Divine femininity is something that I’ve been aware of for quite some time; however, it was not until I was in the process of selecting a life coaching school in order to earn my PCC that I found myself deep diving, even more, into what it was all about.
The reason why is because “the principal” of my school (which is what I refer to her as) told me that she sensed that divine femininity was going to become a big part of my focus during this particular season of my life — and interestingly enough, my townhouse going up in flames (talk about “beauty for ashes,” chile) played a direct role in it.
Since I am a “signs and wonders” kind of person, I applied some of what she said as I became both a student of life coaching (on another level) and what divine femininity is all about.
And just what is divine femininity? It’s interesting because some of the answer to that is based on who you ask. Personally, I believe that the easiest way to define it is it’s the feminine side of divine power that is marked by certain character traits that would be considered “signature femininity.” For some, that looks like what a “goddess” would move like. For me, it looks like what provides a balance to masculine energy in some very distinctive and impactful ways.
And while divine femininity has the ability to manifest itself in a myriad of different ways, today, what I want to tap into is how you can apply some of its traits to the gateway of your womb (your vagina) — because goodness, y’all, if there’s one thing that is powerful, sacred and definitely something that defines femininity on a whole ‘nother level, it’s the part of the body that brings forth life, not just literally…metaphorically too.
So, if you’re ready to honor your vagina by bringing it into more of a divine femininity kind of energy and atmosphere, here are seven traits of divine femininity that can help you to accomplish that very thing.
1. Creative
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I won’t lie. It’s kind of interesting that when it comes to learning what signature divine femininity traits are, not very many authors can agree on how many of them exist. I know that my first introduction to the concept at all was probably Queen Afua back in the day and her bookSacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit (the real ones know). Anyway, if there is one trait that virtually everyone can agree on is creativity.
Since being creative is all about bringing something new into existence, and one thing that women can do is birth life, that tracks. However, remember how I also said that wombs can be a metaphor? Even outside of children, we as women have the ability to “birth” all kinds of things — always remember that.
And how can you be more creative as far as your vagina (or vulva) is concerned? When’s the last time you tried a new pubic hair look or trend (check out “Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too.”)? When it comes to sexual pleasure, when was the last time you tried a new sexual position? If you’re wanting to keep your vagina in great shape, have you even attempted to use a yoni egg before?
As far as this particular divine femininity trait is concerned, the main thing to focus on is bringing “newness” to your vagina — it’s about reading and researching things that just might benefit her in ways that you never would’ve considered before.
2. Nurturing
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Something that we see in an emotionally healthy and spiritually sound mother is a woman who is very nurturing and loving. One definition of nurture is “to feed and protect.” Another? It is to “support and encourage.” At the end of the day, being nurturing is all about offering whatever will assist something or someone in being able to flourish and thrive.
When it comes to your vagina, what are you feeding “her” (check out “The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving,” “10 Fall Foods That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health,” “This Is How To Eat Your Way To A Wetter (Yes, Wetter) Vagina,” and “Here’s What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of”)?
How are you intentionally and proactively protecting her? Are you selective about your sex partners? Do you use condoms until/unless there is mutual exclusivity that’s established? Do you get tested for STIs/STDs on an annual basis (every six months if you’re engaging in casual sex)?
Do you support her by washing her properly (check out “Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?” and “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”) and getting her the type of underwear that she needs (check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”)? Do you encourage her to live her own best life by giving yourself vaginal self-examinations, just to make sure that everything is “running smoothly” down below?
A part of the reason why I penned “Vaginas Are Like Plants. Here's What I Mean By That.” for the platform was to remind us all that nurturing our vaginas is essential — critical even. She takes good care of you, right? Acknowledge that by nurturing her right on back.
3. Forgiving
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Hands down, if there’s a top area where I see a ton of hypocrisy when it comes to relationships (and oh, there are plenty to choose from), it’s forgiveness. Because while some folks are out here acting like others aren’t “worthy” of it, at the same time, they want that kind of mercy to be bestowed upon them. Listen, I will tell you from very up close and personal experience that if you want to see karma (or sowing and reaping; however, you personally choose to frame it) up close and personally, try not forgiving someone. The way that thing will boomerang on you when you need it most? It never ceases to amaze me.
When it comes to not forgiving, I’m speaking of self-forgiveness, too. And when it comes to your vagina, specifically, not forgiving your vagina could include things like making poor sex decisions, not taking good care of your vagina (and vulva), and even not pampering it as you should. All being unforgiving does is harbor some level of bitterness and resentment — and that can make it hard to love yourself and others as deeply and fully (and consistently) as you should.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times. One of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is by best-selling author Gary Zukav: “Forgiveness is accepting that the past can’t change.” What you should’ve done that you didn’t do? You can’t do anything about that. All you can do is learn, move forward, and do better. This includes the lessons learned surrounding your vagina. Please make sure that you do.
