Creative entrepreneur Ri Turner knew exactly what she was doing when she named her wellness brand "for the healthy hoes." The initiative has spawned merch, a community, and a podcast that is all about healing through the safe space of community. In a world where the wellness space can seem sometimes Lilly white and accessed by few due to differences in race, privilege, status, and money, "for the healthy hoes." speaks to the everyday human and makes the journey to healing accessible to all.
At 31, the Arkansas-based creator is all about health being wealth, but also about not needing money or a certain status to be well in life. For Ri, it's wellness, but keep it casual, and that is something we can get behind.
The seed of her online presence was planted in her college days, where Ri says she first fell in love with the process of video content creation. "As I continued to grow and evolve, there was a pivot in my content," she tells xoNecole. "This ultimately led me to creating a podcast where I share pieces of my journey and just have everyday conversations that I would otherwise be having with my partner or myself. What I do for a living isn't a surprise or shock to me at all. I've always known since I was super young that I would somehow connect with the world on a larger scale and build community. I am beyond grateful."
Ri Turner
Courtesy of Ri Turner
As a creative, podcaster, and wife, Ri's online presence is centered around the pillars of consciousness, health, and wellness. If she isn't sharing her perspectives through relatable chats on her "for the healthy hoes." podcast, she is sharing snippets of her life through reset vlogs on her YouTube channel and day-in-my-life videos where her peace radiates through the screen. Ri admits that self-care transformed her life, and it is a message that she shares through the content she produces. Through the gems she has collected in her healing journey, she hopes to connect and help with the healing of others.
In this installment of xoNecole's Finding Balance, we chat with the wife and podcaster about how she spends her mornings, navigating uncertainty, and cooking as the ultimate form of self-care.
Q: How has practicing self-care helped you become a better person?
A: Practicing self-care has completely transformed my life. Simple things like eating well, daily movement, and meditation has helped me get through so many obstacles and challenges. These practices completely changed my perspective on how to approach life. Instead of suppressing my feelings and running away from myself, I now feel everything and embrace all of me with open arms. This has truly allowed me to begin to be the best version of myself.
Q: What is the best advice you could give your younger self on how to navigate your 20s and 30s?
A: F*ck up. Learn from it. Grow from it. Don't force anything at all. Just flow. Embrace the change. It's all part of the plan. Everything is going to work out.
Q: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
A: Breaks are so so so important. It took me a minute to realize it, probably only about a year or two ago in the midst of grind culture. Everything and everyone around us tells us to grind, work, be busy 100 percent of the time. But doing anything, even something you love ALL THE TIME and without breaks, can cause so much burnout.
It'll have you second-guessing if you really love this thing that you thought you loved so much. When in all actuality, all you needed was to press the pause button for a bit. I do not play about my breaks. When I come back from taking a pause, I'm so inspired, refreshed, and ready to work. And that's the point.
"When I come back from taking a pause, I'm so inspired, refreshed, and ready to work. And that's the point."
Q: What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
A: No day is the same. But my work week typically looks like brainstorming and finding inspiration (this could be from my lived experiences or even Pinterest) as well as tons of recording content for my podcast and socials, editing, meetings, working on partnerships with brands, working on designs, or even shipping out orders. Some weeks my workload is heavier, and sometimes it is lighter. I appreciate both!
Q: What are your mornings like?
A: Mornings are my favorite part of the day. I wake up before anyone else in my home does. Before I do anything, I meditate for 5-10 minutes and express gratitude for what I do have and for what's already mine that I cannot see. Lately, I've been going on runs (such an amazing feeling). After my run, I make a smoothie, shower, and get ready for my work day.
Q: How do you wind down at night?
A: Believe it or not, cooking dinner is part of my wind-down routine. Cooking is so relaxing and can really be a meditative experience if you allow it to. After I eat dinner with my family, I do my skincare routine (which is like 2-3 steps) then I like to read and spend time with my family. This usually looks like us all being in the same room, engaging in casual conversation while still all doing our own thing.
Q: When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it? What techniques or tools do you have in place to maintain your sense of self amid chaos?
A: Although I do many things all on my own, like filming myself, editing, etc., none of it is actually challenging for the most part because I've been doing these things for so long. It becomes challenging when my workload increases, and it seems as if there isn't enough time in the day to complete my tasks. What has really helped me out with this a ton is planning. I have always loved planning and writing down my daily/weekly to-do lists. I would be lost without my planner.
Additionally, just taking one step at a time and tying not to think about everything that I have to do because when you think about every single task [at once], it can be super overwhelming. And I find that I actually get nothing done at all because I was trying to do everything. So definitely just focusing on one small thing at a time, and if I'm unable to work through my entire list today, that's okay. I can get to it tomorrow.
Q: Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
A: Self-care can be such a vague term, especially with the up-and-coming popularity of wellness. Although I love things like skincare, my favorite self-care practices are things like meditation, yoga, journaling, cooking myself a wholesome meal, drinking plenty of water, or even writing a love letter to myself.
Q: Oftentimes, when we hear talk about love languages, it is how we give love to others. What is your self-love language, and how do you give that to yourself?
A: I think my love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. I've had to re-wire my brain because there used to be so much negative self-talk up top. I've made it a priority to speak really nice to myself and just be gentle with myself- which is ultimately words of affirmation. I also love to cook for myself. I believe that this is one of the highest forms of self-love. When you intentionally carve out the time to make sure that you are consuming nourishing meals, that's a form of love that can't be matched. These are two main ways I show self-love and show up for myself.
"When you intentionally carve out the time to make sure that you are consuming nourishing meals, that's a form of love that can't be matched."
Q: When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
A: I simply take a step back. This allows me to look at things from a different perspective and remember why I even started in the first place. Going back to my "why" has gotten me through so much uncertainty and helps me see the bigger picture.
Q: Lastly, how do you define "balance" in your life? What does that look like to you in an ideal world? What does that look like in reality?
A: Nothing in this world flows without balance. Balance is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as "an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady." I couldn't agree with this definition more. Not only in the physical sense but also in the literal sense. Without the necessary amount of balance, not much is stable. This is why when I'm overworked or inconsistent with my spiritual practice, my mental health begins to spiral.
Balance to me looks like taking care of your mind, body, and spirit first so that you can effortlessly show up in this world to positively impact those around you.
For more of Ri, follow her on Instagram @riturnerr and listen to new episodes of the "for the healthy hoes." podcast here.
Featured image courtesy of Ri Turner
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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