
Zendaya Is Engaged! A Timeline Of Her Love Story With Tom Holland

Zendaya and Tom Holland are one of the hottest young couples in Hollywood. After being cast together in Spider-Man: Homecoming in 2016, fans were hoping that the two were more than just co-stars due to their on-screen chemistry, and after years of speculation, fans got their wish.
It’s been said that the best relationships start off as friendships and it looks like that’s the case with Zendaya and Tom. They both met while filming Spider-Man and in an 2017 interview with People, the English actor referred to Zendaya as his best friend.
“We are like the best of friends. She’s so great and amazing,” Tom said. “I’m a little worried [about dealing with fame … but] Zendaya is super famous and she’s been through this, and I just call her up and say, ‘How do I manage being famous?’ I’m very glad I have a friend like her.”
Zendaya and Tom Holland: A Relationship Timeline
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
Adorbs!
However, it seems that they have been in an on-and-off relationship as they have been linked to other people since initially sparking romance rumors in 2017.
The Disney alum reportedly dated her Euphoria co-star Jacob Elordi in 2020 and Tom was rumored to have a romance with family friend Olivia Bolton in 2019. But like any on-and-off relationship, they found their way back to each other.
Here’s a timeline of Zendaya and Tom’s relationship:
2016
The 28-year-old actress made her first appearance on her now beau’s Instagram back in July 2016. While it appeared like an innocent pool day with friends, this could also be looked at as the beginning of their romance.
2017
Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven't been on a vacation in years!😂😭🤣hbu @TomHolland1996 ??? https://t.co/zSkvcfzzTa
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) July 13, 2017
@Zendaya Does the press tour count 😂😝 https://t.co/2WsstZPyde
— Tom Holland (@TomHolland1996) July 13, 2017
While Tom said that he and Zendaya were just friends in the People July interview, another source claimed that they were more than that. The source said that they began dating while filming Spider-Man.
“They’ve been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they’ve gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another,” claimed the source. “They’re both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up. They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together. They have great banter back and forth.”
However, both of the actors denied the claims on Twitter. “Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven’t been on a vacation in years! hbu @TomHolland1996???,” Zendaya tweeted. Tom retweeted her and wrote. “Does the press tour count?”
The rumors didn’t stop there. In December of the same year, Tom had an outing with Zendaya and her parents. Page Six reported that the actress’ parents seemed to be “charmed” by the Englishman.
2018
Both Zendaya and Tom were pretty lowkey this year, sans a couple of Instagram posts Tom shared of the Dune actress. In May, he praised his “mate” for her MET Gala look. “All hail the queen. Killing it mate 🙌🏻,” he wrote.
Later on in September, he wished the Euphoria star a happy birthday. “Me, myself and the birthday girl. Happy birthday mate - keep killing it and paving the way for the rest of us ♥️,” he shared on Instagram.
2019
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage
In 2019, the Spider-Man co-stars were reportedly dating other people. Zendaya sparked dating rumors after she was spotted vacationing with her Euphoria co-star Jacob in August 2019. Tom was also seeing Olivia.
2020
Paparazzi caught Zendaya and Jacob kissing in New York City in February, but they never confirmed that they were a couple. Tom, however, broke up with Olivia, but seemingly confirmed that he was back off the market after he shared a photo of Nadia Parkes on Instagram.
2021: Tom and Zendaya are back together.
Zendaya playfully shading Tom in a since-deleted tweet back in July.
In July 2021, paparazzi photos of Zendaya and Tom kissing appeared online, which sent Twitter in a tailspin.
Esteban Camarillo/Instagram
A month later, the pair were spotted attending a wedding together in Esteban Camarillo's IG Story, a fellow guest at the wedding. In regards to romance rumors, Tom and Zendaya kept it cute and still on mute.
However, a source toldUS Weekly, “They’re both not one to make their relationship public. They’re private when it comes to dating so any photos that have come out would’ve just been them going about their business and not knowing photographers were around.”
In September 2021, not one to shy away from shouting out Zendaya when she's slaying, Tom shared a photo of him and the beauty on his Instagram. "My MJ," it read, "have the happiest of birthdays. Gimme a call when your up xxx."
A month later in October, while on a promo tour for the box office smash Dune, Zendaya took a BFF test with co-star and best friend, actor Timothée Chalamet. One of the questions the BuzzFeed series asked was about their biggest celebrity crushes.
Timothée cheekily responds for Zendaya by saying, "Easy. Tom Holland." To which Zendaya laughs knowingly before answering the same question for her co-star. The adorable moment starts at 1:01.
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
It wasn’t until December 5, however, that they made their first red carpet appearance as a couple. They were all smiles as they attended a photocall in London for their film Spider-Man: No Way Home.
After news broke of their relationship, the actors openly gushed about each other during interviews. Speaking with GQ in November, both Zendaya and Tom spoke highly of each other.
“Having her in my life was so instrumental to my sanity,” Tom said. “She is so good at being the role model for young guys and girls. When anyone comes up, like, ‘Can I have a picture?’ it’s never a bad time. Whereas my initial reaction was: ‘Why are you talking to me? Leave me alone.’”
Zendaya shared, “The equal sentiment [we both share] is just that when you really love and care about somebody, some moments or things, you wish were your own…"
“I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a special thing and something that you want to deal with and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two people that love each other.”
2022
Compared to the red carpet moments and spotlight much of their No Way Home press tour was in 2021, Tom and Zendaya kept their relationship out of the public eye in 2022, except for putting engagement rumors to rest here and there and PDA-filled paparazzi photos.
There was one rumor though that Tom flew 4,000 miles from where he was filming The Crowded Room in New York to Budapest where Zendaya was filming the Dune sequel just to visit his girlfriend. You can see the proof of that here.
2023
Tom and Zendaya may be all about keeping their relationship out of the limelight as much as possible, but private doesn't mean secret and 2023 was a year where the private pair dropped hints about their love through sound bytes. "Our relationship is something that we are incredibly protective of and we want to keep as sacred as possible. We don’t think that we owe it to anyone, it’s our thing, and it has nothing to do with our careers," Tom shared withThe Hollywood Reporter in 2023.
He also referred to their relationship as something he holds "most sacred" in his life, later sharing in an interview for Jay Shetty's podcast that he and Zendaya "both feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way to move on as a couple."
In a September 2023 interview with Elle Zendaya echoed those sentiments, sharing how she feels about Tom and "protecting her peace" by holding their relationship close to her chest. "Parts of my life, I accept, are going to be public. I can’t not be a person and live my life and love the person I love. But also, I do have control over what I choose to share. It’s about protecting the peace and letting things be your own but also not being afraid to exist," she told Elle.
Also during that month, the two were spotted amongst A-listers enjoying Queen Bey's bday show during the Renaissance World Tour for date night.
2024
Date night in November 2024
Tom Holland/Instagram
With Zendaya's 2024 flawless back-to-back press tours for Dune: Part Two and Challengers, and Tom's stage role in the West End production of Romeo and Juliet and the release of his non-alcoholic beer brand Bero, there was no shortage of moments where the couple showcased their love for one another in their own way.
From very public Instagram Story displays of affection to holding hands behind the scenes at after parties or events, Zendaya and Tom were constantly spotted boo'd up and showing that their love was stronger than ever despite the lack of red-carpet appearances together.
In a February 2024 puppy interview with Buzzfeed, Zendaya gave her main man a massive shoutout when asked about "rizz" and said that his rizz works beautifully for her. "I think someone who has beautiful charisma, not on the Dune cast, but I personally—works for me—is Mr. Tom Holland. I’m more shy and kind of quiet, so it takes a little bit more to pull me out of my shell. But he’s great at just talking to people and getting to know people. You see him on talk shows and stuff like that. He’s just naturally very good at that. Whereas for me, I’ve definitely had to pull it out of me a little bit. So, he’s got that natural gift.”
2025: Zendaya and Tom are engaged
Zendaya attends the 82nd Annual Golden Globes Awards rocking what appears to be an engagement ring.
Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Starting the new year off strong, Zendaya sparked engagement rumors while walking the Golden Globes red carpet and sporting a sizable rock on her left hand that suspiciously did not match the vibes of the Bulgari jewelry she wore as accessories to the event. The rumors have since been confirmed with a source talking to PEOPLE, sharing that Tom has wanted to propose to Zendaya "for a while" and over the holidays was the perfect time to do it.
In a Dec. 18 interview for the Dish podcast, Tom teased his "secret" holiday plans with Zendaya for Christmas 2024 and shared that his hope for Christmas in the new year was that their families would be spending the holidays together. And now we know why. The actor had been planning to pop the question. He told the podcast, "I think what we'd like to start doing is rather than spending it with each family each year is bring the families together. That's what I think we want to do next time. This time, because we're both actors, we're terrible at organizing things, so it hasn't happened yet. The thought's there. The idea has been planted."
At the start of the year, comments Tom made in his cover story for Men's Health about respecting Zendaya's moment on red carpets by not walking them alongside her were making their rounds on social media, and now the couple we've all rooted for are engaged! In it, the 28-year-old actor said his reasoning was, "because it’s not my moment, it’s her moment, and if we go together, it’s about us." We love the way the Spider-Man star is never threatened by our girl's light! Congrats to the happy couple!
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Featured image by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage via Getty Images
Originally published on December 14, 2021, but has since been updated.
- Tom Holland And Zendaya Relationship Timeline ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship: A Complete Timeline ›
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Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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This Year, Please Don't Let Valentine's Day 'Infect' Your Relationship
Personally, I think that Valentine’s Day and weddings have quite a bit in common. Both can be wonderful days that are centered around love — so long as the real motives are right. Both can also put couples in debt if they are not careful. And boy, if I hear one more woman say that weddings are “MY day” and/or that she isn’t concerned with doing anything for her man on V-Day because “It’s all about ME,” I think I’m going to scream! SMDH.
Indeed, something else that Valentine’s Day and weddings have in common? You can see how genuine or selfish someone truly is.
Maybe one day, I’ll write something, extensively, about how to not ruin your own wedding day by putting more pressure on you, your man, and/or your expectations than you actually should.
For now, though, since Valentine’s Day is once again upon us, I just wanted to share a few keep-it-in-perspective reminders, so that your relationship can actually flourish on the holiday instead of it finding itself on some pretty shaky ground — because, believe it or not, 1 in 14 people people actually break up with their partner on Cupid’s Day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s (partly) because they weren’t factoring in the following points.
It’s a Sweet Day. Still, It’s Just a Day.
When I was younger, I remember hearing about a local couple who had such an extravagant wedding that they had to live with the wife’s parents for almost three years just to pay it off (they are divorced now, by the way). Goodness, thousands upon thousands of dollars, just for an event that lasts for one day — and not even the entire day, at that.
Are weddings a once-in-a-lifetime event? I mean, they should be (some of y’all will catch that later). Still, does it make sense to spend money that you don’t really have on it? No. It doesn’t. Financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce and 56 percent of couples go into immediate debt just paying for their wedding alone. Hmph, seems to me that folks should either have a wedding that they can afford or…wait until they can actually foot the bill.
Same thing goes for Valentine’s Day, although on a smaller scale. Although I have read before that around 220,000 people get engaged on V-Day and somewhere around six million end up getting married then, unless it’s a diamond ring or a wedding ceremony, it’s my opinion that no one needs to be stressed out, breaking banks, acting like they are a character in a throwback soap opera, simply to express their love for someone else on that day.
On February 15, bills will still need to be paid. In a couple of weeks, rent/mortgages are going to be due. And besides, if the love is both solid and genuine, nothing needs to be “proven” by over-the-top gestures on one day anyway.
That said, is Valentine’s Day a sweet and sentimental day on the calendar to express love? Sure. However, a 24-hour period shouldn’t do so much financial damage that it’s hard to recover once it’s over. And you know what? Any person who pressures their partner into thinking otherwise, they are showing some bright yellow flags at best — which brings me to the next point.
