Now that the fall season is officially here, if you were wondering what this year's autumn-themed beauty trends are, some of them include a matte red lip, gold shimmering eyeshadow, a smoky bronzed eye, glossy eyelids and high-fashion lashes. But in honor of two other things that I noticed made the list—barely-there make-up and dewy skin—I thought it would be a good idea to also share with you some cool ways to incorporate foods that are currently in season to beauty recipes that I found on various sites.
If after reading these, there are a few that pique your interest but you're wondering how effective they are, I will say that while the exact recipes I may not have tried, I can vouch for the overall concept of each of these.
Apple and ginger are the ultimate detoxifiers. Pear, pumpkin and sweet potato have a remarkable way of pampering skin. Cranberry juice really can (softly) highlight your hair. Pomegranate can dry out a pimple like nobody's business. And cabbage juice? Well, I'll get into the all of its health benefits in just a sec.
So, if you're planning a grocery store or (even better) farmer's market run over the next couple of days, be sure to pick up some of these in-season autumn foods. Yes to eat. But also to care for your body, literally from head to toe.
Apple Peel Mask
Two things that apples contain a lot of are vitamins A and C. Your skin needs Vitamin A because it plays a role in regenerating new skin cells. It needs Vitamin C because C contains antioxidants (along with phytochemicals like flavonoids and phenolic acids) that help to produce more collagen (so that your skin looks fresh and youthful), while fighting off free radicals in the process. Apples also have zinc, sodium, calcium, folic acid, iron, phosphorous, and magnesium in them. As far as lemons go, the acid in them works as an astringent and the gelatin is what will help to create the peeling effect of the mask.
- 2 apples, diced
- 1 lemon (10 drops)
- 2 tablespoons of gelatin
Click here for the full instructions by Khichi Beauty.
If it's been a while since you've had some cabbage, maybe this will inspire you to make some tonight. Aside from the fact that it contains vitamins A, B6, C, K, folate and even some manganese, calcium, potassium and magnesium, cabbage has a wealth of health benefits. Cabbage helps to reduce bodily inflammation, improves indigestion and has fiber to keep you regular. The vitamin A in it works to produce new cells so that your complexion glows and the C keeps your skin looking healthy. Celery is loaded with water to prevent dehydration; it also contains properties to fight infection. Green apples have antioxidants to smooth out the texture of your skin. Carrots are loaded with beta-carotene to speed up any healing your skin may need; lemons can provide you with a more even skin tone; and ginger root is able to make your skin appear more toned.
- 1/8 of a green cabbage
- 1/8 of red cabbage
- 2 ribs of celery 1/2 red beet, scrubbed
- 1 green apple, cored
- 1 carrot, scrubbed
- 1 lemon, peeled
- 1" piece of fresh ginger root
Click here for the full instructions by The Blender Girl.
Cranberry Hair Rinse
If you're like me and you struggle with itchy scalp from time to time, cranberries can quickly become your hair's best friend. They have antioxidants, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties that will remove irritants from your scalp while soothing it at the same time. Cranberries also contain about every B vitamin there is to keep your hair strong, along with Vitamin C to give you hair a collagen boost. Something else that's in cranberries is Vitamin K; it too comes in handy because it triggers collagen production in the body. Lemon juice aids in lightening your hair and carrots are rich in Vitamin A. And so, carrots can help to strengthen your hair's follicles while preventing premature greying in the process.
- 1/2 cup of pureed carrot
- 1/2 cup of fresh cranberries, mashed
- 2 tablespoons of lemon juice
Click here for the full instructions by BeautyLish.
Detox Ginger Foot Pads
I've already broken down what ginger does. As far turmeric goes, it contains powerful anti-inflammatory properties, plus it lightens uneven skin, soothes dry skin and contains antiseptic properties that kills bacteria. Green tea is loaded with antioxidants that also invigorates your system, chamomile will de-stress you, and paprika also has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties in it.
- ½ teaspoon of ginger powder
- ½ teaspoon of turmeric powder
- ¼ cup of green tea (dried leaves)
- ¼ cup of dry chamomile leaves
- ½ teaspoon of paprika
- ¼ cup of grated lemon zest
Click here for the directions in full by Amorq.
Pear Body Scrub
When a pear is in its perfect state of ripeness, it really is one of my favorite fruits. You probably already know that it contains a lot of fiber, but that's not all. Pears also have Vitamin C and K, copper, iron and antioxidants. Eating just one can moisturize your skin while protecting you from UV ray damage. It also can help to reduce the overproduction of sebum in your system (if you happen to have oily skin). Plus, if you use pear in the form of an essential oil (like prickly pear seed oil), it can increase elasticity and brighten your complexion. If you add to it some sugar and sweet almond oil, you'll have a body sugar scrub that smells great and will leave your skin super soft with a radiant glow.
- 2 cups of sugar
- 1 cup of sweet almond oil
- 1 tablespoon of Vitamin E oil
- 1 tablespoon of Bartlett Pear Fragrance Oil
Click here for the full instructions by Bulk Apothecary.
Pomegranate Acne Peel
One serving of pomegranate contains a day's worth of Vitamin B and one-third of the Vitamin C that you need. Pomegranate also has properties in it that stimulates the production of collagen, hydrates skin and soothes the inflammation that's associated with acne breakouts. Something else pomegranate does is treat skin conditions like rosacea and acne, thanks to the plant compound EGCG (Epigallocatechin gallate) that's in it. Greek yogurt works to fade blemishes and dark circles and, as far as manuka honey goes, we're so fond of it that we penned an entire article about it (see "Why Manuka Honey Is The Ultimate Beauty Find").
- 1 tablespoon of pomegranate powder
- 1 tablespoon of matcha green tea powder
- 1 tablespoon of Greek yogurt
- 1 tablespoon of Manuka honey
Click here for the full instructions by JESSOSHII.
Pumpkin Body Butter
Since pumpkins are in their best condition mid-fall, October is peak time to pick up a few, strictly for your skin's sake. Pumpkins are a fruit that are full of vitamins A, B, C and E, along with potassium and zinc. They have a remarkable way of decreasing sebum on oily skin, moisturizing dry skin and providing anti-aging benefits in the process. Shea butter increases elasticity while softening scars and discoloration; mango butter contains fatty acids and antioxidants; benzoin essential oil contains astringent properties to soothe inflammation; cinnamon bark oil revives your skin tone, and mica is what gives the butter a natural glow.
- 25g (0.88oz) pumpkin seed oil
- 25g (0.88oz) refined shea butter
- 50g (1.76oz) mango butter
- 6 "blobs" benzoin essential oil
- 5 drops cinnamon bark essential oil
- 1 drop ginger essential oil
- 1 drop clove bud essential oil
- 1/8 teaspoon of gold mica
- 1/8 teaspoon of bronze mica
Click here for the full instructions by Humble Bee and Me.
Sweet Potato Hair Mask
This is one of those "don't knock it until you've tried it" kind of recipes. And when you stop to think about it, since sweet potatoes are considered to be a perfect food, really—what could it hurt? As far as your tresses go, sweet potatoes contain beta-carotene to help with cell production on your scalp, the antioxidant anthocyanins to prevent cellular damage to your scalp and hair follicles, along with potassium and zinc to encourage hair growth. Add honey to serve as a humectant; yogurt to moisturize your hair; coconut cream to tame frizziness; clove oil to stimulate hair follicles, and the niacin, thiamin, and pantothenic acid in vanilla essential oil to keep your hair healthy and strong. Then, you've got one heck of a hair mask, just in time for fall!
- 1 large sweet potato
- 1 cup of full fat yogurt
- 1 tablespoon of honey
- 3 tablespoon of coconut cream
- 2 drops of clove essential oil (more or less if desired)
- 4 drops of vanilla essential oil (more or less if desired)
- Double boiler
Click here for the full instructions by Naturally Curly.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
It's Prime Time To Get Your Health "Fall Ready"
Plantain Flour, Spirulina & Other Uncommon Foods To Add To Your Diet
10 Releases To Add To Your Beauty Collection This Month
8 Current All-Natural Beauty Trends You Can Give The DIY Treatment To
- DIY Ways To Remove Cellulite, Body Acne & Skin Discoloration In ... ›
- It's Prime Time To Get Your Health "Fall Ready" - xoNecole ›
- Game Changing DIY Coffee Scrub Recipes to Try In 2019 ... ›
- 13 DIY Natural Hair Treatments ›
- DIY Fall Spice Sugar Scrub with Natural Ingredients | All things ... ›
- 13 homemade lip scrub recipes | MNN - Mother Nature Network ›
- Priyanka Chopra's All-Natural, DIY Skin Secrets | Beauty Secrets ... ›
- DIY Natural: Homemade Cleaners, DIY Beauty Products, and More ›
- 7 DIY Pumpkin Beauty Recipes to Give You an Autumn Glow ›
- DIY Beauty: Easy, All-Natural Recipes Based on Your Favorites from ... ›
- Homemade DIY Natural Beauty Recipes | Wellness Mama ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (email@example.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This New Scalp Care Line Is Exactly What Your Wash Days Need
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
7 Underrated Signs That He's Truly 'Marriage Material'
While in an interview a few months back, someone asked me what I personally thought it meant for someone to be “marriage material.” Off top, the first thing that came out of my mouth is that it had to be an individual who actually desires marriage (more on that in a bit) because that kind of person will be proactive about doing what needs to be done in order to prepare for that kind of life journey.
Another indication that someone is marriage material is they don’t see marriage as just “a long-term relationship.” Yeah, don’t get me started on the fact that a part of the reason why divorce is so high now is people think that a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic is the same thing as a husband/wife one. It absolutely is not. Marriage-minded folks hold marriage in high regard, which means that they seek out someone who isn’t a “we’ll see how it goes” when it comes to relationships; nah, they are looking for the complement who will be far more permanent. Marriage-minded people are vow-keepers (‘til death do us part), not just sentiment-sayers (I love you, boo).
Marriage material — and please get this one all the way down in your spirit — is also about not just sitting around rah-rahing about what you deserve. What I mean by that is people are not truly ready for marriage if they’ve got a what-I-want-in-a-spouse list that is 10 miles long, yet they aren’t even 30 percent of what’s on the list themselves. Listen, I will forever say until every single cow comes home that if you are out here declaring what you DESERVE in someone else, that means, by definition, that you are QUALIFIED to have all of those things. And qualified means “having the qualities, accomplishments, etc. that fit a person for some function, office, or the like” (which is why you can’t be out here dictating what you deserve without hearing what others feel that they deserve in return).
Geeze. With all of this out in the open, I probably should write an article about signs that a woman is ready for marriage (noted). For now, let’s dive into some unsung signs that a man is truly marriage material — so that you can discern, quicker, who is the better “husband fit” for you.
1. He Knows His Purpose
We’re gonna have to take this article to church a bit because, when it comes to the topic of marriage, it’s my personal opinion that a lot of them don’t last because people fail to factor in the spiritual component that can help them to truly see the distance. And when it comes to men, if you look at the Bible, two things that Adam (the first husband who’s in the Good Book) had before his wife was BROUGHT (he didn’t pursue her; she was brought, by God, to him — Genesis 2:24-25) his way is he had a relationship with God and a life purpose (Genesis 1-2).
And since the way that a woman is first defined in Scripture is being a helpmate (the Hebrew term for this is ezer kenegdo which translates into lifesaver — Genesis 2:18) to a man — does it make sense to marry someone when you don’t know what you’re helping out because he doesn’t know what he’s here to do in life? How can you complement what is so vague and unsure?
That’s why I’m not a fan of folks expecting marriage during college. College should be about figuring out who you are outside of your parents and also discovering what you want your life path to look like. If you come into school knowing and you’re consistent about it, cool. Yet if you have no idea, that’s okay too; take your time and get some clarity.
Anyway, bottom line here is, some definitions of purpose are “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” and “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal,” and when a man is purpose-minded, there is a level of clarity, maturity, and moving-with-intention about him that is totally unmatched. That’s part of the reason why the late and super great Dr. Myles Munroe was so big on men knowing what their purpose is in life — it says a lot about him.
So, if you’re currently seeing someone and it seems like he’s dragging along as far as moving forward in your relationship, I recommend asking him, “Do you know your purpose?” It will reveal a lot about him. It can also bring some insights on if you’re a good fit for each other — whether right now or later. Trust me. Try it.
2. His Dating Life Is Intentional Instead of Random
Men who are ready for marriage don’t tend to be vague about it; they realize that time is of the essence, so they tend to make that pretty clear upfront. Another thing? Their actions will line up with their words.
Now, this doesn’t mean that they will be racing to the altar in a year or less; however, what I can assure you is that marriage-minded men are not going to be out here casually dating. Casual literally means things like “without definite or serious intention” and “seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; relaxed; nonchalant,” and no man who is gearing up for a wife rolls in this kind of head or even heart space.
I will give a heads-up that, initially, this doesn’t automatically mean that he will be exclusive with you — and honestly, he shouldn’t have to be. If he wants to figure out who his right life partner is, he should “interview” a few women (same goes for you if you desire a husband). However, the process will not drag out for years on end, and once he has figured out who the one is for him, he tends to have no problem not just cutting other ties but getting engaged sooner than later.
In other words, I don’t know too many marriage-minded men who take more than a couple of years to not just date someone but get engaged in that timeframe, too (check out “Experts Say You Should Date This Long Before Getting Married”). That’s why, if you find yourself dating someone for several Christmases, you definitely should ask them if marriage is even on their radar. Chances are (especially if they are over 35 as a guy)…it isn’t.
3. He’s Seen a Therapist. Or a Life Coach. Or Both.
Uh-huh. If the first thing that came to your mind is, “Yes, please see a therapist,” honestly, it is my opinion that ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED should do so. I don’t mean go to premarital counseling once you are already in a serious relationship or engaged (although yes, you should definitely do that, too); I mean that…getting prepared for marriage includes making sure that your mental and emotional health and well-being are in a really good space and a therapist and/or life coach can help to make that happen.
Should you see both? Maybe. Check out my article, “Thinking About Hiring A Life Coach? Read This Before You Do,” so that you can get some clarity on that. What I will say, for now, is that a therapist tends to deal with things of your past as they offer up some tips and insights on how to handle your present and future, while life coaches (ICF-certified ones, that is) focus on asking you the kinds of questions that can help you to get a handle on how to handle your present and future.
I have a male friend who is the COO of a life coaching company, and one of the things that he and I have discussed is a lot of men who are serious about planning for their future will see a life coach, especially when it comes to their professional life; the main reason is that it can help them to get things organized so that they are prepared for a wife and family.
My takeaway from that? Asking a man, eh, maybe 4-5 dates in, if they have ever seen a therapist or life coach could be pretty revealing. Because even if the topic of marriage has not even been broached yet, what it can reveal is how proactive he is about getting his life in order — and that’s always a good thing.
4. He Can Clearly Articulate Plans for His Future Wife
Thanks — yet no thanks — to rom-coms, far too many people think that it’s fine to get married just on feelings alone. Yeah, please don’t do that. It’s also another article for another time that people who are serious about wanting to get married will be in a consistent state of preparation whether they are in a relationship or not.
When it comes to what that looks like for a man, one thing to keep in mind is he will be able to clearly articulate what he desires in a wife (by the way, please don’t try and challenge a man about what he wants; he has to live with her and, besides, you wouldn’t want him to do that to you. Either y’all are a good fit or not, yet don’t attempt to control his own narrative). Not only that, but he’ll be able to explain why he thinks a wife would be a good fit for him in this season, what he wants to bring into his future wife’s world, and some of the short- and long-term plans that he has for her and their marriage.
In other words, he won’t be like a guy I know (who is now divorced after 15 years of marriage) who, when I asked him why he was getting married (when he pretty much sucked even as a boyfriend), all he said was, “If I don’t do it now, I never will.” His marriage proposal was piss-poor, the marriage flailed the entire time, and even on the back end, he comes off as pretty nonchalant.
So many people’s marriages are less-than-impressive, even to them, and a huge part of the reason is that they failed to plan for their spouse and their marriage. They put a lot of thought into the wedding…and that’s about it. Red flag, red flag…RED FLAG.
5. He’s Emotionally Intelligent
Okay, so before we dive into this particular point, you might be tempted to assume that being emotionally available is the same thing as being emotionally intelligent. Yeah…not really (check out “5 Signs A Man Is Emotionally Available. 3 Signs He's Not.”).
While emotional availability is about being open to sharing your feelings and meeting the emotional needs of others, emotional intelligence is all about things like understanding emotions, articulating emotions, and maturely handling one’s emotions.
Listen, out of all of the things that we’ve already touched on here, a lot of people end up in divorce court because not only did they choose someone who was pretty emotionally unintelligent, but they also were lacking in that particular area themselves.
That said, emotionally intelligent people are:
- Proactive in praising other people
- Gracious and grateful
- Able to use more than “mad”, “sad” or “happy” to describe how they’re feeling
- Also able to receive feedback
- Great listeners
- Express themselves well
That’s 10 traits, and honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what emotional intelligence requires. Yet, I’m sure you can see that if more people looked for someone who was emotionally intelligent, it would definitely make their relationship — and their life, in general — go so much more smoothly.
6. He’s Sexually Healthy
This one, boy. Okay, so when I say that he should be “sexually healthy,” I’m not just speaking of him having a cleared STD test. No, what I mean is — and this is somewhat of a Shellie-ism more than anything — I don’t really trust ANYONE who claims that they are ready for marriage while they are still out here all willy-nilly in these streets, male or female. Because if you don’t have some sort of sexual self-control leading up to your wedding day, jumping a broom isn’t really going to change much of anything. Why? Because a wedding is an outward expression of some inward adjustments and decisions that have already transpired.
So yeah, a man who is truly marriage material? It shouldn’t be odd to you if he’s been abstinent for a season (several months or more). It shouldn’t seem strange to you if he speaks of sex from less of a recreational space and more of a spiritual and intimate one. If he admits that he used to be, umm, “super-friendly” and now he wants to take things slow, don’t assume that he’s got someone on the side — it could be a form of sexual discipline that he’s displaying (and good for him).
Now that I think about it, it’s kind of wild to say, yet I’ve got several male friends (over the age of 37) who used to be beyond promiscuous, who’ve all told me that it’s been months now since they’ve had any form of sex. None of them are in a serious relationship or necessarily even looking for one; they’ve just said that sex, just to be having it, has gotten old. Plus, oftentimes, the drama that potentially comes with it isn’t worth it, so they’d prefer to focus on self-work and wait until sex with someone is more meaningful (hey, they have no reason to lie to me; we’re just friends).
Guys like this? They are pretty close to being marriage-minded. Straight up.
7. He Actually WANTS to Get Married
Final point. Although it might evoke a collective "duh" from some of y'all, you'd be amazed how many women end up wasting very precious time that they will never get back, and it's all because they got involved with a man who liked or perhaps even loved them yet he didn't desire to get married. And either because they simply assumed that he did or they thought they could "love him into" wanting to be a husband, they ended up getting their feelings hurt. Extremely so.
Another thing to keep in mind? A man who wants to get married has no problem vocalizing it very early on. Meaning, on the third date, it won't be foreign for him to say, "I would love to start a family in the next couple of years," without you even having to coax it out of him. Guys who aren't interested in marriage — they tend to deflect from the topic altogether as much as they possibly can.
As we close this all up, I will say that it's important to keep in mind that just because a man doesn't want to be a husband, that doesn't mean he's not a good guy — GREAT even. So please don't manipulate matters by thinking that a man who doesn't want to be married somehow has some sort of "issues" (check out "Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON'T Desire Marriage?" and "12 Couples Reveal Why They're Happy With A Long-Term Commitment Instead Of Marriage"). Thinking like that speaks to your projecting more than anything else.
All I'm saying is a guy who is marriage material is a guy who will say, out of his own mouth, that marriage is on his menu, and so he will engage you in that manner — meaning, he will take time with you seriously, and if you are a good fit, he will state it; if he thinks you are not "his one," he will share that too…so that you both can get out of each other's way.
The thing about being “marriage material” is you’ve got to be cut from the kind of cloth that has marriage on your mind — not constantly yet enough to where you move with clear, thoughtful, and mature intention.Hopefully, this article sheds some (additional) light on what this looks like for a man. Hopefully, it also served as a heads up — or reminder — on what, in many ways, he’s looking for in a woman too. Proceed with discernment, y’all. And keep me posted. #winkLet’s make things inbox official!
Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Pollyana Ventura/Getty Images