Here Are Your October 2020 Horoscopes
October is bringing the gifts of the harvest Full Moon right out of the gate. It's time to reap the rewards for all of the hard work you've put in since the spring. After a six month retrograde, Pluto finally goes direct, helping you feel more empowered after undergoing some deep, soul work. Of course, when one planet goes direct another goes retrograde and this month it's Mercury transiting between Scorpio and Libra. The New Moon on the 16th encourages us to restore balance to our lives while a second Full Moon on Halloween invites us to indulge in the sensual pleasure of life.
Check out your sign to see what's in store for you in the month ahead:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober requires a little more patience than you'd prefer but a subtle shift in your perspective can transform some challenging energies into personal testimonies. The Full Moon on the 1st sets the tone for your winner's mindset, helping you burn through any illusions that keep you stuck in victim mode. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo inviting you to fall in love with the details. You're a visionary at heart but sometimes you need help grounding your brilliant ideas into reality. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to approach any career challenges with more tenacity than ever before.
Mercury goes retrograde on the 13th, encouraging you to dive deep into your personal healing by stocking up on self-help books or checking in with your therapist. The New Moon on the 16th could find you taking a commitment to the next level or partnering up with someone new in business. When the Sun enters Scorpio, the allure of nurturing more intimacy can lead you to a deeply transformative connection. Towards the end of the month, Mercury shifts your attention towards renegotiating contracts and boundaries within personal relationships. The month wraps up with a rare occurrence of a second Full Moon clarifying what changes need to be made to increase your earning potential and create the life of luxury that you deserve.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon enhancing your intuitive abilities and connection with the spirit world. Pour some libations for your warrior ancestors or guides to assist you in overcoming any obstacles. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo making it a perfect time to plan the perfect romantic outing for you and bae. Get creative and try not to take things too seriously if they don't go exactly as planned. Remember—it's the thought that counts. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, opportunities to share your wisdom and spiritual ideologies may present themselves. This is also a favorable time for traveling abroad to a place that your soul is longing to return.
Mercury retrograde begins on the 13th, giving you a chance to renegotiate contracts or the expectations within a relationship. The New Moon could suggest that it's time for a new routine or work environment. Setting intentions for improving your physical and mental health is also supported. When the Sun enters Scorpio, communication can be murky, thanks to Mercury retro doing his thing. If possible, avoid signing contracts during this transit or pay close attention to the fine print! On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift your focus to reorganizing your workspace or getting into a better flow with your schedule. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon in your sign helping you see yourself and your potential for greatness even more clearly.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Full Moon on the 1st illuminates your social network (and possibly your presence online), making this a supportive time to launch your new product, service, or merchandise. When Venus enters Virgo, it's time to get your home in order for hibernation season. Stock up on your fave fall-scented candles and whip out your Halloween decor. We may be socially distancing this year but you can still enjoy a party at home with you and the myriad of other personalities you embody. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making it a good time to schedule that doctor's appointment for any recurring health concerns.
The New Moon on the 16th is supportive for starting a new creative project or meeting a new boo that you could potentially be cuddling up with during cuffing season. When the Sun enters Scorpio, you have the potential to cut out some bad habits that are affecting your mental and physical health. Sometimes a simple shift in your daily routine—like going to sleep earlier—could make all the difference. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears helping you tie up loose ends on a creative project. Just try not to get too distracted by any old fling(s) popping up during this transit. The Full Moon at the end of the month will provide you with the clarity you need on whether you should give someone a second chance or leave their text message on read.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon in Aries motivating you to overcome any obstacles that stand in the way of you and your success. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, encouraging you to organize that million-dollar idea you have into a business pitch with a detailed strategy intact. Your relationships take your healing process even deeper when Pluto goes direct. Remember that anything you don't like about someone else is likely a suppressed behavior within you. On the 13th, Mercury begins its retrograde, making this a perfect time to revisit a creative project or childhood hobby. Don't be surprised if an old fling pops up just in time for cuffing season.
The New Moon on the 16th has you looking to plant your roots somewhere, making this a good time to start looking for a new property to invest into. Just wait until next month to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication weird between you and a romantic interest. There's a thin line between privacy and secrecy. Lead with honesty. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears bringing your focus to family and home matters. Beautify your space for the fall to create a cozy environment for entertaining your loved ones. On the 31st, the Full Moon brings a long-term goal of yours to fruition, giving you reason to celebrate your hard work. Call up your friends for a small gathering to revel in your victory.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAn opportunity to share your expertise on a larger platform could present itself around the Full Moon on the 1st. It's time to let your individuality shine forth boldly as you inspire those around you to do the same. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to get your retail therapy habit under control. When Pluto goes direct, you'll have even more willpower to make better decisions when it comes to your money. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit any recent decisions you've made about your home environment. This isn't the best time to sign any contracts for that new home or apartment but if you must pay special attention to the fine print and ask someone else to look over the contract with you.
The New Moon on the 16th is a good time to sharpen your negotiating skills before you decide to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, bringing your focus to healing generational trauma. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift your attention, communicating more effectively to assure that everyone involved in the relationship is satisfied. If you're into social media marketing, this is the perfect time to amp up your charm to attract new clientele or customers. October comes to a close with a rare second Full Moon on the 31st reminding you that persistent effort is always rewarded.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon in Aries helping you burn through the facade to allow your individuality to shine forth. Past experiences that made you feel like an outcast or weirdo no longer sting as much as they once did. On the 2nd, Venus enters your sign, opening up the floodgate of blessings that come when you're living in your authentic truth. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to express this deep appreciation for the journey that molded you into who you are through a creative project or artistic expression. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to dive deeper into your esoteric studies. Exploring astrology, divination, and metaphysics can help you unlock doors you've only dreamt of walking through.