PSA: How Your Partner Acts on Valentine’s Day Is Quite Telling
There’s a guy I know who was all ready to propose to his lady on Valentine’s Day a few years back. He wanted to surprise her and so, he didn’t do anything beyond say “Happy Valentine’s Day” throughout the day.
After it got dark and she didn’t see any flowers or other evidence that he was going to acknowledge the day, she basically flipped out. She told him that she felt humiliated because her other friends had a great day (which of course, they posted online), that she didn’t feel appreciated, and that he didn’t deserve her. As if that wasn’t “enough,” she then decided to go the social media route and pose their situation as a not-so-hypothetical dilemma (meaning, if you knew offline what was going on, you knew that she was talking about her man).
“He” ended up being both hurt and semi-floored that he didn’t even mention that he had a ring in tow. Then, after almost a week of her not answering his calls, he ended it. He sent her a picture of the engagement ring, told her that, clearly, he was one of the most selfish men in the world (insert sarcasm there), that he learned a lot about her and he didn’t think that he could trust her moving forward.
All because the man didn’t go hard for you on Valentine’s Day? You blew up an entire relationship over that? Not to mention — where was your gift for him? Funny how that never came up.
To be fair, if you’re dating someone who you know makes a big deal over St. Patrick’s Day let alone Valentine’s Day and you choose to ignore it, you already know that it’s gonna cut deeper than it would for other individuals.
However, all I’m saying is a lot of people show all the way out with their sense of entitlement when it comes to V-Day — and that can reveal a lot about their attitude towards the relationship, in general, how they are able to handle (potential) disappointment and how they prioritize things overall.
Bottom line, some folks end up with partners who bring nothing but headaches and drama on Valentine’s Day…and that ends up being a blessing in disguise because if one holiday can get someone totally bent out of shape, imagine how they’ll be when a REAL problem occurs. Whew, chile.
When You Love Well Every Day, Valentine’s Day…Isn’t That Big of a Deal
I grew up a biblical Sabbath observer which is Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. The Hebrew word for Sabbath is Shabbat and it means to cease from creating (Genesis 2:1-3). When you grow up taking that kind of time off, each and every week, it kind of feels like a holiday in a way (although a “holy day” would be an appropriate assessment).
In fact, for many years, my mother would get me something (like a new pair of pantyhose, a purse, or some lip gloss) as a token of the beginning of the Sabbath, every Friday, which made it even more special and celebratory. And probably, that’s why I can pretty much take or leave a holiday now. Other than my birthday, Sabbaths were/are extraordinary in several ways and so I don’t “live” for something like Christmas.
My point? When two people love each other well and consistently, Valentine’s Day is typically seen in a similar fashion.
You already speak each other’s primary love languages. You are already proactive and intentional regarding the time that you spend together. Intimacy is already and consistently prioritized. In fact, you and your bae are so into each other, so often, that if you’re not paying attention, February 14 may pass you by without you barely even noticing. And how truly awesome is that? February 13 you loved well. February 15 you will love well. February 14 is just the day that’s in between the two.
And that is why I entitled this article the way that I did. To infect something is not just about poisoning or tainting it; it’s about allowing things to influence it in such a way that those people, places, things, and/or ideas end up doing more harm than good. And y’all — if you allow the commercialism, the social media hype, the unnecessary pressures of people who you don’t even know (or who aren’t invested in your relationship in a beneficial way) INFLUENCE how you feel about Valentine’s Day, you very well could end up irritated or…alone. All because of a day. ONE DAMN DAY.
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I’ve written enough articles on Valentine’s Day before that if you think that I’m simply hating on the day, it’s only because you’re choosing to. Valentine’s Day, when it’s coming from a healthy mindset and realistic perspective, is just fine. Celebrate love and have a ball doing it! All I’m saying is 24 hours shouldn’t make or break a relationship. And sometimes a gentle reminder of this fact can end up sparing it.
Enjoy the day. Don’t stress over it, though.
Bottom line, love isn’t any different on Valentine’s Day.
Or at least…it shouldn’t be.
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Featured image by Jasenka Arbanas/Getty Images