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If you read the title of this and were like, “Damn sis, we’re not even officially into spring yet” — yes, you would be correct. Actually what inspired this piece has nothing to do with bikini weather but a conversation I was having with a woman about how she’s super subconscious about oral action with her boo and it’s mostly because she doesn’t like how her bikini line looks.
Our day-one readers and supporters know that we do our best to cover as many “It’s not talked about publicly, so let’s talk about it” topics as possible. Plus, in the spirit of wanting as many women as possible to enjoy cunnilingus fully (just sayin’) while also getting their line right for the summer season, here are 12 things that you can do yourself to get your bikini line exactly how you want it to be.
1. Buy Panties That Actually Fit
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It’s wild how we’re always talking about how many women wear bras that don’t fit them properly (which is reportedly STILL holding at 80 percent ; I know that I thought I was a DDD for years and I’m actually an H) yet it never seems to come up, just how many of us don’t want panties that fit as well as they should too.
Case in point, when I went for my latest waxing , I asked my waxer if a bump that I could feel right in the crease of one of my butt cheeks was an ingrown hair. She told me that it looked like a build-up of keratin from the elastic of my panties. She also said it happens often, especially if our panties are too tight or we sleep in them.
Welp, that is definitely a sign to keep sleeping naked (more on that later).
As far as knowing if your panties are too snug for your own good — if they leave marks; if they cause the skin around your hips to bulge out; if you’re getting wedgies often — you need to go up a size. For the sake of your bikini line and comfort, make sure that you do.
2. Exfoliate That Area
Ever since I’ve been going to either waxing or sugaring appointments, shaving is a thing of the past. However, my waxer (and when I go, sugar-er) tells me that I still need to exfoliate my bikini line after my appointment with her; then at least 3-4 times in between our next appointment. After the appointment, so that I can remove any tiny bits of wax that might be left behind that could potentially clog up my pores/hair follicles. In between appointments, in order to remove dead skin that could result in tiny bumps and ingrown hairs , if I’m not careful.
So, whether you are a shaver and need to do this in order to prep your skin for removing hair or you need to do it for the reasons I just said, make exfoliating your bikini line an absolute must. As far as what you should exfoliate with, a homemade sugar scrub like the ones YouTuber Whole Elise features in this video here should suit you just fine.
3. Attempt Some DIY Sugaring
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Speaking of sugaring , I’m actually a big fan of it (I just go to my waxer more because she’s more…accurate in removing all of the hair that I want to get rid of than my particular sugar-er is; plus, sugaring is oftentimes more expensive). Since the paste is made up of (usually) nothing other than sugar, lemon juice, and water, it contains no chemicals. It’s easier to make at home. And, since sugaring “sticks” to the hair and dead skin cells alone, it tends to be less painful than waxing (and leaves less skin irritation). Finally, a real plus is, if you’re looking for a method that leads to permanent hair removal over time, sugaring is that one.
4. Never Shave Against the Grain
Back in my shaving days, no matter how much I heard that I wasn’t supposed to cut against the grain of how my hair naturally grew, I stayed being hard-headed because I liked how close the shave was whenever I did it that way. When it comes to my legs (because I still shave those), ingrown hairs have never been an issue — oh, but when it comes to my bikini line? Yeah, that was a hot ass mess.
So, even if you know this rule already, because it is one of the greatest causes of razor-related mayhem, it really is a good idea to remember the cut in the direction that your hair actually grows. Also, as far as your razor itself goes, believe it or not, you are supposed to replace it with another one no less than every seven shaves . So yeah, the one that’s been holding on for dear life in your shower? I’ve got a really strong feeling that it’s beyond time to give that up — stat.
5. Use Deodorant After Shaving
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Hmm. Now here’s something that might be your “something new” for the day. Were you aware of the fact that deodorant can be an awesome addition to shaving your bikini line? How in the world does that work? Good question. The aluminum that’s in deodorant contains astringent, antibacterial, and anti-sweating properties. So, if you swipe some deodorant onto freshly-shaven skin, it can help to keep the bacteria from your razor and the irritation that your bikini line might experience down to a minimum.
6. Put Witch Hazel on Razor Burns or Razor Bumps
If there’s one thing that I think everyone should have at least two bottles of, it’s witch hazel . It’s cheap (you should be able to easily find a bottle for under five bucks). It’s easy to find (local drug and grocery stores carry it). And the skin benefits are totally off the charts! The properties in witch hazel are potent when it comes to reducing inflammation, soothing skin irritation, providing the top layers of your skin with antioxidants, and, thanks to the tannins that are in witch hazel, it can help to protect your skin from long-term surface-related damage too. All of this is why witch hazel is top-tier when it comes to using it as a skin astringent should you happen to notice any razor burns or razor bumps.
