You know something that, personally, I don’t think deserves enough love and respect? Our cervix. It’s that small body part (approximately one inch long and wide) that is down at the neck (base) of our uterus. Its purpose? It helps to carry the sperm to our uterus. Not only that, but during our period, it’s where the menstrual blood flows out. Also, during labor, something known as a cervical mucus plug is released so that our cervix is able to dilate so that we’re able to give birth.
Yeah, as you can see, the cervix is something that’s pretty special. And that’s exactly why I wanted to take a few moments to share with you 10 tips that can help to keep yours in great shape. Let’s get into it.
1. Get Pap Smears
Getty Images
If you’ve ever wondered, a pap smear is literally designed to test the cells of your cervix. Although, back when I was a late teen and in my early 20s, it was recommended that women get a pap smear on an annual basis, no matter what, many medical professionals are now saying that women between the ages of 21-65 only need them every three years (after having three pap tests in a row that come back fine).
An exception is if you have a family history of cervical cancer or if you participate in risky sexual behavior (like unprotected sex, especially if you’re not in an exclusive relationship). In those instances, your physician may recommend that you get tested every year. It’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you’ve had a full hysterectomy, there is no need for a pap because you no longer have a cervix.
2. Learn As Much As You Can About the HPV Vaccine
Getty Images
I’m pretty sure that you know at least a few details about HPV. Just to be sure, though, those three letters are the “nickname” for the human papillomavirus (HPV), which reportedly has 100 different “strains” (some reports even go as high as 150). Some of them are warts; some turn into different forms of cancer. While it should go on the record that (currently) most HPV infections do not turn into cancer, because certain genital warts can lead to cancer of the uterus and/or cervix, and since there are close to 14,000 new cases of cervical cancer a year, that’s why many medical professionals recommend that young children receive the HPV vaccine (although it should also go on record that you don’t have to be a virgin to get vaccinated and people who’ve never had sexual intercourse can also get HPV because it can be transmitted through the mouth and fingers). Honestly, this point right here could be its own article, so my two cents would be to study up on HPV and HPV vaccines as much as possible.
3. Eat Foods That Are High in Vitamin C
Getty Images
Is your diet high in vitamin C? If not, keeping your cervix in good condition is one reason to consider adding more C into your system. That’s right. Studies show that vitamin C is a nutrient that lowers the risk of bladder, breast, and endometrial cancer, as well as cervical tumors. Foods that are high in vitamin C include citrus fruit, potatoes, tomatoes, berries, cruciferous vegetables, kiwi, and cantaloupe. You can also take a vitamin C supplement if you’d prefer to go that route.
4. Also, Eat Foods That Reduce Bodily Inflammation
Getty Images
Personally, I find it to be both sad and accurate that one article defined the Westernized diet to be one that is full of “high in saturated and trans fats, added sugars, and sodium.” SMDH. A huge problem with all of this, as it specifically relates to what we’re discussing today, is that kind of stuff can lead to chronic inflammation, which ultimately ends up weakening your immune system while making it easier for the HPV infections to cause problems in your body. That’s why it’s smart to eat foods that lower the risk of inflammation, ones like salmon, cherries, dark leafy greens, olive oil, and almonds.
5. Avoid Whole Milk
Getty Images
I think I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had whole milk. That’s because, while growing up, sweet acidophilus low-fat milk was all I saw in the fridge — and now? Oat milk is my jam. However, if whole milk is your personal fave, I want to encourage you to do some (additional) reading and research on it because, according to science, whole milk consumption can elevate your risk of certain cancers, including breast, bladder, lung, stomach and yes, cancer of the cervix. One reason is because dairy can help to trigger inflammation in your body, and as we’ve just discussed, inflammation can wreak all kinds of havoc if you’re not careful.
6. Drink Grapefruit Juice or Pineapple Juice
Getty Images
Cervical mucus deserves its own article, too, because it plays such a critical role in fertility. For now, what I’ll say is if you’re trying to get pregnant in the near future, do some research on holistic approaches to keeping your cervical mucus (the fluid that both sustains and carries the sperm to your uterus so that you can conceive) healthy. One way that many health professionals who practice things like Chinese medicine recommend is that you drink grapefruit and/or pineapple juice on a regular basis. Long story short, it helps to keep your mucus in optimal condition for the sperm to thrive in.
7. Be Careful with Cervical Stimulation
Getty Images
In the quest to experience as many different kinds of orgasms as possible, you might have heard of (or even tried) a “cervical orgasm”; it’s all about stimulating your cervix in order to receive a different type of pleasurable climax. And while it’s not about penetrating your cervix (that is pretty much impossible to do), you need to be proactively cautious while doing it. Why? Because if what’s stimulating your cervix has fluid that’s full of an STI/STD, it could still be transmitted to you.
8. Use Condoms
If you want to avoid getting pregnant or contracting an STI/STD, condoms are still the most effective way to do both. Now, I will say that you have to use them flawlessly for them to be 98 percent reliable as far as not getting pregnant goes, it’s around 90 percent effective at preventing HIV transmission and 85 percent effective when used “typically” (which means with a bit of room for error like it not being the best fit or it’s put on too late or taken off too early). Still, even though condoms aren’t perfect, they are a helluva lot better at keeping you from getting HPV than not using them, so — unless you’re in a mutually exclusive relationship where both of you test every 6-12 months, you need to wrap it up…each and every time that you “engage.”
9. Yes, Body Count Matters Here
Getty Images
Speaking of wrapping up, while I know that it will probably be until the end of time that folks will debate if body counts actually matter or not when it comes to keeping your cervix healthy, the answer is…it does. There’s a good amount of medical intel out here that supports the fact that “the greater the list, the greater the risk.” That’s because the more people you’ve been with, the higher the possibility that you’ve been exposed to HPV. So, just to be on the safe side, choose to not see sex as merely “recreational”; choose your partners with caution. If for no other reason than your cervix needs you to.
10. Don’t Smoke
Getty Images
If you were to Google any article on how to keep your cervix healthy, I’m willing to bet some pretty good money that it’s going to tell you not to smoke. One reason is because smoking is known to suppress your immune system, which can make you more susceptible to HPV. Plus, women who smoke are two times more likely to be diagnosed with cervical cancer than those who don’t. And what about weed? Well, studies are still ongoing about that. What I will say is smoke in the lungs is…smoke in the lungs, and anything that can lead to inflammation is ultimately problematic on some level. So, just puff, puff, pass in moderation, and stay up on new developments on the topic— for your cervix’s sake, aight? Cool.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Carol Yepes/Getty Images
- Check Out These 10 Ways To Make Your Vagina Smell So Much Better ›
- Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced ›
- 10 Essential Oils That Are Great For Feminine Hygiene (And A Few Other Things) ›
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy