Give Yourself A Break. Not Planning IS Planning.
Recently, I read a tweet that said something along the lines of, "We're not working at home. We're living at work." Y'all, as someone who does work from home (I have for years, even before this pandemic hit), something about that really touched every part of my soul. Because even though I really like working from home, even though I'm an ambivert (which is basically an introvert that is assumed to be an extrovert, at times) and even though I 1000 percent enjoy my own company, I have to accept that something COVID-19 has done—and is continuing to do—is alter our social lives in ways where it seems like we just keep going…and going…and going. No movie breaks. No lunches with friends. No hanging out at other people's homes for a change of scenery. And so, since we're in the house—our house—so much, while oftentimes trying to figure out what to do to break up some of the monotony of our lives, we work. And when we're not working, we plan. And when we're not doing either, it's like for feel guilty for not doing both.
If that resonated with you on levels that you didn't even realize it would until you read it, let me just say that what I'm about to share, I wrote with you specifically in mind. With all that the pandemic has taken out of us, it is so important that you give yourself permission to take a break. I'm not talking about going to sleep or surfing the 'net before you turn in at night. I mean taking real bona fide breaks without any guilt, reservation or apology. And here's why I am fully at peace with recommending that you do so.
What Does It Mean to Plan?
Fail to plan, plan to fail. We've all heard that saying before. Let me tell it, it's a huge part of the reason why a lot of us are either totally overwhelmed or low-key workaholics. It's because society really has programmed us to think that if we're not acting like a human version of the Energizer bunny, we're somehow being irresponsible. That we're not making the absolute most of our time.
So, let's break out of that toxic way of thinking, shall we? By definition, a plan is "a scheme or method of acting, doing, proceeding, making, etc." It's also "a specific project" and "a definite purpose".
We plan what we're going to wear to work. We plan how we're going to spend our time at the office. Then we plan what we're going to eat for dinner—only to get up and repeat this cycle (this semi-vicious cycle) all over again. And shoot, that's not to mention the "bigger plans" that fill up our minds on a daily basis.
It's because of all of this busy-ness that "plan" seems so much like an action verb. Yet look at the definitions again. In reality, the word "plan" is actually a noun. And you know what? Who said that coming up with a plan always had to be about being on the go (or preparing to be on the go) all of the time? The definitions certainly don't. Again, a plan is simply a method of proceeding, a specific project and something that has a definite purpose. So, why can't rest be a plan? Y'all, that's not a rhetorical question because, the reality is, it absolutely should.
What Does It Mean to Rest?
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'". Pardon the pun but, I really encourage you to plan to check it out at some point. For now, I'll just say that the reason why a lot of us do not thrive in life isn't because we don't have the skills, knowledge or expertise. At the end of the day, it boils down to the fact that we're freakin' tired. Worn out. Drained. And you can never make good decisions—plans—or present your best self from this kind of head and heart space. Yet again, because we don't give ourselves permission to rest, when we get to the point of being super fatigued it alters our judgment. Suddenly, we're out here wondering if we're in our purpose, if we should stay in our marriage, if we made the right decision by having kids—the list goes on and on. And if we feed into this psyche for too long, all planning goes out of the window as we exchange it for a truly not giving AF mentality instead. As a result, we find ourselves out here going through the motions—aimless. Never refueling. Just…out here with no real direction or desire…for anything, really.
When it gets to this point and place, there really is only one remedy. Y'all, it's to rest. Resting isn't just about sleeping, yet it's unfortunate how much this very simple point gets overlooked. Resting is about conscious inactivity, especially after working. And the purpose of rest is the refresh and relieve oneself.
OK, let me reiterate that last part. First, rest has a purpose. Second, the purpose is to refresh and relieve oneself—specifically from labor. This means that if whatever you're doing and calling rest isn't refreshing (restoring) and relieving (freeing you from anxiety, alleviating distress, easing you of burdens) you, it…isn't.
