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Your June Horoscopes Are All About Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You
As the saying goes, "The truth shall set you free" and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in the beginning of the month serves to do just that. Our favorite planet, Mercury, joins the retrograde party mid-month, pulling us into the tide of emotions that we're learning how to navigate better with the help of the New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st. Once Neptune goes retrograde, we'll be seeing things a little differently as the rose-colored glasses come off. By the end of the month, Mars gives you the drive to turn your fantasies into reality.
Check out more below to see what's going on in the cosmos this month for your sign!
Aries
The beginning of the month kicks off with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse, giving you the oomph you need to push past limiting beliefs that you learned from more "knowledgeable" people in your life. Wisdom comes from personal experience and it's time for you to seek answers from your own inner guru. When Mercury goes retrograde on the 18th, discussions about renovations, relocating, or family planning will be prominent in the weeks to come. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st signifies a big overhaul of unresolved emotions, and intergenerational trauma, related to family members—specifically the mother figure in your life.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you receive clarity on life's mysteries through your dream time and meditation. When Venus goes direct on the 25th, you'll be getting clearer about where you and bae are headed. Near the end of the month, your ruling planet finally moves into your sign, gifting you with a much-needed boost of energy to accomplish the million and one goals you've set for yourself. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work! On the 30th, an aspect between Jupiter/Pluto awakens you to deeper levels of your personal power. Just be mindful of going head-to-head with authority figures and even people that look up to you. With greater power comes greater responsibility.
Taurus
Laci Jordan for xoNecole
The month begins with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse gifting you some much-needed perspective about a significant experience that impacted you negatively. You might have walked through the fire but you've come out on the other side unscathed—a phoenix rising from the ashes in all its majesty. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, inviting you to take a softer approach when it comes to communicating your needs. Remember, babe, you'll catch more flies with honey. Oftentimes, the way we communicate with others is merely a reflection of our own inner dialogue and this New Moon Solar eclipse can help you move past some critical, harsh self-talk to opt for more compassion instead.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, offering a different perspective about your friends and how you fit into the bunch. If you've had someone up on a pedestal, this transit may be a bit of a reality check when it comes to their true intentions towards you. Your ruling planet, Venus, goes direct on the 25th and you'll be feeling a lot more confident about your investments and money-making endeavors moving forward, especially if you spent the retrograde brushing up on your knowledge and expertise. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries and you may find it more difficult to express your anger during this time. Dig deeper into your frustrations and maybe you'll find that your anger is really just a feeling of powerlessness, unprocessed grief, or even boredom.
Gemini
June kicks off with a bang, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your opposite sign, Sag, bringing your focus to relationships. You're closing out a big cycle when it comes to a specific partnership or just your relationship patterns as a whole. Just remember that with an ending awaits a new beginning on the other side. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to tune into more emotionally fulfilling ways of making money. On the 21st, the New Moon Lunar eclipse transforms your self-esteem by granting you the gift of perspective. As the saying goes, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Let the past roll off your back and remember who the f*ck you are!
On the 23rd, Neptune retrograde attempts to clear the fog when it comes to your public image and career. Any deceptive energy within your professional life will be exposed during this transit. Stay on the up and up by prioritizing authenticity and try not to take it personally if someone you're working with hasn't been as real as you initially thought. Venus finally goes direct on the 25th, giving you some forward momentum when it comes to money and love. When Mars moves into Aries on the 27th, you're focused on the collective. You could even find yourself leading a group or inspiring others to be the change they want to see in the world.
Cancer
The beginning of the month gives you a much-needed kick in the ass to break through some bad habits that are keeping you from living your best (and healthiest) life. The Full Moon Lunar eclipse not only requires you to adjust your approach to your wellness but also your schedule as well. Your mantra? "I am flexible and open to change." On the 18th, Mercury begins its retrograde through your sign which could bring some missed opportunities back around (and maybe a pesky ex as well). After a year of eclipses in your sign, you're finally experiencing the last one for some years to come on the 21st. Are you ready to ascend to higher levels? Either get with the program or get dragged 'cause change is here, baby.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, debunking any idealizations you've made of someone in a position of spiritual authority. Get in touch with your own spiritual truth before blindly following another. The planet of love finally goes direct on the 25th, gifting you the clarity you need about past lovers and relationship patterns that you've outgrown—particularly when it comes to communicating your needs. Make things about you for once, please. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, getting you geared up when it comes to your career and public image. How can you take more control of your success? Dig in those heels and get to work.
