
Someone once told me that being happy was a choice. Like the English aphorism, "fake it until you make it" the idea of obtaining happiness can be as simple as imitating an optimistic mindset and achieving what you seek. Though this idea has been proven true and beneficial in many situations, it is not the solution for everything and rarely works 100 percent of the time. In fact, sometimes, the only way to be truly be happy, is to first embrace the sadness. Sometimes, giving yourself the permission to fall apart, break down, and cry it out, is all one needs to truly find happiness.
So, to assist you on your quest to contentment and relentless joy, I present to you 20 movies (and limited series) on Netflix that will give you the cathartic release you need. Whether you're looking for a happy cry, angry cry, or sad cry, xoNecole's got you covered with films guaranteed to open the floodgates.
Fatherhood (2021)
Based off the 2011 memoir, Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss and Love by Matthew Logelin, comes Netflix original film, Fatherhood. Fatherhood tells the story of Matthew Logelin (Kevin Hart), a new father, who struggles raising his daughter, Maddy, after the sudden death of his wife. In the comedy-drama film, watch as Logelin deals with "doubts, fears, and heartache" as he learns to navigate life and fatherhood after his devastating loss. In addition to Hart, the film stars DeWanda Wise, Alfre Woodard, Deborah Ayorinde, Melody Hurd and Anthony Carrigan.
Loving (2016)
In another biographical piece comes the story of the Lovings. Loving follows interracial couple, Mildred and Richard Loving, as they navigate being in love during the Jim Crow Era. Shortly after marrying in 1958, the Lovings are arrested for the crimes of living as husband and wife. In hopes to avoid jail, the Lovings agree to leave the state of Virginia never to return, again. Nevertheless, after growing tired of living in isolation, the Lovings return to the Virginia to challenge the anti-miscegenation laws, laws that reinforce racial segregation by prohibiting interracial marriage, in the Supreme Court and across the nation. The film stars Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga.
Get on Up (2014)
Starring the late Chadwick Boseman is 2014 biographical drama, Get on Up. Based on the life of singer James Brown, the film nonlinearly tells of Brown's journey from a childhood riddled with poverty and abandonment, to an adulthood of fame and stardom. Though, the film has comedic moments from time to time—the opening scene comes to mind—the heart of the film comes from moments of reflection, where Brown considers what has been sacrificed for the sake of his dream. Also starring Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Nelsan Ellise, Craig Robinson and Dan Akroyd, this is a film that will have you seeing legendary musician James Brown in another light.
When They See Us (2019)
When They See Us is a limited series by award-winning and critically acclaimed director Ava DuVernay, which focuses on a group a teenage boys, coined "The Central Park Five." After a brutal attack on a white woman in Central Park, five teens from Harlem become the targets of a racially influenced allegations when they are falsely accused of rape and violent assault. A biographical story, When They See Us shows the lives of Kevin Richardson, Raymond Santana, Antron McCray, Yusef Salaam, and Korey Wise as they face the racial profiling, discrimination, and inequality of the American justice system and media while on a heavily publicized trial.
13th (2016)
Exploring the "intersection of race, justice, and mass incarceration in the United States," is the 2016 documentary film, 13th. Reframing American History, director Ava DuVernay explores how the 13th Amendment, infamously known for freeing those enslaved, led to an epidemic of mass incarceration in the United States. In the 13th amendment, lawmakers created a loophole, which proclaims a form of slavery is acceptable in the legal form of criminal punishment.
Due to this loophole, America's prisoners make up 25 percent of the world's prisoners, despite the American population making up for five percent of the world population. In this heart-wrenching documentary, watch how DuVernay and experts, explore the shortcomings of America's justice system and politicians, while demanding the acknowledgement of racial injustice and the influence of racism in our criminal and legal systems.
American Son (2019)
When their son goes missing, an estranged couple reunite at a police station in hopes to find an answer. Based on the 2018-2019 Broadway play of the same name, American Son, discusses the social issues of discrimination and racial inequality in the legal system. Starring Kerry Washington, Steven Pasquale, Jeremy Jordan, and Eugene Lee, American Son shows the devastation and helplessness one faces when the system one should trust remains untrustworthy.
