As far as outer beauty goes, the two things that I've personally committed to doing over the next 12 months are to be intentional about pampering my skin and to also do what it takes to gain more inches when it comes to my hair. Two items that are proving to make both of those things happen are MSM and Chebe powder. In fact, both of these are so bomb that I've been doing more research so that I can feel confident in recommending them to other people.
In the process of all of the stuff that I've been reading on MSM and Chebe, I've also discovered some other natural beauty trends that I thought you should know about. What's cool about all of the things on this list is they are about using less chemicals and being more natural. As a direct result, they're good for your health, the environment and—when it comes to the last trend on here—our community too.
If you're someone who is all about beauty trends and you want to know what kind of tip 2020 plans to be on, here are some natural-related beauty trends that you can definitely feel good about. I know that I do.
A “Wake Up” Face
One of the cool things about dating artists is you're sure to be the muse for at least one song. To this day, my last boyfriend is one of the most talented producers I know. Anyway, one of the tunes that he penned for me was called "Wake Up Face"; it was literally about how he prefers to see me au naturale. Maybe he was prophetic because, this year, as far as beauty trends go, one of the most popular ones is women who wear as little make-up as possible. You know what that means, right? In order to pull this one off, your skincare has to be seriously on-point. If you'd like a few pointers in this area, check out "This Is Why Your Skincare Routine Isn't Working", "I Cleared Up My Hyperpigmentation Thanks To This 5-Step Method" and "All-Natural Ways To Keep Your Skin Super Soft This Fall & Winter". Then, at least a couple of times a week, try going out with as little make-up as possible. Your pores will love it, and you just might end up liking it more than you thought you would as well.
Brow Lamination
Recently, I met a guy whose eyebrows were flawless. As his brother was teasing him about "getting them arched", ole' boy gave the death stare and then said, "No, I get them done." I should've asked him if they were "laminated" since that is currently all the rage as far as brow care goes.
If you've never heard of brow lamination before, the long short of it is, it's a semi-permanent brow procedure that provides the results of microblading without the use of any needles.
Since it straightens brow hairs with a solution that contains keratin (a protein that our hair is made up of), a lot of people are finding it to be their favorite brow care technique, by a long shot. If you want to attempt it at home, check out a DIY tutorial here.
“Transparent” Labels
A wise person once said, if we can't eat whatever it is that we're putting on our hair, skin or nails, we probably shouldn't use it. While it's pretty close to impossible to follow this rule to a "T", many cosmetic companies are making it easier to hit the mark, now more than ever. That said, if when you're out looking for some toner, shampoo or any other beauty item, you look at the label and you can't pronounce even one-third of the words on it, you might want to take a pass and search for something else. Our body absorbs the chemicals that we use, and with recent headlines like "Here's One More Reason Black Women Should Stop Processing Our Hair: Breast Cancer", a beauty trend like transparent labels is something that we all should get behind and support.
Water-Free Products
With Americans using around a trillion gallons of water each year, and something as simple as a leaky faucet resulting in 10 gallons being wasted a day, it would make sense that caring for the environment would include being proactive about our water consumption. Some cosmetic companies are addressing this by making water-free products. Aside from the fact that it can help to preserve something that we all need in order to stay alive, water-free cosmetics make it easier to travel with. Plus, they tend to have a longer shelf life. A great example of water-free skincare is an article that we featured last year—"Everyone's Raving About The 10-Step Korean Skincare Routine". Check it out when you get a chance to see if it's something that could possibly work for you.
Sensitive-Skin Items
If you've ever wondered if you have sensitive skin, here are some telling signs—your skin is always dry; beauty products always tend to create a rash, burn or sting; your skin doesn't react well to fragrances or artificial coloring; you breakout easily; your skin is sensitive to the sun; your skin is constantly itchy and/or your skin "reacts" to extreme weather like sun, cold and wind. If this is the case, it's best to use beauty products that are customized for sensitive skin. Luckily, this is your year because these are the kind of items that will be heavily marketed. If you want to give a few of 'em a shot, some brands that could relieve your symptoms are Cetaphil, Aesop, Josie Maran, Physicians Formula, Glow Recipe, Clinique, Bliss, Eucerin, BE GENTLE and REN.
Phthalate-Free Perfumes
Who doesn't like to smell good? At the same time, who doesn't want to be healthy too? If your goal is to accomplish both things, you might wanna rethink the kind of perfumes that you wear.
Although a lot of us don't read the ingredients that are on the back of perfume and cologne packages, the reality is many of them are pretty toxic; especially if they contain phthalates. What are those? It's kind of a long story, but the short of it is they are chemical substances that help things to last longer. Problem is, they can also cause problems with your reproductive and endocrine system (for starters).
So, in 2020, make reading perfume labels and opting for phthalate-free perfumes an absolute must. Hello Glow has a list of some of them here.
Naked Manicures
Something that was big a few years ago and is making somewhat of a comeback is naked manicures. These are more about making sure that your nails are as healthy as possible than focusing on any kind of shape, color, or nail design. The benefits that come from getting a naked manicure are they can fade any type of nail discoloration you might have, smooth out any ridges, make your nails stronger and more flexible, increase hydration to your nail beds and cuticles, and provide an overall healthy tone and finish to your nails.
Some of us are so caught up in different nail styles that we don't give our nails a break. Luckily, thanks to naked manicures, you can go a few weeks without powder dipping or gel polish, let your nails breathe, and still be totally on trend.
Products with (More) Essential Oils in Them
Something that I'm a big fan of is essential oils. On the smell tip, they are potent and long-lasting. More than that, every single one has at least five health benefits to them. That's why I smiled when I checked out "Products Featuring Essential Oil Claims to Rise in 2020". If you're someone who only dibbles and dabbles into essential oils every now and again, make this the year that you are intentional about adding them to your health and beauty regimen.
Wyndmere Naturals published one of the most helpful essential lists that I've seen in a while to give you the benefits of various oils ("A-Z Guide of Essential Oils"). Oh, and if you're wondering which oils are going to be pretty popular this year, the list includes anything citrusy along with ginger, patchouli, jasmine, vanilla, sandalwood, rose, and amber.
Natural and Glossy Lips
Now this is a beauty trend that I can definitely get on board with. I honestly can't tell y'all how many tubes of lip gloss that I have in my possession. All I know is if there was a support group for lip gloss addicts, I'd need to attend. Since minimalism is big in 2020, lip gloss over lipstick will be pretty popular for the next several months. Oh, and even if you choose to wear your brightest red lip stain (which is also a current beauty trend), still apply a layer of gloss over it since the matte look is currently out.
Speaking of gloss, lips aren't the only thing that should have it. "Glossy" eyelids and cheeks will be a big trend too (which you can create with a little bit of sweet almond or avocado oil, by the way).
Inclusion and Diversity
Your grandma can tell you about the days when Fashion Fair was basically the only make-up option for Black women. These days, there are many more items to choose from thanks to companies like Rihanna's Fenty Beauty. As more brands like Mented Cosmetics, Urban Skin Rx, EveryHue Beauty, Thrive Causemetics, and Makeup for Melanin Girls all continue to roll out products that complement various ethnicities and skin tones, it is becoming easier and easier to find what works for you and what enhances your natural beauty seamlessly. Definitely something to get hype about as far as enhancing our natural beauty goes, I think. How about you?
Feature image by Shutterstock
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy