I remember the first time I had sex. It was in high school, with my boyfriend, and it was unfortunately the least climactic experience ever. No candles lit or rose petals on the floor, it was nowhere near romantic.
It was painful, unexpected, and ironically "Birthday Sex" started playing in the background (yes, it happened to be his birthday). After my first time having sex, I had my share of sexual partners and things got better, thank goodness. As I continued to explore my sexual identity, I would say I started to think about different scenarios of my sexual experience and they would end up in my dreams. I'm sure I am not the only one. Most of you who are reading this, have been curious about how your sex life has evolved over time. So much so that you started to dream about them too. Some of these dreams may have even scared you and made you question things about yourself.
Well, this article is here to answer some of those questions. Dreams are tricky messages that our subconscious likes to send to us when we least expect it. So when we wake up, we start to wonder if a dream is a literal sign that we need to pay attention to or something to brush. Even if your dream gets a little weird and sex is involved, the meaning behind your sex dreams could actually have nothing to do with the sex at all and everything to do with you.
Here are 9 common sex dreams and the meanings behind them.
What Does It Mean To Dream Of Your Partner Cheating?
Let's start with the worst one, shall we? Dreaming about your partner cheating can create huge tension in waking life. You start to become suspicious and, understandably, are in search of some answers. This type of dream is a telling sign that you may be feeling insecure in your relationship. This dream is a reaction to you feeling left out lately and there could be a lack of trust between you two.
For example, you might have noticed that your partner has been getting too close with someone and you are not happy about it. Or, it honestly doesn't have to be a person at all. There could have been a shift and your partner is becoming too involved in work or a new hobby they picked up, leaving you feeling replaced and left out of their world. Either way, you can use this dream as a way to finally be honest about how you feel. You and your partner can have an open dialogue about your concerns and try to get a clear understanding on where you both stand. Communication is key.
What Dreams About Sex With Your Ex Means
It has been said that one of the most common sex dreams to have is the one with your ex. But not just any ex. This is the ex that you will never forget. Maybe it was the ex that was your first love or the ex that really made a big impact on your life. If you have had a dream about this ex, this does not mean it's time to get back together. You two are exes for a reason. What this dream does mean is that you are not missing the actual person, instead you are missing the excitement you two once shared.
Maybe the chemistry between you two was passionate and there could be less of that in your day to day life currently. If you have gotten comfortable in a routine for some time now, it is time to switch things up! Try to do something spontaneous or try a new hobby that can help bring back that spark into your life. There is no need to feel you have to move backwards in order to spice things up a bit.
What Sex Dreams With Someone You Hate Means
You remember that person that you said you hated and never wanted to see ever again but then you have a dream about having passionate sex with them months later? Definitely a WTF moment. While it may seem like a nightmare, the meaning behind this one is a good one, I promise. If you have had this dream before, turns out, it has little to do with you wanting to smash and more to do with the fact that you are holding on to something from this person that you have to let go of.
Forgiveness is so important and it helps us lessen the baggage we are already carrying from our past. This is a dream to pay attention to and free yourself of a grudge you have had all this time. You can even take it a step further and try to make amends with this person. Whatever you decide to do, this will be more beneficial for you than it is for them. Free yourself and wipe your hands of it. Once you do, they will not show up in your dreams again (hopefully).
What Does It Mean To Dream About Being Dominated Or Dominating Someone?
It's time to take charge! Seriously. If you have had this sex dream before, it means that there is an area in your life that you feel you no longer have control of. Maybe you have been feeling like people have been taking advantage of you. Or you have this big idea that you haven't spoken up about and you are scared people might tear it down. Well, use this dream as an affirmation that you got this! This dream of dominance is an opportunity to tap into your assertive side. Remember that you are confident and it is time that other people know it too. You have the capability to show others who's boss and not the other way around. You know you have it in you, your dream told you so.
What Does It Mean To Dream About Having Group Sex?
For my freaky ones reading this, a menage a trois or orgy may be something that has been showing up in your dreams lately. I have personally been curious about getting invited to one of those sex parties at those secret locations (still waiting). But having a dream about sex in a group is more of a metaphor than your "voyeur" flag showing. While this dream comes off as something fun and cool, it tells you that you may have some distress in your life. If you are one of those people that like to stay busy all the time, you can use this dream as a sign to tell you to slow down.
You may have been trying to master juggling, with so many things going on, and it is hard to keep up. This sexy dream is a sign to prioritize what is really important to you. I am sure you can do it all, but you do not necessarily have to. Give yourself some grace because you are only one human. Try and see which projects you can put on hold for now to help you make things a little easier for you in life.
What Do Lesbian Sex Dreams Mean If You're Straight?
I love women. We are so dope, resilient, and make shit happen. But if you are a heterosexual woman like myself and find yourself dreaming about a passionate encounter with a another woman, do not be alarmed. Typically, it does not correlate with your sexual orientation (you usually have had signs of that earlier on in your life, not just in a dream). So if this dream about a woman has occurred recently, it could be more about the woman in your dream as a person instead of a possible sexual attraction or desire for her.
Who is this woman to you? Are there qualities about her that you admire? Is she a close friend or someone you can confide in? This dream can help answer those questions for you. Use this dream to help you identify important people in your life that you should continue to keep around.
What Dreams About Sex In A Public Place Means
Having sex in a public place is a thrill in itself. There is excitement in being in different places with the risk of getting caught. I believe that is a part of everyone's fantasy, if it is not already a reality. When you have a sex dream in a public place, the meaning behind it is that you are feeling vulnerable and exposed. Maybe you have a secret and you have been hiding it from a certain someone. Maybe you are embarrassed about a part of yourself and you are afraid that other people might find out.
This sex dream can also tell you something through identifying the actual location of the public place. Is it at a park, at work, or at a restaurant? The place you're dreaming about having sex at could also mean that one part of your life is consuming you more than the other parts. This dream is to acknowledge the anxiety you may be feeling about parts of who you are and you are trying to find the balance in all of it.
What Does A Dream About Having Sex With Your Platonic Friend?
Starts singing, "Oh baby you! You got what I need! But you say I'm just a friend." On a less joking matter, have you had a sex dream about a friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance and you have zero interest in them sexually? I know I have and I will not say who because we don't want to make things awkward here, but trust me, I completely understand the confusion. You wake up from seeing this person naked and you start to question if there's something more to it.
Similarly to the same-sex dream I mentioned above, it is more about the person in the dream and how they are contributing to your life. It is less about curiosity at this point. Although, if there is some curiosity there, this is your brain processing these thoughts in a more discrete way than you acting on impulse. Take note from these types of dreams and do some emotional digging on what you really want from this person.
What Do Dreams Of Having Sex With A Faceless Stranger Mean?
The stranger dream. Yes, dreaming about a mystery lover is definitely a fantasy that is the most common type of dream to have, next to dreaming about your ex. Who is this mystery man and why can't I see his face? Well, what if I told you that with this dream, there is no mystery man at all? The faceless man could be representing you; or at least, a part of you. Let me explain.
When you dream of a faceless stranger, it could mean that you have yet to explore a part of you that is ready to come out. This "stranger" is a sign to get to know yourself a little bit more. You are in a time of transition and you should be utilizing different aspects of yourself and applying them to your life. Take this as a time to embrace all of who you are and to become more aware of your truth. Exploring ourselves and accepting everything that makes us unique is all a part of the beautiful ongoing process towards personal growth.
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Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
There is a very specific reason why I decided to write this article before the holiday season officially gets underway. It’s because I once read a study that said it’s quite common for most Americans to double the amount of alcohol that they consume between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.
It makes sense when you stop to think about all of the holiday parties, time off, and moments spent with loved ones that transpire around this time of year. And while there is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying some mulled wine, real-deal eggnog, or peppermint martinis, because your health is something that never “takes a vacation,” I thought it was important to share with you some of the benefits (pros) and challenges (cons) that can arise from alcohol consumption.
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
____
‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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