Meagan Good On Being A Preacher’s Wife: "He Wasn’t Looking To Change Me"
Meagan Good and her husband DeVon Franklin have been candid about their religious beliefs and views about celibacy in the past, so much so that they co-wrote a bestselling novel about it. But as a woman who didn't always consider herself to be a religious person, Meagan Good finally opened up about what it's really like to be a preacher's wife.
The couple met nearly six years before they went on their first date during a brief exchange brought on by a mutual friend, but it wasn't until they bumped into each other at her premiere for Jumping the Broom that the two finally connected. She toldParade:
"I saw him at different events over the years, but it wasn't until 'Jumping the Broom' when we really reconnected, and that was like almost six years later and I just remember like a time when we hung out on set and I was thinking, 'That's the kind of guy I wish I could marry.'"
GREGG DEGUIRE VIA GETTY IMAGES
Meagan's wish came true, but only after she made the decision to heal herself from the inside-out. Meagan explained that 10 months prior to meeting DeVon, she had given celibacy a try in an attempt to find some clarity about what and who she wanted in her life.
"I had gotten out of another relationship and started praying about what was next and what I should be doing and I started being celibate and working on myself and healing."
That night, DeVon asked his one-day wife on a coffee date that, less than a year later, would turn into a wedding engagement.
"He asked me out for coffee and two weeks later we went out on our first date, it was 10 months later that we were engaged, a few months later we were married, and it will be seven years on June 16."
DeVon clearly didn't waste any time putting a ring on it, but the engagement came with some stipulations that Meagan hadn't exactly anticipated. The actress told MadameNoire that celibacy may have been the craziest thing she's ever done for love, but she worked through it because she was committed to the payoff.
"Ultimately I stayed in it because I felt like I wanted to do things God's way and I felt like I wanted to honor my marriage and I wanted to set us up to win and to do this thing once."
Meagan explained that abstaining from sex before marriage in she and DeVon's relationship was necessary to building a truly long lasting marriage.
"I believe that it helps because the relationship wasn't based on physicality and I think sometimes when that leads the relationship and that type of connection, I think sometimes you can't really see clearly and you settle for things that you wouldn't settle for during long term. And you don't really realize that until three or four years down the line."
It's big facts that when you have sex with someone, you both chemically and physically bond with them; and don't get me started on the spiritual aspect because if you know like I know, there are some real soul snatchers out there who we mistakenly see as potential through rose-colored glasses; but Meagan insisted that by abstaining from sex before marriage altogether, she was able to see things for what they really are.
"I think you get so wrapped up in a person in a certain way that you don't always see all of them and you can't really always determine if you can actually spend a lifetime with that person."
While Meagan is proud to have remained celibate before her wedding date, she shared that there are other some rituals that come with religion that she isn't fond of.
Although I am a woman of God and will be until the day that I die, I can acknowledge that religious rhetoric can sometimes be twisted and transformed into a very dangerous thing. It's this rhetoric that contributes to the level of homophobia and sexism that exists in our community today. It's the same rhetoric that Meagan says has at times, made her feel both unworthy and unwelcome. Despite being a devout Christian, this is the real reason Meagan says she doesn't always attend church with her husband:
"If I'm being completely honest, my experience with some church folks has not been that positive. It's unfortunate because we're supposed to be the biggest lovers. And it's like even if you disagree with someone or you don't think what they're doing is right, you're supposed to mind your own business and pray for that person. Other times, you're supposed to correct in love if that's what God told you to do. And there was no correction in love. It was like a complete assault."
She explained that though she will always love God and the church, she knows herself well enough to know that you have to love some of the congregation from a distance:
"And even though I've gotten to a place of balance, I'm the type of person if I see someone crying, I'll start crying. I'm extremely sensitive so I have to protect my spirit because those people don't always know what they're doing."
Despite the fact that she's had some bad experiences in the church, Meagan says that her marriage to DeVon is proof that you can't generalize a religion based on a few of its members. I think we all remember the viral video where DeVon had to check a church-going woman about coming for Meagan's wardrobe, and he's kept that same energy throughout their marriage. Meagan explained:
"The great thing about him is like he wasn't looking to change me in marriage. He knew who I was before marriage. And so there is growth that happens individually and collectively. So, it wasn't like 'Now, you're married. You can't do this anymore. You can't do that.'"
To read Meagan's full interview with Parade, click here!
Featured image by Getty Images
- Meagan Good DeVon Franklin Celibacy - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Meagan Good On Chloe Bailey Critics, Backlash - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Who Is Meagan Good Dating? Jonathan Majors, Dating History - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images