

7 Essential Life Lessons We Can All Learn From Oprah's New Book
I don't know about you, but English class was always wildly intriguing for me. Some people like Vodka, I get a rise out of good literature. But one day in particular, I remember being particularly frustrated with the poem that was introduced. Although "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost is a widely known piece that is said to be insightful and awesome, my beliefs were quite the contrary. I thought it sucked because it left me more confused than I was before I read it.
Oprah is placing her own spin on this befuddling piece of prose in her new book, and unlike our late homie Robert Frost, she plans to make the path to success clear instead of daunting and confusing. In The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose, our favorite rich auntie gives us the blueprint to success and a roadmap to happiness by sharing her personal experiences with fear.
In the book, she also calls on her super-rich friends, like Jay-Z and Ellen Degeneres to share some of the secrets they wish they had on their journey. She wrote:
Flatiron Books
"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive."
The most unanswered question in the history of man is probably, "Why are we here?" Passion and purpose are not always mutually exclusive, but using both of these gifts will help you get a little closer to your desired end result. Oprah wants to help you solve this riddle, sis, and she'll do it by using a few life lessons that she's accumulated over the years.
7 Life Lessons Oprah Taught Me About Learning To Live My Best Life
1.To Live Your Best Life, You Must Become Your Best Self
Sometimes we worry so much about everything we have to do and the timeframe in which we have to do it, that we forget who we are. Oprah reminds us that:
"There is no real doing without first being."
In this quest that we're all on called life, our only obligation is to become the highest, truest version of ourselves. You could have a dream to make a million dollars, but do you know yourself? Oprah's new book teaches us that happiness and wealth are easily available to us when we look for those things internally before we seek them out in the world.
2.Fail Forward, F*ck Fear
In the book, Auntie O opened up about the time she was asked to give a Harvard commencement speech, but there was only one problem: she was shook. Although she was at the height of her career and had just launched her network, Oprah proved that even a mogul can struggle with impostor syndrome. While she felt she was making progress, headlines like "Oprah isn't holding her own" stifled her faith and made her doubt her journey. In her book, she explained:
"I had enjoyed a long stretch at the top and was proud to be known as a powerful businesswoman. So when Harvard reached out, all I could think was, 'What can I teach about success when I've stopped succeeding?' And to be frank, I was embarrassed."
Even though her nerves were in shambles, Oprah had to give herself the pep talk we all need every once in a while. Push thru, sis. She continued:
"I found my groove after I realized that you don't need to have gone to Harvard to speak to Harvard graduates."
3.There's No Luck, Only Preparation & Opportunity
I always have to ask myself, "Have you prepared for what you prayed for?" The key to success isn't necessarily abundance. You can have all of the money in the world, but if you haven't put a plan in place, then what good is it? Oprah reminds us to stay ready so we don't have to get ready. After all, a vision without action is only a daydream.
"I don't believe in luck. For me, luck really means preparation meeting the moment of opportunity."
4.What You Focus On Will Grow
What if I told you that you already had everything you need to be successful, would you believe me? Well believe it, sis. We often focus so much on what we don't have, that we forget that we have already been supplied with everything we need to make our dreams come true. Where is your head at, tho? If you only focus on the negative parts of your life, you'll miss out on a lot of the moments that can make you happy. What you focus on will manifest. So do yourself a favor, and kick that negative self-talk to the curb. Oprah explained:
"When you pay attention to what feeds your energy, you move in the direction of the life for which you were intended."
5.Wish It, Dream It, Do It
"For every dream, there is automatically going to be resistance."
Vision without execution is a daydream. Strategy without execution is hallucination. Please know that I'm ministering to myself when I preach this, but sis! At some point, it's time to stop planning and do that sh*t! According to Oprah, for every dream you have, there will be an obstacle put in place to obstruct it. Whether that obstacle is your parents, who don't believe in living out your passion, or your friends, who discourage you due to their own fear. Feel the resistance and do it anyway.