Leo
Your sister sign is getting you together with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse on the 5th. Creativity and romance take front and center stage—marking a time of endings or beginnings. These eclipses are wild cards so hang loose, baby, and TRUST that whatever happens is realigning you with your destiny. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to make peace with some sh*t that just ain't cuttin' it for you anymore. Don't be surprised if your ex pops up, in real time or in your dreams, wanting to give it another go. Recognize the lesson and set them (and you) free. On the 21st, the New Moon Solar eclipse brings through the final sweep of what you cannot take into your new year with you. You've got big things to accomplish and you can't do it with all of that baggage weighing you down.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, inviting you to uncover the secrets within yourself (or someone you thought you knew). It's "Mask Off" season and now is the time to separate the real from the fake. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, helping to smooth out communication amongst your social circle. You're finally feeling like more of your bubbly self, ready to rub elbows with the movers and shakers of your community. The energy is in high drive towards the end of the month when Mars moves into Aries. The travel bug has got you ready to forget about the Rona to embark on that tropical getaway. If you're a writer or teacher, you should have no problem cranking out content during this transit. Use it to your advantage!
Virgo
Home and family matters are top priority at the beginning of the month, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. It's time to revamp your space or find a new one that's a better fit for your growing needs (or family). On the 18th, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends and some old dreams as well. Yes, Virgo, daydreaming is productive as well. It's called creative visualization and it's your best friend this month. Around the middle of the month, the New Moon Solar eclipse helps you wipe the slate clean and reimagine what your ideal tribe looks (and feels) like. Although you may be saying goodbye to an old friend, trust that you're just creating space for a new connection that's more of your vibe.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde mash up, helping you sift through the fog of any personal relationships. It's time to see someone for what they really are—a human—so stop projecting your perfectionism onto them and getting upset when they don't meet your expectation. Look, we don't all share a Sun sign with THEE Beyoncé, so everybody can't be perfect all of the time. Compassion, Virgo. Also, realism. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, helping you attract opportunities that will land you in a position of power and influence. Things are getting hot and sexy for you when Mars, a.k.a. your libido, enters Aries, encouraging you to sex it out, sweat it out, or work it out.
Libra
The month begins with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse is bringing the change when it comes to the way you communicate with yourself and others. This is a good time to promote yourself, your truth, and that book you've been working on behind the scenes. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde where the conversation is focused on work and tying up loose ends on a project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 23rd could result in some unexpected career recognition or a change in your life path that's in alignment with your evolving needs.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde and the rose-colored glasses come off. This transit can be revealing when it comes to hidden enemies—particularly those in the work environment. This is also a supportive time to kick any bad habits like smoking, drinking, or obsessing over guys that just aren't good for you. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and your wanderlust has got you ready to brave the Rona to take that girls' trip you've been planning since last year. Things are heating up for you towards the end of the month when Mars enters your relationship house. You know what you want and you're not afraid to take charge. That whole diplomatic "door-mat" approach just won't cut it for you during this transit. It's OK to have it your way for once.
Scorpio
June kicks off with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse inviting you to make some financial changes. Important conversations may arise about the shared resources. Try to find a happy middle ground but don't be surprised if the Universe dissolves a financial partnership that isn't serving either party involved. Remember the eclipse season mantra—"Out with the old, in with the new". On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to revisit an old project you've been working on especially in the realm of writing and educational content. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st comes through to help you wipe out limiting beliefs that make you hide your gifts from the world. A sudden opportunity to present your work on a larger platform can present itself.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, helping you see your romantic prospect(s) more clearly. Is it true love or is it just a fling? You'll receive the clarity you need in the months to come. Emotions will be at a high during this time so channel that energy into creating something. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, possibly landing you a settlement or some money owed to you. If your intimate connections have been challenged over the past couple of months, things should start smoothing out moving forward. Fiery Mars enters Aries on the 27th, turning you into a gym rat for the rest of the year (and a drill sergeant when it comes to your schedule and diet). You need to feel your best to maintain the energy needed to build your empire!
