In my mid-twenties, I was diagnosed with depression.
I was 24, overweight, unmotivated, and ridiculously and constantly tired. I saw all the signs that things weren't right in my life and decided to go see a therapist. It's not an exaggeration to say that she changed my life. Long story short, she gave me the courage to quit my job to travel, and I've now been living in Asia for the past four years.
But just because I'm seemingly living my dream life doesn't mean that my depression doesn't like to appear in my life from time to time. I have various methods for coping and making myself feel better, including exercising, treating myself to a healthy lunch, or spending time with friends. But my favorite way to make myself feel better is my own special form of meditation – my treat yo' self skincare ritual. For some people, yoga, morning coffee, daily journaling is their thing, their ritual.
Cleansing my face and carefully applying my skincare products is my thing. I know to some this might seem silly, but for me, it's the perfect way to show myself some love.
When I moved to Korea, I learned all about the elaborate and famous 10-step Korean skincare routine. I was initially hesitant, because really, who the hell has time to do 10 steps of skincare every day and night? But curiosity got the best of me, and I slowly started adding steps to my routine: oil cleansers, serums, sheet masks, oils, night creams, sunscreens, hydrating toners… the list goes on.
I even started applying my skincare in a different way, lightly tapping or pressing products into my skin using my fingertips and palms, instead of just rubbing it all over. I became obsessed with skincare, in the best way. Not only is my skincare routine responsible for making my skin look the best it's ever looked, but I've discovered it's one of the best ways to help me cope during my bad days with depression.
The great thing about a Korean skincare routine is that you don't have to specifically use Korean or Asian skincare products. The basic principle of a Korean skincare routine is layering – that is, putting on your skincare products in order from lightest consistency, to heaviest consistency, or least hydrating to most hydrating. You can use any products you'd like, from natural and organic to something you bought from CVS.
I use all Korean products because A) I love them, and B) I live in Asia and it's much easier for me to get Korean products rather than items from Sephora.
Below is my routine for having a healthy mind and healthy skin.
In the Morning:
- Cleanser – Cleanse with a gentle, pH balanced foaming cleanser.
- Toner – Tone to make sure my face is completely clean.
- Hydrating toner – A lightweight, watery, yet hydrating toner to balance the skin
- Hydrating serum – An extra layer of hydration
- Moisturizer – I use a gel cream type moisturizer, since it's pretty lightweight and not greasy.
- Sunscreen – There are a lot of articles arguing against whether or not you should put on sunscreen before or after your moisturizer, but I choose to use it after my moisturizer.
- Makeup – This includes primer, foundation, lip and eye makeup
In the Evening:
- Oil cleanser to remove makeup – One of the major commandants of the Korean skincare is double cleansing, or first using an oil based cleanser to remove makeup, followed by a foaming cleanser.
- Cleanser – A low pH foaming cleanser
- Toner -Tone to make sure my face is completely clean.
- Actives (AHA, BHA, Retinol, Vitamin C treatment/serum) – During this step, you normally allow your AHAs and BHAs time to work their magic.
- Hydrating toner – My skin is very dry after my actives, so I use a lightweight hydrating toner.
- Sheet mask – Sheet masks are magical. I use them every night, and leave on for at least 15 minutes.
- Serum – I use all sorts of serums, from hydrating to anti-aging. Serums typically target specific skin problems, such as aging, dry skin, acne, or dark spots.
- Eye cream/serum – Once you get older, I think eye cream is essential. I dab it on lightly with my pinky fingers.
- Night cream – At night, I use a thicker moisturizer. If I'm feeling really fancy, I'll add a few drops of oil to my cream for that extra boost of hydration.
I've always had a difficult time with traditional meditation, but my skincare routine is my ritual. It isn't just a way to justify my product junkie tendencies, but it's my own personal form of meditation. All of the steps on my skincare routine are my way of grounding myself. Every morning and night, I devote from 15 to 30 minutes to myself. I breathe. I sit quietly and reflect as I wait for my AHAs to do their thing. I repeat mantras as I cleanse my face. I read. I blast music and dance in my underwear while wearing a sheet mask. I marvel at how smooth and soft my skin is. I take selfies. I love myself.
On my bad days, my skincare routine is the one thing that I can look forward to. In today's busy world, it's sometimes hard to find time to focus on you, but my skincare routine is a non-negotiable. It doesn't matter how tired I am, how many drinks I've had, or how sad I feel, I always find that time in my day to take care of me.
What do you do to show yourself love?
Featured image by Jess @ Harper Sunday on Unsplash
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From the day they met, food has always played a role in their relationship, and working together in the food industry is what we call a full circle moment. Learn more about Bryant and Daniella’s story of finding love with one another.
How they met.
Bryant: We met at a mutual clients’ house. She was doing the lady hair, and I was cooking for the lady. The client sent her downstairs to record me while I was cooking to, I guess, see what I was cooking, and I caught her recording, but we didn't talk. I caught her recording, we laughed it off, and she went about her day.
So I guess that was the first thing that made us interact with each other. A few months down the line, I think she posted something [on social media]. I hopped in her DM and responded to it, and then we decided to just meet up and hang out. I looked at her as an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur. She don’t need nothing. I don’t need nothing. It's good to hang with people who don't need nothing from you.
When we linked up, our chemistry was just so soft and just so nice. She is a great person, but after meeting up with her [for the] first time, she went back to Miami. She came back [to Atlanta], and we just kicked it off that next weekend, and ever since then, we've been locked in.
Daniella: That same client had flew me back in so I knew I had to come up here for work. But I told him that we'll meet up and [go] on a date and see each other again. When that happened, everything else was history. It just happened organically. It wasn’t forced or anything.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
First impressions.
Bryant: I knew for a fact for her to come downstairs and try to record me, I knew that she was brave, and that said a lot about her, because I barely even talk when I'm cooking for my clients. So you have to talk to somebody for them to feel comfortable to play with you, or do certain things. I feel like the client sent her downstairs because she knew that she's an outspoken, bubbly type of person who don't mind laughing it off if she gets caught doing it.
When she came back to Atlanta, she booked me to cook for her family. So while I was cooking for her in the kitchen, the whole time she was in there talking to me. It was like a date in the kitchen, and I cooked her food. Once the food was laid out, I just left. We had a great conversation when I was cooking for her, and also when she came downstairs and tried to record me.
Daniella: I was impressed how he was multitasking because I was asking him deep, interesting questions, and he was cooking the food, and he was still answering my questions. But I was in a relationship at that time, so I wasn't really in tune. It was no emotions. But when I came back and flew in to work, we met with each other.
He came and picked me up from the hotel and we drove around Atlanta, sightseeing. We went to the African club. So when he came downstairs, I was like okay, you not gonna hug me, you not gonna say nothing? He was shocked and we stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
We stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
The one.
Daniella: When we first linked up, he took me around Atlanta. He was soft and gentle. He was a gentleman. He opened the door for me and I never had nobody open the door. He opened the door every single time I was going in and getting out the car, and when we went to that restaurant. I was like, [there’s] something about him, and he was just nice, calm and patient. So I knew he was a little different from what I'm used to.
Bryant: [I knew she was the one by] how she cared so much. She didn't really know me like that. She knew of me, but she cared so much about me. When we first met, she would lay on me and just relax. For someone who just wants to relax on you, that says a lot about them towards you. It wasn't like I had to prove myself and she didn’t have to prove herself with me either. It wasn't nothing like that. We were willing to take whatever came with it. But it just was really a break. It was like the best me meeting a woman because I didn't try.
Any other woman, I might be trying to dress up, take her to this place, I did not try at all. I picked her up and I actually thought that she wasn't gonna go on the date with me because of her status and my status. I'm such a laid back homey dude and she's from Miami. I thought she would be on the City Girls, you gotta do this, do that. But she wasn't. She was the total opposite. She was a homebody, chill, like me.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
Marriage advice for couples.
Bryant: Work together. Communication, put your mind together.
Daniella: And keep your family out your business.
Bryant: Keep it private please. Y'all work it out first. When y'all make sure it's solidified, then you tell them, or let them find out on their own. Privacy is the most valuable thing.
Daniella: And date each other because people get married and they stop doing the things that they did to get you, or stop doing the things that they did while they were in a relationship with you, before y'all got married. No, do the same thing. For me, I get bored easy, and I think he knows that. So just keep it spicy. Keep it interesting.
Bryant: We like spontaneous stuff like last-minute trips, trying different foods, going out the country just off a spur of a moment. You gotta make it fun. Don't just make it all business. And I think one person out of the relationship needs to take the initiative to make sure their partner is relaxing and at peace. A lot of people carry functional depression to where they’re functional, like we're doing this right now, but they can be going through something.
I don't think it's male or female. I think whichever one, the other partner should notice it and work with their partner to get through whatever they get through, like, for postpartum depression and stuff. That's something that most men don't even really know exist, but that's something when she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her.
She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much. So you got to be considerate of your mate's mental state and their mental well-being, because when it's gone, it's gone and it takes a lot to get it back, so I think that's important.
When she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her. She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much.
If you see something not right with your spouse, help them get help. It's okay for them to talk to a therapist by themselves, or it's okay for them to talk to somebody, but don't just sit there and let them go into this decline and self-destruction. I think that's the most important, because sometimes she be overwhelmed, and I have to be that person to hold her up. And then sometimes I'm overwhelmed. To her, baby, I don't want to do this no more. She's like, you gonna do this. We gonna do this. And she reminds me who I am. I remind her who she is, and we come back feeling more motivated.
Daniella: I think business owners should date business owners because they understand your hustle, your hunger. They understand when you can have a day where you make $0 and you have a day when you make $1,000. But I feel like if you dating someone who is in corporate America, and you a business owner, there's going to be a lot of friction, a lot of tension, and I just feel like I want to date someone that has the same drive as me.
Because I don't want to feel like I'm trying to build a bear, build a man, and I have to pull you and drag you, or just being with somebody who got they self together. For instance, my last relationship. I won't say I was the breadwinner, but I was kind of established, and I felt like I was sleeping with the enemy. I was growing fast and I wasn't stagnant. I was trying to get to the next level. He started to be jealous of me and I feel like a lot of women deal with men trying to be jealous of them. Men also have ego issues where they don't really want their woman making a certain amount of money or making more money than them.
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