The reason why this is so important to put on record is it's very common for a lot of us to crash in the bed for a weekend and come out of it just about as tired as we were before we got in. It's because we were physically exhausted and perhaps we slept yet we still didn't really rest. If your mind was still going in a million directions, if you were still on social media, if you answered every (or every other) phone call—sis, that wasn't resting. Unless you are refreshed and relieved, YOU DID NOT REST (and yes, I am yelling that). No one can say they have rested, unless they are refreshed and relieved by doing it. When's the last time you've been able to say that?How Rest and Not Planning Is the Ultimate Plan
Let's tie this all in, so that you can put a rest plan together, OK? Remember how the title of this said that not planning is planning? That wasn't clickbait. It's the truth. When you make a decision to not do anything that you normally/typically do in the name of refreshing and relieving yourself—how is that not a plan? Again, a plan is a method of proceeding. A plan is a specific project. A plan is a definite purpose. Since rest restores you, planning to do it and nothing else is all about deciding that you are going to proceed with a project that consists of doing absolutely nothing for the purpose of reestablishing you, bringing strength and vigor back to you, and getting to a point and place of holistic health and well-being. Sis, if that ain't one hell of a plan, I don't know what is.
Now that you know this, how are you going to put your rest-and-not-planning plan into place? Whatever "it" is, it can't be work-related. Whatever it is, it can't require doing anything that won't refresh and relieve you. Whatever it is, you've got to come out of it feeling completely restored. Otherwise, you didn't rest at all.
Isn't it crazy that when you take the true essence of rest into consideration, you suddenly realize that you probably rarely ever do it? And yet, there's no time like the present to start. Pull out your journal, pour yourself a glass of wine, put on some soothing music and figure out how to plan to not plan. How to be OK with sitting in a tub for an hour. How to be at peace with turning everything with an "on" button off for an entire weekend. How to not feel guilty for letting your kids stay an extra night with a trusted loved one. How to be good with saying, "I don't know" when someone asks you what your plans are for next week when you want to just not think for a while. How to choose to not plan for next month or year for a couple of weeks so that you can catch your breath and process from a more balanced space.
I know what I'm like when I'm tired. I make plans that I normally wouldn't if I were in a more rested space. That's why, these days, I typically refuse to plan anything until I've gotten some real time off of the clock in order to rejuvenate myself. And y'all, when that happens, I rarely ever regret what I decide to do.
Rest is not a luxury. If you want to live your best life, it is an absolute necessity. Don't let anyone or thing make you feel otherwise. Plan to not plan—soon. Your mind, body and spirit will be all the better for it. And then some.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Blac Chyna Opens Up About Her Initial Fear To Share Her Spiritual Journey With Others
Watching Angela “Blac Chyna” White’s transformation in real-time has truly been a sight to see. It wasn’t that long ago that she announced that she was reversing her cosmetic surgeries in an effort to go back to who she was before the world came to know her as Blac Chyna. In previous interviews, she stated that she was dissolving her facial and lip fillers, removing her breast implants, and getting a butt reduction, as well as removing the dimple piercings that enhanced her fame and controversial tattoos.
In a recent Tamron Hall interview, the mother of two said that she has “fully recovered” from the procedures. She is also celebrating one year of sobriety and opened up about being worried about how her new journey would be received by others.
“I’ve been in the entertainment industry for so long, right, and of course, like, you know, coming out, I’m like young, I’m gonna do wild things as we all have,” she said.
“...I feel like by me being vocal and showing everybody you can change your life and things can get better, like through myself, that right there is an accomplishment, and that’s a part of freedom, too.”
But as she started on her journey, many people have shown her grace, which is something she’s grateful for. “And then the fact that people have been showing me grace, it’s like amazing,” she said. “And I feel like when I did it, I just did it. It was more so like spiritual thing and I feel like people see that, and I’ve always been like my authentic self, so what you see is kinda what you get with me, and that’s just kinda what it is.”
Chyna, who recently received an honorary doctorate from Sacramento Theology Seminary and Bible College, has also repaired her relationship with her mom, Tokyo Toni. The social media celebrity surprised her daughter on the Tamron Hall Show. Prior to the sentimental surprise, Chyna dished on the reconciliation and having a better understanding of her mom.
“I must say, some of the things I have to take accountability for because, like my actions. As a mother, you don’t want to see your daughter doing certain things ‘cause it’s like it doesn’t matter what my past was or what we’re going through, I didn’t raise you that way,” she admitted. “So, it’s like, okay, maybe I was a little bit wrong. Maybe I was acting out a little bit. But I feel like as we grow older, I kinda see more, and I understand more.”
Chyna will be starring in season two of Fox's reality competition show Special Forces: World's Toughest Test.
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