Although I’m certainly not the biggest drinker on the planet, I have absolutely no problem enjoying a cocktail with dinner. I must admit though that, over the past couple of years or so, what I’ve actually preferred are mocktails — mostly because I like to see what different restaurants are able to come up with…and very rarely am I disappointed.
Plus, it doesn’t hurt that (based on the ingredients, of course) mocktails are oftentimes healthier, are less expensive and, if hangovers are something that you end up dealing with when it comes to consuming alcohol, that is nothing that you have to worry about when the drink is alcohol-free.
So, in honor of why mocktails are so wonderful, let’s kick off the fall season with some mocktails (including easy-to-follow recipes) that feature ingredients that are currently in season. And, as a bonus, how about I make sure that they are the kind of drinks that can really get your libido going — I mean, since this is the best time of year to get it in as much as possible?
And hey, if you don’t believe me, check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?” so that you can really get inspired to buy some new cocktail glasses for you and your boo.
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1. Fall Fig Fizz Mocktail
Did you know that a fig comes from a family that consists of inverted flowers that all grow in a pod? What this basically all boils down to is, that whenever you eat one, you are basically enjoying multiple fruits all at the same time. I think it’s also important to mention that figs, dates, and prunes are not the same thing; each has its own distinct qualities. That said, figs are good for you because they contain fiber to keep you regular, properties to lower your blood sugar levels, and even antioxidants that will help keep your skin healthy.
The reason why figs have a reputation for being a libido booster is because, when they are cut in half, some believe that they look a lot like a woman’s sex organs. If you add to that the fact that they are a good source of magnesium which can boost your sex drive and help to prevent erectile dysfunction, I thought that it would be fitting to start this off with a mocktail that has fall in the name.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
2. Kiwi and Grape Mocktail
Kiwis and grapes are both considered to be fall fruits. As far as their health benefits go, let’s start with kiwi. Kiwi is good for you because it’s also a good source of fiber, as well as protein, vitamin C (it has a ton of that), vitamin K, and copper. On the health benefits tip, it’s good for your gut and heart, and, the vitamin C that’s in kiwi can help to keep your immunity strong.
Grapes, on the other hand, are also beneficial thanks to the fiber, protein, vitamin K, and copper that they contain. Aside from that, though, grapes can help to lower your blood pressure and cholesterol levels, they can fight off oxidative stress (thanks to all of the antioxidants that they have) and they can help to boost your brain health and memory as well as slow down the signs of aging while increasing longevity too.
And why would this mocktail help to get you in the mood? Well, for starters, kiwi is also a good source of vitamin E and that is a nutrient that helps widen your blood vessels so that you have better blood circulation which can lead to more intense orgasms. Some health experts say that kiwi can reduce the chances of premature ejaculation in your partner as well.
Grapes make the aphrodisiac list because they are rich in flavonoids which also help to increase blood circulation everywhere in the body — including your genital region.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
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3. Sparkling Vanilla Pear Mocktail
This particular mocktail features three ingredients that are good for your sex drive: pear, vanilla, and cinnamon. Pears will do your body good because they are fiber-rich and they’re a pretty good source of protein, copper, and antioxidants. Since pears also contain plant compounds, they are good for your eyes and skin; plus, pears can help to reduce bodily inflammation and even lower your risk of diabetes.
Vanilla is good for you because it’s also an anti-inflammatory food that is rich in antioxidants, and cinnamon is bomb because it helps to boost your metabolism, lower your blood sugar levels, improve insulin insensitivity, and fight off bacteria and fungus-related infections.
So, what do all of these things do for you sexually? Pears contain anthocyanins, flavones, and flavanones that can help to treat erectile dysfunction the all-natural way, lab testing reveals that vanilla may help to increase sexual desire (not to mention that the scent is pretty sensual as well) and some studies say that cinnamon has the ability to bring balance to sex hormones, so that your libido, your periods and your fertility are more balanced.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
4. Spicy Guava Mocktail
Antioxidants, fiber, and vitamin C are some of the main nutrients that guava provides. They all work together to strengthen your immune system, slow down the signs of aging in your skin, and even make your menstrual cycles more bearable (as far as cramping goes). Meanwhile, the chili powder that’s featured in this particular recipe can help you to lose weight, reduce your risk of heart disease, and even help decrease any (mild) pain and discomfort that you might feel in your body.