7. Soak in Some Apple Cider Vinegar Bathwater
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Okay, so there are powerful antimicrobial properties in apple cider vinegar that make it ideal if you’re looking for a way to bring relief to irritated skin or to restore the pH balance of your skin. This is why apple cider vinegar bath soaks are ideal if you’re fighting a yeast infection and why it’s also ideal if you want to speed up the healing process of razor burns or bumps that are around your bikini line. As a bonus, apple cider vinegar serves as a pretty effective exfoliant that’s able to remove the dead skin that may be clogging up your hair follicles; this too can also keep razor bumps from forming.
All you need to do is fill up your bath with really warm (but not super-hot) water. Pour in two cups of apple cider vinegar and soak for 20-30 minutes. A word of caution, though — if you’re tempted to dab some onto a cotton ball and apply it directly to your skin, words cannot express the kind of stinging that you’re in for. Moral of the story: apple cider vinegar should ALWAYS be diluted before applying it.
8. Try Silicone Gel Sheets on Other Scars
If you’re not familiar with what a silicone gel sheet is, probably the best way to explain it is it’s an adhesive, made out of silicone, that you can apply directly to any scars that you have. Over time, the silicone will remove much of the irritation that’s associated with the scar as well as soften its appearance.
The cool thing about this option is silicone gel sheets are pretty easy to find. Two examples are the ones that Walgreens sells here and Walmart sells here .
9. Add Onion Extract Gel to Keloid Scars
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Something else that has been getting a lot of thumbs up lately, as far as scars are concerned, is onion extract gel . From what I’ve read and researched , the properties in onions help to kill bacteria, reduce inflammation and even lighten dark marks over time. All of this is why some experts say that it’s an effectively all-natural way to treat keloid scars if you’ve got any around your bikini line region.
For the record, it won’t happen overnight ( some keloids can take years to fully heal, if they ever do at all) but it is something to keep in mind if you’d prefer to take a holistic approach to them.
10. Apply a Combo of Shea Butter and Tea Tree Oil Every Night
Whether you’re looking to heal razor bumps, even out the skin tone of your bikini line, or just keep that part of your body smooth and youthful-looking, I can personally vouch for the fact that a mixture of shea butter and tea tree oil will get you what you need.
The fatty acids, vitamins A, E, and F, antioxidants, and emollient (moisturizers that deeply hydrate your skin) properties of shea butter are great at soothing your skin as well as healing it and improving the appearance of your bikini line’s complexion.
As far as tea tree oil goes, the properties in it help to soothe inflammation (it’s pretty much an overnight solution for reducing the appearance of zits), kill bacteria, and help to heal dry skin and eczema-related symptoms.
I tend to mix a half teaspoon of shea butter with 1-2 drops of tea tree oil (a little goes a long way) and rub it on my bikini line. It’s been keeping it looking amazing ever since.
11. Get a Professional Vajacial
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Even with all of the at-home tips that I provided, I ain’t gonna lie to you — there is nothing like having a professional tend to your lady parts and this includes treating it to a facial (which is commonly called a “ vajacial ”) about once a season.
Typically what happens with a vajacial is an esthetician will apply a cleanser that’s specifically made for that area of your body. Then they will deeply exfoliate, remove any ingrown hairs, apply a mask that will help to tighten up the pores, and do a treatment that will help to even out your skin tone. Sometimes, they may recommend a chemical peel too.
My two cents? Take a picture of “her” before a vajacial and then take another one after it’s been done. When I tell you that it’s damn near like a day and night difference? I am absolutely NOT exaggerating.
12. Sleep Naked
We touched on this earlier but just because repetition can always be beneficial for memory’s sake — please sleep naked . Not only will your nether regions be thankful for a break from the underwear that you have on for hours on end, but there are also a bunch of other health-related benefits that come from doing it too including a regulation of hormones, a stabilization of body temperature, and a reduction of stress.
Do all of this and you’ll be well on your way to a fabulous bikini line — whatever you, umm, want/need it for. #wink
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In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause , marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression , anxiety , like all of it, mental health challenges , all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry ’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy . If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures , and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood , her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff , which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You , which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Santia Barnes, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur , about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way. In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me . So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles , family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability . And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “ What are we ?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac : The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy . If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments . It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date , but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1 .
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Featured image courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
