
UGH. Does anything in the world trigger us to cussing more than having a side of our head where our hair doesn't grow nearly as long, fast or thick as the other? I mean really, when it comes to the many things that can keep us from gaining some real inches, this is the one thing that doesn't get brought up nearly enough. So, I figured that I'd do it.
I ain't gonna lie. Nothing in this piece is an overnight remedy. However, what I do think, is as you learn more about your hair and why it does some of the things that it does, it can help you to come up with a customized haircare routine that can get you some of the results that you've been looking for. So, are you ready to read 10 points that can even some of your lopsidedness out?
1. Accept That the Sides of Your Hair Are “Sisters” Not “Twins”
Before getting into some tips that can help you to bring some balance back to your hair and its growth, on both sides, let's address a really relevant point. The left side of our body is similar yet not identical to the right side. That's why our eyebrows, breasts, feet and other parts of our body can oftentimes appear a little different from each other. That being the case, why wouldn't the sides of our head also reflect the fact that they aren't exactly the same either?
While things like genetics, medications and our diet certainly play a role in how our hair grows, if you're expecting the left side to be just like the right, chances are that you're going to be pissed, most of the time, because that's not really a reality. When it comes to accepting your hair, it really is wise to live by the motto, "The sides of my head are 'sisters', not 'identical twins'." This means that each side will probably appear somewhat different, feel slightly different and may need a bit of a different routine from the other in order to get the results that you ultimately want. With that reality check out of the way, let's go further.
2. Is It Thinner or Shorter? That Is the Question.
When it comes to having one side of your hair that flourishes while the other doesn't (at least not as much), it's also a good idea to keep in mind some other different things that could be at the root, other than what I've already mentioned. For instance, one side of your hair may have more hair follicles on it or follicles that are more fragile than the other which could result in thinner hair. Or, one side may have a tighter curl pattern which could cause it to appear shorter than the other. Both of these things could mean that if you apply heat, if you over-brush or comb, if one side doesn't get enough moisture or even if your diet is all out of wack, it could cause the "thinner" or "shorter" side to appear even more that way or even become more fragile over time.
If you think that one side of your hair is thinner, you might want to consider the following—not relaxing or color-treating your hair (so that your follicles can get stronger); eating foods that have more iron including dark leafy greens, red meat, quinoa, watermelon and raisins and protein like eggs, poultry, oats, Greek yogurt and turkey breasts (also check out "Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods."); washing that side with a sulfate-free volumizing shampoo, and also keeping your stress levels down.
If one side of your hair is shorter and it is due to having a tighter texture, perhaps stretch it out by braiding or twisting your hair while it's wet and letting it air dry before styling. While this won't change the reality that your patterns are different, it can "balance out" the appearance some, if you try.
3. “Baby” the “Weaker” Side
The left side of my hair? I could do almost nothing to it and it's still gonna thrive. The right side? Lawd, she's super high-maintenance. I've come to accept that, though. And since she wants to be "babied" more, that's exactly what I do. While I do deep condition my entire head, I typically add some Jamaican castor oil to my right side to give it some extra moisture. When I give myself a scalp massage (more on that in a bit), I spend a couple of extra minutes on the right side.
When I'm blow drying my hair, I use a cooler setting and less time on the right side. Since it does appear that my hair follicles are more fragile on the right, I'm intentional about following some of the tips that I made in the article "Top To Bottom: 10 Tips To Strengthen Your Hair Follicles & Protect Your Ends". In short, since the right side is a bit thinner and grows slower, I give it extra attention. I've noticed some results since I've been doing that too.
4. Sleep on the Opposite Side. At Least Sometimes.
I've come to realize it's not happenstance that the side of my hair that has the hardest time flourishing is also the side that I tend to sleep on the most (the right). After doing some research into why, there is somewhat of a science to it all. When you spend 6-8 hours a night laying on one side of your head, it can actually cause the blood vessels on that side to become compressed.
As a direct result, your hair follicles are not able to receive all of the nutrients that they need in order for your hair to thrive. The solution? Try switching up sides, at least a couple of nights a week, if you can. You might be surprised at how this one lil' remedy can be a total game-changer for you in the long run.
5. Give Yourself More Scalp Massages
I think I've shared before that I once read that the reason why women of other ethnicities seem to grow their hair out faster and longer is simply because they've got a way looser curl pattern (if they've got one at all). The other reason is due to the fact that they tend to wash their hair more often. As a result, they're massaging their scalp more than a lot of us tend to do and there are some clear benefits that come with doing that.
If you massage your scalp, for four minutes, each day, it's able to increase the thickness of your hair, relieve dandruff, remove some of the build-up that could be clogging up your hair follicles in between wash days and, it can decrease stress; since stress levels can also affect hair growth, that's another cool bonus.
As far as shampooing on a daily basis goes, if we wash our hair every day, that can actually result in dryness, brittleness and breakage; that's why it's best to shampoo and condition no more than once a week. However, while you're winding down for the day, warm up a little bit of peppermint (the menthol will increase blood circulation) and lavender (it's antifungal and also reduces stress) essential oil that's in a carrier oil like avocado (it contains oleic acid and monounsaturated fats that can help to deeply moisturize your hair) or sweet almond oil (it's loaded with magnesium, calcium and zinc), dip your fingertips into it and rub your scalp for five minutes or so. It feels amazing and it will do your entire head a world of good; especially the weaker side.
