

The Number One Soft Skill You Need To Thrive In Your Career
You just started your first job out of college. What you prepared for your entire life to jumpstart your career is this very moment. You've set performance goals, and you've started your list of senior leaders you plan to set lunch dates with, but are you communicating well with your manager? As you prepare for your future, which can be next year, next week or even tomorrow, one thing we all forget to take ownership of is our communication skills.
How we communicate is vital in our growth and will be a pain point in your formative years in your career.
"As new grads starting their first job out of college, communication can be your greatest asset or challenge," shared Meredith Moore Crosby, author of "Getting Unstuck: A Guide To Moving Your Career Forward", a guide on how to advance at work. From emails to phone or in-person meetings, the way you communicate in a corporate setting doesn't come with your degree. It's on the job soft skills you pick up from managers, peers, and companies, but it's a skillset some organizations expect you to have right away.
Crosby is a communications expert who managed teams at Verizon, McDonald's, 3M and Comcast and understands how communications can be pivotal in "navigating the unwritten rules" of corporate America. "It starts with the understanding [that the rules] exist and getting clarity early about what your manager and the people who can decide your fate at work [want]. Whether you get promoted or fired all depends on how you react and communicate," she shared.
Here are her tips for working through communication challenges that present themselves at work:
Understand how your manager communicates.
"Most of us hope to work at our first real job for a while. Your first job is where you'll develop skills, friendships, and habits. Often the company culture shows up in how people communicate, so the first few weeks can be difficult while you learn the unwritten rules," shared Crosby. She advises that you open communication lines with regular one-on-one meetings. You create a road map to how you'd like to communicate your progress or challenges with your manager.
She suggests you assess how your manager interacts during the early days of your new job by asking these three questions:
- How do people get more information on the direction?
- How would you like to give me feedback on my work?
- How will I know if I am off track or missing your expectations?
Ask for clarity when you don't understand what your manager wants.
Sometimes the directions our managers give us aren't always clear. However, we often hit a crossroad when considering whether to ask for clarification or figure it ourselves. Will our manager think we are incompetent if we don't understand our assignments? But what if we work on the task inefficiently by doing the wrong thing?
To help with understanding your work, Crosby suggests you ask for examples, templates, or expectations when you receive new assignments.
"Take time when getting new work to reconfirm the expectations, timeline, and what to do if you have existing priority work," she explained. She suggests asking for clarity before agreeing by saying, "Thanks for the opportunity to work on this! I was working on XX as we discussed in our weekly one-on-one, should I switch gears and focus on this based on when you want to see something?"
Remember written communication can follow you.
Emails and messaging software like Slack are like social media. Even if you delete it, it can't be unseen by others, and it can be printed or referred to over and over again. "Remember, it's a written document that can come up in legal issues in the future. Never joke, be sarcastic or make comments you wouldn't want to clarify in a court of law," Crosby shared. Her three tips for managing email communications at work include:
- Be respectful, kind, and conscious of the timeliness of your email. When in doubt, talk in person and resolve an issue or opportunity immediately.
- Use bold to highlight actions and don't be afraid to resend friendly reminders if you don't get a response.
- Get an email buddy. Ask them to review your message for tone, clarity, and to make sure you aren't getting distracted by your perspective.
Find a mentor.
There's always that one person at work who sends great emails and gives excellent speeches at work. They capture your attention every time they speak at a meeting or send an email. If you have identified that person at work, Crosby believes that that person can be a mentor for you.
"Find a role model and if possible, build a relationship, and you can potentially cultivate a mentorship where you can get individual feedback. In the meantime, consider how they would respond in situations where you might feel stuck."
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on September 2, 2019
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Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
Exclusive: Kelly Rowland Dishes On The Key To A Healthy Marriage And Her Skincare "Game-Changers"
Kelly Rowland is like a bottle of the Earth’s finest wine; she only gets better with time. Even in her early forties, the Destiny’s Child member and singer has somehow found a way to age backwards, with a level of grace and class that we could only dream of. And she does so while juggling multiple hats and roles at once. In addition to giving us hits like “Motivation,” the multi-hyphenate is also a wife, actress, executive producer, and, her greatest role of all, a mother.
Always proudly doting on her two sons, Titan and Noah, Rowland shares how teaming up with WaterWipes for their Hallowclean campaign and kickoff event in New York City on October 21 was an easy choice for her—as the brand is one that she keeps stocked regularly.
“WaterWipes has been in my household for I don’t know how long. We don’t just use them for Noah; I keep them in the car and my makeup bag, too,” Rowland shares in an exclusive interview with xoNecole. “I also like the fact that they are natural. I’ll definitely have them in my fanny pack for trick-or-treating. This is Noah’s second Halloween, and I know he’s going to be excited and digging in his pail to try the different candy, and his little fingers will be messy. He’s going to want to get dirty. So, I love that WaterWipes is putting up ten Hallowclean stations across the country for parents to use; it’s such a great idea. I just love Halloween, and I really love Halloween with my kids, so I thought this campaign was a really great idea.”
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
She and her youngest son, Noah, attended the event, where the two enjoyed a day of family-friendly activities while he sported the most adorable astronaut costume. But the Spooky Szn fun doesn’t stop there for the Merry Liddle Christmas actress and executive producer.
