There was a time when I was all about rolling the windows down and blasting music during my after-work commute. But lately I've been sharing a lot of this time with podcasts. I find myself sitting in parking lots, unable to even get out of the car until I finish listening to whatever interview or conversation has me hooked for the day.
One of my favorites is called Cocktales: Dirty Discussions, hosted by Kiki Said So and Medinah Monroe. Kiki and Medinah are two HBCU graduates and career women who use the show to openly discuss their crazy experiences, dating, and sex. What I like most about the show is the authenticity, the ladies and weekly guests are super honest and don't hold anything back. In just one episode, topics can range from first date and threesomes to masturbation, period sex, baecations and more.
Recently, I had the chance to chat with the two co-hosts about their poppin' podcast and some much-needed tips for great sex:
What made you start 'Cocktales: Dirty Discussions'?
Courtesy of Cocktales
Kiki: I work in radio and at the time I was hearing so much about podcasts. Everybody was beginning to start them and it just sounded like a good idea. Medinah and I have been friends since high school and I knew her personality would be great for the show. We already always talked about the craziness of our dating life anyway, so it was like why not?
I remember hearing that you both are dating now. How has that experience been with the success of the podcast?
Medinah: It can be weird; I was in a long-term relationship when I first started the show. Now I'm newly single, and whenever I meet someone I'm always wondering if they've heard the podcast and what they're thinking.
Kiki: Same here, guys ask questions about the show, or wonder if I'm talking about them on it. At times, they've even tried to "step up" sexually after listening.
One of my favorite parts of the show is the “Cocktales” segment. What are your personal favorite "cocktales"?
Kiki: I remember once I was leaving a wedding and it was an open bar, as all weddings should be. I ended up Uber(ing) and eventually hitchhiking (long story) to an "appointment" to see a guy. Once I got there and we started having sex, I felt my wig slipping. I was on top, and it just kept moving. Eventually I had to tell him, and he snatched it off and threw it across the room! (laughs)
Medinah: A few years ago, I was at an Atlanta strip club we used to go to all the time. I always had an interest in women, but there was a stripper there I really liked. I was with a group, but I felt like a boss because she only wanted to dance for me. Fast forward, we ended up exchanging numbers. Later that night, she sent a car to my house, wined and dined me, and ran me a bath. To date, it's probably one of my favorite girl sex experiences ever.
See, stories like that are what make me ask my next question. What are a few tips for women who crave more from their sex life?
Courtesy of Cocktales
Medinah: Communication is one of the best ways to have great sex. Whether your mate is or isn't giving you everything you need sexually, they don't know it unless you speak up. I like nasty sex and that's not for everybody, some people just aren't as comfortable. Try asking questions to relax them. For example you could ask, "What's your fantasy, or is there anything sexual you've always wanted to try?" Questions like that can make him or her more comfortable.
Kiki: And get a sex toy! Although we live in a time where women feel a lot more free to discuss their sexual desires, there are a lot who are still uncomfortable. Whether you're trying to get out of your own head or experience a more powerful orgasm, the key is learning your body. A sex toy is one way to learn what you enjoy, or dislike. Also you can try a new position with your partner.
Don't be afraid to suggest things that may work better for you, and respond back when they try something new. We have to change the stigma that comes with wanting a good and healthy sex life.
There's nothing wrong with discussing it. There's nothing wrong with having it. As long as we are making decisions based off our wants and desires, it's not bad to want the most from your partner. You can be a career woman and still have good sex!
Want more cocktales from these ladies? Cop some tickets to their live show on May 18, 2019 in Atlanta here. In the meantime, you can always get your life from the weekly episodes of Cocktales every Thursday via Soundcloud and Apple.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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The bright under-eye can be difficult to achieve. These are some of the common mistakes that are holding you back from sculpted bright under eyes that are giving!
1. You are not using the correct concealer shade.
Using two concealers makes a huge difference. Start with a shade 1-2 shades lighter than your skin tone. Followed by a shade that is 3-4 times lighter and placed closer to the inner eye to do the heavy lifting and give the bright effect.
Two shades diffuse well into each other and give a cohesive result.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
2. You are not blending enough.
Don't underestimate the power behind a complete blend-out! Blending your concealer fully is a make-or-break step for the bright under-eye look. Fully blending allows for a seamless transition between the areas of the face meant to be highlighted, and the areas meant to create depth and shadows. So take your time and make sure there are no harsh lines.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
3. You are not properly setting the under-eye area.
Set the under-eye using a loose setting powder or brightening powder. The key here is to choose a powder complementary to your skin's undertone and proper placement to prevent creasing. Focus the majority of the powder on the inner eye and defuse the remaining powder to the rest of the powder under the eye.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
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