6. Clarify Your Hair and Scalp on a Monthly Basis
Since your follicles are where the growth of your hair begins, something else that you might want to do is clarify your hair every month. This is simply a process that gets rid of product build-up, so that your follicles aren't clogged and are able to grow more easily; possibly thicker too. Personally, I think the best way to do this is to give your hair and scalp an apple cider rinse.
Not only can it help to get rid of any build-up that you might have, it can also moisturize your hair, add more luster and shine to it and restore the pH balance of your scalp too. Just mix 2-3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar into one cup of water. Then, after washing and shampooing your hair, pour the rinse onto it and let it sit for 5-7 minutes. It's another thing that can help the weaker side of your hair to get stronger.
7. Focus on the Weak Side’s Ends
It really can't be said enough that, a myth that a lot of Black women have believed, for far too long, is that their hair doesn't grow as fast as other ethnicities. Again, that is absolutely NOT the truth. Yes, because most of us have a much tighter curl pattern and the humidity also results in quite a bit of shrinkage, it can appear that way. Still, all of us, on average, grow between ¼" and ½" of hair every month. The challenge is retaining the length so that we're able to see results. And so, when it comes to dealing with the weaker side of your hair, it's crucial that you do all that you can to preserve for ends for as long as possible.
Handle your ends with care. Seal them on wash days. Detangle with your fingers as much as possible. Be careful with your styling tools. Always use a thermal heat protectant when applying heat. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (and yes, I'm yelling it!). This includes when you're sitting on the couch and are tempted to play in your hair or when you're riding in your car and may lean your head into your hands (those compressed blood vessels, remember?).
I've already shared that the right side of my head is way more fragile. That said, there is a small portion of my hair, right around the nape, that gives me so much drama. Know what else? I get so frustrated with it sometimes that I know I'm a part of the problem because I'm always trying to put something on it to get it to grow faster. The friction that I'm causing is working against, not for it. It's growing just like the rest of my hair is.
Thing is, I'm not "bothering" the left side of my head nearly as much as the right and—surprise, surprise, the left side is longer and thicker. Yep. Leaving your hair alone and also making sure that your ends are well cared for are two other ways to effectively address the "lopsidedness" that you're currently dealing with.
8. Go Easy with the Shears
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about having one side of your hair that grows faster/thicker/longer than the other is coming to the realization that taking some shears to even both sides up isn't always the solution. What I mean by that is, there are many times when I've done that and all that's happened is I never really see results on either side because the left is gonna keep flourishing and the right is just gonna keep on showing out.
While yes, it's a good idea to trim—or at least dust—your ends every couple of months or so, constantly cutting the stronger side isn't always gonna give you the results that you want. Real talk, sometimes the best thing to do is to give your entire head one good evening out and then really focus on nourishing the weaker side. And what if things still look uneven? Well, that brings us to the next recommendation.
9. Find Styles That Will Get Your Mind Off of It
There's a YouTube channel called Sista with Real Hair who posted a video a few years back about how she can't get her hair to grow out evenly to save her life. So, the conclusion that she came to was just to leave her hair alone. Yeah, I know some of you might think, "If that's what you're gonna tell me, what did I read all of this for?" I hear you.
Here's the thing to consider. You know how they say that a watched pot never boils? If, when you comb out your hair, you're noticing that one side is 1-2" shorter than the other, why not either style your hair or put it into a protective style that gets your mind off of the unevenness so that your weaker side has time to catch up?
As far as styling goes, parting your hair so that most is on the weaker side can give the appearance that it is thicker and fuller. Putting your hair up in a ponytail may help some; just don't rely on that look on a daily basis because the strain of your strands being constantly pulled up can also result in breakage and further weakening over time. Braids, twists and Bantu knots are always a good look because it gives your total hair some time to relax.
Then, once you take your protective style down, you should see some length on both sides. That way, if you do decide to even things out, at least there will be a couple of more inches of progress, because you choose to leave your hair—all of your hair—totally alone.
10. Understand Hair Growth Takes Time
I won't lie. Nothing embodies the saying, "patience is a virtue" quite like trying to grow your hair out does. Still, as you're trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, a silver lining to it all is you can happen upon all kinds of things that can help to improve your hair over time. For me, it's been Chebe powder (I use the loose powder in my deep conditioner and have recently been applying an oil that has Chebe and Fenugreek in it; you can cop some of it for yourself by going here) and also learning how to make my own herbal infused oil (I got the herbs from this sistah here and learned how to infuse them myself by watching this video).
And although things didn't change overnight, I have noticed that the quality of my hair has significantly started to improve and that the weaker side of my hair is getting stronger. Dealing with uneven hair growth really can be the absolute worst sometimes. Yet if you make peace with your reality, you create a haircare regimen, you remain consistent and you keep your hands out of your hair, you can see some results that can bring a smile to your face. In time, you can even see some retention too. I'm in this thing with you. Keep the faith, sis.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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