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Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for TOM FORD: AUTUMN/WINTER 2020 RUNWAY SHOW

Ciara Opens Up About Her Family's Transition From Two Kids To Three

“Now it’s like, ‘alright, we got the five second rule.’”

Ciara

Here's something that will make you wonder where the time went: Ciara and Russell Wilson welcomed their third child Baby Win to the world almost a year ago. Ciara, who's also mother to Sienna (4) and Future (7) couldn't be more excited to watch him grow and she's opening up about life after baby number three and the transition of going from two kids, to three.


In fact, the adjustment has been similar to what any mom of three will tell you. From becoming more lax with each child that comes along, to figuring out how to divide your time. In an interview with POPSUGAR, she divulged in what the Wilsons are up to since welcoming the newest family member.

Continue reading for our favorite highlights!

On the transition from two to three kids:

"From day one, of course, I always wanted to love my babies as best as I can; that never changes. But I will say, I do think when you have baby number one, you're so particular about everything. You're like, 'Oh, you dropped that, I got to rinse it like crazy," and now it's like, 'Alright, we got the five second rule.'"

The "Level Up" singer even opened up on how the Wilsons juggle bedtime, which they have adopted the same mindset for a smooth nightcap. Every night before bed, she and Russell have "book time" and read to the kids, and while they usually pick out threeish books a night. But with three kids, they decided they needed a better game plan. She jokes:

"Future's seven, Sienna's four, so their books are a little different. Win, obviously, his books are different. So I'm like, Win is just going to just be reading some big kid books, because we're going to have to tag team. Everybody's going to be reading the same book and if you don't understand it, you're just going to get better."

On raising a family during a chaotic year:

"I think kids are way more resilient and have way more fight than we even know. They really adapted well. When President Joe Biden and Kamala Harris came into office, I remember Sienna saying, 'The COVID's over!' Just the cute little jokes and things that they made of it. They have been able to bring a lot of light in the midst of the storm and that's been a blessing."

But one thing that took their mind off of the fact that outside was shut down, was her kid's love for TikTok.

"Sometimes it's like herding cats when you're trying to get kids to do a TikTok and focus. But they managed to pull together some seriously impressive videos and entertain themselves. My 'Got Me Good' song was also one of the first TikTok songs that was really starting to build up and go viral on TikTok, and Sienna the other day said, 'My back is aching and my bra too tight' in the car. That was cute."

On sharing her music with her kids:

Ciara may not be a fan of listening to her own music, but she loves seeing her kids jam out to her songs.

"I knew 'Level Up' was a hit from my kids' reactions, I knew that was their favorite. They asked for it over and over... It's cute when they know it's me. They're like, 'That's Mommy.'"

On her plans for Russell for Father's Day:

Our girl didn't go into detail about her plans for her hubby this year, but she did mention that she had to get creative this year.

"I just always want him to feel as loved as he makes me feel. And for him to really feel proud of himself on that day, but not just that day, every day really. Because he's an incredible father day in and day out."

On how she's made time for self:

Ciara says that taking care of her skin and body, as well as finding ways to be creative have all been forms of self-care this year. She even revealed that she's recently taken up...pickle ball.

"It's been a unique way for me to sweat, but also just have a good time and really love myself. I think when the world slows down, it's good to slow down too, sometimes. Step back and reevaluate. I've been able to do a little bit of that too, and prepare my game plan for all the things that I want to accomplish next."

We love to hear that she's also prioritizing herself, get it Ci!

Click here to read the full interview.

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Featured image via Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for TOM FORD: AUTUMN/WINTER 2020 RUNWAY SHOW

You may not know her by Elisabeth Ovesen – writer and host of the love, sex and relationships advice podcast Asking for a Friend. But you definitely know her other alter ego, Karrine Steffans, the New York Times best-selling author who lit up the literary and entertainment world when she released what she called a “tell some” memoir, Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Her 2005 barn-burning book gave an inside look at the seemingly glamorous world of being a video vixen in the ‘90s and early 2000s, and exposed the industry’s culture of abuse, intimidation, and misogyny years before the Me Too Movement hit the mainstream. Her follow-up books, The Vixen Diaries (2007) and The Vixen Manual: How To Find, Seduce And Keep The Man You Want (2009) all topped the New York Times best-seller list. After a long social media break, she's back. xoNecole caught up with Ovesen about the impact of her groundbreaking book, what life is like for her now, and why she was never “before her time”– everyone else was just late to the revolution.

xoNecole: Tell me about your new podcast Asking for a Friend with Elisabeth Ovesen and how that came about.

Elisabeth Ovesen: I have a friend who is over [at Blavity] and he just asked me if I wanted to do something with him. And that's just kinda how it happened. It wasn't like some big master plan. Somebody over there was like, “Hey, we need content. We want to do this podcast. Can you do it?” And I was like, “Sure.” And that's that. That was around the holidays and so we started working on it.

xoNecole: Your life and work seem incredibly different from when you first broke out on the scene. Can you talk a bit about the change in your career and how your life is now?

EO: Not that different. I mean my life is very different, of course, but my work isn't really that different. My life is different, of course, because I'm 43. My career started when I was in my 20s, so we're looking at almost 20 years since the beginning of my career. So, naturally life has changed a lot since then.

