As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Rachel James' story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
A few weeks ago, I was watching Alicia Keys host the 2020 Grammys while wearing my brand.
One of the largest artists in the world was real-life modeling this Chicago girl's wildest dream in front of millions, on one of the country's most historically prominent award shows. What a beautifully major moment for my entire team. I've hustled for so long for that moment, I've worked so hard. I'm still amazed by every milestone.
And my parents were pretty geeked, too.
A Star Is Born
Let me introduce myself: I am Rachel James—a learner, a wanderer, a lover, a fighter and way too blunt at times—a true Sagittarius. I'm a dreamer simply trying my best to teach my sons everything I can, put my life into my work, and have the best time doing both.
My business is Pear Nova, a vegan, cruelty-free lacquer brand based in Chicago. Pear Nova is, in essence, a combination of my experiences—clothes I've worn, art I've admired, music I've danced to, foods I've tasted, countries I've traveled to and women I've wanted to be like all bottled up—full pun intended. We've somehow managed to translate hustle into success, and have now been worn, and mentioned, by some of our industry faves.
Alchemy.
Image Courtesy of Pear Nova
I've always known that I would somehow be working in the fashion industry, and nail polish turned out to be the perfect little accessory that sat between the beauty and fashion world. I remember my last day of fashion merchandising school; I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my second-born, giving a marketing presentation on a fake brand for my final. My professor was so blown away that all of the feedback literally awakened the entrepreneur in me. That very day, I went home, googled "how to start a nail polish line," and began building my business.
Defining Herstory
I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago with my parents and brothers. From an early age, I witnessed what hard work actually looked like, as my dad went from working as a janitor to becoming a principal, and my mom, assistant to VP. They taught each of us money management, standard practices of business, and going after our passions. I would always run behind my brothers, laughing and trying to keep up. In school, I was loud, outward, and always trying to figure out ways to make money so I could buy lip gloss. It's funny to think about how I was all about my business, even then.
Pear Nova was unfortunately born through tragedy. I named my company after my late sister-in-love, Nova (who we aren't blessed to experience anymore due to domestic violence). I began googling one day and came across a nova pear tree, which is known to withstand extreme temperature. It was so fitting for both Nova, and what I was creating. It was perfect.
From there, what seemed like an overnight success to you, had been a decade in the making for me. Now, we've built our portfolio and have been featured in Essence, Vogue, ALLURE, and more. We bought a full studio space, invited some techs to do nails, and created a full-service beauty lounge.
The Truth About Entrepreneurship
Has the success been trying at times? C'mon guys, of course. Everything you've heard about entrepreneurship is true, ten times over. I'm often asked for advice I would give to women who are pursuing the next step in their career journey, and there's plenty. And I'm forever open to feeding queens.
At Pear Nova, we even make it a point to speak life into our customers through polish names:
B Positive
The time to start is now. I don't know about you but I look for black women-owned businesses to give my money to. So, please do something EVERY SINGLE DAY that will get you closer to entrepreneurship because we need you, ladies. We need your vision.
Cleo F*ckin Patra
You have to strongly believe in your own crazy. Learn to trust and fall into your madness. Welcome your fears. Tell them to get comfortable because they aren't going anywhere. You will just learn to work through them.
Diana Boss
Being a creative that happened to end up an entrepreneur, as someone who likes to sit alone in their own magical bubble with their head up in the sky generating ideas and creating, you have to pop the damn bubble and be open to learning every other aspect about entrepreneurship. I thought, Oh, I'll just make all these dope things! And then it was like, No, girl. Order those books on marketing, branding, and accounting too.
Frida Be Free
I'm speaking to myself and all introverts when I say this: step way out of your comfort zone and connect with more people! You're already going to get where the universe sees fit, but connections will get you there much quicker. And always remember that absolutely nothing is personal in business.
—
The Real Me
When I'm overwhelmed, honestly, I cry. That's just the truth. I actually cried about two hours ago... Afterwards, I take a break from anything that's contributing to that feeling.
But after a 12-hour work day, and an evening with my kids, I'm simply exhausted, but I know I kicked ass that day—
That's when I'm at my most fulfilled.
Image Courtesy of Pear Nova Studio
I love to meditate and I love to write. I'm currently writing a journal for my children to read one day. I'll let them know what is happening and what I learned at that moment. It's killing two birds with one stone because it serves as a release for me, and more wisdom for them.
For 2020, I plan to release new classic lacquers, gel lacquers, and a brand new beauty product for Pear Nova. I'm going to make Pear Nova Studio the top beauty lounge in Chicago. I plan to grow more meaningful business relationships and utilize my social media more (ugh, I low-key hate social media). The fact that manicurists rarely get credited for their work is an industry pet peeve of mine, so I plan to lead the culture in being a part of that change. And personally, I just really want to be better at forgiveness, so I'll be working on projecting a more forgivable energy into the universe.
I have so many ideas and things that I want to do—a lip lacquer collection being next. I actually haven't told anyone that yet but now that I have, it's for real, for real. Thankfully, my team and I, we always figure it out. We always find a way to make it happen.
It's crazy because both my ideas, and the ocean, are what scare me more than anything. It's the unknown that's both terrifying and captivating.
But I always manage to be the first to jump right in.
To keep up with Rachel, you may follow her on Instagram. You may also visit Pear Nova Studio's Chicago location for beauty services, or shop polishes by visiting their website.
If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact as at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for a chance for your story to be featured.
Featured image by Charles Andre' Thomas
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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