Drake said we're "drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments," and in 2021 why not do it with a Black-owned beer, wine or liquor of your choice, especially when the brand is also founded by women? Finding Black-owned liquor and wine can already be a challenge, but add woman-owned to that and the options dwindle even further. For context, less than 1% of all U.S. wineries are Black-owned, but Black people make up more than 10% of American wine consumption. The math here ain't mathing, and it's time to change that.
While I enjoy meeting up with friends at a bar to have a fancy cocktail and catch up, my half-year in quarantine had me appreciating stocking my bar cart and enjoying my sips at home. Personally, I'm a wine and whiskey kind of gal, but I still love to experiment with new brands that pique my interest. More recently I've been on a mission to support more Black-owned alcohol brands, and if a Black woman is behind it? Even better!
Check out some of these alcohol brands owned by Black women that you can bring to the next game night or have at home by yourself:
Founder: Abisola Abidemi
Tell us about Abisola Whiskey and why more women should be drinking whiskey.
Abisola: Our [whiskey] is a non-traditional, young whiskey that's here to celebrate the modern-day whiskey drinker. The typical whiskey drinker has changed and evolved; they've gotten younger, more women are drinking whiskey. I mean, there's this whole evolution of whiskey that has been happening for the past twenty years. I wanted to create a brand that celebrated this and celebrated people's every day achievements, all while creating a legacy for my generation.
"More women should be drinking whiskey because it tastes amazing! There's so much versatility with whiskey and you can see that by all the whiskies that are out there."
Take it straight, take a shot of it, make an amazing cocktail with it; whiskey can do it all. And so can women. Women can do it all, women are versatile and strong; honestly, it's a perfect match!
What has it been like entering the spirits industry as a Black woman? What have been some challenges?
It's been quite a whirlwind of rejection, of excitement, of meeting different people and being inspired. It's been overall amazing, even the rejections, even the negative feedback. I just launched in May of this year and have learned so much being in this industry. In terms of challenges, I will say that the largest one has been that sometimes I don't get taken seriously. I mean, you have a young girl with a young whiskey that tastes nothing like what's out there right now? So, there's a lot of doubt about whether or not this can even be good or how can people be interested in this?
I just nod my head and take it on the chin, you know? Because I believe in this, I believe in the taste, the brand, the celebration, all of it.
Founder: Marvina Robinson
Tell us about B. Stuyvesant Champagne.
Marvina: It's a boutique brand champagne that publicly launched in February 2020. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, N.Y. —Bedford Stuyvesant—which is what the brand is named after. Being in the wine industry is very new for me, as I've worked on Wall Street for 20 years. I went to Norfolk State University for undergraduate and studied Biology, received my M.A. in statistics from Columbia University. I'm a lover of champagne and the original goal was to open a champagne bar. I wanted a private label for the bar. COVID forced me to pivot as it was not the best time to sign a new lease, and I was asked to put the bottles on shelves for retail. I was nervous because that was not my original plan, but it was the best decision I made.
How would you describe your journey into the champagne industry? What have been some challenges?
I am far from mainstream, I wish I could be mainstream but the brand is not a norm. I let it grow and branch out organically. I am not backed by any investors, celebrity names, or venture capitalist funding so I am doing everything on my own. I do not mind it at all because this is the best way to learn and it is a woman-made brand from the ground up.
I would say it has been interesting, some good and some bad. I always get asked, "Is this real champagne?" It can only be called champagne if it comes from the Champagne region [of France]. The bad is that I am questioned about the authenticity. The good is that the brand has been embraced by many and growing daily.
What are some goals for the brand going forward?
I would love to have the brand be global, as well as be the go-to brand for the hospitality industry. It's a lot of work for me but I am looking forward to doing the work in order for me to reach this goal!
Founder: Alisa Mercado
What has it been like entering the beer industry as a Black woman? What have been some challenges?
Alisa: It's been inspiring entering the beer industry as a Black woman as it allowed me to identify the lack of representation and to build and strive to change that. I was the first African-American, woman-owned beer brand in the state of Connecticut (fourth in the country). Challenges have included getting the brand out there like those that have been nationally distributed and around for decades. Our products can be found in locations such as Whole Foods, Total Wine, Trader Joe's, Big Y, and ShopRite, just to name a few.
What makes your beer stand out from others currently on the market?