Around the middle of the month, the New Moon is a supportive time to plant seeds for that new stream of income you want to grow. This is also a favorable time for solidifying a business partnership. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury, helping you dive into more meaningful conversations that lead you and others through a transformative, healing process. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus invite you to revisit your budget and make some adjustments where necessary. This is also a time to assess whether the energy you're investing into an endeavor is paying out a good return. The month closes out with a bang with a rare-occurring second Full Moon encouraging you to share your spiritual gems with others through writing or teaching. Traveling abroad could be just the experience you need to level up spiritually, making this a perfect time to book a vacation to that special place your soul has been longing to return.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month takes off with a fiery Full Moon helping you get clear about what your boundaries are and who actually respects them. People that don't make the cut will likely be removed from your life. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo which has you inclined to lay low and cuddle up with your fave person. Love matters take on a more private approach during this transit which can help you cultivate more intimacy with someone you'd like to grow closer to. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more confident in your leadership abilities and ready to face any career challenges head-on.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to reassess your budget and make changes where necessary. Avoid making major purchases during this transit. The New Moon in your sign is the perfect time for a fall makeover. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, discussions about shared resources may arise within a partnership. Ask yourself if this person is more of a liability than an asset. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making you the center of the conversation. Everybody and they mama wants to be all up in your business. You may even be revisited by an ex. Assert those boundaries when necessary. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon freeing you up from a financial responsibility, or debt, that has been looming over your head.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon giving you the courage to finally ditch that bad habit that's been affecting your health. This is also a time to make some adjustments to your daily routine to support your overall well-being. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo helping you gain some traction on social media. Ask yourself how you can better serve your online community to reap the rewards of more followers and engagement. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to share more about your personal healing process through your blog or an IG live session. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making you the go-to person for everyone to share their secrets.
The New Moon on the 16th helps you get to the root of any unbalanced relationship patterns that need to be cleared out of your subconscious. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication a little murky. If someone is trying to sell you something, take their recommendation with a grain of salt. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus team up to help you reestablish balance in your life by inviting you to connect with your Higher Power and the deeper meaning of your life. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon on Halloween making it clear where you and a significant other stand. Be prepared for some changes within an existing relationship or business partnership as they're ultimately aligning you with more compatible options.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon making it the perfect date night for you and that cutie you've been eyeing on that dating app. Fortune favors the bold, sis. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot. If you've been working on anything creative, this is the perfect time to reveal your artwork to the world. On the 2nd, Venus moves into Virgo which helps you attract some blessings when it comes to your career. You're finally receiving the recognition for all of your hard work. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more fiscally responsible to make some major boss moves to secure your financial security.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro which has your excessively talkative self tight-lipped about something you're working on behind the scenes. The New Moon on the 16th has you moving and shaking amongst a new crowd that can help you accomplish your dreams. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, you may find it difficult to contain your excitement but some of your recent moves are better kept private for the time being. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus link up making you a magnet on social media, meaning this a supportive time to revamp your online image or your brand. October comes to a close with a sensual Full Moon inviting you to enjoy yourself but be mindful of overdoing it.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober begins with an intense Full Moon that could result in you calling it quits and moving residence—especially if you and a family member aren't seeing eye-to-eye. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo and your wanderlust has your sights set on an international excursion that will give you just the kind of reset that you need. When Pluto goes direct, you're feeling way more confident (and less emo) after going through a Dark Night of the Soul. The lessons may have been grueling but you've come out on the other side more self-aware and empowered than ever before.
Around the middle of the month, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends that you haven't seen since the beginning of the pandemic. On the 16th, the New Moon invites you to plant seeds for the next career milestone that you want to accomplish. The Sun and Mercury link up on the 22nd, which has you craving more deep conversations with your social circle that carry on late into the midnight hours. If you've got something personal to share, call up a friend instead of telling Twitter all of your business. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears to help you attract just the right people with information that can help you get ahead in your chosen career field. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to reveal that creative project or ditch the non-committal loser that's wasting your time.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe feisty Full Moon on the 1st has you ready to talk yo' shit regardless of how others may receive your truth. When Venus enters Virgo, you could be attracting some unexpected financial support through a credit lender, grant, or that sugar daddy you used to entertain. On the 4th, Pluto goes direct, giving you the power to push past the limitations of your subconscious. You are more than capable of achieving success in whatever way you define it for yourself. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit some key conversations related to your career development. An opportunity that you thought passed you by may be circling back around because you're actually ready for it now.
The New Moon on the 16th encourages you to expand your knowledge through self-study or formal education to position yourself as a guide or teacher for others. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 22nd and links up with Mercury, making this a good time to step into a leadership role. You don't need a ton of experience to influence others. You just need to share your testimony to inspire them instead. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to start planning that holiday getaway. The month wraps up with a Full Moon that could have you uprooting from your current home to establish yourself elsewhere.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMoney matters take center stage with the Full Moon on the 1st. You may have some revelations about the way you're making money. If you're interested in striking out on your own as an entrepreneur, this energy supports you in doing so. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to make some plans within an established relationship. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you'll begin to notice the effects of the transformation you've undergone over the past several months—especially within your friendships. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, making this a good time to dive deeper into your studies about spirituality and esoteric topics.
The New Moon on the 16th supports you in receiving the financial support that you need to start up that business or get that home loan. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up and you're in the mood to travel. Hold off on doing so during the retrograde but feel free to start making plans for a holiday getaway. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to review shared resources that you have with bae or your business partner. If you've got outstanding debts, it's time to get serious about paying it off (or you can always opt for deferring your student loan for the 3rd time). October closes with a Full Moon placing the spotlight on your social media presence. If you've got a product or service to launch, here's your chance to really make an impression.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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