We recently caught up with Kelly Rowland over Zoom to learn more about her Halloween (and holiday) plans, her keys to a healthy marriage, and she even dropped her go-to cold-weather skin routine—finally.
xoNecole: What are your family’s upcoming trick-or-treat plans? Will you do a fun group costume, or is everyone going to do their own thing this year?
Kelly Rowland: I’m preparing for tour, so I’ve been in rehearsals and pre-production. And my husband's schedule has picked up, too. But the kids are going trick-or-treating; we usually go with people we know, so mommy and daddy will definitely be home to take them. We’re actually letting the kids dress us up this year, which means my costume will be a complete surprise to me. I told Noah he could paint my face or even go to the costume store and pick something out—it’s literally up to them. So, I don’t know what that will be. And, right after, I’ll be back to rehearsals.
xoN: Speaking of holidays, what do you look forward to most during the season?
KR: We love having people over, especially during the holidays. It looks like we will be home this year—thank God— just enjoying each other and spending quality time together. I like to decorate the house and go completely ham; it always looks like Christmas threw up in my house. From the stairwells to the exterior of the house and the lights—everything. We go so crazy. I also love the smells, it’s one of my greatest memories with my mom, God rest her soul. So I love to play all of that up.
I like to bake something every day, I like to make sure there is something for the kids to do or make each day, we watch Christmas movies, and we even do a wine tasting sometimes. It’s just all really sweet and cozy.
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
xoN: We love that family is so important to you, and it always shows in your posts, especially those with your husband. What would you say has been that “key” to a healthy marriage as partners and spouses for you two?
KR: I would say, each of us doing the self-work. I have not seen marriages last long in my lifetime. I haven’t been given the tools to “make it last forever.” We just try to do the work on ourselves and not sweat the small stuff.
Communication is key for us, too. We communicate everything. Whether I’m upset or I’m not sure about something, I communicate it. I also just like being around him, he’s fun. He’s a really great person and makes me laugh. We can literally sit together and watch a game and not say anything. We understand what true intimacy is, and now we’re almost ten years into our marriage.
xoN: Now, Kelly, we have to ask. Skincare. What is your cold-weather routine and the products you’re reaching for as temperatures drop?
KR: Right now, I’m all about moisture. I will wash my face morning and night, I do not skip. I’m obsessed with this 111SKIN toner. It smells good, but it also feels good on my skin. There’s also this product from Vanessa Lee of The Things We Do. They are these coconut eye patches with these little beads. I place them under my eyes and around the corners of my mouth—talk about a game changer. I like to put them on at night and then rub in the extra serum all over my face. Between that and this lactic acid by Shani Darden, they are both game-changers for me this season.
xoN: So, since you’ve found the key to aging backwards, should we be on the lookout for the Kelly Rowland skincare line anytime soon?
KR: Honestly, that market is so saturated. I wanted to do it a while back, but I have to really think about what I want to bring to the marketplace to really impact culture. It’s not just about a product for me. I love the way Selena Gomez has created a community. I want to be able to create a community as well. When it’s not just about skincare, it turns into a space for people to be their most authentic selves. And that’s what I love.
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Feature image by Natasha Campos/Getty Images for Tres Generaciones
'Bachelorette' Charity Lawson Details Her Journey To Finding Love After Leaving A Toxic Relationship
There’s a lot of power in letting go, especially if it means removing ourselves from toxic relationships that hold us back from our higher selves. And if there’s one person that understands the beauty of surrendering to the process, it’s The Bachelorette star, Charity Lawson.
In August, millions watched as Lawson embarked on her journey to finding love as the second Black Bacheloretteon the ABC dating show. Now, the 27-year-old has taken her talents to the dance floor on season 32 of Dancing with the Stars.
The reality TV star spoke withPEOPLE during a post-show interview to discuss a previous relationship that narrowed her vision of the future, causing her to believe that the possibilities in life were limited. "I did not, I mean, I envision a future for myself, but I think my scope was very limited,” Lawson shared about her last relationship.
Having the right people in your corner who can encourage personal growth in your life is essential to feeling supported on your journey, without it, some may be left feeling confined or even stuck, like in Lawson’s case. “I think I didn't really have a full picture of what I thought could be possible for my life — which is sad to say — but it's like when you're not in a relationship that really pushes you to blossom or just even the people around you in general, friends, whoever that may be, it's like you become almost like in this box.”
Lawson revealed that she left a toxic relationship marked by infidelity, which despite her best efforts to salvage, ultimately took an emotional toll on her self-esteem. "Before that, I left a really toxic relationship," she shared. "There was a lot of infidelity and I kept overextending myself to make things work... being in the trenches so lost and not knowing how to get out, I wasn't really proud of who I was."
Luckily, Lawson has since found love and companionship in her new fiancé, Dotun Olubeko, whom she became engaged to during The Bachelorette season finale.
Now that the two are “happily engaged,” she believes that going through the difficult experiences of her past relationship was necessary for her personal growth and transformation. "It took me going through that unfortunately to become the version of who I am today," she reflects. "Sometimes you need to go through the worst things in life to get to the best place and this dance needs to show that painful journey."
“And so now that I'm where I'm at and I went through so much in a short amount of time, I am a much better person. I'm more vibrant. I really do feel like I'm exactly where I need to be," she says.
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Featured image by Arturo Holmes/Getty Images FOR ESSENCE