
What The Ciara’s, Cassie’s & Karrueche's Of The World Have Shown Us About Moving On & Moving Up

I have to admit, I'm not someone who obsesses over or relies heavily on celebrity hook-ups, marriages, and love stories as a guide for my own relationships, considering the fact that their lifestyles are quite different from mine. Not to mention, you never truly know what goes on behind closed doors -- whether they're famous or not.
However, we're often reminded of the fact that celebrities are human beings just like us. At times, and unfortunately at their expense, we witness their heartache, loss, and drama for all the world to see. But just as much as we cry and empathize when celebrities experience tough times, we also celebrate when we see them overcoming obstacles, relishing in their success, or even enjoying a new chance at love. Case in point:
Ciara walked away from what she thought was her future, and in walked the love of her life through Russell Wilson.
Karrueche's ex tried desperately to get her attention, but now she's the center of attention -- on-screen and off with former baller Victor Cruz.
Cassie was with Diddy, but now she's blessed to be with child with her new beau Alex Fine.
Hence, from the outside looking in, there is so much we can learn from these ladies' experiences (and so many other non-celebrities including myself) and their willingness to move on.
1.For every man that won’t, there’s another one that will.
I think we can all agree that Russell Wilson was more than ready and willing to be (and do) for Ciara what her exes weren't willing to be. He appears to not only be good to her but good for her. The same is likely true for Cassie and Karrueche…at least I know it was for me when I met my husband also. I've said it a million times, but it's so true: if a man wants to be with you, then he'll be with you. Period.
2.Be courageous enough to walk away knowing that another will come along to stay.
A good man can't occupy space in your life if it's already taken by someone else. Society and statistics will tell you that the odds are stacked against you, and the ratio of women to men makes it nearly impossible to experience true love with a good man. However, don't let societal pressures or the fear of being alone keep you trapped in a toxic relationship just for the sake of saying that you're in a relationship. With God, anything is possible. Besides, as black women (and men), we've been defying statistics since the beginning of time.
3.“But I’ve invested so much time in the relationship” is not a legitimate excuse to remain in a toxic relationship that no longer serves you.
Comfort and convenience aren't substitutes for love. Just because it's comfortable to you doesn't mean it's purposeful for you.
When it no longer serves a purpose for your life, it then becomes a waste of time – for you and the other person. Life is too short to be wasting it on people and things that are toxic to your life. Just like with any financial investment, if it no longer provides a positive return, then it's time to move your money. Similarly, if the relationship no longer provides positive results for your life, then it may be time to move on…just like Ciara, Cassie, and Karrueche did.
4.You can find the good in goodbye.
I know I'm not the only one who can look back and say to myself, "had I stayed…," or "thank goodness that ended," or "I dodged a bullet." There's a liberating feeling knowing that what you once thought was the best thing in your life became the best thing when it was actually removed from your life. You never know – your new and better beginning could be on the other side of that painful ending.
Related: How To Find The Good In Goodbye
5.Sometimes the very thing (or person) you’re holding onto is the very thing that’s holding you back.
Erykah Badu said it best: "Bag lady, you gone hurt your back. Dragging all those bags like that." It's that baggage and dead weight that keep us bound to toxic people and relationships. As my dear friend Natalie once told me, "Some people are tied to your dysfunction, not your destiny." Hence, sometimes people have to walk away in order for you to walk into your destiny.
6.Whoever you give your heart to, make sure they’re ready and have the capacity to receive it.
We are often disappointed when we give our hearts to those who never asked for it. Some people aren't ready for, nor do they deserve, all the love you have to give. The one who is ready and willing to receive your love, will be ready and willing to show you love.
7.“God is never late.”
Timing is everything to us, but there's a quote that says, "God doesn't wear a watch." His timing isn't like ours…and truth be told, we're not always prepared for what we ask for. Nevertheless, we have to trust that even if what we pray for doesn't happen exactly when or how we expect it to, God can still provide exactly what we need, when we need it.
8.You’ll know a man is no longer interested in playing games when it’s obvious he’s not playing with your heart.
There's a difference between a man who only says he's sorry and a man whose words are supported by his actions. Changed behavior is the evidence of a real apology. Moreover, a man after God's heart will take care of yours.
9.For every heartache experienced, God can heal you that much more.
I'm sure at some point Ciara, Cassie, and Karrueche probably thought "when will the tears subside," or "when will this heartache end." It's difficult to see the light when you're in it, but the sun always finds a way to shine after the rain. I can imagine that for them, as it has been for me, their past hurt eventually became like a distant memory once they were able to move on and heal.
10.When we release old stuff, it creates space for something new.
Whether people are removed from our lives by force or choice, it frees up space around us and within us – physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. No longer are we considered "emotionally unavailable;" rather, the extra space opens ourselves to receive and experience more of what God has for us.
Nobody truly knows what the future holds for Ciara, Cassie, or Karrueche (or anyone for that matter), but while they're in this winning season, let's continue cheering them on from the sidelines. May their stories, as well as so many others, serve as hope and inspiration to live your best, purposeful life despite your past hurts, and more importantly, regardless of your relationship status.
Featured image by DFree / Shutterstock.com
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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