When working a remote job, it's important to set boundaries with your time. Burnout for remote workers is definitely real. It's easy to get caught up overworking and stressing, which defeats the whole purpose of working a remote job. Working from home (or anywhere in the world) provides the benefits of flexibility, autonomy, and peace of mind, so if you're feeling the total opposite of those things, action must be taken to find balance.
Here are a few tips to ensure you're having the best remote work experience and you're able to truly tap into why you chose to pursue remote work in the first place:
1. Set an alarm for when it's truly time to stop working.
If you're paid to work a certain number of hours, set reminders of when those hours are complete for the day. It's very important that when you do this, you're managing your time working at home well, and getting tasks done in an efficient way. Once that alarm goes off, no more responding to emails or finishing up projects. It's done and gone. Once that alarm goes off, stop what you're doing and take a walk, go out for happy hour drinks, or plan to attend that networking event so you'll feel a bit less isolated working remote.
After being remote working for almost a decade and finding myself still feeling the same Sunday Scaries as I'd felt while working a 9-to-5, this step really helped me to not only set boundaries with myself but with the people I work for. They'd know they wouldn't get any interaction from me after kindly signing off on Slack because I literally would shut down my computer for the day and not open it again until it was time to basically "clock in" the next day.
2. Schedule your "me time" on your calendar as if it's an important meeting.
Self-care appointments are indeed important, so give them the respect they deserve. Block out times in your calendar when you are fully off to do something that affirms how much you care about yourself and your own well-being. It could be something as simple as a morning walk or as grand as a spa date. Put it on your calendar and deliberately take prioritizing balance seriously.
I now have times and dates blocked off where I do not take meetings, and I instead do things that I love. As a remote worker, you can have a conversation with your employer or manager and find ways to make the time you have work not only for them but for you as well.
And no, this is not a "lunch hour" situation. Your lunch hour should be all about satiation and nutrition, not squeezing in appointments. Find ways to set aside time for fun or other wellness activities that are non-negotiable, even if it starts soon after your work day is over.
3. Create a peaceful playlist, set a timer, and meditate.
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These have been a game-changer for me over the years. Whether it's on Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube, I often listen to gospel, motivational speeches, ambient noise, prayers, or jazz and zone out during lunch or another short break during my work day. I set a timer to ensure I'm not getting too caught up in the relaxation, and I take in good vibrations. Listen to an audiobook or find some other auditory distraction to get you out of your own head, off of the computer, and into some peace and relaxation.
It's easy to feel isolated and get into an overworking habit when you're working from home (or even from paradise, as I often do---with a beach as my office) because you're able to simply get ish done. If you're like me, once you're in a groove, you can literally sit and crank out ideas, tie up loose ends of a project, answer 100 emails, and still have time to spare to do even more work. Before you know it, that "groove" has turned into a nonstop session of staring into a screen, and you've totally forgotten to breathe, take breaks, or to be sure you're using your time wisely.
These peaceful breaks re-center your mind and offer a reminder that while remote work is a privilege and pleasure, we must be mindful of balance.
4. Be deliberate about making plans with loved ones, acquaintances and friends.
When working remote, it's easy to become a bit of a hermit, especially when you're super-comfy in your loungewear, and your routine is pretty much set. You don't really want to get too comfortable with this because as much as remote work can feel quite lonely, you want to be sure you're not contributing to the loneliness by default.
Invite your friends out for coffee, lunch, or brunch. Start taking the steps to get social, and find other remote workers to connect with via coworking spaces or events. I once found myself feeling super anxious and out of it and realized it was because I was spending too much time working alone and not nurturing relationships with others.
Solitude is a great thing, within reason, and while one might loathe the annoying things that come with office work---like chatty cubicle mates, a manager constantly over your shoulder, or commuting costs---we still need to interact with others for our mental sanity and career advancement. Decompression isn't always done alone, and sometimes we need to vent, find support, or at least be able to talk to others in person, outside of a Slack message or Zoom call.
5. Use the tech tools at your fingertips.
Use that ScreenTime option on your iPhone to track how much time you're spending using your Slack, email, or other remote work-related apps. Download a few good productivity apps that remind you to take breaks, be mindful of your time, and schedule wellness appointments like 24Me or Clockify.
I love to work smart, not hard, since life is already hard enough. If there are ways to use tech to force me into better managing my self-care and time, I'm definitely here for them.
6. Talk to a therapist or coach to figure out how to lean more heavily into self-care.
Sometimes we can have all we need to truly tap into decompression and balance but we might feel overwhelmed with figuring out just what that looks like for us. This is where a good therapist or coach comes in. Even if you choose to only talk with them just to come up with some effective tools for creating balance in your life, it's a win.
These professionals can help remind you why you need balance, pinpoint triggers, and suggest ways you can tailor a plan for your own well-being that works for your unique needs and lifestyle.
For some of us, taking steps to balance out our work-from-home life includes really unpacking how and why we might need to make some adjustments and improvements when it comes to systems and boundaries and pinpointing what truly makes us happy.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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