4. Sensual
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It’s kind of interesting that, when it comes to the words “lust” and “sensual,” (most) people think that they only refer to sex when that isn’t the case. Lust can be rooted in a strong sexual desire, yes; however, it can be a strong desire for anything, period — person, place, thing, or idea. And sensual? Being sensual is about being pleasing to all five senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, and smell. While there is oftentimes at least a hint of sex that comes with that, something (or one) can be sensual without it.
So, keeping the sensual definition in mind, how can your vagina become more sensual? Let’s start with how much do you know about your vagina? Even outside of sex, do you take care of the “touch and sight” senses by holding up a mirror and feeling around — not just for potential health issues but just so that you can feel comfortable doing so? Do you know what different scents mean at various times of the month (check out “Ever Wonder What Different Vaginal Smells Mean? I Got You.”).
If you’ve ever been curious about what your vagina tastes like — hell, it’s basically a haven of probiotics on steroids. Try it. No one has to know. And as far as hearing goes (because I bet you were wondering how I was gonna tie that in) — try listening to some more when you’re bathing, relaxing, or pregaming for sex. There are studies to support that it can provide the same sensations as sexual pleasure. As a diehard music fan — I can totally get where they are coming from.
5. Kind
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At the end of the day, kindness is rooted in benevolence, and being benevolent is all about expressing goodwill and doing things that will ultimately benefit other people. If you look at this from the angle of being kind to yourself, this would include actions like loving yourself, comforting yourself, speaking highly (in a self-confident, not arrogant way) of yourself, believing in yourself, and fully accepting yourself. So, when it comes to your vagina, specifically, based on all of the definitions that I just provided — are you kind to her? You sure?
Out of all of the things that I said, I really want to encourage you to hone in on the “comforting” and “fully accepting” part. “Comforting” in the sense that sometimes yeast infections, bacterial infections, itching, and irritation happen. Sometimes, a poor decision might result in an STI/STD. Sometimes, you may not be putting as much proactive self-care into your vagina (and vulva) as you know that you should. Rather than get angry with yourself and/or at your vagina about that, comfort her.
Literally do things that will help to soothe her, like taking oatmeal baths, participating in apple cider vinegar soaks, applying carrier oils (like coconut, carrot seed, and sweet almond) that will help to bring relief to your vulvar skin — things like that. And as far as accepting her — I mean, that’s pretty much a complete sentence.
Just like snowflakes, no two vaginas are just alike, and there is no “wrong” way to have one as far as appearance goes, which means that your vagina (and vulva) was designed to be the way it’s supposed to be. You are able to boost your self-esteem (including your sexual self-esteem) by making complete and total peace with that very fact.
6. Collaborative
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A sign of being a woman who thrives in your divine masculinity is you are able to cooperate with other people. Chile…CHILE. I could do an entire article on this alone. Anyway, when it comes to your vagina, a great definition of cooperate is “to work or act together or jointly for a common purpose or benefit.” And by keeping this in mind, this is why I write articles like “Okay. Let's Make Some Vagina Resolutions This Year.” for the site. It’s basically a reminder that your vagina is just as relevant as the rest of your body, and so it deserves to have some plans made for it too.
So, when it comes to being… “vaginally collaborative” — take a moment to think about what you can do for your vagina that will help to accomplish some benefits for it — well, her. You know, a personal motto that I live by is if your mind, body, and spirit aren’t in agreement about a particular choice that you are about to make concerning a person, place, thing, or idea, you should pause because it’s a “trinity” that is designed to work in harmony.
And so, I encourage you to apply this way of thinking to your vagina. Whatever you’re about to do — is it going to help you and your vagina to accomplish some resolutions or goals that you’ve already set? Can your mind and spirit get on board? If not, it’s not truly a collaborative effort, and it is definitely something that you should rethink…before it’s too late.
7. Fertile
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Even though most of us think of offspring whenever the word “fertile” comes to mind, it’s super important to remember that the word also speaks to abundance, productiveness, and fruitfulness. Personally, I like the word “fruitful” because that’s all about doing things that will prove to be beneficial, useful, worthwhile, successful, and rewarding for you.
When a woman is walking in her divine femininity, she is laser-focused when it comes to making “fertile moves” when it comes to her lifestyle. And as this comes to a close, whether you desire (more) children or not — your womb and your vagina need you to also be conscious about doing what will be worth their while…what will ultimately prove to be more than short-term rewarding.
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An author by the name of Danielle LaPorte once said, “The divine feminine is the warrior and the healer in a womanly package.” A warrior shows great courage and a healer shows great compassion.
Your vagina needs both. Your vagina deserves both. You can give it both.
As you learn more about how to move in your own divine femininity, Black woman, please make sure that you do.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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