Sagittarius
It's all about you in the beginning of the month with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your sign. As you begin to prioritize your needs more, this may cause a little friction between you and others. Focusing on yourself isn't synonymous with harming someone else. On the 18th, Mercury goes retro and the conversation runs deep between you and the special people in your life as the intimacy levels grow stronger. If you're dealing with some emotional hang ups, this is a perfect time to schedule an appointment with a therapist. The New Moon Solar eclipse in this same part of your chart serves as the gateway to your healing and redemption.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you see clearly into your family dynamics. Did you grow up under the illusion that nurturing and tenderness is for weaklings? Well, maybe now it's time for you to stop resisting exactly what you've always needed to blossom into the best version of yourself. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, clearing up communication issues between you and bae while also helping you secure that contract that you've been negotiating. At the end of the month, Mars enters Aries, where it'll be for the rest of the year. Your desire for creative expression, romance, and adventure is heightened during this transit. It's time to unwind and have some fun, Saggie!
Capricorn
The month kicks off with you burning bridges to your past, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. Surrender or be dragged, sis. You can kick and scream all you want but when the Universe is ready to help you level up by any means necessary. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you the chance to renegotiate contracts and redefine your boundaries within relationships. Where have you been giving too much to others and not enough to yourself (or vice versa)? The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st makes it clear as to who's good for you and who's not. Changes in your relationships, professional included, are bound to occur.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, granting you the gift of clarity through some insightful conversations you'll be having in the months to come. Don't be surprised if you uncover some hidden information about your sibling getting hitched during the Rona pandemic. Once Venus goes direct on the 25th, you're focused on your health and well-being, making this a good time to learn about a new fitness regimen or detox program. Towards the end of the month, fiesty Mars enters Aries, putting your home renovation or relocation plans in overdrive. On the 30th, Jupiter and Pluto join forces to help you integrate some much-needed gems of wisdom that can propel you forward in a more empowered way.
Aquarius
Your social circle needs a bit of a revamp and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse is here to help with that. Whether you're kicking dusty "friends" to the curb or simply exploring new options, it's important that you align with folks that are intent on loving you in all of your truth—the good, the bad, and the ugly. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to nurture your mental and physical health. Drink plenty of water and opt for more gentle forms of exercise, like a stroll through your neighborhood or yoga in the park. The New Moon Solar eclipse comes through on the 21st, helping you overcome that sweet tooth or your overindulgence in wine.
Towards the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde, bringing you back down to earth when it comes to your spending habits. It's great that you trust the Universe to provide for all of your needs but don't be out here spending recklessly. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and you're ready for some summertime fun (and romance). Get creative and see what adventures you and bae can get into in the midst of the Rona. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, gifting you with the courage to talk yo sh*t. You're feeling more bold and confident when it comes to expressing yourself and all of your unconventional beliefs. Gon' head and shake the table, babe! Your conviction has the potential to inspire the masses (or at least your social media following).
Pisces
The beginning of the month brings changes to your career trajectory and public image. A sudden opportunity can open a new door for you, or you could finally be getting the recognition you deserve. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, making it the perfect time to revisit that old creative hobby or project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse will definitely have you in your feels. You'll need a healthy outlet for channeling all of those emotions into sappy love songs or heartfelt breakup anthems. Rekindling romance may also be on your mind (or an ex of yours who's waiting for the right moment to pounce).
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you get clear on your boundaries as well as your personal identity. You have a tendency to enmesh with everyone and everything around you. This transit will help you separate what is yours and what is everyone else's. As empathic as you are, it's important that you allow other people to manage their own problems. You've got other things to concern yourself with, like planning your Zoom housewarming party or doing your Googles for that new home entertainment system you want. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, giving you a much-needed kick in the ass to get your money right. It's time to bring all of those great ideas of yours into reality and you'll have plenty of energy to do just that.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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