I Am Not Your Negro (2016)
Inspired by Remember This House, an unfinished manuscript that consists of a collection of letters and notes written by James Baldwin in the 1970s, I Am Not Your Negro explores the fate of a nation Baldwin believes is intertwined with that of a Black man. In James Baldwin's critique of American society, he states, "I can't be a pessimist, because I'm alive...so I'm forced to be an optimist. I am forced to believe we can survive, and we must survive. But the future of the Negro in this country, is precisely as bright or as dark as the future of the country. It is entirely up to the American people..."
Divided into four chapters, the social documentary focuses on the school integration era of the Civil Rights Movement, the depiction of the White gaze in film and its impact on society, social racial division, and the continuous exploitation of Blacks in America.
I Called Him Morgan (2016)
I Called Him Morgan is a documentary on the life and death of jazz trumpeter Lee Morgan. Created over the course of seven years, the documentary is told as Helen Morgan recounts the couple's life and Morgan's triumphant legacy, decades after she has been imprisoned for his murder. This enticing documentary beautifully, captivatingly, and unapologetically tells a story of what happens when an exasperated, possessive lover, an adulterous recovered musician, and a record breaking blizzard collide.
Miss Virginia (2019)
There is no doubt that systematic inequality creates barriers to jobs, healthcare, and education within the Black community. In Miss Virginia, the challenges facing Black America are brought to light when a struggling mother sacrifices everything to ensure her son is given a good education. Based on true a story, Virginia Walden places her son into a private school, as a last resort to losing him against drugs and violence of the street. When tuition proves unreasonable, she creates a movement to change the system that is destroying him and other minorities alike. In an impassioned performance, Emmy Winner Uzo Aduba is Virginia Walden Ford, a single mother who fought for the creation of a scholarship program for at-risk students and won.
Becoming (2020)
"Unplugged for the first time" is Michelle Obama in the 2020 documentary Becoming. Focusing on the former First Lady, Becoming is based on the bestselling and acclaimed memoir of the same name. The documentary highlights footage of Michelle Obama as she travels and works during her time as First Lady. Nevertheless, the film also chooses to focus on Michelle Obama's accomplishments before joining the White House. Returning to her children in South Side of Chicago, the documentary travels through Obama's days in school, her old law firm, early stages of marriage, parenthood, and even marriage counseling.
In this 90-minute film, Michelle Obama invites the audience to explore—with supervision—her accomplishment and life outside of her husband's legacy. After all "so little of who [she is] happened in those eight years, so much of who [she was] happened before."
Monster (2018)
"What do you see when you look at me? Boy? Artist? Outsider? Should one moment define my life?"
From 1999 book of the same name by Walter Dean Myers, Monster tells about the injustices young, Black men face at the hands of the court and legal system. Once an aspiring artist, Steve Harmon, a 17-year-old, and three others are labelled "monsters" as they stand trial for murder. Arguing to have only been involved in a robbery and not a murder, Harmon must convince the jury that he made the mistake of being look out, while discrediting the claims that he pulled the trigger.
Two Distant Strangers (2020)
It is fascinating, yet terrifying to think that you're most celebrated day, could also be your worst. In this Academy Award-winning live action short film, Two Distant Strangers meet and launch an examination of Black American deaths at the hands of the police. Carter experiences his best day and worst nightmare when he finds himself stuck in a Groundhog Day time loop. In a loop that inevitably ends in death, Carter tries to get home to his dog, after he is repeatedly confronted and harassed by white Officer Merk. In this clever, yet enraging short film, cast Joey Bada$$, Andrew Howard, and Zaria Simone, show the frustrations and helpless Black Americans feel while merely existing in America.
Giving Voice (2020)
From executive producers Viola Davis and John Legend, Giving Voice follows the annual August Wilson Monologue competition, and the high school participants who compete for the opportunity to perform on Broadway. Well-known for creating stories that were "epic in scope, tragic in circumstance, and yet still somehow hopeful," August Wilson leaves behind the legacy of "giving voice" to the voiceless Black community. Now, in hopes of honoring his legacy, young students and actors work alongside coaches and teachers as they speak up and out about their love for theatrical performances and Wilson's life-changing work.
Middle of Nowhere (2012)
Nine years ago, Ava DuVernay released her first acclaimed written and directed film, Middle of Nowhere. Winner of Best Director Award for 2021 Sundance Film Festival, Middle of Nowhere tells the story of nurse, and aspiring doctor, Ruby who devotes her time to visiting her imprisoned husband Derek. When she discovers the legitimacy of her husband imprisonment and deception, Ruby must decide whether to stay in the familiarity of living in the "middle of nowhere" or embrace the uncertainty of navigating the world alone.