6.The Best Way To Know Your Purpose Is To Serve Others
I heard this in church once, and it touched my spirit. My pastor said, if you're having trouble discovering your purpose, serve. As hardworking women, we take pride in the fruits of our labor. But keep in mind that the fruit isn't meant to be eaten by the tree. Our gifts are symbolic of the very necessary harvest that we have to offer the world every single day. Don't be selfish and keep your God-given fruit all to yourself. In the words of Auntie O:
"Every single moment is an opportunity to be of service to another human being."
7.Secure The Bag. You, You're The Bag. Secure Yourself
"All these years later, I am still keenly aware that I am not my salary."
It's easy for me to say that I am not the amount of money that I make because I am not a billionaire. On the other hand, if I was Oprah, I don't know if I'd feel the same sentiment. Like all of us, I have a tendency to place a value on myself based on how other people perceive my worth. I didn't get that job I applied for, I must be unworthy. I didn't get the raise that I thought I would, so I must not be that good at my job. Take a lesson from our rich auntie and remember that YOU are the bag. Secure yourself. Never get so caught up chasing money that you wind up losing yourself.
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
There’s A New 'Silent' Trend Inviting You To Leave Your Headphones At Home
I think we all can agree that if there’s one self-care practice that has drastically improved our lives over the last couple of years, it has to be the introduction of "hot girl walks."
These 30-minute to 1-hour-long strolling adventures have given us a way to clear our minds and listen to our favorite songs, all while staying active and getting our bodies moving. And while we may have grown accustomed to having a fire playlist or podcast as the soundtrack to our walks, there's a new, more mindful alternative that’s taking a spin on your sidewalk struts.
“Silent walks” are the new walking trend that’s offering a deeper mind and body connection while taking a solo walk. Sure, the thought of having to take a walk for any duration of time while alone with your thoughts may seem unnatural, but you may be surprised to learn that tapping into that silence around you could give you an extra boost of clarity that you’re looking for.
As explained by the creator of “silent walks,” TikTok user Mady Maio, the idea was sparked by her boyfriend challenging her to take a distraction-free walk without the audio support of music or podcasts. While she was resistant to the challenge because her “anxiety could never,” Maio soon found that after two minutes of her mind going “haywire,” she was able to tap into a flow state that allowed her to hear herself and her thoughts more clearly.
@madymaio #stitch with @KENZIEELIZABETH WE’RE SILENT WALKING ALL SUMMER, BABE 🚶 #walkinggirls #girlswhowalk #meditativewalk #intentionalwalk
Many times when we go on walks, the goal is to either get fresh air or clear our minds from all the mental junk that’s been floating around throughout the day. But when we don’t allow ourselves the space to sit in silence, our inner voice can be drowned out by external distractions and stimuli.
As the creator of the trend notes, God, the Universe, or whichever higher power you connect to has a tendency to speak in whispers. But if we’re unable to tap into quiet and still moments within our days, we could miss an opportunity to receive the answers that could come to us in the silence.
Silence allows us to tap into a meditative state. When we practice quieting our minds and focusing our attention inward, without the use of external guidance or verbal cues, we’re able to decrease brain fog, find solutions to our tangled thoughts, and let new ideas flow.
Silent walks also connect back to the original goals of its predecessor, hot girl walks, which encouraged walkers to focus on three main things: their goals, how they’re going to achieve those goals, and all the things they’re grateful for. Only this time, you're getting your dopamine hit from the thoughts you’re able to produce as opposed to the music, podcast, and phone calls you’re typically tuned into.
When channeled properly, silence is the gift that keeps on giving. With many people finding silent walks to be a valuable tool for reducing stress, enhancing mental clarity, and increasing overall well-being, this is your invitation to leave the headphones at home and plug into the world around you on your next outdoor journey.
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Featured image by Xavier Lorenzo/Getty Images