When it comes to physical intimacy, guava is seen as an aphrodisiac because the potassium that’s in it can help men maintain longer erections. Also, since it supports your muscles contracting in the proper way (which is exactly what happens to your vagina muscles during an orgasm) — I mean, must I say more? Chili powder? It helps to improve blood flow so that you can “see the mountaintop” more often (if you know what I mean).
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
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5. Vegan Pumpkin Pie Mocktail
There is no contest when it comes to the fact that the signature fruit for the fall season is pumpkin, so a pumpkin mocktail recipe absolutely had to make the list. As far as aphrodisiacs go, this one contains pumpkin, coconut milk, vanilla, and apple (butter). When it comes to the health benefits of pumpkin, it’s also full of fiber, protein, vitamin C, potassium, and antioxidants. It’s also totally off the charts when it comes to how much vitamin A it contains (a whopping 245 percent of the Reference Daily Intake).
And so, whenever you consume pumpkin, you can be confident in the fact that it’s helping to fight off free radicals, boost your immune system, protect your vision, keep you regular and it’s even going to give your skin the collagen support that it needs to remain healthy. Coconut milk is good for you because it’s the kind of milk alternative that is rich in fatty acids, has antimicrobial and antifungal properties, and can help to keep your heart in good shape.
We already touched on vanilla, so let’s move on to the fact that apples have a lot of fiber in them, along with nutrients that can lower your risk of being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes while keeping your gut running well, soothing asthma-related symptoms and even aiding in keeping your mental health where it should be.
On the sex tip, the fatty acids that are in pumpkin (especially pumpkin seeds) help to keep your sex hormones healthy while the zinc in them can increase your libido. Studies have shown that coconut can help to regulate male sex hormones and increase testosterone while apples can improve the overall quality of your sex life (especially if you are a young woman), not to mention the fact that it helps increase sexual arousal.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
6. Easy Passion Fruit Sparkler
With a name like passion fruit, it better have some sex-related benefits — goodness. Anyway, it would benefit you to get some passion fruit into your system because it’s another fruit that is a good source of fiber, antioxidants, potassium, and magnesium. Plus, passion fruit can help to reduce anxiety, strengthen your immunity and it can increase hydration in your skin. Also, since it’s a low-calorie fruit, you can get a taste of sweetness that you may desire without worrying about packing on the pounds in the process.
You might want to sip on a passion fruit sparkler or two hours before having sex because the combination of potassium (which we already discussed can intensify your climaxes) and magnesium (which can make you less anxious and boost your libido; especially after menopause) could make for a really good night! (By the way, this recipe also calls for coconut and we’ve already touched on what it can do.)
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
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7. Pomegranate Mojito Mocktail
Since I’m a Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) observer, I’m very aware of the significance of pomegranates on a lot of levels. Health-wise, this fruit is good for you because it’s a solid source of protein, fiber, vitamin C, folate, potassium, and antioxidants. Pomegranates also have anticancer properties in them, they’re able to reduce bodily inflammation and they can even help to keep your brain sharp. Also, if you’re looking for food that can reduce UV ray damage from the inside out, pomegranates have your back in that department too.
Two other sex-beneficial ingredients in this recipe are mint and ginger (beer). Mint is good for your oral health as well as relieving indigestion, reducing breast discomfort while breastfeeding, and decreasing the severity of various cold symptoms. Ginger is awesome because it contains medicinal properties that do everything from bringing you some much-needed nausea (and morning sickness) relief and supporting your weight loss goals to lowering your cholesterol levels and reducing menstrual pain.
And what makes pomegranates an aphrodisiac? For starters, the antioxidants in them help to reduce stress and open up blood vessels, so that men have stronger erections and everyone has better orgasms. Plus, if you and your partner are looking to conceive, some research says that pomegranates have the ability to improve the quality of a man’s sperm.
And although mint has a reputation for lowering testosterone levels in men, it still gets a shout-out because it can help to balance hormones in women. And, as far as ginger goes, it’s another food that increases blood flow throughout your body which makes arousal easier and climaxing better.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
8. Sparkling Apple Cider Mocktail
We’ve already talked about how apples and pomegranates can do your body, including your libido, a lot of good. As we close these fall mocktail recipes out, I thought it would be a good idea to find one that combines both fall season fruits. And I’ll just reiterate real quick that apples have polyphenols and antioxidants in them that will help to get you aroused quicker while pomegranates contain properties that can even help to put you in the mood for sex.
