

As I approach 30 next year, it’s safe to say I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs in the dating world, especially as a Black woman. Like many of you, I spent my 20s navigating a sea of advice that, in a lot of ways, contradicted each other. Some of the words of wisdom I stumbled across were empowering, while other advice seemed one-sided, but the majority of the “relationship takes” I received left me feeling more confused than ever.
From books such as Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man, the infamous relationship quizzes, analyzing zodiac signs, contradicting articles, and removal prayers to trusted friends and family members, I have tried it all, and some of you can probably say the same.
We have all been told to play the cool girl role, waiting for the right man to pursue you, or following tips about “never texting first.” On the other hand, some of you were taught to approach dating, like Gabrielle Union in Deliver Us From Eva.
Unfortunately, some of us have even crashed out over a man, possibly more than once, often left with feeling misunderstood, disrespected, and humiliated. Then the cycle continues of going to the internet search bar to see where everything went wrong.
With YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, X, and Chat GPT available at the touch of a button, it’s easy to get a million different viewpoints about navigating love as a Black woman. Unfortunately, a lot of this advice can come from narrow-minded viewpoints that come with a “one size fits all” approach.
On one hand an "online dating expert" can say act mysterious, while another says to be upfront about what you want. Some may say, “wait for the right person to come along,” while others urge me to take charge and “make things happen.”
In other words, there was no consistency, and worse, the advice didn’t feel tailored to me as a Black woman. Not just while navigating dating but everything that comes with it, from societal expectations to stereotypes. It all left me feeling stuck until now.
What I’ve learned in my 29 years of life so far is it’s not about a set of rules. It’s about finding guidance that speaks to you specifically as a Black woman. This is what led me to write this article because, after all the trial and error, I’ve finally found online dating coaches who truly get it.
They understand the unique experiences, challenges, and strengths that come with being a Black woman in the dating world. These three coaches don’t offer generic advice; they offer insights that help you build healthy relationships on your own terms without compromising your identity.
In this post, we are sharing some of the top dating coaches in the game I’ve come across who focus on empowering Black women and women of color. Each one tackles the unique challenges we face as Black women from different angles, offering guidance that goes beyond the surface level. Whether it’s unpacking societal pressures, navigating confidence and body image, healing from childhood wounds, or walking away from toxic patterns, these coaches bring clarity to the confusion. Here’s who made the cut.
Second Runner-Up: Kindall D. (Mindset & Intuitive Coach)
Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond, you have to heal from within before trying to date anyone. This is why the “Top 3” spot goes to Coach Kindall D., who is all about walking away from toxic patterns and building confidence.
With a following of 136K, Kindall D. is a mindset and intuitive coach with a community called “I've Been That Girl Too.” She focuses on helping women heal from past relationships, how to recognize toxic patterns, and uses her own personal relationship stories to relate to her community.
With a calm demeanor and non-judgmental space, she shares short-form videos and quotes about knowing when to walk away, navigating dating with an anxious attachment style, avoiding “projects in love,” and beyond.
I think one of her best videos is ‘How to Know He’s Safe.’ Too many times, as Black women, we see videos that are always painting men in a negative light. Such as knowing how to spot the red flags. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it leaves you more guarded and less open to healthy relationships in the future. This could possibly lead to resentment and becoming overly independent.
Ladies, here is how to spot a safe man, according to Kindall D. “If you are able to assert a boundary in the beginning while talking to them and they don’t treat you differently or their interest in you doesn't dissipate, then you know that means they’re safe. Also, it means they’re emotionally mature.
Another way to know he’s safe is when he does what he says he’s going to do, no matter how small. Lastly, if he’s interested in getting to know you [beyond the physical]. In other words, he gives you compliments about who you are [at the core] rather than just your appearance.”
First Runner-Up: Tisia Xiare Vere (Confidence & Relationship Coach)
Sometimes, with relationship advice, sugarcoating the truth is not going to cut it. This is why the “Top 2” spot goes to Coach Tisia, who is all about confidence and clarity in dating.
Her content consistently goes viral, and she is known for her no-nonsense, satirical approach to relationships. She basically uses humor to uplift her community while also reminding them to set boundaries.
Earlier content as a creator consisted of Tisia using clips of the animal kingdom during mating season. The video clips would show the male animals chasing the female animals and relate it back to real-life dating scenarios.
Later on, Tisia started posting more videos about relationships and asking a series of questions that would have you think twice if you were being delusional or logical in the dating world.
One of her best videos consisted of her pulling out some questions from a live Q+A about “How to Get A Man to Like You Again.”
As a Black woman, we may often feel the need to prove ourselves or overly exert ourselves in relationships. This could possibly stem from childhood, but this video shuts down that relationship approach swiftly. Her clown-filtered thumbnail sets up the video perfectly, with a plot twist at the end.
Now, if you aren’t here for a reality check, Tisia also has a group chat and personal 1-on-1 coaching if you are looking for a softer approach to the truth.
The Winner: Anwar White (Dating and Relationship Coach)
If you are ready to take things a step further in your relationship journey and truly look within, then your fairy godbrother, Coach Anwar, is here to save the day.
Anwar takes the No. 1 spot because he tackles topics about childhood wounds, image, who to date based on your personality type, how to date Black men, how to date outside of your race, and more. The best part is he coaches you on how to maintain your dignity and stay true to yourself.
He provides somewhat of a cheat code that actually works in real life. No mind games, no empty advice, but he truly looks at things from a qualitative and quantitative approach to assist you along your dating journey.
His series of videos touch on very specific topics rather than vague innuendos that make you feel more confident in dating. A personal favorite of mine would be his video on “Dating Complements.” In a nutshell, the type of man that would complement you best based on your personality type.
According to Anwar, “Type A boss babes need the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the engineer or the federal employee. Very much black cat, golden retriever vibes. The nice girl needs the tradesmen, such as the plumbers and construction men. They will be the physical, and you will be the heart and spirit. Anxious girls need the quiet introverted guy that is in tech or even veterinarians. Their quiet confidence will calm you.
If you are the momma bear, you need the needy guy. The musician, the artist, the entrepreneur, and the politician. If you are a social butterfly, you need the non-social gamer guy such as IT guys or accountants. If you are a party girl, you might attract an overprotective guy such as a banker, lawyer, or consultant.
Lastly, if you are the romantic girl, the complement that works is more athletic. That’s why the English teachers always have a crush on the PE teachers. This would be the coaches, athletes, military men, police, and firefighters.
For me personally, Coach Anwar helps take away the stress from dating and stops you from dating with a scarcity mindset. He helps you narrow down the search and empowers you in the process.
After reaching out directly to see why he decided to become a dating coach, he sent this video back as his reason “why”:
Now, whether you’re just beginning to heal, looking for a wake-up call, or diving deep into unpacking societal pressures, these coaches are here to guide you with clarity and compassion.
Each coach has weekly content to assist you, but your love story starts with the work you’re willing to do within. With the right guidance and a little patience with yourself, you're bound to attract the love you deserve with ease.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
We Thought All-Inclusives Were Boring Until We Found These Twin Jamaican Gems
I’m not your typical all-inclusive resort girlie—especially for a couple’s trip. My man and I usually hop from one Airbnb or boutique hotel to the next, cooking our own meals, and chasing off-the-beaten-path adventures. But after eight years of host ghosting, catfish listings, and DIY travel stress, we decided it was time to switch gears. Our latest Jamaica baecation was the perfect excuse to give an all-inclusive resort a fair shot.
We landed on Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away—two Jamaican family-owned sister properties nestled in western Jamaica. With Caribbean roots dating back to 1949, this wasn’t just any chain resort—it had legacy and soul. And honestly? It was the reset we didn’t know we needed.
What made it even more special? We were back in the place where we first fell in love, now creating new memories in the same sun-drenched paradise. From booze cruises, pickleball matches, and wellness shots, to alluring late-night jacuzzi rendezvous, soul karaoke, and far too much champagne mixed with tequila, to really good jerk chicken and repeat-visit-worthy Asian cuisine, bae and I had a time.
Couples Negril And Couples Swept Away: Twins On The West Coast Of Jamaica
And it’s fitting that we visited in June (which is considered low season—a time when there are less travelers and better deals) because these sister resorts are like Gemini twins that embody two distinct sides of the same spirit.
Set between Negril and Hanover, Couples Negril is the social butterfly, full of energy and artistic flair; Couples Swept Away is the introspective dreamer, grounded in nature, wellness, and tranquility.
While they’re quite opposite in vibe, they’re united by a shared history and reflect the classic Gemini duality: light and shadow, play and peace, expression and reflection.
Bae’s Favorite: Chic, Modern, And Cozy At Couples Negril
Couples Negril Suite
Courtesy, Couples Negril
Bae’s favorite was Couples Negril—which has more than 230 rooms and spans 18 acres—for its mix of entertainment, modern minimalist vibes, and a diverse crowd of couples. He especially loved Otaheite Restaurant with its low-lit red velvet love seats and dishes meshing luxury with traditional island flavors (like the merlot stewed rabbit served with coconut polenta and the filet mignon with the jerk glaze.) And he lives for hearing me sing, so the piano bar was our jam.
We also spent lots of time at the beach bar, one of five on the property, snacking on fish tacos and sipping margaritas just steps from our suite.
We saved the rum for the included catamaran cruise (book ahead!), which came with endless punch and views of Negril’s West End—a fave spot of ours. Couples Negril made the all-inclusive life feel surprisingly easy and fun.
The property also features a treehouse spa, two pools, four jacuzzis, an au naturale beach (whew, chile!), and sports facilities. Everything was easy to access—the layout felt cozy and well-organized, making it simple to move between activities and amenities. At this resort, you can really have some grown-and-sexy fun without it feeling like a raunchy spring break episode of Couples Gone Wild.
My Favorite: Private, Classic Charm, & Nature Mystique At Couples Swept Away
Couple's Swept Away Suite
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
While I loved Couples, once we stepped over to Couples Swept Away, the lush nature set on 19 acres won me over. This twin, which has 312 suites, 7 restaurants, 8 bars, 3 pools, 5 jacuzzis, and a spa, leans into intimacy and seclusion, and I felt like we had more privacy and room to explore–just the two of us—at this property. The rooms are rustic-luxurious, dressed in island cedar, with classic shutters and expansive verandahs that have hammocks where you can enjoy bright flora, the sounds of exotic birds, and the sea views.
The absence of TVs—along with its tropical fantasy allure— meant a 10 out of 10 experience for me. This resort invites couples to breathe deeper, slow down, and truly get to the core of intimacy, all within the hum of nature.
There were hidden enclaves with dipping pools, jacuzzis, open-air cafés, and quiet corners where you can sit by ponds filled with fish and bird watch (or have a little sneaky link with bae!)
One of my favorite stand-out amenities at this resort: the 10-acre fitness complex just a short walk across the road from the main property where I’d have my early-morning me-time while bae slept in. It has 10 tennis courts, squash and racquetball courts, a fully equipped gym, and a wide range of wellness and fitness classes are held there. I also enjoyed turmeric and ginger shots at the wellness bar.
Other standouts for food and nightlife included Lemon Grass (where you can enjoy Asian-inspired food and listen to the live music coming from downstairs), the chic Patois Bar (which was the late-night hotspot overlooking one of the pools and serving your usual bar fare like burgers and quesadillas—felt like we were at a Miami nightclub), and the Aura Bar (where bae sang with a quintet of other slightly drunken men and where we did the cliche but super-lit millennial couple thing: danced the night away to Top 40 hip-hop, salsa, and rock classics).
The Patois Bar
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
Baecation Tip: Just be sure your partner packs a few linen or dress pants, loafers or soft dress shoes, and a few button-down shirts for the restaurants that require reservations. Also book your table and all-inclusive excursions in advance (or on the first day you arrive at the resort).
All in all, this resort-hop wasn’t the stifling, prison-in-paradise all-inclusive experience I remembered from the Jamaica family vacations of my youth. It also wasn’t the stereotypical AI disaster of bland food, lackluster customer service, and senior citizen activities that many complain about on social nowadays.
Both resorts offered a fresh take on luxury, great food, and good vibes—all without losing the intimacy we craved. All-inclusives might not be our every trip vibe, but for this chapter? It was exactly what we needed, and we look forward to making repeat bookings at both Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away in the future.
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