4 Women On How Mentorship Impacted Their Lives
Women of color receive less support in the workplace. According to the Harvard Business Review, it's one of the reasons why there's only 4% of women of color in the C-suite. The lack of support at work is the reason why mentorship is such a vital ingredient to our career success.
More and more women are stepping up to the plate to mentor the next generation. They're making mentorship a priority because paying it forward is a responsibility, and they want to break the mentality that you have to get to the top alone.
Here are four women who share how stepping into a role of mentorship has been one of their greatest rewards.
Manessa Lormejuste
Cosmetic Chemist at L'Oreal USA
Courtesy of Manessa Lormejuste
Why is mentorship important to you?
Mentorship is important to me because I recall being a young girl interested in STEM and not having a mentor to model myself after as I've grown older and realized that not only am I a thriving WOC but that my deep roots in STEM can allow me to be a resource for others. By extending my experiences and expertise to others, I can be that role model I didn't have growing up.
When and why did you first become a mentor?
I first became an official mentor in 2017 through the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum in NYC. At that time, I was mentoring a group of four young women from NYC who were interested in STEM. I had just completed my undergraduate degree in Chemistry, and I was looking for a way to give back. Young women are often discouraged from seeking careers in the sciences since it is traditionally male-dominated. I wanted to be living proof that not only can women succeed in science but that I didn't have to change my femininity to do so. Since then, I have mentored at least five more young women at various steps in their development.
"By extending my experiences and expertise to others, I can be that role model I didn't have growing up."
What's been the biggest reward of mentoring?
The biggest reward of mentoring was that the relationship is mutually beneficial. My mentees were actively interested in engineering and technology. While that is not where my experience lies, they were able to teach me a wealth of knowledge about programming platforms that were integrated into their project. Being able to also learn from them was rewarding. One of my mentees went on to intern at NASA doing complex research. Another one of the young ladies I mentored started her college journey an MIT.
In my role at L'Oreal, when I get a chance to mentor the incoming interns, the biggest reward is seeing how they value my experience. I am an open book which allows us to have natural conversations about their growth and development. Seeing them thrive makes it all worthwhile.
How has mentoring changed your life?
Mentoring has changed my life as I have been able to connect with many young women who would not have known about a career such as mine. Mentoring has also allowed me to be more confident in myself and stick true to my beliefs. As I continue to pour into my mentees based on my own experiences, I realize that the life I have chosen to pursue was not a mistake, but what I was destined to do.
Nekasha Pratt
Director of Marketing, Tennessee Department of Tourist Development
Courtesy of Nekasha Pratt
Why is mentorship important to you?
Mentoring is important because everyone needs help and guidance as they move throughout their career. It goes back to the proverb "Each one, teach one" and the fact that we can all help each other be better.
When and why did you first become a mentor?
I became a "Big Sister" with Big Brothers Big Sisters almost four years ago. The organization was doing community outreach to attract new mentors, and once I learned the number of children waiting for mentors, I reached out to volunteer. I always wanted to get more involved locally, and I thought not only could I mentor a young woman, but she and I could volunteer in the community together. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
In addition to Big Brothers Big Sisters, I've also been a mentor with the tnAchieves program, which is Tennessee's scholarship program that connects mentors with high school students working towards earning a post-secondary credential. Additionally, I'm currently a business mentor with Pathway Women's Business Center, which helps business owners grow and expand their businesses. I've had a total of six mentees in the last four years.
How has mentoring changed your life?
I am a better person and leader because I'm a mentor. My listening and communication skills have improved, and my patience and empathy have increased. I enjoy helping others achieve their goals, so I also have an increased sense of personal pride from seeing a person I mentored succeed.
Carjie Scott
Higher Education Administrator
Courtesy of Carjie Scott
Why is mentorship important to you?
We all need relationships with people who hold us accountable, challenge us to do great things, and set the example on how to do it. My frame of mind is to help others realize that it doesn't matter where you come from, what you look like, what society deems you to be, or the like. Instead, I want mentees to know their value, profit off their talents, and surround themselves with people who appreciate them. Therefore, I'm paying it forward with that mentality now. I know that this was something that I was born to do; so, every opportunity I get to help someone, I use it.
What did your mentee have that made you want to invest more time with her/him/they?
My mentee relationships are casual. I am a phone call or email away; when someone needs help, I assist them. I have found mentees through programs like TN Promise, a grant program for students interested in attending college for free in TN. I have also found mentees organically through my volunteer work throughout Nashville. I believe that it's up to the mentee to call me their mentor, but even without the title or the formal ask, I am here to help when I can. One thing I've learned is, when people ask you to be their mentor, no matter their age or perceived skill-set, you should help them. People have asked me to mentor them, and I immediately thought, "Why is she asking me? I should be asking them." Those have been my best relationships.
"One thing I've learned is, when people ask you to be their mentor, no matter their age or perceived skill-set, you should help them."
What's been the biggest reward of mentoring?
The biggest reward from mentoring is seeing mentees use the advice I gave and watching them grow and prosper. I also feel good about giving back to others. I recognize that it takes a village and I'm honored to have one. If it weren't for mentors being there for me, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
How has mentoring changed your life?
Mentoring has made me a better person, and I think it has made others better. It has increased my relationships with others and allowed me the chance to encourage others to do their very best. It makes me live a purpose-driven life because I know that people are looking up to me. I understand that I can't give the shirt off my back if I don't have a shirt on. So, it makes me take care of myself, so I can care for others.
Crystle Johnson
Sr. Consultant, Inclusion, Diversity & CSR at Electronic Arts
Courtesy of Crystle Johnson
Why is mentorship important to you?
Mentorship is important to me because we don't know what we don't know. Mentorship allows us to level up our knowledge in areas where we have gaps and opportunities to help us grow.
When and why did you first become a mentor?
I became a mentor because I wanted to be everything that I needed to other professionals who look like me. I struggled a lot at the start of my career because I didn't know how to ask for help and didn't have examples of what success could look like for me. For the last few years, I've set aside a few hours each week to listen and answer questions from women who reach out to me for career navigation advice. I've even started a podcast, Read My Lipstick, that highlights the stories of ordinary women of color who are doing extraordinary things every day.
What did your mentee have that made you want to invest more time with her/him/they?
My style of mentoring is organic. When mentoring others, there is one thing that I look for: humility. If you're willing to lay it all out there and ask for help, I'm here to help you break down the barriers that lie ahead.
How has mentoring changed your life?
Mentoring has given me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. We don't have to fly to the moon or cure cancer to be extraordinary. Through empowering, supporting, and sharing with those who need it -- we are extraordinary.
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- Why Mentor? Understanding the Impact Mentoring Has on Youth ›
Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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