I don’t think my career has changed a whole lot – not as far as my writing is concerned, and my stream of consciousness with my writing, and my concerns and the subject matter hasn’t changed much. I've always written about interpersonal relationships, sexual shame, male ego fragility, respectability politics – things like that. I always put myself in the center of that to make those points, which I think were greatly missed when I first started writing. I think that society has changed quite a bit. People are more aware. People tell me a lot that I have always been “before my time.” I was writing about things before other people were talking about that; I was concerned about things before my generation seemed to be concerned about things. I wasn't “before my time.” I think it just seems that way to people who are late to the revolution, you know what I mean?

I retired from publishing in 2015, which was always the plan to do 10 years and retire. I was retired from my pen name and just from the business in general in 2015, I could focus on my business, my education and other things, my family. I came back to writing in 2020 over at Medium. The same friend that got me into the podcast, actually as the vice president of content over at Medium and was like, “Hey, we need some content.” I guess I’m his go-to content creator.

xoNecole: Can you expound on why you went back to your birth name versus your stage name?

EO: No, it was nothing to expound upon. I mean, writers have pen names. That’s like asking Diddy, why did he go by Sean? I didn't go back. I've always used that. Nobody was paying attention. I've never not been myself. Karrine Steffans wrote a certain kind of book for a certain kind of audience. She was invented for the urban audience, particularly. She was never meant to live more than 10 years. I have other pen names as well. I write under several names. So, the other ones are just nobody's business right now. Different pen names write different things. And Elisabeth isn’t my real name either. So you'll never know who I really am and you’ll never know what my real name is, because part of being a writer is, for me at least, keeping some sort of anonymity. Anything I do in entertainment is going to amass quite a bit because who I am as a person in my private life isn't the same a lot of times as who I am publicly.

xoNecole: I want to go back to when you published Confessions of a Video Vixen. We are now in this time where people are reevaluating how the media mistreated women in the spotlight in the 2000s, namely women like Britney Spears. So I’d be interested to hear how you feel about that period of your life and how you were treated by the media?

EO: What I said earlier. I think that much of society has evolved quite a bit. When you look back at that time, it was actually shocking how old-fashioned the thinking still was. How women were still treated and how they're still treated now. I mean, it hasn't changed completely. I think that especially for the audience, I think it was shocking for them to see a woman – a woman of color – not be sexually ashamed.

I hate being like other people. I don't want to do what anyone else is doing. I can't conform. I will not conform. I think in 2005 when Confessions was published, that attitude, especially about sex, was very upsetting. Number one, it was upsetting to the men, especially within urban and hip-hop culture, which is built on misogyny and thrives off of it to this day. And the women who protect these men, I think, you know, addressing a demographic that is rooted in trauma that is rooted in sexual shame, trauma, slavery of all kinds, including slavery of the mind – I think it triggered a lot of people to see a Black woman be free in this way.

I think it said a lot about the people who were upset by it. And then there were some in “crossover media,” a lot of white folks were upset too, not gonna lie. But to see it from Black women – Tyra Banks was really upset [when she interviewed me about Confessions in 2005]. Oprah wasn't mad [when she interviewed me]. As long as Oprah wasn’t mad, I was good. I didn't care what anybody else had to say. Oprah was amazing. So, watching Black women defend men, and Black women who had a platform, defend the sexual blackmailing of men: “If you don't do this with me, you won't get this job”; “If you don't do this in my trailer, you're going to have to leave the set”– these are things that I dealt with.

I just happened to be the kind of woman who, because I was a single mother raising my child all by myself and never got any help at all – which I still don't. Like, I'm 24 in college – not a cheap college either – one of the best colleges in the country, and I'm still taking care of him all by myself as a 21-year-old, 20-year-old, young, single mother with no family and no support – I wasn’t about to say no to something that could help me feed my son for a month or two or three.

xoNecole: We are in this post-Me Too climate where women in Hollywood have come forward to talk about the powerful men who have abused them. In the music industry in particular, it seems nearly impossible for any substantive change or movement to take place within music. It's only now after three decades of allegations that R. Kelly has finally been convicted and other men like Russell Simmons continue to roam free despite the multiple allegations against him. Why do you think it's hard for the music industry to face its reckoning?

EO: That's not the music industry, that's urban music. That’s just Black folks who make music and nobody cares about that. That's the thing; nobody cares...Nobody cares. It's not the music industry. It's just an "urban" thing. And when I say "urban," I say that in quotations. Literally, it’s a Black thing, where nobody gives a shit what Black people do to Black people. And Russell didn't go on unchecked, he just had enough money to keep it quiet. But you know, anytime you're dealing with Black women being disrespected, especially by Black men, nobody gives a shit.

And Black people don't police themselves so it doesn't matter. Why should anybody care? And Black women don't care. They'll buy an R. Kelly album right now. They’ll stream that shit right now. They don’t care. So, nobody cares. Nobody cares. And if you're not going to police yourself, then nobody's ever going to care.

xoNecole: Do you have any regrets about anything you wrote or perhaps something you may have omitted?

EO: Absolutely not. No. There's nothing that I wish I would've gone back and said to myself, no. I don’t think at 20-something years old, I'm supposed to understand every little thing. I don't think the 20-something-year-old woman is supposed to understand the world and know exactly what she's doing. I think that one of my biggest regrets, which isn't my regret, but a regret, is that I didn't have better parents. Because a 20-something only knows what she knows based on what she’s seen and what she’s been taught and what she’s told. I had shitty parents and a horrible family. Just terrible. These people had no business having children. None of them. And a lot of our families are like that. And we may pass down those familial curses.

*This interview has been edited and condensed

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