Our beer is unique and stands out because we specialize in classic traditional beer, which are lagers. But we only identify with brands like Bud, Heineken, Coors and Corona. Our products are unfiltered which means there is a health benefit. We want to make sure that we drink in moderation but we also don't pump bad stuff into our bodies or our communities.
Founder: Nayana Ferguson
Would you describe your path as more mainstream or indie in regards to getting your brand out there?
Nayana: I think we are definitely leaning toward the indie path rather than mainstream [in order to get] the Anteel brand out there. When we started, we did not have the large budgets to follow a mainstream path that major brands can. We used social media consistently to grow our brand and my husband, who knows quite a bit about social media marketing, used some tactics to not only grow visibility for the brand, but to create a strong, dedicated following.
When we first launched in our home state, we visited over 150 retailers in three months, by ourselves, seeking product placement. We also conducted all the in-store tastings, handled all the marketing internally, and did the majority of our own PR outreach. Doing everything ourselves taught us a lot and kept us focused on turning Anteel Tequila into a well-known tequila brand around the country.
What has it been like entering the spirits industry as a Black woman?
As a Black woman owner, entering the spirits industry has had its challenges, but I have overcome them by focusing on my goals and by adapting when necessary. I am extremely grateful to be able to create a path for others to follow, where we can create brands that speak to our ingenuity, culture and vision.
It is extremely important to me to make sure that I am helping to inspire women to create and execute whatever vision they have for their lives and to bring diversity in the areas they choose to be a part of.
Women have to be fearless when creating the businesses that they are passionate about and not let obstacles deter them. I look forward to continuing to move forward on this path and bringing other women with me, so that we all can create our legacies.
What is your favorite cocktail to make with your tequila?
I have several favorite cocktails that we make with Anteel Tequila and it truly depends on the season. However, I would have to say that my favorite cocktail to make is the Coconut Lime Margarita. It is a very simple cocktail consisting of only three ingredients. It is a one-of-a-kind cocktail, since it is made with the world's only Coconut Lime Blanco Tequila and it is a cocktail that I can drink in any season.
Founder: Chrishon Lampley
Tell us about Love Cork Screw.
Chrishon: It's the wine and lifestyle brand you bring to a game night with friends, the brand you introduce to board members at an annual gala, and the brand you experience for the first time at a couples' paint-and-sip event. We know that we are not your traditional wine but because of our deep commitment to providing quality, we are sure to quickly become one of your favorites!
What does it mean to you to be one of only a small percentage of Black women in this industry and what have been some challenges?
Not being taken seriously as an African-American woman negociant (a wine trader or merchant), which did not give me the ability to build genuine relationships with wine decision-makers to reach the masses. Another challenge would be not receiving financial support from grants due to the industry.
Being one of only a small number of Black women in wine means a lot to me, and now I have more room to break glass ceilings till there's no more to be broken!
Redd Rose Vodka
Image courtesy of Redd Rose
Founder: Taylor Jackson
Tell us about Redd Rose and the "why" behind starting your own brand.
It's a flavored vodka brand that is named after my grandmother Rose Redd, who was the first African-American woman to own a recycling business in Ohio. The brand is #BEcauseofHER. She was a first-class woman who defied the odds in creating a business that she worked and gave other people the opportunity to showcase their items to sell. She was strong, resilient, and outspoken. What better way [to honor her] than to create a brand in a male-dominated industry.
Would you describe your path as more mainstream or indie in regards to getting your brand out there?
Mainstream. When Redd Rose hit the market, I told her story first and my "why" per se. This is the most important, as Redd Rose is not the next vodka brand to just sit on the shelves, but the next Vodka brand to sit on your shelf. Something I realized is that people purchase what they like because they like it. There is no story or real person behind the majority of the marketplace, but Redd Rose has a story with a real personal behind it.
What makes your vodka stand out from the other brands?
Redd Rose can be sipped over ice, no mixer, no chaser. It's just that simple. It's a brand that is made for the hardworking, resilient, strong and confident women.
For more job search tips, career advice and profiles, check out the xoNecole Workin Girl section here.
Featured image via Getty Images
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Robin D. Thomas is a brunch loving, Brooklyn born and raised Licensed Social Worker currently working in the Bronx. When she's not writing about all things wellness, entertainment and love, you can find her eating her way through different cities and tending to her plants. Connect with her on IG and Twitter at @_MissRobin or on her Instagram wellness page @thisnoirethat.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy