It's Prime Time To Get Your Health "Fall Ready"
Ah. I am so excited about this month! Pretty much because the one that follows it is my favorite one of the year—October. Although I've got some personal reason for why I like it so much (two of my favorite men, who are no longer with me, their birthdays are in October; my dad and my late fiancé), I think that it is the quintessential representation of fall—and the fall season is all kinds of dope. The weather is cooler. The leaves are changing into pretty and vibrant colors. I get to do more layering of my clothes. Yeah, there's not one single issue I have with fall. Not one.
Well, maybe just one. I'm not sure where y'all live, but I live in Nashville and it's the home of totally unpredictable weather; especially when spring and autumn roll around. Back when I wasn't as proactive about caring for my health as I should've been, if I caught a cold or my hair or lips got extra dry, I'd figure out what to do after the fact. These days, I'm a little more on top of things. These days, before the fall season officially hits, I know just what I need to do to get my health "fall ready". Here is what you can do to prepare beforehand as well.
1. Stop by Your Local Farmers Market
Broccoli. Cabbage. Carrots. Pears. Grapes. Eggplant. Kale. Zucchini. Pumpkin. Pomegranates. These are just some of the foods that are at their peak of freshness during the fall season. Since they're all really good for you, why not support your immune system, along with your community, by picking them up at your local farmers market? Also, since herbs like rosemary and thyme are also in season during autumn, there's no time like the present to amp up your vegan cooking skills too.
2. Up Your Vitamin D Intake
The sun does shine in colder temperatures, but between all of the rain and daylight savings time, you might not get as much as you're used to; this means that you might not get as much Vitamin D as you need either. That's why it's a good idea to be intentional about getting more Vitamin D into your system. You can take a D supplement, if you'd like. Or, if you'd prefer to eat more foods that are high in Vitamin D, some of those include eggs, salmon, mushrooms, orange juice and cheese.
3. Apply Some Frankincense and Myrrh to Your Skin
The fall season is weird in the sense that more inclement weather might result in more moisture in the air. But, at the same time, harsh and cold winds can dry your skin totally out. That's why another thing that I recommend is creating a blend of frankincense and myrrh oil.
Frankincense is an earthy-smelling essential oil that contains properties that not only fight acne but can prevent fine lines and wrinkles (skin-wise, a good read is Zoe Report's "Frankincense Oil Is Like 'Liquid Gold' For Your Face"). As a bonus, frankincense is able to relieve anxiety, reduce PMS symptoms, balance hormones, reduce stress and, if you're trying to make a baby this autumn, increase fertility too. Myrrh is a warm and spicy smelling oil that contains astringent properties that are great for treating eczema and itchy skin. It's perfect for fall because Myrrh is also able to moisturize your skin, relieve any cracking and fade blemishes too. Other benefits of myrrh oil is it boosts brain power, and it reduces bodily inflammation and cold-related symptoms like coughing and phlegm.
Because both oils are pretty potent, it's a good idea to mix them with a carrier oil before applying. Almond, grapeseed and jojoba are really great options.
4. Eat Healthy Comfort Foods
I always enjoy comfort foods, but I think fall may be the time when I crave them most. One article says that the reason why so many of us dig them is because they take us back to certain foods that we enjoyed as children and/or they're dishes that were made by someone we truly love(d).
If you've been trying to talk yourself out of having them this year because they aren't exactly the healthiest foods on the planet, there's some good news. Enjoying comfort food, guilt-free, is mostly about preparation more than anything else. "31 Healthy Comfort Foods for People Who Love to Eat" offers up some pretty healthy recipes. Or, if you're looking for some Black vegan inspiration, check out "15 Vegan Soul Food Dishes That'll Make You Rethink Meat".
5. Cook with “Warming” Spices
Speaking of eating, did you know that there are spices that can actually warm your body up? Once you start noticing frost on your car windows, that's a sign that there's more of a "bite" in the air. Something that can keep you from freezing is cooking meals with spices and herbs like black pepper (contains antioxidants and increases nutrient absorption); cinnamon (lowers blood sugar and has powerful medicinal properties); cayenne pepper (reduces blood pressure and improves psoriasis); ginger (boosts immunity and contains anti-inflammatory properties); and garlic (improves cholesterol levels and fights the common cold).
6. Drink Chamomile or Dandelion Tea
If sweet iced tea tends to be your summer drink jam, slightly switch things up by making your tea warm and going with an herbal kind like chamomile or dandelion. Chamomile is great because it reduces stress, lowers blood sugar, relieves cold symptoms, treats eczema and even soothes menstrual discomfort. Dandelion's a winner because it detoxes the liver, reduces bloating, helps to prevent urinary tract infections, fights inflammation and is loaded with antioxidants to boost your immune system.
Oh, and if you're wondering if it matters whether you go the loose leaf or traditional tea bag route, I recently read an article that's gonna have me taking the loose leaf route more often from here on out. If for no other reason than all of the dust that collects on the bags alone (yuck!).
7. Exercise Outdoors
The fresh air. The beautiful scenery. The wind resistance (because that can help you to burn more calories). Its ability to increase your mental health and boost your self-esteem. These are just some of the reasons why it's a good idea to exercise outdoors. Being that the fall season brings forth milder temperatures, you don't have to worry about burning up (summer) or freezing to death (winter).
So, why not use the fall season to take a hike, go canoeing or do something totally fall theme-related like playing in the leaves with your kids, walking through a fall harvest maze or going apple picking with some friends? Fall can be a fun time to do all sorts of things that will keep your body in shape.
8. Deep Condition and Oil Your Hair’s Ends
When it's cold outside, that can do a real number on your hair. Whether you decide to wear it out, put it up in a protective style, wrap it up in a scarf or put on a hat, make sure your hair is well-moisturized by deep conditioning your tresses no less than twice a month (something that I have become a huge fan of is chebe powder).
Speaking of hair care, something else that you should do (especially if you're gonna be rocking wool hats 'n such) is to oil your ends. Sweet almond oil seals and protects, lavender oil thickens and (extra virgin) olive oil provides shine and sheen while protecting your ends from heat damage in the process.
9. DIY a Lip Scrub
If your lips are always chapped during cooler weather and you've always wondered why, it's basically due to two things. First, you're probably dehydrated, so drinking more water is the first way to remedy the issue. Second, since your lips don't have any oil glands in them, when there is harsh weather (heat, wind, cold), that can cause them to dry out.
To get rid of the dead skin that may be on your lips, make your own lip scrub (you can get some easy recipes here). Then, after they are soft and smooth, protect them by applying some shea butter or making your own lip balm (you can learn how to do that here and here).
10. Get Some Flannel Bedding
Something that does kinda suck about the drop in temperature during the fall and winter is the rise in electric bills. Something that you can do to keep some extra money in your pocket is to put some flannel sheets on your bed. They're soft and cozy, they're able to keep your warm and they're also the kind of fabric that allows your skin to breathe. Since our skin is our largest organ, keeping it healthy is always a good thing.
Flannel sheets actually feel so good that it can be tempting to hit your snooze button five times and remain in bed. Yeah, try and avoid that, though. I recently read that sleeping 10 hours or longer can double your chance of having a heart attack. Geeze.
Oh, if you're wondering how the heck to care for flannel sheets, wash them in warm or cool water, then dry them like you would any other bedding. Just make sure to skip the whole fabric softener thing. For some reason, it makes the sheets stiff and can cause the material to "bead up" quicker. Happy (almost) fall, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Feature image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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