In Our Mother's Garden (2021)
"Black women often aren't exposed to the idea that healing is possible."
In her debut film, In Our Mother's Gardens, Shantrelle P. Lewis creates a space for Black women and the lineages who helped shaped them. Celebrating the determination and resiliency of Black women and families, Lewis explores the idea of self-healing, self-importance, and self-care while analyzing the relationship between Black mothers and daughters. Throughout the film, various Black women account impactful stories that show feminist love and familial love, within the African-American community. Often explaining the central issues Black women face today, In Our Mother's Garden inspects the issues Black women face with imposter syndrome, ingrained indoctrinated servitude replacing self-care, and the generational trauma of racism and sexism.
Da 5 Bloods (2020)
For decades, the idea of joining the military has been sold to the American people as one's patriotic duty. From the World War to the Afghan War, the idea of joining the forces has been encouraged amongst all communities alike. Though, within the Black community, joining the armed forces is viewed with more trepidation than patriotism. This is mainly due to the Vietnam War where African-Americans risked their lives for a country—which at the time—openly showed they wouldn't do the same. In Spike Lee's Da 5 Bloods, he explores the imbalanced relationship between Black veterans and the country they fought for. Returning to Vietnam 50 years later, four Black vets attempt to find the body of their fallen brother and the gold they've buried as repayment for fighting "an immoral war."
Come Sunday (2018)
Based on the excommunication of Christian minister Carlton Pearson, is the drama Come Sunday. After the death of a relative, Reverend Pearson (Chiwetel Ejiofor) experiences a moment of introspection which causes him to question his faith. Unable to accept the idea that suffering people who haven't been saved will be damned to Hell, he concludes, that there isn't a Hell at all. After announcing this conclusion within his sermon, his trouble begins when his congregation demands his removal.
Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992
After the publicized death of George Floyd, the chairman of Black Lives Matter of Greater New York, Hawk Newsome, told an interviewer, "If this country doesn't give us what we want, then we will burn down this system and replace it." This warning came after years of civil protest, demands for change, and government inaction. As if history demands to repeat itself, this same cry for justice can be heard from decades before in the cities of Atlanta and, more recently, Los Angeles. In an in-depth examination of a clamorous time in the city of Los Angeles, Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992, details a decade of tension that leads to the culmination of citywide violence in 1992. After years of oppressive police aggression, failed justice for Black lives, and continuous neglect from government officials, citizens of Los Angeles show what happens to a city when its people decide to let it fall.
Whose Streets? (2017)
"We're trying to mourn, and you came here with 300 cop cars and riot gear and canine units. This is the same thing that pretty much got us here."
Whose Streets? is a documentary about the killing of Michael Brown and the Ferguson uprising of 2014. Told by activists and leaders, instead of news reporters and government officials, Whose Streets? follows the lives of the men and women who live and breathe the Black Lives Matter Movement. This documentary doesn't only focus on unrest ignited by Brown's killing and verdict, but it also focuses on understanding the people lived it. With a lens that seeks to understand the community, Whose Streets? focuses on the trauma and confusion created by those in Ferguson, Missouri when they officials have given them nowhere to turn. Directed by Sabaah Folayan and Damon Davis, Whose Streets? is a film definitely worth watching.
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020)
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom is a biographical musical drama based on August Wilson's 1982 play of the same name. The story follows influential blues singer, Ma Rainey (Viola Davis), who has been recently contracted, by white producers, to record a record. During her recording session, she collides with an overconfident and overly ambitious trumpeter, Levee Green (Chadwick Boseman) who hopes to gain his own record deal, and the producers who only seem to be "interested in [her] voice." Played stunningly by Viola Davis and the late Chadwick Boseman, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom is a "celebration of three real-life Black artists and legends."
Honorable Mentions:
Fruitvale Station (2013)
Les Miserables (2012)
Tangerine (2015)
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind (2019)
See You Yesterday (2019)
Irreplaceable You (2018)
I Will Follow (2010)
Little Boxes (2016)
Roxanne, Roxanne (2017)
Rodney King (2017)
Featured image by Getty Images
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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