Treat Yourself to the Recipe Here
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With the weather getting cooler and the desire to cuddle (more) getting stronger, test one (or all) of these fall-themed mocktails out. It’s a delicious way to have an even more delicious night. #wink
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Now if you’re married (or planning on getting married) and you’re wondering how often you “should” be sleeping with your partner (check out “Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?”), research says that (at least) once a week (or four times a month because…you know…life) falls into the category of being a “healthy marriage.” Why? Because at least this often shows that you are prioritizing intimacy, quality time, and even pleasure with (and for) your partner.
So, you know what that means, right? If it’s less than this, it could be a telling sign that you’re doing quite the opposite — and y’all, when sex is suffering in a long-term relationship, it’s only a matter of time before other areas do as well…because if there is no intimacy, quality time or pleasure transpiring, does that sound like a happy place for spouses to you?
And although (and oddly), a sexless marriage isn’t blatantly listed as being a formal cause for why couples divorce, the reality is that many folks will end their marriage under the grounds of “irreconcilable differences” when really, what they are saying, is the intimacy is lacking — and they’ve had enough. Case in point: I once read an article that said that out of 18,000 people who were surveyed, 13.5 percent of married people hadn’t had sex in five years or more. FIVE. DAMN. YEARS. Y’all, that’s not thriving or even living in a relationship — that is barely existing.
That said, because things like different sleep schedules, shifts in sex drives, and even boredom or laziness can cause spouses to put sex on the back burner, if you just read all of this and thought, “Yeah, this sounds a lot like my marriage right now” — before you do anything else, read how the following 10 married couples got through their own season(s) of a sexless marriage. It could help you to figure out what needs to be done in order to get your own relationship out of its current sex rut…for the sake of your intimacy needs and your marriage.
*I always use middle names in pieces like these, so that people can speak freely*
1. David and Chrystiana. Married 11 Years.
GiphyDavid: “People like to make this complicated when it’s pretty simple: what you prioritize, you’ll do. The reason why so many single people have a lot of sex isn’t because they don’t have lives and aren’t busy; it’s because they prioritize it. When you’re married, it’s easy to take sex for granted since your partner is in the bed with you every night. Before you know it, a week [of no sex] has turned into three. But just like food, sleep and your favorite streaming show matters to you, you can find a way to make sex happen. My wife and I had to choose to see it this way — then things started to change for the better.”
Chrystiana: “He’s right. When you’re single, especially when you live alone, you plan sex. When you’re married, so many other plans get in the way that you can forget to plan sex. It’s not that you don’t like it, want it, or miss it — it’s just that there is only so much time in the day. Some people frown on a sex schedule; it’s worked great for us. Every Sunday and Wednesday, we have sex, and because it’s on the schedule, the rest of the days give me time to get ready for it, so that it doesn’t just ‘happen’; it’s an event.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex” and “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.”
2. Benson and Denyse. Married for 16 Years.
GiphyBenson: “We weren’t each other’s first but we did wait until marriage to have sex with each other. We should’ve talked about sex more before marriage because I assumed that we were on the same page — and we weren’t. [My wife] is very affectionate but she can kind of take or leave sex, so that meant that I had to up the foreplay. It’s not that I wasn’t someone who didn’t ‘warm up the engine’ in the past; it’s just that she needs way more than even 30 minutes, so I’ve come up with creative ways to make that happen. That has made her more interested in intercourse which has made sex more consistent over time. Talk about sex prior to jumping brooms. You and your spouse could end up riding some if you don’t!”
Denyse: “I’ve always been more affectionate than sexual, so I have always liked to cuddle, even naked, more than the act of intercourse. What I had to accept is, when you’re married, it’s not just about your preferences and what you want. I think that’s why a lot of folks don’t go the distance: they are selfish and only care about their own needs. You asked about sex, so I’ll stay focused. If you’re like me and you like sex but you love intimacy outside of sex, tap in with your spouse to see what their needs are. My husband is fine having sex a few times a month and so I make sure that he gets it. Sometimes people are in a sexless marriage because they don’t see what their partner wants and their partner doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up all of the time. That’s fair [for them to feel that way]. You need to initiate sexual conversations.”
Shellie here: Check out “These Tips Will Keep Foreplay From Becoming Boring AF (No Pun Intended)” and “Want Your Man To Be Better In Bed? Give Him A Book.”
