying to master juggling, with so many things going on, and it is hard to keep up. This sexy dream is a sign to prioritize what is really important to you. I am sure you can do it all, but you do not necessarily have to. Give yourself some grace because you are only one human. Try and see which projects you can put on hold for now to help you make things a little easier for you in life.
What Do Lesbian Sex Dreams Mean If You're Straight?
I love women. We are so dope, resilient, and make shit happen. But if you are a heterosexual woman like myself and find yourself dreaming about a passionate encounter with a another woman, do not be alarmed. Typically, it does not correlate with your sexual orientation (you usually have had signs of that earlier on in your life, not just in a dream). So if this dream about a woman has occurred recently, it could be more about the woman in your dream as a person instead of a possible sexual attraction or desire for her.
Who is this woman to you? Are there qualities about her that you admire? Is she a close friend or someone you can confide in? This dream can help answer those questions for you. Use this dream to help you identify important people in your life that you should continue to keep around.
What Dreams About Sex In A Public Place Means
Having sex in a public place is a thrill in itself. There is excitement in being in different places with the risk of getting caught. I believe that is a part of everyone's fantasy, if it is not already a reality. When you have a sex dream in a public place, the meaning behind it is that you are feeling vulnerable and exposed. Maybe you have a secret and you have been hiding it from a certain someone. Maybe you are embarrassed about a part of yourself and you are afraid that other people might find out.
This sex dream can also tell you something through identifying the actual location of the public place. Is it at a park, at work, or at a restaurant? The place you're dreaming about having sex at could also mean that one part of your life is consuming you more than the other parts. This dream is to acknowledge the anxiety you may be feeling about parts of who you are and you are trying to find the balance in all of it.
What Does A Dream About Having Sex With Your Platonic Friend?
Starts singing, "Oh baby you! You got what I need! But you say I'm just a friend." On a less joking matter, have you had a sex dream about a friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance and you have zero interest in them sexually? I know I have and I will not say who because we don't want to make things awkward here, but trust me, I completely understand the confusion. You wake up from seeing this person naked and you start to question if there's something more to it.
Similarly to the same-sex dream I mentioned above, it is more about the person in the dream and how they are contributing to your life. It is less about curiosity at this point. Although, if there is some curiosity there, this is your brain processing these thoughts in a more discrete way than you acting on impulse. Take note from these types of dreams and do some emotional digging on what you really want from this person.
What Do Dreams Of Having Sex With A Faceless Stranger Mean?
The stranger dream. Yes, dreaming about a mystery lover is definitely a fantasy that is the most common type of dream to have, next to dreaming about your ex. Who is this mystery man and why can't I see his face? Well, what if I told you that with this dream, there is no mystery man at all? The faceless man could be representing you; or at least, a part of you. Let me explain.
When you dream of a faceless stranger, it could mean that you have yet to explore a part of you that is ready to come out. This "stranger" is a sign to get to know yourself a little bit more. You are in a time of transition and you should be utilizing different aspects of yourself and applying them to your life. Take this as a time to embrace all of who you are and to become more aware of your truth. Exploring ourselves and accepting everything that makes us unique is all a part of the beautiful ongoing process towards personal growth.
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
I seriously doubt that it will come as a shock to anyone reading this that the “official” cold (and flu) seasons are considered to be during the fall and wintertime. However, what kinda tripped me out is that there really are only a few months of the year when we aren’t susceptible to catching a cold: May-July. SMDH.
Know what else is wild about colds? They have five stages: incubation (1-2 days); symptom onset (1-2 days); peak symptoms (1-2 days); plateau (2-3 days), and recovery (3-5 days) — and that is why, sometimes, it can seem like it takes FOREVER to get over a cold. Also, SMDH.
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider

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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil

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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C

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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST

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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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