3. Nassir and Payten. Married for Seven Years.
GiphyNassir: “My wife will probably tell you that it was shaky at first because sex was something that she would use to get me to do things — or not do them. After a while, I got tired of that and I resorted to masturbation because it was less drama to deal with. You don’t want to be the solution, though, because you can easily look up and it’s been weeks without sex. Whatever is wrong, talk about it. Don’t use sex to hint around about other issues.”
Payten: “I hate to admit it but I’m not alone — my girlfriends tell me so. Back when I was single, I used to use sex as a weapon. Not that I don’t like sex — I like it A LOT. I’m saying that when a man would piss me off, I would withhold sex and when you’re married, it can’t work that way. You can’t expect a man to promise you faithfulness and you turn around and not give him any whenever he doesn’t clean the kitchen. It’s childish but it also creates a wedge. During the first 16 months or so of our marriage, I was being a ‘sex brat’ and it was really causing my husband to resent me. Then we went on a marriage retreat where I learned that weaponizing is what I was doing. Now I’ve learned how to communicate my frustration instead of withholding sex. It corrects the issue quicker and it keeps walls from going up in our relationship.”
Shellie here: Check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why.”
4. Vernon and Evelyn. Married for 20 Years.
GiphyVernon: “I think that every couple goes through a sexless period; the red flag is why that’s happening. Is it due to illness or scheduling or is it because there’s a lack of connection in the marriage. Since we’ve been married, we’ve probably gone without sex at least a dozen times but it’s three or four that I can think of that caused us to go to counseling. That’s my advice: figure out why the two of you aren’t having sex and then seek a professional if you need help getting back on track.”
Evelyn: “People talk about menopause when they need to be talking about perimenopause. The last two years before my period stopped, completely, my hormones were all over the place. The bloating made me not feel very attractive, my vagina wasn’t responding like it used to and for a minute there, I thought my orgasms had completely disappeared. He’s right, see a therapist for the emotional stuff but all women should see their doctor to get their hormone levels checked once they enter their mid-40s.”
Shellie here: Check out "The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through" and “Sex And Menopause. What You Should Know."
5. Christopher and Jenavieve. Married for Nine Years.
GiphyChristopher: “Sex is what keeps you from seeing your spouse as a roommate — and that’s easy to do if you’re not careful. I’ll let [wife’s first name] tell you how long we went without it one time, but it was a long while. We weren’t mad at each other — we just started to act more like best friends and less like lovers. I don’t talk about this a lot but the few people who do know ask if either of us cheated. I mostly watched porn which creates its own issues. Bottom line, your spouse shouldn’t become ‘just a friend.’ Prioritize sex so that never happens. Your marriage is in some serious trouble if you do.”
Jenavieve: “For about three years of our marriage, we basically went without sex. The worst part about it to me is when I brought it up to some of my girlfriends, they acted like it was no big deal due to not having sex with their husbands either and that just made it easier to keep going. Since we weren’t really fighting and there was still some affection, we let it slide longer than we should have. Eventually, he got into pornography and I had an emotional affair — both are no better than [physically] cheating, in my book and both happened because we weren’t having sex. If you’re married, have sex to protect your marriage.”
Shellie here: Check out “5 Signs You're In An Emotional Affair And Don't Even Know It."
6. Paul and Apryl. Married for 11 Years.
GiphyPaul: “I see sexless marriages differently. Even if you’re having sex regularly, if your needs shift or one or both of you aren’t really enjoying it, having sex on a technicality shouldn’t count. There have been a couple of times when we’ve gone sexless because of that. The first time, we didn’t talk about it and that made us both resentful. The second time, my wife brought it up and we talked through it. Never think that what worked on your wedding night or fifth anniversary will work in the moment. People change and sexual needs can too.”
Apryl: “I agree. Does sex count, fully, if body parts come together but no one is really satisfied? After about our seventh year, we started taking sexcations, buying books and listening to podcasts about sex, and, thanks to you, creating bucket lists every year. It can be easy to have a ‘If it worked before, it should work now’ approach to sex when you’re married and that’s what can drive a wedge in between you. Never assume that your partner is satisfied. Ask.”
Shellie here: Check out “8 ‘Kinds Of Sex’ All Married Couples Should Put Into Rotation” and “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”
7. Davis and Ireland. Married for Four Years.
GiphyDavis: “I don’t know how many men read your articles but some of us have wives whose sex drives we totally underestimated. Sh-t, for the first year or so, I felt damn near emasculated because I thought that my drive was high but [my wife] has me all the way beat! For us, while we’ve never really had what you would say is a ‘sexless marriage’, we did have trouble in our sex life because I wasn’t always in the mood when she was and that was bothering her. I know you say that a sexless marriage is sex that’s only 10 times a year, but I think there’s also the kind where your partner needs more than you are giving. Couples need to find compromise with that. It can cause problems later on too.”
Ireland: “If you are like me and you want sex more than your man does, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with either one of you. Society makes us think that all men think about is sex all of the time and that’s just not true. What I had to learn is he’s the one who needs more foreplay and ‘warming up’; his system calls for it. And, when he’s not in the mood, that doesn’t mean that he’s not attracted to me or doesn’t enjoy sex with me when we do have it. Do talk about those things before marriage, though. It totally threw me for a loop at first because we didn’t.”
Shellie here: Check out “If Your Husband's The One With The Lower Libido, Do This.,” “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?” and “Fast Or Slow Sex: Which Does Science Say Is Better? (Girrrl...).”
8. Frederick and Dannika. Married for Six Years.
GiphyFrederick: “Go to premarital counseling. If your counselor doesn’t spend a good portion of time talking about sex, find another one. I’ll let my wife take it from here.”
Dannika: “We’ve never told anyone that the first year of our marriage, we barely had sex after our wedding night. Even though we weren’t virgins when we got married, we didn’t have sex with each other and because we were so focused on not doing it, we didn’t talk about sex much because we thought that it would tempt us into doing it. That was a huge mistake because we both had totally different expectations. I’m more of the romance/rom-com kind of sex person and he is, I’ll just say more adventurous. It took us about three years to find a way to meet in the middle.”
Shellie here: Check out “Tonight's The Night For A More Romantic Sexual Experience With Your Partner,” “What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex” and “10 Wives Tell Me What They Wish They Knew About 'Married Sex.'”
9. Goran and Kaia. Married for 15 Years.
GiphyGoran: “I travel a lot for work — probably around 35 percent of the time. Then when I’m back home, it’s catch-up time with kids and bills and stuff to do around the house. By the time it’s time for bed, all we want to do is go to sleep. The thing that you have to be careful of is, even if you are ‘too busy for sex,’ if you go without it too long and then the urge hits you, that’s when you can put yourself in some vulnerable positions. About five years into our marriage, we set a precedent that we would never go longer than 10 days without sex, no matter what. It’s one of the best decisions that we ever made.”
Kaia: “My husband traveled a lot before we got married, so I knew what I was getting myself into. What I wasn’t prepared for was getting so much into my own groove while he was gone that he damn near was ‘wrecking my flow’ of things whenever he got back. Sometimes, he would want to have sex immediately and I would need a day to get used to him being back in the [house] space. My primary love language is words of affirmation, so sexting was a type of foreplay that helped to get me ready for his arrival. It’s one of my favorite types of foreplay to this day.”
Shellie here. Check out “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” and “Let's Talk About Sext: 30 Sexts You Can Send To Bae Right Now.”
10. Radford and Orla. Married for 26 Years.
GiphyRadford: “I’ve got enough years in my marriage to tell you that if you have sex for the same reasons as a married person that you did as a single person, not only will you go through sexless moments often, you will probably end up divorced. Sex, in marriage, isn’t just about recreation. Sex is a sacred experience that connects you with your spouse in a way like nothing else. I can say this because years ago, we would have months when we would go without sex. It took maturing about it on a mental, emotional and spiritual level to learn that it’s not just about ‘getting off’; sex is about tapping into your spouse and bonding with them in a potent way that way. Look at sex like that and you will do your damnedest not to end up sexless. Your marriage won’t survive it.”
Orla: “If you’ve heard somewhere that sex gets better with time in a marriage, that’s true. If you had sex before getting married, the first few years of your marriage, you can go in with the same surface mindset about it — have sex, get an orgasm, end of story. Go through some things, see that your husband isn’t going anywhere, and the intimacy of sex goes way deeper and is more satisfying. And when you’re grateful for that kind of love, you want to express it with your husband as much as possible.”
Shellie here: Check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important.”
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Author Sheila Wray Gregoire once said, “Sex is not just about me; it’s about me knowing you and building us.” Goodness y’all, if all married couples took this quote literally and seriously, imagine how much less sexless marriages would be an issue.
Are sexless marriages common? Hmph, common enough. Can they be prevented? 8.5 times outta 10, absolutely. These 20 married people provide some wonderful insights into how. I hope you will take their great wisdom to heart — in and out of your bedroom.
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